This Work Van on Geary Proves that Muzak Still Exists

Is this the FBI undercover? Probably not, so this must be a genuine Muzak vehicle. Can you believe that they’re still operating after all these years?

There was that BK business (in industry parlance “BK” means bankruptcy, for some odd reason) earlier in the year, but obviously that hasn’t kept the rolling stock from rolling.

They’ve got ladders and everything. As seen recently on San Francisco’s Geary Boulevard:

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Now this is what rocker Ted Nugent had to say about Muzak a while back:

It’s an evil force in today’s society, causing people to lapse into uncontrollable fits of blandness. It’s been responsible for ruining some of the best minds of our generation.”

In fact, the Motor City Madman actually offered to buy the company for the sole purpose of shutting it down. Harsh.

But let’s hear from the Muzakians themselves:

Music is art, but Muzak is science. And when you employ the science of Muzak: in an office, workers tend to get more done, more efficiently, and feel happier. In an industrial plant, people feel better and, with less fatigue and tension, their jobs seem less monotonous. In a store, people seem to shop in a more relaxed and leisurely manner. In a bank, customers are generally more calm, tellers and other personnel are more efficient. In general, people feel better about where they are; whether it’s during work or leisure time. Muzak is all this and more. That’s why we say Muzak is much more than music.”

O.K. fine. This incomprehensible MUZAK STIMULUS PROGRESSION CHART proves something, just not sure what that is:

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Don’t stop believing, Muzak. Never stop believing.

All the Muzak channels, after the jump.

Channels available on Muzak via Satellite, On-Premise or through Echostar/DishNetwork platform as of November 2006:

Body And Soul

  • Aura (New Age)
  • Breathe (World Eclectic)
  • The Light (Contemporary Christian)

Classics

  • Cashmere (Adult Contemporary)
  • Funkytown (Funk/Soul/Disco) **Available only in On-Premise line-up**
  • Expressions (Light Pop Standards)
  • Jukebox Gold (Rock ‘n Roll Classics)
  • Love Songs (Romantic Melodies)
  • Mo’ Soul (Classic Soul)
  • Reflections (Jazz/Pop/Soul)
  • Songbook (Singer/Songwriter)
  • Swing Kings (Big Band/Swing)
  • Unforgettable (Adult Favorites)

Country

  • Country Music One (Country Mix)
  • Nashville USA (Current Country Hits)
  • Rawhide (Country Classics)
  • Screen Door (Alternative Country)

Decades

  • ’50s & ’60s Hits
  • ’70s Hits
  • ’80s Hits
  • ’90s Hits

Electronica

  • Frequency (Club/Dance)
  • Groove Zone (Current Dance) **Available only in On-Premise line-up**
  • Metro (Indie Electronica)
  • NuJazz (Acid Jazz)
  • NuLounge (Lounge)
  • Strobe (Electro Pop)

Holiday [Only available during specific holiday]

  • Christmas (Non-Secular Holiday)
  • Cinco De Mayo
  • Halloween
  • Holiday (Secular Holiday)
  • Independence Day
  • Mardi Gras
  • Oktoberfest
  • St. Patrick’s Day
  • Summer Fun
  • Valentine’s Day

Instrumentals

  • Easy Instrumentals (Classic Instrumental)
  • Ensemble (Classical Ambiance)
  • Environmental (Easy Listening Instrumental) **The “classic” Muzak service, available only to commercial customers**
  • Intermezzo (Light Classical)
  • Moodscapes (New Age Instrumental)
  • Piano & Guitar (Acoustic Instrumental)
  • Plaza (Contemporary Instrumental)
  • Uptown (Instrumental Jazz)

Jazz

  • City Lights (Smooth Jazz)
  • Impressions (Contemporary Jazz)
  • Jazz Traditions (Classic Jazz)

Latin

  • Caliente Pop (Upbeat Latino/Anglo Pop) **Available only in Satellite line-up**
  • Estilos (Smooth Latin Music)
  • Fiesta Mexicana (Mexican Music)
  • La Musica (Latin Pop)
  • La Frontera (Tejano/Border) **Available only in Echostar line-up**
  • Mojito (Salsa/Merengue)
  • Viva Mariachi (Mariachi)

Pop

  • 7890 (Classic Pop Hits)
  • Backpages (Adult Alternative)
  • FM1 (Classic Pop)
  • Hitline (Current Pop)
  • Hot FM (Pop Hits)
  • Peppermint (Youth-Friendly Pop)
  • Poppers (Teen Pop) **Available only in On-Premise line-up**
  • Venus (Female Pop) **Available only in On-Premise line-up**

Rock

  • Half Pipe (Skate Punk/Hip-Hop) **Available only in On-Premise line-up**
  • Ink’d (Power Rock/Metal)
  • Feedback (Modern/Alternative Rock)
  • Perimeter (New Indie Rock)
  • Rock Show (Classic Rock)
  • Stylus (Underground Rock/Pop)
  • Varsity (Rock/Pop Hits)

Roots

  • Acoustic Crossroads (Contemporary Folk)
  • Lucille (Blues)
  • Roadhouse (Americana/Classic Rock)
  • Route 66 (American Roots) **Available only in On-Premise line-up**

Specialty

  • Gumbo (New Orleans Music)
  • KidTunes (Children’s Music)
  • Shag Beach (Carolina Beach Party)
  • The Circuit (High Energy Fitness)
  • Tropical Breezes (Caribbean Music)

Urban

  • Concrete Beats (Hip-Hop/Rap)
  • The Blvd. (Adult R&B)

World

  • Bellissimo (Contemporary Italian)
  • Destinations (Global Pop)
  • Hawaiian (Hawaiian Music) **Available only in On-Premise & Echostar line-ups**
  • Irish (Irish Traditional/Pop) **Available only in On-Premise line-up**
  • Kingston (Reggae)
  • Little Italy (Italian/American Standards)
  • Québécois (French Canadian) **Available only in Satellite line-up**
  • World Travels (World Music) **Available only in On-Premise line-up**

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