What To Do When You Find a Wallet on the Streets of San Francisco

Well, the onus is on you to return it, of course. Here’s the etiquette:

If you are offered a reward, which is typically something like 10% of the folding money that’s left inside, turn it down at least two times. After that, it’s your call whether to accept it or not. How’s that for etiquette?

But usually, the reward you’ll get is simply the adventure you have with the return, as here, where Whitney’s gold wallet, filled with credit cards and tens of thousands of Chilean pesos (guessing on that part), somehow ended up on Sutter Street getting pummeled by the massive tires of  a #3 Jackson bus last night.

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Next thing you know, you’re experiencing Redevelopment from the inside in a relatively new building that’s just an adventure in itself. Something like (but not actually) the horrible and horribly expensive Fillmore Center Apartments. Yish. Drop off the wallet with the roomie and her yapping chihuahua Taco Bell Dog (speaking of which, R.I.P. Gidget) and bingo bango, you’re done.

The Western Addition doesn’t have pizza delivery (note rectangular no-fly zone), but complimentary late-night wallet delivery, well that’s another story:


So yeah, you could take the easy way out and drop it by an SFPD station, but even getting an officer’s attention at one of these places can take a while, in my experience. Plus, you might miss out on encountering an Enormous Government-Related-Failure from up close, you know on Fillmore Street.

(Wonder how Yoshi’s San Francisco is doing these days. Are they still focused on jazz? Will the Redevelopment Agency give them ever more millions until the cows come home? Does the Redevelopment Agency know what it’s doing? Has the Redevelopment Agency ever known what it was doing? Such are the thoughts you might have when encountering the aftermath of the Redevelopment Agency up close at night.)

Oh well.

They said she jumped from floor twenty one
It’s empty now but it blocks out the sun
Used to be the shape of things to come

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2 Responses to “What To Do When You Find a Wallet on the Streets of San Francisco”

  1. Orkan says:

    I was walking in the Lower Haight on the afternoon of Pride Day and found a poor chap’s wallet. Found the address which was a short distance down Fillmore and walked it over to the fella’s house. He was beside himself as the returned wallet was filled with at least a dozen credit cards and the like.

    He came down the stairs, dressed as a marionette.

    Looked at me and the contents and insisted I take the mullah that was in there (about 100 dollars). Before I could make the motion to refuse he said he would have none of it, shoved the dough in my pocket and gave me a fat kiss on my forehead just as all his mates came rushing down the stairs in a stampede toward the limousine that I hadn’t noticed was waiting outside. Before I knew it they were all gone.

    So, I tried to refuse twice. This comes to show, that ettiquette isn’t always easy to follow.

  2. sfcitizen says:

    A 100% yield. Impressive.

    That’s a good one, Orkan.