Sorry Visa, But Your New Black Card is Not the World’s Most Prestigious Credit Card

Visa Inc. claims its new Black Card is “the world’s most prestigious and versatile credit card.”

Srsly, Visa? Haven’t you all ever heard of the Centurion Card from the American Express?  That thang is certainly more prestigious than your Black Card.

Visa, please correct your ad campaign. Forthwith.


These cards are made with carbon, just like a rusting, broke down Ford Pinto.

Did Visa actually apply for a patent for the idea of carbon-fortifying these rectangular pieces of black plastic? Sadly, yes.

In Visa’s own words:

“For those who demand only the best of what life has to offer, the exclusive Visa Black Card is for you. The Black Card is not just another piece of plastic. Made with carbon, it is the ultimate buying tool.

The Black Card is not for everyone. In fact, it is limited to only 1% of U.S. residents to ensure the highest caliber of personal service is provided to every Cardmember.

Become a Black Card member today and enjoy our 24-hour world class Concierge Service ready to assist you with all your business, travel and leisure needs.”


“The Black Card is made with carbon, creating a more unique card, guaranteed to get you noticed.”

O.K. fine.

If your sugar daddy and/or mommy ever tries to impress you by whipping out a Visa Black Card, you ought to end it right there and start yelling about how you “don’t want no scrub.”

Anyway, just don’t know what you’re thinking here, Visa. Using this new piece of plastic/carbon merely serves to show how somebody doesn’t have a Centurion, right?

In closing, hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

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3 Responses to “Sorry Visa, But Your New Black Card is Not the World’s Most Prestigious Credit Card”

  1. Having the most prestigious credit card is like winning at the special olympics: you may be special, and you may be a winner, but you’re still retarded.

    I would be wary of priding myself on knowing the relative merits of prestigious credit cards, lest I be mistaken for a capitalist whore.


  2. plumpy says:

    Only 1% of US residents == 3 million people. Super elite, dudes.

  3. Philip says:

    Oh boy you get to impress waiters and shopgirls with how important you are. So lame.