Lawgiver Randy Shaw, King of the Tenderloin, Grants His Vassals First Amendment Rights (do taxpayers really pay five figures a year to fund this thing?) Editor and King of the Tenderloin Randy Shaw has a statement:

Artists have the freedom to create politically incorrect works that may generate public outrage.”

Whew! Thank Gaia for King Randy’s munificence!

Hey, Randy’s the greatest! That’s why the San Francisco Bay Guardian has awarded his joint “Best Local Website” three years running, or something:

All Hail King Randy.

But how he can stand living in a six-bedroom with just four bathrooms? Shouldn’t he have six bathrooms, you know, to match? Of course. Hey, maybe Randy’s good buddy The Nevius could start a campaign in the media or something – it would go like this:

“When handsome young Randy Shaw decided he couldn’t get by with just four bathrooms anymore, he decided to add-on to his East Bay mansion. But his dream has turned into a nightmare….”

Something like that.

But King Randy, don’t be going after poor Bill Sugaya for being ignorant.

We recently saw Planning Commissioner Bill Sugaya apologize for stating it would be good for a store to “sell drugs” in the neighborhood, a statement clearly made not in malice but in ignorance.”

Actually, Bill seems pretty up on things. Check it:

When (Commissioner Gwyneth) Borden wondered if Tip Top couldn’t sell something other than beer or wine, Sugaya cracked, “I guess he could sell drugs or something.”

Wow, context! Thanks, the Nevius! You see, Sugaya thought it noteworthy that he was dealing with a bunch of NIMBYs who don’t seem to be aware of their own neighborhood. So Sugaya made a crack in malice but not in ignorance.

But otherwise, you’re perfect King Randy. Tell us again about what happened on Turk Street back when my Grandmother was just a little girl. Tell us again about how the crime rate in the Mission is four times higher than in the Tenderloin. Tell us again about which blocks of which streets make up your territory. (Please be exact, because place names never, ever, ever change or evolve, oh no!)

Hey King Randy, why not write about how great the Tenderloin is every freaking day?


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3 Responses to “Lawgiver Randy Shaw, King of the Tenderloin, Grants His Vassals First Amendment Rights”

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  2. jeff says:

    I almost want to copy this and make a whole new post…But I was wondering if anyone can develop a nice PDF or t-shirt or something that says ‘ it’s not called the Uptown Tenderloin’

    I found out actually, that the Uptown Tenderlon is actually a corporation registered with the state

    something like fingernails and chalkboard when it’s not called The Tenderloin

  3. Bluoz says:

    the Bermuda Triangle of Cray…

    Hey!…That’s supposed to be top sekret!. Because the city is totally committed to revitalizing Mid-Market, you know but I guess it can’t be kept secret, no matter how much the San Francisco oligarchy tries to whitewash it…