Bay to Breakers Order of Battle: “The Christian Billionaire” + Nine NIMBY Brownshirt Groups vs. the Fun Kids

Well it looks as if the all the NIMBY homeowner / small-time business groups of the greater Western Addition have embraced Anschutz Entertainment Group (AEG) / anti-gay “Christian Billionaire” (or is it the “Billionaire Christian?”) Philip Anschutz* for the 100th running of the Bay to Breakers party coming up on May 15th, 2011.

That means that some of the NIMBYs will be running around in these brown** shirts just waiting to report violations up the chain of command.

Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?

(“Ask Me,” really? It’ll more like, “Let Me Tell You,” IRL on Game Day.)

What were once called Sturmabteilung are now labeled “Neighborhood Ambassador Volunteers.” Check it:

Help keep our neighborhoods safe, clean and fun for everyone at this year’s Zazzle Bay to Breakers Centennial 12k Run. Neighborhood Ambassador Volunteers will work in either the Panhandle or Alamo Square corridor along the Zazzle Bay to Breakers race route. These volunteers will assist with monitoring conditions at local hot spots and report in unsafe conditions. Welcome participants to their neighborhood, and give instruction on the location of restrooms, trash receptacles, EMS services, general event information, and provide the event hotline number to neighbors and participants. Communicate with local merchants and neighbors on race conditions. Periodically report to central command on race conditions in their area. Assist with clean-up efforts. Document during-race activities for after race debrief. Volunteers in these positions will work a 2-hour shift and receive a Zazzle Bay to Breakers Volunteer T-Shirt.”

Good times.

Oh, here we go, direct from Party Central:

“Mission: The Neighborhood Task Force on the 100th Bay to Breakers mission is to to protect our neighbors from unsafe conditions, bring all race stakeholders together, champion positive and creative solutions to challenging problems, ensure that responsible parties are held accountable and to strive to make the 100th Bay to Breakers to “Fun for Everyone.”

Ooh a “Task Force,” just like TF16 and TF17 what sunk four Japanese carriers at Midway. How…para-military! Now I’ll ask, has any wealthy, white, wizened homeowner of the Western Addition come to harm from any of the 99 prior Bays to Breakers? Not to my knowledge. Mmmmm. Also, “Fun for Everyone” = no fun for anyone, just saying.

“Reason: Since 2007, the Bay to Breakers has become more and more dangerous. Neighbors are being bullied, public and private property is being defaced and it’s only a manner of time before someone gets seriously hurt or killed. Proactive steps need to be taken now to manage what has turned into a San Francisco “Mardi Gras.”

Hysterical NIMBYism, that’s what this is. (Here’s a bit more on Mardi Gras.)

“Focus Areas & Suggestions: Enforcement: Be Seen & Heard – Law enforcement must be proactive and properly resourced to handle the event.”

Uh, nine NIMBY groups are going to tell the SFPD what to do? Really?

“This effort must also be augmented by trained volunteers that can “Observe and Report” activities for police attention.”

Oh, so that’s why the Zazzle shirts are brown!

“Command and control must be “on the ground” and have authority to marshal resources to hotspots.”

Whoa! (Nana’s been watching too much History Channel, it would seem.)

“If you break the law, there will be repercussions.

Well natch, of course.

 Participants: Practice the Platinum Rule – All participants should “Respect the Neighborhoods” and treat other like they want to be treated.”

Oh I see now, this has nothing to do with safety, in reality. Appears as if some people want to enforce their religion, their values on others.

“It’s fine to have a good time as long as it does not impact the good times of others. Participants should also pay their fair share and either donate to clean-up efforts or have the ability to sign-up, at a reduced fee, to show their support.”

So those people paying $60 plus whatever to MUNI aren’t paying their fair share? Really?

“ Health: Public Urination and DefecationPublic urination is a public nuisance and public defecation is major health issue.

Of course, a “major health issue,” heads and shoulders above cancer and heart disease and whatnot. Thanks for putting it all in ‘sperpective!

“More port-o-potties are needed but that’s not the only solution. Innovative ways to increase the capture volume is warranted. Innovations like multi-person troughs should be explored.

Nana, don’t go there! Whatever you do, don’t go there.

“Facilities also need to be placed off course. A major factor in public urination is the consumption of alcohol. A ban is necessary but not sufficient to control this.

So what, martial law?

“Environmental Impact: Tread Lightly – The amount of trash generated during Bay to Breakers is appalling.

And of course, the amount of trash generated by the NIMBYs of the Western Addition every day, well that must be the opposite of appalling, whatever that term is.

“More receptacles must be provided for both trash and recyclables. Pick up ofreceptacles should be done often during the race. San Francisco is a green city and we need to do better. Race materials should be collapsible and compostable and everyone should be encouraged reduce their waste production. Outreach: Early and Often -The message should be clear and simple. Sign up, run the race and have a good time. Respect the neighborhoods and treat others like they want to betreated (The Platinum Rule).

Hallelujah! Sing it, sister!

“If you break the law, you will be fined. Simple, straightforward and no ambiguity.

Uh, hey rich, white, wealthy, aging, home-owning NIMBY, the county you picked to buy real estate, you know, out of about 3000 to choose from nationwide, is actually just the opposite. In fact it’s at the top of the list of just the opposite. Breaking the law in the City and County of San Francisco does not guarantee a fine, right?

“Logistics: Always Wins the War – Coordination of all resources must be under a central command that has the authority to deploy resources where required. Decisions on how to deal with issues should be based on boots on the ground judgment. This logistical effort needs to have neighborhood input for the most effective way to manage and deploy resources for the event. Recruiting local Motorcycle clubs, church’s, neighbors and charities must be done to assist in observing and reporting issues to race and city officials.

Wow, man, just wow.

“Leveraging the NERT command, control and communications infrastructure is another way to ensure coordination.

So this is what the NERT does, huh? (I’ll note this one for later…)

“Summary:The nine neighborhood groups represented by the Neighborhood Task Force on the 100th Bay to Breakers feel strongly that all stakeholders need to start now to plan for the 100th. The coordinated efforts of all stakeholders coupled with innovative ways to manage this uniquely San Francisco event can make the 100th Bay to Breakers safe and fun for everyone. Without such efforts, we fear that the Bay to Breakers will go the way of Halloween in the Casto – something none of us wants.

Uh, you think a kid from the projects is going to come to BtoB and shoot nine people over some kind of respect issue? Well, that’s not impossible, I’ll give you that.

“Represented Neighborhoods: North Panhandle Neighborhood Association (NOPNA), Hayes Valley NeighborhoodAssociation (HVNA), Divisadero Merchants Association (DMA), Alamo SquareNeighborhood Association (ASNA), Lower Haight Merchants and NeighborhoodAssociation (LoHaMNA) , Haight Asbury Improvement Association (HAIA), Buena VistaNeighborhood Association (BVNA), Cole Valley Improvement Association (CVIA) and Inner Sunset Park Neighbors (ISPN). Contact:If you want to get involved with making the 100thBay to Breakers “Fun for Everyone,”send an email to or join us on Facebook by searching for Bay toBreakers – Fun for Everyone”

Wow, that’s a lot of NIMBYs.

Hey NIMBYs! I think you all confused Hayes Street with your living room, you see, because one you have no control over and the other you do. See how that works, NIMBY?

Anyway, I’ll tell you, area NIMBYs are bracing for battle, I’ll tell you. And they’re so much involved now with the planning, they’re so much in bed with Phil Anschutz and company, that they’re now responsible for this event as much as AEG, AFAIAC.

Oh well. And oh yes, elements of the 21st century’s Ladies Temperance Union want licka stos to simply not open for the entire morning. Check it:

“We ask merchants to limit the sale of alcohol until after noon, communicate to your local neighborhood group if you will be open or not, provide additional security, if needed, encourage patrons to respect the neighborhood, and donate funds to help clean up.”

I swear, these NIMBY mofos are richer than Croesus and Mammon, generally speaking, but all these homeowners talk about is money, money, money.

Anyway, on it goes.

Ever more deets, after the jump

*”Often identified as “Christian billionaire Phil Anschutz”, he is a Republican donor who supported George W. Bush‘s administration. He has been an active patron of a number of religious and conservative causes:

**More tan than brown, really. As it was back in the day: “Brown-coloured shirts were chosen as the SA uniform because a large batch of them were cheaply available after World War I, having originally been ordered during the war for colonial troops posted to Germany’s former African colonies.”

 Reach out to local merchants along the race course asking for cooperation inmanaging alcohol sales, as is now done with several events in San Francisco such as the Haight Street Fair

 Inform regional distributors of how race day alcohol promotions effect ourneighborhoods

 Educate neighbors who have house parties on the effects irresponsible partieshave on our neighborhoods

 Create a media campaign focusing on the history of the event as a race

Position on the Party Aspects of B2B

 Train neighborhood volunteers to observe and report trouble spots to a centralpolice command

 Sensitize law officers to the need to strictly enforce the laws against “lifestyle crimes,” including public urination and disorderly conduct Get support from the highest levels of the SFPD and the Sheriff’s Departmentfor enforcing these “lifestyle” laws

 Add additional facilities at strategic places including Port-o-Johns, volunteers,security, barricades and law enforcementDuring the Race Open each segment of the course to vehicular traffic as soon as practical afterthe runners have passed that segment

 Continuously pick up trash and recycling

 Maintain a major strategic police and security presence

 Enforcement existing open container laws

 Keep a strong neighborhood volunteer presence for welcoming, monitoring and reporting

After the Race

 Continue strategic police and security presence at hot spots including: the bas eof Hayes Street, Alamo Square, along Divisadero, in and along the Panhandle, along Haight Street and at the entrance to Golden Gate Park

Maintain SFPD central command and control until the evening

 Clean along the course with volunteer teams and DPW

 Keep facilities (porta-potties, trash & recycling bins) until the crowds dissipate

 Provide alternative activities to just lounging in the park and neighborhood

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4 Responses to “Bay to Breakers Order of Battle: “The Christian Billionaire” + Nine NIMBY Brownshirt Groups vs. the Fun Kids”

  1. DJTennessee says:

    >>”it’s only a manner of time before someone gets seriously hurt or killed”

    Kaiser Permanente Half Marathon – 1 Death (2010)

    Bay to Breakers – 0 Deaths (ever)


  2. […] bottles ironically labeled ”water” and the like, but be warned that this years volunteers are on the prowl for violators of the new order. Anyone caught with alcohol will be a) arrested b) fined c) cited or d) all of the above. On that […]

  3. […] bottles ironically labeled ”water” and the like, but be warned that this years volunteers are on the prowl for violators of the new order. Anyone caught with alcohol will be a) arrested b) fined c) cited or d) all of the above. On that […]

  4. Trochaisms says:

    […] NIMBYs along the panhandle are freaking out (and invoking the need for police to “protect” us) of course, because B2B is a giant standing party all Sunday morning, and not everybody who runs is […]