San Francisco Citizen

Let’s see, I got to pay off on that headline. All right:

1. David Perry & Associates is sort of famous with members of the national media for being overwhelmed and understaffed during the Olympic Torch run fiasco back in aught-eight, but around town this outfit is known for slapped-together websites and YouTube videos extolling the virtues of whatever local government has on its mind – like cancelling Halloween in one place and promoting it at another, that kind of thing.

2. Anti-gay Christian Billionaire Philip Anschutz is the prime mover behind AEG’s annual Bay to Breakers fun run / party.

3. And here’s the crappy, official website for B2B. (Can’t imagine Sam Singer had anything to do with it, but who knows…)

4. And I don’t think that DPA is doing this for free, so there’s the sell-out.

O.K. then. Let’s see here, let’s note:

1. Unlicensed photography (David, do you think you have a license to use this shot on any of your for-profit websites? You do not.)

2. Crappy green-screen videos (that get watched mostly by people who made or starred in said crappy green-screen videos), a DPA hallmark.

3. And, oh yes, for some reason he’s posted an official seal of the City and County of San Francisco. For some reason. Oddly.

Now, I’m not saying that you couldn’t slap together a similar crappy website in a shorter amount of time, cause it doesn’t matter – even if you underbid DPA by 50%, you’d still lose out ’cause you lack his guanxi (Chinese for corruption/influence, something like that).

Now, the message that DPA’s website means to convey is that “We Are Serious” about the enforcing the rules. So:

“People attempting to enter the race with a float, open-alcohol containers or without pre-paid registration will be removed and subject to criminal prosecution. We’re serious.”

I don’t know about all the “subject to fines and prosecution” they have in there. I mean, I could follow you around and point out how you could be “subject to fines and prosecution” for jaywalking and stuff like that, right? But you’d never get arrested for that kind of thing, right? Not unless you get drunk and start hitting people…

And what’s this?

“….no headphones and no wheeled objects of any type, such as baby joggers, strollers, grocery carts, pets, roller blades, skateboards, or bicycles, are allowed…”

Harsh, man.

And if you just paid $85(!) to have them mail you a numbered bib and then maybe your plans change or maybe you get sick, you’re not supposed to sell it and you can’t get a refund:

“Registration fees are non-refundable, non-transferable…”

That kind of sucks, huh?

Oh well, the A in AEG didn’t get to become “The Christian Billionaire” by playing  Mr. Nice Guy.

Now, I know why gay people would take money from AEG to help put on the BtoB. You know, for the money.

But why would gay people volunteer to work for the Bay to Breakers in light of A’s support of Colorado’s anti-gay Proposition 2 back in the day?

Oh well.

And oh yes, the site has an icon of a man wearing a tutu. Isn’t that kicky! Isn’t that spr srius?

All right, let’s get the party started….

And oh, this year, the SFPD will have “sobering tents” for you. They’ll have water and juice and maybe a free ride home. Bonus!

And oh, here’s what the SFPD is really up to on gameday.

On no, an unpermitted “bandit” on the spr srius “racecourse!” Honey, you are “subject to arrest.” What’s that? Why yes, it is a Harley. Sure you can sit on it. Upsee daisy:

And so on…

…and so on.

All right, let’s get the party started…

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