How the Hell Does Flackmeister Sam Singer Know That Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi Didn’t Shoplift Neiman Marcus?

Ooh, ooh, I know the answer! The answer is that flackmeister Sam Singer doesn’t know anything about Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi shoplifting* Neiman Marcus, because Sam Singer wasn’t there.

Nevertheless, he seems very confident of himself. Let’s take a look, courtesy of Mssrs. Matier and Ross:

“Hayashi spokesman Sam Singer called the [A]ssemblywoman’s** arrest a mistake, saying she had walked out of the store with the items unintentionally and intended to go back.”

Uh, so the arresting officers made a mistake? Are they supposed to hold a mini-trial on the sidewalk to determine the intent of all suspected shoplifters? This seems like a good bust to me. Leave it to the lawyers-types to work out the details later on, right?

“Hayashi is “distraught by this misunderstanding,” Singer said, “and she believes this will be clear up in the near future.’’

Well, distraught, I believe she’s distraught over her getting booked, sure. But how does Sam Singer know what Mary Hayashi was thinking when she walking out of the store or otherwise asportating the booty? And of course this sitch will “clear up” fairly soon, one way or another. Does Mary Hayashi have some exonerating evidence, is that what’s going to exonerate her? Like maybe there’s an evil twin or something? Otherwise, I don’t know why she’s so confident about having this incident cleared up in her favor.

“He added, ‘She apologizes for any misunderstandings.’’’

Wait a second, she’s innocent, but she’s apologizing? Does that make sense? To whom is she apologizing?

Sam Singer OTJ in the 415:

Click to expand

So how does this work, she left wallet in the car or something? Couldn’t she have left the clothes in the store while she was temporarily going outside? Who put the clothes in her bag? Couldn’t every shoplifter in America just say, “Oh, I was going to come back and pay for the stuff later?” Is that a credible defense?

I don’t know, let me interview her, the arresting officers, the NM employees, let me look at the security tapes and any possible prior offenses/arrests, let me get her hooked up to a polygraph machine and then I could tell you with more certainly what I think occurred. But, oh yeah, that’s the cops’ job, in’nt? Why don’t we let them work and then wait and see what they come up with?

Now I tell you, I don’t know why rich ladies shoplift but a lot of them seem to do it. Oh well. (A particularly female kind of transgression, huh? For some reason. Of course, most crime in the world is done by males, right girlfriend? Probably 80% or something.)

Anyway, I’d much prefer the apology / I’m going to get treatment for taking things I don’t need (and could easily afford(?) to pay for anyway approach over the pay-a-PR-guy-$xx,000-to-spin-me-out-this-sitch approach.

Just saying…

*Aka petty theft, but the dollar amount we’re looking at here could get you up to grand theft territory, just saying…

**That should be a capital “A”, right M&R? Maybe not in your book, but I can think of at least 80 people who would strongly prefer an upper-case A. Just saying…

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