OMG, It’s Another Book About the Mayor! “THE REAL ED LEE – THE UNTOLD, UNTOLD STORY” – 55 Pages of Hilarity

Well, here it is, something that just popped up on my porch/lobby this AM (and on Jerold Chinn’s too), complete with smiley-faced Post-It Note.

(If you’re not up to speed on the battling books of the 2011 race for Mayor of San Francisco, check out this bit from Heather Knight.)

I totally LOL’ed when I first saw this:

Click to expand

Which do you prefer?

Table of Contents for The Real Ed Lee Story, complete with Willie & Roses’s “No Longer Secret” Make-a-Mayor Recipe* (which riffs on this):

“I can’t say no to Willie and Rose”

That comes from this zinger by Board of Supervisors President David Chiu:

So Ed, about a week or two before you told the world that you wanted to — that you were considering — running for mayor, you told me that you had looked at yourself in the mirror, you didn’t have the fire in the belly, you didn’t want to run, but that you were having trouble saying ‘no’ to Willie Brown and Rose Pak,”

“I’m on a boat!”

The back cover of the original and the parody:

Complete with the necessary disclosures:

Of course this new campaign book was composed as a reply to The Ed Lee Story – An Unexpected Mayor, which was written by:

“…a mid-level hack funded by a shadowy pop-up group backed by experienced political sharks.”

On It Goes…

Excerpts from “The Real Ed Lee: The Untold, Untold Story.”

  • From “Willie & Rose’s ‘No Longer Secret’ Make-a-Mayor Recipe”: “VERY IMPORTANT: Mix all contents together in back room; if any part of the mixture is exposed to sunshine, it will be ruined. … Pour mixture into an empty vessel — any loyal bureaucrat will do.”
  • From “Section 1: The Making of a Mayor,” about the deal to make Ed Lee interim mayor: “[Then-Supervisor] Chris Daly said: ‘This is the biggest fumble in the history of San Francisco politics.’ You know your city is in trouble when Chris Daly is the only politician who got it right.”
  • “Fun facts” about Lee: “Ed Lee didn’t just bring America’s Cup to San Francisco, he also brought Jim Harbaugh to the 49ers. The real reason Twitter isn’t leaving is because Ed Lee won an arm-wrestling match against Twitter co-founder, Biz Stone. … These may not actually be true, but Ed Lee is quite skilled at taking credit for the work of others. …”

 

*Willie & Rose’s “No Longer Secret” Make-A-Mayor Recipe

How do you make a Mayor? Here’s the “no longer secret” recipe created by Chinatown powerbroker Rose Pak and former Mayor Willie L. Brown.

Serves: 4-8 years

Ingredients

1 “dormant” political machine

980 lbs. of powerbrokers (preferably a mix of former mayors, unregistered lobbyists, corporate hacks and Chinatown mavens)

1 Board of Supervisors President with mayoral ambitions

1 exiting mayor looking to payback his friends for years of service

1 “Promise”

2 parts flip-flopped Bevan Dufty

49 yards of wool (to cover people’s eyes)

Optional

The will of the people (“once in a while, if budget allows”)

Directions

1. VERY IMPORTANT: Mix all contents together in a back room; if any part of the mixture is exposed to sunshine it will be ruined.

2. Pour mixture into an empty vessel – any loyal bureaucrat will do. He doesn’t even need to be in the country.

3. Make a promise…and then break it. Very gently!

4. Voilá! A Mayor is made.

5. Be sure to keep your mayor on a tight leash. Do not allow them to have any open conversations with press or voters without being heavily scripted.

6. We recommend immediately hiring a posse of high-paid consultants and bodyguards to accompany your mayor at all times.

For true make-a-mayor aficionados, Rose & Willie swear that the second term is packed full of even bigger sweetheart deals!

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4 Responses to “OMG, It’s Another Book About the Mayor! “THE REAL ED LEE – THE UNTOLD, UNTOLD STORY” – 55 Pages of Hilarity”

  1. jeff says:

    curious…have you see anywhere you can download it?..I got a copy and a scanner

  2. sfcitizen says:

    I couldn’t find a copy online when I looked before.

    If there’s a copy online, it hasn’t yet been indexed by Google.

    The Leland campaign might give you an electronic copy, but I can think of a few reasons why they wouldn’t do that.

    Good luck…

  3. jeff says:

    ok, I got the whole thing scanned..coming right up on the blog

  4. Bluoz says:

    the Real Ed Lee Story…

    This book was actually found on the ground at Civic Center Farmers Market, and seemed to be worth a scan since nobody’s seen a PDF or file of it yet. One of the first people to get a hard copy was SF Citizen These are simply JPEG scans of the pages, a…