So It Turns Out We’ll End Up Paying to Watch Larry Ellison Fix the America’s Cup Boat Race After All? All Right

Well here’s the news:

New America’s Cup Deal to be Submitted Tuesday at Board of Supervisors

WOW, I’LL BET THEY’RE ALL INKING UP THEIR RUBBER “YES” STAMPS RIGHT NOW!

San Francisco, California, 20/03/2012

THIS IS THE AMERICA’S CUP SO OF COURSE EVERYBODY INVOLVED SPEAKS EUROPEAN. BOY, I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL 10/11/12 – CAN YOU? OH WAIT, I MEANT 11/10/12, WHICH IS NOVEMBER 10TH, OR IS IT OCTOBER 11TH?

“It’s an arrangement we can live with, but not what we expected,” America’s Cup Leaders say.

WHEN LOWER CASE LETTERS WON’T HONOR YOU ENOUGH, CHOOSE UPPER CASE AND THEN CALL YOURSELVES “LEADERS.” HAW-HAW. OH WHAT’S THAT? WE’RE STILL NOT GIVING YOUR ALREADY FAILED AND OVERHYPED EVENT THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT ENOUGH MONEY? AWW, THAT’S TOO BAD!

The head of the organization spearheading the America’s Cup in San Francisco today said that they will support the deal that the office of Mayor Edwin M. Lee submitted to the Board, which finalizes the path for the City of San Francisco to host the world’s most prestigious sailing event, the America’s Cup, in San Francisco during the summer of 2013.

SO, YOU’LL SUPPORT THE DEAL YOU JUST MADE WITH THE MAYOR. HOW GENEROUS OF YOU ALL! HOW SURPRISING! BUT I’D SAY THAT SAILING AT THE SUMMER OLYMPICS IS MORE PRESTIGIOUS, JMO.

“We have worked very hard to bring this historic race to San Francisco and we’re glad we have reached an agreement with the City,” said Stephen Barclay, a Director of the America’s Cup Event Authority. “While we support the deal submitted to the Board, it is not what we had anticipated or planned for.”

HEY, AREN’T YOU THE SAME SACK OF SHIT WHO SAID YOU WOULD TAKE THE AMERICA’S CUP TO FUN DIEGO? AND YET YOU AREN’T FOLLOWING THROUGH ON YOUR THREAT? YOU WERE LYING THEN, WEREN’T YOU, STEPHEN BARCLAY? AND WELL, YOU KNOW, ANDREW LUSTER GOING TO JAIL FOR DATE RAPE DRUGGING PEOPLE WAS, SIMILARLY, NOT WHAT HE “ANTICIPATED OR PLANNED FOR,” RIGHT? SO WHAT’S YOUR POINT?

Barclay said the new deal falls short on several key provisions that were “anticipated to be included and the absence of these provisions will have a negative impact on the financial outcome of the event.

CRAZY LARRY ELLISON WANTS TO HAVE A BOAT RACE AND HE WANTS THE PEOPLE OF THE BAY AREA TO PAY ATTENTION. WHY ON EARTH SHOULD REGULAR PEOPLE SUBSIDIZE THAT VENTURE? MAYBE AMERICAN’S DON’T WANT TO GIVE YOU MONEY TO WATCH SAILING – IS THAT A POSSIBILITY?

While far from ideal, we’re just pleased to be done so we can move away from deal points and start focusing on the races and the competition between the teams, which is what the Louis Vuitton Cup and America’s Cup is all about.”

UH, NO. THE AMERICA’S CUP IS ALL ABOUT THE GLORIFICATION OF LARRY ELLISON.

The new deal calls for the America’s Cup Event Authority to spend more and be reimbursed less.

AWW.

The deal re-instates Piers 30 and 32 as the potential location for the America’s Cup Team Bases, giving the race a central area for the teams and a ‘pit row’ for spectators. The fan access to Team Bases, combined with the America’s Cup Village at Piers 27/29 and the natural sailing amphitheater* of the Bay, will create one of the best live viewing experiences the sport has ever seen.

OH, WAIT, YOU FORGET THAT NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP. IT’S THAT ONE LITTLE THING THAT YOU ALL KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT.

For those not able to view the race in person, this Cup sees the return to live national television, with NBC Sports Group to broadcast over-the-air in the U.S. for the first time in more than 20 years.

BECAUSE YOU’RE PAYING NBC TO DO SO. NBC WOULD AIR FOOTAGE OF MY BIRTHDAY IF I PAID THEM ENOUGH MONEY.

“The broadcast interest is a reflection of the exciting venue, technological advancements of the boats, and, most importantly technological advances in cinematography that capture this race like never before,” said Barclay.

UH, NO, IT REFLECTS YOUR INTEREST IN PAYING NBC TO AIR YOUR PATHETIC EVENT. ADVANCEMENTS WHAT NOW? NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE RACE SO WHY DOES IT MATTER IF IT GETS “CAPTURED” OR NOT? AND WHY DID SAN DIEGO JUST SNORE THROUGH YOUR RECENT ACTIONS A FEW MONTHS BACK?

In 2013, the 34th America’s Cup is expected to generate over a billion dollars in economic benefits for San Francisco during the next two years and will draw millions of fans and spectators and more than 1,000 accredited news media for the races.

NOBODY EXPECTS THIS. NOT YOU OR ANYBODY AT CITY HALL.

The race will be sailed in the natural stadium** of the San Francisco Bay between the iconic Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz, running up and down the City waterfront. The Bay produces spectacular racing conditions with consistent, heavy winds, putting on shore spectators at the heart of the action. The race will be sailed in 45-foot-long catamarans, which feature towering wing-sails reaching 70 feet into the air.

WOW, 45 FEET? THAT’S NOT ALL THAT LONG, IS IT? AND THE BOATS WILL BE 70 FEET HIGH? I THINK YOU’RE CONFUSED ABOUT THE DIMENSIONS OF YOUR OWN DAMN BOATS, BUT WHATEVER. EVERYTHING ELSE YOU SAY IS WRONG SO WHY NOT THIS AS WELL?

About The America’s Cup World Series

New to the Cup this season is an additional series of races leading up to the Louis Vuitton Cup called the World Series Races. The America’s Cup World Series races will pit rival challenger skippers and their teams from France (Aleph and Energy Team); Sweden (Artemis Racing); England (Ben Ainslie Racing); China (China Team); Spain (Green Comm Racing); Italy (Luna Rossa Challenge); Korea (Team Korea), and New Zealand (Emirates Team Zealand). All will be vying to beat America’s Cup defender and ORACLE Racing-Team USA, led by the youngest skipper to ever win the America’s Cup, Jimmy Spithill.

UH, NOBODY CARES.

The America’s Cup World Series is focused on creating on-the-water excitement for both the teams and the fans, as the AC45 wing-sailed catamaran was designed for both speed and close racing. While capable of speeds of more than 35mph the AC45 remains nimble enough to handle the tight, tactical race courses that will be part of the San Francisco Bay competition between the rival teams.

UH, NOBODY CARES.

Now entering into the back-half of its inaugural season, the America’s Cup World Series will next land in Naples, Italy in April 7-15, followed by events in Venice, Italy (May) and finally the season-closer in Newport, Rhode Island (June) where the series champion will be crowned.

UH, NOBODY CARES.

The America’s Cup World Series racing allows the teams and their sailors to prepare for the Louis Vuitton Cup, July 4-September 1, 2013 in San Francisco, which will determine the sole challenger in the America’s Cup Final against ORACLE Racing, the defending America’s Cup champion. The America’s Cup Final will be held September 7-22, 2013 in San Francisco.

UH, NOBODY CARES.

*UH, I DON’T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT AN “AMPHITHEATRE” IS, JUST SAYING: “A natural amphitheatre is a performance space located in a spot where a steep mountain or a particular rock formation naturally amplifies or echoes sound, making it ideal for musical and theatrical performances. The term amphitheatre can also be used to describe naturally occurring formations which would be ideal for this purpose, even if no theatre has been constructed there. Notable natural amphitheatres include the Drakensberg amphitheatre inDrakensbergSouth AfricaSlane Castle in Ireland, the Supernatural Amphitheatre in Victoria, Australia, and Echo amphitheatreRed Rocks Amphitheatre and The Gorge Amphitheatre in the United States.”

** UH, NATATORIUM?

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2 Responses to “So It Turns Out We’ll End Up Paying to Watch Larry Ellison Fix the America’s Cup Boat Race After All? All Right”

  1. bob says:

    The America’s Cup is an ancient competition and a tradition. The Oldest Trophy in sports. It is not about one man, one country but is a challenge as to who can build and race the best sailboats in the world – it originally started as a competition between Britain and the US. Now the usual sponsors are countries, consortium’s, and wealthy individuals – no different than say Formula one or the World Cup. Today its your countries technology that is being challenged – which country can produce the best and is the best.

    The Bay area is one of the hardest places in the world to sail and it said that if you can sail on the bay – you can sail anywhere. Here we have the first time the race will held on an enclosed area – visible by millions. It will be undoubtedly in the top three of all sporting events in the world – rivaling the Olympics and the World Cup and watched more than the Super Bowl and the World Series.
    If you don’t care about sailing at least root for your country and the bay area which has produced most of the world’s best technologies.

  2. sfcitizen says:

    Ancient? No.

    I suppose it was a tradition. But are the cats tradition? No.

    Isn’t this a spec series?

    The difference between F1 and the World Cup is that people actually want to watch those.

    Uh, the America’s Cup people are paying NBC to air the show. Why is that?

    I’ve been sailing on the bay on regular “traditional” boats and cats. The problem is that this is a bad deal for SF.

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