Once Again, Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk Proves Himself Wrong Over the Shortcomings of the Expensive Model S

Let’s check in on troubled Tesla Motors’ troubled CEO, Elon Musk.

Here he is – please try to guess which photo here has Photoshopped footwear. It’s not easy:

You see, ’cause one’s a joke and the other, well, the other’s kind of a joke as well.

Oh well.

First of all, let’s examine the appropriate number of kids to have with a woman a’fore trading her in on a new model.

In Elon’s case, that number is five.

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Five kids.

Then bam, you move on.

If you’re Elon.

And what does your first wife say to all this? She’s all, well at least Elon’s new gal isn’t a blonde.*

Cause you see, that would fit the profile of a stereotypical messianic middle-aged asshole CEO-type to a T.

Which rhymes with T (sort of).

Which stands for Trouble, Tesla, and The Times.

So let’s see, from the mouth of the horse, or jack-ass, your pick:

“NYTimes article about Tesla range in cold is fake. Vehicle logs tell true story that he didn’t actually charge to max & took a long detour.”

Well, as discussed here, that bit in the NYT (instigated by Tesla to show off its branded power stations) had issues.

But was it fake?

NO, NOT AT ALL.

So you were wrong, Elon.

And oh what’s that, you have the logs from the car, but not GPS data or recordings from Tesla Customer Service?

Isn’t that kind of funny?

And Elon, how much range should your six-figure car lose after parking it overnight when it’s cold?

What’s the appropriate amount?

And Elon, isn’t your Model S sort of a ridiculous vehicle being big on the outside (longer AND wider than an eight-passenger Toyota Land Cruiser) and small on the inside?

And Elon, didn’t you promise you’d deliver 5000 vehicles last year?

And are going to meet that goal? I don’t think so.

You see, a normal person would feel bad about breaking a promise.

Do you feel bad sometimes, you know, when all those things you’ve said would happen don’t actually happen, you know, actually and IRL?

I don’t know.

And oh, there’s this:

“Detail showing car driving around in circles in front of the Milford Supercharger trying to get Model S to stop.”

Would you like to correct that one, Elon?

Didn’t think so.

Hey Elon, if you’re so rich and confident, why don’t you use your own money to fund Tesla?

Hey Elon, if you’re so rich and confident, why don’t you guarantee the loan guarantee you worked out with the feds?

You know, so the taxpayers’ half a billion dollars wouldn’t be at risk.

So here’s your lesson, Elon:

Elon Musk and How Not to Handle a PR Crisis.

See how that works?

So this is wrong:

Yesterday, The New York Times reversed its opinion on the review of our Model S…”

Why don’t you correct yourself, Elon?

Oh, here’s somebody who’s not wedded to the idea of Tesla being the greatest corporation evah:

John Markoff ‏@markoff Excuse me Elon, but Margaret Sullivan does not speak for the NYT. Distortion to say the NYT “reversed.”

Oh Elon, will you ever win?

(And please pay back our money soon, m’kay? ‘Cause we’re still out for Solyndra ‘n stuff.)

*At least you didn’t shoot her through the bathroom door four times, srsly.

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2 Responses to “Once Again, Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk Proves Himself Wrong Over the Shortcomings of the Expensive Model S”

  1. What? says:

    Where cam I learn English?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Rantings of a far

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