The Laughable “Apology” Letter to the Beastie Boys from YouTube Sensation “Debbie + Team GoldieBlox”

Hey look, it’s GoldieBloxeses’ “our letter to the Beastie Boys.”

Dear Adam and Mike,

We don’t want to fight with you. We love you and we are actually huge fans.

UH, LET ME CALL BULLSHIT ON THIS RIGHT NOW. YES YOU DID WANT TO FIGHT THEM. REMEMBER?

When we made our parody version of your song, ‘Girls’, we did it with the best of intentions.

WHO WROTE THIS, A LAWYER? THAT’S YOUR CONCLUSION, ABOUT THE PARODY, RIGHT? THIS IS AWFULLY “ON MESSAGE” FOR AN APOLOGY LETTER. AND YOU DID IT WITH THE BEST INTENTIONS? HOW DO WE KNOW THAT? I THINK YOU DID IT WITH THE PURPOSE OF MAKING MONEY. IS THAT A GOOD INTENTION?

We wanted to take a song we weren’t too proud of, and transform it into a powerful anthem for girls.

WHY WERE YOU NOT TOO PROUD OF IT? DID YOU WRITE IT, DO YOU OWN IT? I THINK IT’S THE BEASTIE BOYS THEMSELVES WHO HAVE ALREADY SAID THEY WEREN’T PROUD OF IT AND THAT WAS TWO DECADES AGO.

Over the past week, parents have sent us pictures and videos of their kids singing the new lyrics with pride, building their own Rube Goldberg machines in their living rooms and declaring an interest in engineering. It’s been incredible to watch.

IS THIS AN AD FOR YOUR COMPANY?

Our hearts sank last week when your lawyers called us with threats that we took very seriously.

YOUR HEARTS SANK? WHOSE? YOUR VC BACKERS’ AND YOURS?

As a small company, we had no choice but to stand up for ourselves.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHY DIDN’T YOU GET PERMISSION FIRST OR CHOOSE A DIFFERENT SONG OR MARKET YOURSELVES DIFFERENTLY? WHY NOT JUST STOP USING THE SONG? DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT? HERE’S WHAT THE BOYS SAID: “When we tried to simply ask how and why our song “Girls” had been used in your ad without our permission, YOU sued US.” THAT WAS THE “THREAT.”

We did so sincerely hoping we could come to a peaceful settlement with you.

SINCERELY? BULLSHIT.

We want you to know that when we posted the video, we were completely unaware that the late, great Adam Yauch had requested in his will that the Beastie Boys songs never be used in advertising.

WELL GEE, IF YOU HAD ASKED, YOU WOULD HAVE LEARNED THAT, POSSIBLY, RIGHT? YOU DON’T REALLY NEED TO KNOW ALL THIS INFORMATION ANYWAY, RIGHT? YOU JUST NEED TO NOT INFRINGE, RIGHT? DON’T YOU KNOW THAT?

Although we believe our parody video falls under fair use, we would like to respect his wishes and yours.

SO, YOU’VE GOTTEN TONS OF FREE PUBLICITY FOR YOUR TOY COMPANY AND NOW YOU WANT TO RESPECT WISHES. OK FINE.

Since actions speak louder than words, we have already removed the song from our video.

NOT ON VIMEO, NOT YET, BUT PROLLY BY TOMORROW, SURE.

In addition, we are ready to stop the lawsuit as long as this means we will no longer be under threat from your legal team.

IS THIS FROM YOUR LAWYERS AGAIN? IS THIS THEIR SETTLEMENT OFFER? THE ONLY REASON YOU’RE UNDER “THREAT” IS BECAUSE OF YOUR ACTIONS, RIGHT?

We don’t want to spend our time fighting legal battles.

EVEN IF IT WILL GET YOU ATTENTION?  I DON’T BELIEVE IT.

We want to inspire the next generation. We want to be good role models. And we want to be your friends.

Sincerely,

Debbie + Team GoldieBlox

WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT. ALL RIGHT, WELL, HAPPY HOLIDAYS. OH WAIT, THE CHRISTMAS GIFT SEASON IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER. WHAT A CONVENIENT TIME TO BECOME “FRIENDS,” WHAT A COINCIDENCE!

Working with experienced innovators from such companies as Pictionary and IDEO…”

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3 Responses to “The Laughable “Apology” Letter to the Beastie Boys from YouTube Sensation “Debbie + Team GoldieBlox””

  1. Mike says:

    Posts like these is why SF Citizen’s my favorite site.

  2. sfcitizen says:

    Likewise I’m sure!

  3. Rose M says:

    Great post! lol! Love it!…and if these people REALLY knew anything about the Beastie Boys, they would know that they have always worked towards social changes and never “sold out” in regards to their music–that’s why I love them! I worked as a volunteer for “Milarepa”-Adam’s non-profit for Tibet and I really saw how he and his brothers were truly committed to their causes. Miss you MCA!

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