Advice to Mouthy White Boys on How to Deal with the SFPD (WITHOUT Getting Arrested)

1. This is just my experience, but I heard this story (see below) repeated by various people in various locations over the weekend. It could be that this one has gone viral IRL.

2. I’ll tell you, 99+% of the time when an SFPD officer asks people to clear an accident scene, people actually get up and clear the accident scene. By not clearing the scene, you’re basically saying that the peace officer you’re talking to doesn’t have the authoritah to do so. You’re making things personal.

3. If you want to hang about at an accident or crime scene, simply lie. Say, “I seen it, I seen it, I saw the whole thing!” Then you might get upgraded to Witness status and then you’ll actually have a reason for being on scene when the LT comes by to check on things, which happens sometimes.

4. Believe it or not Dude, there are situations where I myself might be asked to arrest you yourself. I’d be very unlikely to do that since I’m not a peace officer. If you sued me for false arrest, I’d have to take you seriously. OTOH, peace officers, such as the very ones you’re crusading against, do have broad powers to arrest people.Do you realize that, Dude?

5. If the SFPD is worried about getting sued, it might be over the privacy rights of those they are assisting. Did you ever think of that, Dude?

6. The SFPD has the highest-paid cops in the world. If officers don’t live in SF it’s because they choose not to live in SF. So yeah, they’ll say SF is “too expensive,” but what they mean is that SF is too expensive for what you get. Do you see the difference here, Dude?

7. You don’t know which parts of the story to omit, Dude. You win points for honesty, but you ended up digging your hole deeper.

8. What do you want, a medal for calling 911?

9. Your friends and family and employees might support your struggle, but here’s what most people are thinking, more or less:

…having read the story, if I were to put a percentage for who is at fault in this situation for ending up in jail I’d assign Mr. TechDudeBroDouche 70%, and 30% to over aggressive policing.”

All this means is that you didn’t explain yourself very well, Dude.

All the deets:

Good Samaritan Backfire or How I Ended Up in Solitary After Calling 911 for Help

“I identified myself as the caller to the half dozen police who poured out of squad cars and stepped back onto the sidewalk in front of Radius restaurant. Sgt. Espinoza, short,* stout,* grey and assertive, asked Ben and me whether we had witnessed the accident. We said that we hadn’t, but arrived shortly thereafter. I was standing 15 feet from the scene beside Officer Kaur, a stocky* female* of South Asian** complexion.** She turned to me and abruptly said that I was not needed as a witness and should leave immediately. I told her we were headed home,** just across the way,** when my friend and I encountered the accident;** and that I’d recently broken my elbow** in a similar bike accident** here** and deeply cared about the outcome.**”

*It’s payback time, bitches!

**OMG, TMI, too much information, objection, relevance. Why should the SFPD care about your elbow?

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