Archive for the ‘crime’ Category

Dirt Bike vs. Dirtbags: The SFPD OTJ in the Golden Gate Park Panhandle

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015

Well, actually, I don’t know what these people did to earn a citation from the SFPD and I don’t what else they’ve done lately, you know, that might have escaped notice of the popo:

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So maybe they’re not* dirtbags IRL, IDK.

Perhaps I’ll get called for jury duty on one of these citations, and then I’ll let you know.

*The SFPD bait car program straight outta Hollywood was a bad idea, for example. I can’t imagine convicting anybody for moving an unlocked car left idling and double-parked on Divisadero, for example.

ASSIGNMENT DESK: “Corrective Education Company” Now Operates in SF – Shoplifters Pay $320 to Take Course, Avoid SFPD

Friday, February 27th, 2015

Gentle Reporter, get a load of this, from Slate*:

Let’s Make a Deal – A startup helps stores like Bloomingdale’s and Whole Foods give suspected shoplifters a choice: Pay $320, or we’ll call the cops. By Leon Neyfakh

CEC is straight outta Texas, as is Whole Foods, you dig? Well guess where the shopliftingest Whole Foods in all Christendom is located – that’s right, at Haight and Stanyan. Oh, here it is. I’ll tell you, this woman, you can barely see her** here, stood out amongst the shoppers even before she got frogmarched past the deli counter by four(!) dudes:

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So what happened? WF checked its records, checked her for warrants and then set her up with CEC?

“Enquiring” Minds Want To Know.

Here’s what you do, you contact WF and/or the other bidnesses cited by Leon, and then somebody at the SFPD, and maybe somebody at the DA’s office, and then of course Jeff Adachi, you know, for the outrage, and then an actual CEC graduate, and THIS ONE WRITES ITSELF.

*Wow, “alleged” shoplifters, Slate? Like the paramilitaries at Whole Paycheck*** frogmarch away the wrong shoppers all the time? Well, if something like that happens to you, Gentle Reader, then you should tell WF, “I’ll take my chances with the SFPD,” right?

**Purple stockings over tattoos, huge clunky heels, clip clop clip clop…

***I don’t spend a great deal of time at WF but I’ll tell you, man, they have cheaper prices now, like they’re trying to match TJ’s, on organic milk, for example. I applaud.

Learn to love me
Assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow and always
My only weakness is a listed crime
My only weakness is… well, never mind, never mind

Oh, shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over
Shoplifters of the world
Hand it over
Hand it over
Hand it over

Learn to love me
And assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow, and always
My only weakness is a listed crime**
But last night the plans of a future war
Was all I saw on Channel Four

Shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over

I saw this and it’s clever and cute, but I’m appalled by the ignorantly misunderstood lyrics. “My only weakness is a list of crimes” doesn’t even make sense. “My only weakness is a listed crime” puts the rest of the song in context, and provides a little history lesson about sexuality in England.”

Prediction: The First Gold Apple Watch Theft/Robbery in San Francisco Will Occur in June 2015

Tuesday, February 24th, 2015

Do you love gold?

Lots of criminals do.

And pretty soon, they’ll realize that the value of the gold in some new watches from Apple is very very high.

Let’s see what the SFPD has to say:

“As with any new technology, of course there is a concern that thieves will prey on victims with the new technology,” San Francisco Police Department public information officer, Albie Esparza said. “Criminals are opportunistic. If there is a demand, there will be supply. It’s simple business economics.”

So, I don’t care what security features your multi-thousand dollar gold iWatch has, there’s nothing stopping somebody from taking your shiny and then melting it down to sell the gold for $1000 an ounce.

We’ll see…

Now here’s a guy at the Original Aple Store at 1 Stockton in Union Square trying and failing to shoplift some $350(!) Beats headphones:

Apple realizes that its new watches will need to be protected just as at any other Union Square jewelry / bling bling store.

But once its on your wrist, security will be YOUR problem.

Choose wisely.

SFPD “Horse Mounted Officers” in Traffic – A Herd on Kearny – What’s Changed in 166 Years?

Friday, February 20th, 2015

Of course back in ’49, you know, 1849, some people were still calling Kearny Street La Calle de la Fundacion – it was the start of the grid system of streets we know today.

Anyway, not much has changed since the founding of the SFPD 166 years ago – a time-traveling gold miner from back then would have no problem understanding this aspect of The Future: 

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Click to expand

Mounted Unit

Word on the Street, from the San Francisco Sheriff’s K9 Unit: “YOUR DOPE, MY DOG – PRICELESS!”

Friday, February 13th, 2015

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Cat, Grow, and Halfway: Know Your Sunset and Richmond District Houses – Fogbelt Paradise

Friday, January 30th, 2015

Most of San Francisco’s murders take place in the giant “S” that snakes from the Twitterloin through SoMA, through Hayes Valley, through La Mision, and then on down to Bayview / Hunters Point and Visi Valley.

Year after year.

But occasionally we get murders out in San Francisco County, in the Avenues, the suburbs. And those tend to be associated with your cat houses, your grow houses, and your halfway houses.

Most of the time, except for a few dreaded sunny days, these houses operate in the shadows, in the enveloping fog, quietly chugging out money for a select few.

Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga:

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It’s a kind of paradise, I suppose, for a select few.

(Somebody ought to Kickstart a 40-minute film called Sunset Vice, as if it were one episode of a police procedural shown on network TV…)

What Happens When You Pay $40k a Year to Send Your Kid to Private School in Haight Ashbury

Thursday, January 22nd, 2015

This happens.

NTTAWWT, but smoking in Golden Gate Park is agin the rules…

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Oh, and parents, please “expect a five percent tuition increase per year,” ’cause, you know, what’s another ten thou, right? C’mon, that’s chicken feed!

Explaining Why the “Haight Street Rat” Isn’t “as close as you can get to the intention that Banksy had”

Wednesday, January 21st, 2015

Here it is, back in 2010. That greenish building that used to be a bank housed Villains Vault at the time:

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Detail, camera left:

Und camera right:

A thin red line connects these two elements, one assumes.

Here’s the update:

Banksy’s ‘Haight Street Rat’ graffiti holes up in an S.F. gallery by Rachel Howard

Now let’s say that Banksy caught Villains Vault displaying and selling unlicensed Banksy reprints as well as stuff from other street artists, you know, flagrantly, back in 2010. So then Banksy was all enough is enough, so he was all THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE.

And then he drew the line.

So really, the line is the piece, instead of the rat, right?

So if you just have the rat, you’re missing part of the story, right?

So it’s not just The Rat In The Hat Comes Back, right? I’m not saying that Banksy is all that deep but he’s deeper than a simple put-a-beret-on-it.

Now I understand why that KRON guy just went for the rat, but to do this job “as close as you could get to the intention Banksy had,” you’d have gotten the rest of the piece.

Just saying.

Or, IOW:

“The original Haight Street Rat stencil is a beret-wearing rat clutching a marker and a red line that extends from the rat to the neighboring building on the corner of Haight Street and Belvedere Street. On the adjacent building, the rat has seemingly written the text “THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE” in red which can be seen from the street above a clothing store that allegedly took street artists’ works and printed them on T-shirts and other apparel for sale without giving the artists any credit or revenue.”

Or IOW:

“Named the Haight Street Rat for its placement atop a Victorian building on Haight Street, the stenciled rat clutching a red marker is now neatly framed and displayed in a location entirely unlike the one in which it was created: the lobby of the U.S. Bank Tower in downtown L.A., the city’s tallest tower and perhaps its most conspicuous symbol of capitalism. It’s a baffling venue for a piece of site-specific street art that initially wrapped across two buildings…

The Nordstrom Effect: SFPD Response at 5th and Market vs. 6th and Market – It’s Quite a Difference

Monday, January 12th, 2015

These two shots from longtime Twitterloin resident Bluoz certainly square with my understanding of what’s tolerated on these two neighbor streets.

5th Street, home to Norstrom’s “Flagship Store” (or second flagship, if you count all those Nordie buildings up in Seattle):

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6th Street:

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Hayes Valley Shooting of Jan 9, 2015: Four Dead in Stolen Honda – Biggest Mass Killing in SF Since 2012 – 20 Minutes of SFPD Audio

Saturday, January 10th, 2015

I can’t recall a bigger mass killing in San Francisco since the Ingleside Howth Street Home Invasion of 2012 and, before then, the 101 California Street Shooting of 1993.

Here’s 20 minutes of audio from @ScannerSays.

(“10-30″ means that the car is suspected stolen.)