Archive for the ‘politics’ Category

Board of Supervisors President Game of Thrones: Mark Farrell as King Joffrey, London Breed as Khaleesi

Tuesday, November 18th, 2014

Who will ascend the Iron Throne?

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Mark Farrell as King Joffrey:

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Joe Eskenazi of SFWeekly has all your Board of Supervisors President handicapping needs met right here.

London Breed as Khaleesi, Mother of Dragons:

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Is “Techies Who Vote” a Real Website? Like, Is This Real Life? – Here’s Its Hilarious Call To Action for Election Day

Tuesday, November 4th, 2014

WELL, HERE IT IS.

‘Why the 2014 Election Matters for SF Tech Workers – Elections matter. Tuesday’s election is extremely significant and symbolic for the tech community.”

WELL, MAKE UP YOUR MIND, DUDE – WILL IT BE SYMBOLIC OR WILL IT BE SIGNIFICANT? IN FACT, IT WON’T BE “EXTREMELY” ANYTHING.

Given all that’s been thrown at the tech community over the past year, Tuesday November 4 represents the one solitary day where the tech community can come together, exercise its electoral muscle and lets its growing voice be heard.

WHAT? SO THEN WHAT’S THIS, BROCEPHUS? IT’S “Leveraging the collective power of the tech sector as a force for civic action in San Francisco.” HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT OUTFIT? MAYOR ED LEE SURE HAS. IN FACT, HE’S SO SMITTEN WITH MONEY FROM CON RONWAY AND OTHERS THAT ED LEE NOW IS FACING A CHALLENGE FROM A MEMBER OF HIS OWN POLITICAL FACTION IN HIS OWN POLITICAL PARTY. AREN’T YOU AWARE OF ANY OF THIS? ALSO, BRO, MOST TECHIES LIVING IN SF DON’T ACTUALLY VOTE BY GOING TO THE POLLS ON A TUESDAY, SO IT’S HARDLY “ONE SOLITARY DAY” AT ALL…

So what’s at stake? In our recent 2014 voter’s guide…

SO WHO’S “OUR?” YOU MEAN “MY,” RIGHT? YOU’RE LIKE ONE DUDE, RIGHT BRO? 

…Techies Who Vote…

TECHIES?” ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? ISN’T THAT A PEJORATIVE TERM? IS THIS YOUR ATTEMPT AT REAPPROPRIATION? WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU CALL YOURSELF A “TECHIE?” IS THIS A PARODY WEBSITE?

David Campos voted against the tax breaks for tech companies setting up shop in the mid-market area…

GOOD. ‘CAUSE THAT’S CORPORATE WELFARE RIGHT? AND THE GENESIS OF THAT CORPORATE WELFARE COMES FROM A TIME BEFORE YOUR ARRIVAL IN THE 415, POSSIBLY – HERE YOU GO, DUDE, ENJOY.

“An independent report released by the SF City Controller this past week revealed…”

WELL, NUMBER ONE, THE REPORT COMES FROM THE VERY GOVERNMENT WHAT’S ALREADY BEEN CORRUPTED BY “TECHIES.” AND NUMBER TWO, ‘AS FOR THE TAX BREAK’S OVERALL IMPACT ON THE CITY’S ECONOMY, THE REPORT SAYS IT WAS PROBABLY ‘QUITE LIMITED.‘” SO WHERE’S YOUR MESSIAH NOW, DUDE?

…while revitalizing a depressed neighborhood in the mid-market area…

DO YOU THINK MID MARKET HAS BEEN REVITALIZED? WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING?

[BRO'S DAVID CHIU HAGIOGRAPHY OMITTED]

Proposition A is a transportation and Road Improvement (Bond) that provides $500 million to fund transportation projects and capital improvements for MUNI transit and for upgrading city streets.

NOPE. WHAT IT IS IS FREE MONEY FOR SFGOV – THERE’S NO OBLIGATION FOR ANY BODY TO SPEND ANY MONEY ON ANY PARTICULAR THING. WELCOME TO SF, BRO.

…our future as a world-class city.

ARE YOU A REAL PERSON DUDE? WHAT YOUNG PERSON TALKS LIKE THIS?

Proposition B is a population-Based Adjustment to General Fund Appropriation to Transportation Fund (Charter Amendment) that increases the voter-approved funding set aside for MUNI to reflect past ten years of population growth…

UH, THE SFMTA’S BUDGET HAS EASILY OUTPACED THE PAST TEN YEARS OF POPULATION GROWTH, RIGHT? DON’T YOU KNOW THAT?

OH, AND DUDE, YOU HAVE NO ENDORSEMENT FOR YOUR SEVEN READERS ON PROP E, THE SODA TAX? OH, BECAUSE IT DOESN’T HAVE “A DIRECT EFFECT ON TECH WORKERS?” WHAT? OF COURSE IT’LL HAVE AN EFFECT ON “TECHIES.” OBVS. AND YET YOU DO HAVE AN ENDORSEMENT, FOR YOUR SEVEN READERS, ON THE MINIMUM WAGE INCREASE? DO YOU THINK IT HAS A “DIRECT EFFECT ON TECH WORKERS?” SO DO “TECHIES” IN SF MAKE MINIMUM WAGE – ANY LAST ONE OF THEM?

ALL RIGHT, BROCEPHUS, IT’S BEEN REAL…

Campaign 2014: Here’s What 3.3 Pounds of Mail in a Mailbox Looks Like – Plus, David Chiu is Very Very Evil

Monday, November 3rd, 2014

(Yes, there is white powder on the LCD screen of this digital scale - why do you ask?*)

(And no, I don’t think David Chiu is evil, but man, you ought to see some of these fliers I’m getting…)

Anyway, here’s what I pulled out of the old mailbox yesterday – 52 ounces of garbage, plus, somewhere in there, a small check from State Farm, a diamond in the rough:

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Now, granted, there was a B&H catalog in there, plus a Costco Connect magazine, but the bulk of the bulk was campaign 2014 flyers what cost more to mail than they cost to produce.

My poor letter carrier!

*It’s flour, fool, purchased in bespoke fashion [25 pounds at a time] from my local purveyor of comestibles [Amazon, Fuckin’ A, bubba, back when it was only $27 a bag - now it’s like $40 for some reason?] 

After the Airbnb Fiasco, Mayor Ed Lee Says Diane Feinstein is Giving “Enthusiastic Support” to the Assembly Campaign of David Chiu

Monday, November 3rd, 2014

Believe it or not, Mayor Ed Lee is saying that DiFi is giving “enthusiastic support” to the Assembly campaign of David Chiu. Check it:

“I am proud to join U.S. Senator Diane Feinstein … in giving David Chiu my enthusiastic support.”

See?

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Now IRL, here’s DiFi herself on President Chiu’s Airbnb legislation from October 20th, 2014:

Don’t hand San Francisco over to Airbnb

And now Willie Brown is suggesting that DiFi is already on the list of those who are “joining Leno” against Ed Lee?

I’m thinking no, DiFi’s residual support of David Chiu, if any, against David Campos sure aint “enthusiastic.”

Read the news and turn the pages. Moving on…

Hey, speaking of Airbnb, check this out, from San Francisco’s biggest corrupt non-profit org:

“On October 6, Supervisor Jane Kim’s persistence and the last-minute intervention of Mayor Ed Lee ensured that legislation legalizing tourist rentals in San Francisco will have teeth.”

The problem with this, or I should say just one problem with this, is that Ed Lee could have simply not signed the legislation, right? There was no need for any “intervention,” right?

I don’t know how seriously people take all these shenanigans. We’ll see, soon enough…

All Right, Supervisor David Chiu + The Prop E Soda Tax + Coke and Pepsi Money = ???

Thursday, October 30th, 2014

[UPDATE: Marisa Lagos has the other side of the story - so put them together and it starts to make sense. Everybody wants some sweet sweet free cash from Coke and Pepsi, but nobody wants to admit they want some sweet sweet free cash from Coke and Pepsi…]

I don’t really “get” this one, I don’t understand what’s going on here.

But see if you can figure things oot, eh?

“San Franciscans United For The Soda Tax - Calls on David Chiu to Stop Coordination with Big Soda Industry

WHAT: A public call to action from San Franciscans United For The Soda Tax. The coalition will draw attention to the Chiu campaign’s coordination with the big soda industry and call on David Chiu to stop accepting campaign funds in opposition to the soda tax he claims to support.

WHO: San Franciscans United for the Soda Tax: Representative from the nurses; Adrienne Suffin, former SEIU Chapter President; Laura Thomas, Co-President, Harvey Milk LGBT Democratic Club; Arthur Welton, San Francisco Young Democrats; Juan G. Berumen, affordable housing advocate and more

WHY: Over the course of the last month, David Chiu has coordinated with the big soda industry to steer thousands of dollars of soda industry money into his campaign.  The soda industry has funded $10,000 to the Chinese American Democratic Club, $7,500 to the Black Young Democrats and $2,500 to the Asian Pacific Democratic Club. Many of David Chiu’s strongest supporters, whom he proudly lists on his website and who are doing a lot of work on his behalf – the San Francisco Building Trades Council, the plumbers and the Teamsters – are opposed to the soda tax. San Franciscans United For The Soda Tax finds this hypocrisy on behalf of David Chiu appalling and is calling on him to cease accepting any resources from the Big Soda Industry.

WHERE: In an emailed press release, San Francisco.

WHEN: Thursday, Oct. 30th, 4:00 pm”

Instead of Concentrating on the 7th Game of the World Series, Mayor Ed Lee is Playing Ping Pong at a Political Event?

Wednesday, October 29th, 2014

In the words of the great John MalkovichWTF to that:

“…fundraiser for Evan Low is happening tonight in SoMa from 6-8 PM! With an open bar, amazing food, a live DJ set, and Mayor Ed Lee playing ping pong, this is an event not to be missed.”

And this official fundraiser graphic is odd, certainly, and “500 DOLLAR BUY IN” seems very “off-message.”

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Oh, there’ll be some TVs on that the Mayor Airbnb can glance at, perhaps in between sets with Ron Conway? All right.

(Hey, who’s Evan Low – what does he have to do with San Francisco?)

No wonder Senator Mark Leno is ahead in the polls, already, in next year’s mayoral race…

[UPDATE: And here it is, as advertised, incredibly.]

YOU MIGHT BE A GADFLY IF … the SF City Attorney’s Office Makes a Webpage Just for YOUR Records Requests

Tuesday, October 28th, 2014

Like this:

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Harsh: San Francisco is Still Dancing on the Grave of Sarah Palin, Six Years Later – It’s Halloween 2014

Monday, October 27th, 2014

As seen in Corona Heights:

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“FIREWALL” Starring Political Operative Nicole Derse, AirBNB, and Supervisor David Chiu – FIREWALL. FIREWALL, FIREWALL

Monday, October 20th, 2014

Messrs. Matier and Ross once again, Automatic For The People, Baby:

“Now we’ve learned that Chiu’s campaign consultant, Nicole Derse, is a partner in the consulting firm 50 + 1 Strategies. The firm was hired by Airbnb to recruit people who rent out their homes to lobby supervisors to support a bill friendly to the company. Derse tells us she’s never discussed Airbnb with Chiu and didn’t work on the lobbying effort. “We have a firewall between the two operations,” she said. For his part, Chiu said that “50 + 1 are not lobbyists. Early on, we sat down and set up a firewall…”

And here’s the movie poster:

Firewal

Today’s post was brought to you by the letter “F” (which stands for … FIREWALL. FIREWALL, FIREWALL, FIREWALL. FIREWALL, FIREWALL!)

Your new mantra is … FIREWALL!

Not “Chinese Wall,” oh no, that phrase is out with the trash, which was fucking news to me back in the Aughts, back about ten years ago. You see, it’s considered racist because, you know, I still don’t get why. The Great Wall of China stood the test of time right? Cf. Maginot Line, right? Oh, now I see why – it’s cause one judge decided to go off on the issue about a decade ago. Hey, Yick Wo v. Hopkins, now I can see how that was racist, you know some policy instigated by the SF Board of Supervisors because it was politically expedient, something David Chiu might sympathize with, but anyway. Actually, I still don’t get why Chinese Wall is racist.)

So fine, pick a different phrase. ANYTHING BUT “FIREWALL.” When you’re colluding about the Message of the Day, about How To Deal With Matier And Ross, work it out so that PERSON A says firewall and PERSON B says, I don’t know, ethics wall or sacred division, or something.

Just saying.

(Also, “50 + 1 Strategies” should probably change its name to 51 Strategies - why make people do math unnecessarily?)

Now, Ode to Firewall, that magical cure-all word what makes the pain go away

In India we`re all the rave
Discovered that its great as aftershave
Dropped in the sea just off Japan
Swapped 20 bottles for an aqua-walkman
Immunity from ridicule
Improves your brains if you`re a fool
And I read in the Middle East
They traded some for a hostage release
Now if you`re bald it`ll give you hair
If you got straight trousers it`ll give you flares
Feeling up you`ll get depressed
Out of style here`s a brand new dress

It was really vile weather
When we got to tarred and feathered
You could hear the six guns sound
As they chased us out of town

The stuff we sell is just the best
Passing all consumer test
Days of heaven nights of sin
Voodoo stick and sharks fin
When all around you seems like hell
Just one sip will make you well
Multipurpose in a jar
If you ain`t ill it`ll fix your car
In days of yore for all bad feelings
Washing socks and stripping ceilings
Nowadays its used medicinally
For all known human malady

It was really vile weather
When we got to tarred and feathered
You could hear the six guns sound
As they chased us out of town

Guaranteed don`t you know
Money back?
You`ll get a no!
It`s the one and only medicine show

Trendy Lingo Update: “CRO” – SF Now Has a “Chief Resilience Officer?” – Come Meet SFGov’s Overpaid Patrick Otellini

Wednesday, October 8th, 2014

When I first heard the neologism Chief Resilience Officer, I figured things out pretty quickly – I thought about earthquakes in the 415, fine.

And then I thought, “What’s the angle? How does this concept put money into the pockets of the members of San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown’s political faction / machine?”

And I couldn’t think of an angle, so I thought maybe this could be a rare case of SFGov just trying to do its job, you know, sans politique.

And then I looked into it and came away mostly disappointed. I’ll tell you why below.

But you reporters out there should get on this new CRO business – it’s terra incognita, locally. [UPDATE: Whoops, I missed this one.]

So here it is:

Meet San Francisco’s Patrick Otellini, the world’s first Chief Resilience Officer.

And here’s his headshot:

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And here’s the rah rah SFGov, born-and-raised blather, redolent of Supervisor Mark Farrell:

“I am unapologetically pro-San Francisco. Four generations of my family currently live here and I love this city. San Francisco’s work regarding resilience has been substantial. This work has been developed by the community just as much as it has been by City Hall.”

Is Dude running for office? It sure seems that way. But IRL, SF is the most corrupt big American city west of Chicago, so how does that square, cadre? STRIKE ONE. Moving on…

And oh no, SPUR! Is Dude a member of SPUR, that infamous outfit responsible for Urban Renewing the Fillmore, you know, because it was the trendy thing to do at that time? Take a look:

“San Francisco Planning and Urban Research (SPUR) released a report called ‘Resilient Cities’ a few years ago, which has become the roadmap for resiliency planning in San Francisco.”

Turns out that Dude is a card-carrying Member of SPUR. STRIKE TWO.

And what does this Brownie-youre-doing-a-heck-of-a-job-type job pay? Like how many hundreds of thousands of dollars per year? The answer is two:

“Total pay & benefits: $183,397.91.”

More or less. I mean, that was Dude’s pay package last year when he was only Director of Earthquake Safety, so you gotta figure he’s gotten a big bump to go along with the new CRO title, right? What’s that, not really? He’s still just another SFGov MANAGER IV but now with a shiny new title? OK fine, it’s old wine in a new bottle. Let’s call that BALL ONE.

But what’s this, IRL what you are actually is a long-time, politically-connected “building permit consultant and expediter?” Mmmm… STRIKE THREE!

Speaking of which:

OTELLINI PAUL MR., INTEL CORP., CEO, SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94123 - $51,800.00
OTELLINI PAUL MR., INTEL CORP., PRESIDENT, SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94123 - $2,000.00
OTELLINI PAUL, INTEL, CEO, SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94123 - $1,000.00
OTELLINI PAUL, INTEL, CEO, SANTA CLARA, CA 95054 - $40,000.00
OTELLINI PAUL, NONE, RETIRED, SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94123 - $50,000.00
OTELLINI SANDY, N/A, RETIRED – ATTORNEY, SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94123 - $25,900.00

Which then yields this. [Welcome to Scion Country Safari, Africa USA.]

So, Brownie, bring on the earthquake-related ruckus, bring on the blather, the Newspeak, fine. Maybe you’ll be appointed Supervisor, and then maybe Mayor, someday.

But be sure to count your lucky stars, to say your prayers every night to Thank Goodness you live in a town where Scion/Expediter is a career path…