It would take me a long time to find this billboard again, as I rely on street signs to tell me which Avenue I’m on* after I’ve crossed the city limits and entered SF County. (Anyway, it’s near this place – but is it the Inner Richmond or the Middle Richmond? I just can’t tell.)
I sense a little friction.
“I beg of you, Monsieur, watch yourself. Be on guard. This place is full of hipsters, hipsters everywhere, everywhere.” –The Dark European
*I suppose there are people out there that you could blindfold and then release at some random place in the Richmond District and then they’d know their exact location based upon sounds, wind patterns, smells, etc. You know, ppl with Local Knowledge. I’m not one of those people (even though I was very close to being redistricted into District One a few years back, oh well).
Well, this is news to me. Hater notes in brackets:
“Model Grand Opening At Summit 800 In San Francisco This Saturday & Sunday, August 23 And 24!
SAN FRANCISCO, Aug. 21, 2014 /PRNewswire/ — It’s time you experienced a higher level [I DON’T THINK LIVING WAY DOWN THERE IS HIGHER ANYTHING, IMO] of living. This Saturday, August 23 and Sunday, August 24, you’re invited to the highly anticipated Model Grand Opening of Summit 800 in San Francisco! With spectacular amenities, a peaceful community atmosphere and new single-family homes and attached condominiums priced from the low $1 millions, Summit 800 invites you to discover a new side [THE FAR WEST SIDE! THE FAR SOUTH SIDE! THE FAR SOUTHWEST SIDE] of San Francisco living. This is your chance to be among the first to tour the new models, enjoy refreshments and find a home that redefines everything [OF COURSE, EVERYTHING!]. Visit the sales office this weekend from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm and explore a community where elevated living [I DON’T THINK LIVING WAY DOWN THERE IS ELEVATED ANYTHING, IMO] starts here.
Nestled along a climbing hill [AS OPPOSED TO A NON-CLIMBING HILL?] in true San Francisco fashion, Summit 800 presents a long-awaited new residential opportunity in an unprecedented [IT’S IN THE PARKMERCED AREA, RIGHT? THAT PLACE HAS BEEN THERE FOR DECADES] location. Here, three-story single-family residences and attached condominiums are designed to fit your needs. Five unique floor plans range from 1,547 to 2,133 square feet and offer as many as three bedrooms, two-and one-half baths, private and shared two-car garages and stunning architectural styles. Plus, each residence comes equipped with solar power systems, embracing all the qualities you look for in a new home.
Designer-selected features and open living spaces create enough room for relaxation and comfort throughout [I’LL CEDE THIS POINT, SUMMIT. I’M SURE YOUR MILLION DOLLAR CONDOS ARE NICE INSIDE] Magnificent kitchens include energy-saving appliances, well-appointed cabinetry and granite slab countertops, while spacious master suites offer sumptuous bath havens, boasting solid-surface vanities, luxurious soaking tubs, separate spa-like showers and stylish mirrors. Additional community conveniences include a two-acre park, tot lot and dog park [AND THE CLOSEST PLACE TO SHOP IS A CONVENIENCE STORE WITH DRUG DEALERS HANGING OUT OUT FRONT?]
Situated in desirable San Francisco, Summit 800 presents an incredible opportunity to experience a new side of life in the city. A premier location [AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!] minutes from downtown [20 MINUTES? 40 MINUTES? 50 MINUTES? 60 MINUTES? 70 MINUTES? I MEAN IT DEPENDS ON IF YOU’RE WALKING OR DRIVING OR RIDING A BIKE OR, AT A LAST RESORT, RIDING MUNI, RIGHT?] and steps [3000?] from MUNI transit embraces rich culture, energy and style, offering access to the iconic Golden Gate Park, historic Japanese Tea Garden [SO IF SUMMIT 800 OFFERS ACCESS TO THE JAPANESE TEA GARDEN, THEN ANY PLACE IN DALY CITY SIMILARLY OFFERS ACCESS TO THE JAPANESE TEA GARDEN, RIGHT?] and city landmarks as well as world-renowned shopping, dining and entertainment destinations, from Union Square to Stonestown Galleria [YES, OUR “WORLD RENOWNED” MALL AT STONESTOWN – IT’S ALL THEY TALK ABOUT IN PARIS].
Summit 800 is located at 71 Summit Way, San Francisco, California 94132, off the I-280 S freeway and Geneva Avenue [OH FUCK, GENEVA? THIS JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER] exit. The sales office is open daily from 11:00 am to 5:00 pm. For more details, please visit Summit800.com or call (415) 587-8800.
Summit 800 is a new home community by Comstock Homes and Maracor Development in San Francisco. Situated near San Francisco’s Lake Merced area, the 7.7-acre site is owned by Real Capital Solutions, a nationally focused investor of work-out and value-add properties.
And make sure to inventory every slight you experience this Sunday and then repeat all of them to everybody you know for the the following two weeks so that everybody can now how you, the poor millionaire homeowner, has suffered uniquely owing to this street party what existed long before you were even born.
And just look at it – it’s pointed right towards you! Arrrgh!
Here’s the thing. “Planners” back in the day had no freaking idea how many cars would populate the Sunset District.
They also had no idea how much public transit in the West Bay would degrade over the decades.
So it’s hard to park way out there.
So people improperly pave over their front yards for more “driveway” parking, don’t ask don’t tell.
Anyway, here’s what appointed Supervisor Katy Tang has for Fog Country – it’s the FYAP!
But if you participate, it’ll cost you $245 and you’ll have to listen to what SFGov tells you to do.
This is the kind of thing that will end up pissing off some of the people living out there.
This is a program for the sake of having a program. It will “transform” nothing. And it will not “change” the “pedestrian experience.” Sorry.
But, if you want to try this out, by all means:
“The Front Yard Ambassadors Program gives Sunset District residents the opportunity transform their front yards into vibrant, ecologically friendly and easy to maintain spaces in order to accomplish the following:
Change the pedestrian experience and demonstrate neighborhood pride
Provide permeable surface to take pressure off our combined sewer system and recharge our underground aquifer
Educate the community about what plant species are suited to our microclimate
Build relationships with neighbors and encourage the community to work together
Our Partners & Sidewalk Landscaping
Sidewalk landscaping programs exist in several organizations. To learn more about why increasing green space and permeable surfaces is important in San Francisco, visit the websites of our partners in the Front Yard Ambassadors Program below:
Questions? Call our office (415) 554-7460 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
Front Yard Ambassadors Program Fact Sheet
How do I apply?
Apply by submitting an application, answers to the supplemental questionnaire and photos of
your front yard. You must ensure that a minimum of five residences on your block also submit
an application to be considered for the program. The application can be found on our website at
www.sfbos.org/tang under the “Front Yard Ambassadors Program” tab.
What is the cost?
Residents chosen for the program will pay a nominal permit fee, depending on how many
residents apply. Permit fees can range from $182 – $245.
How do I get my neighbors to participate?
This is a great time to meet your neighbors! Knock on their door and find out if they are
interested. You must have a minimum of five neighbors on your block to apply.
Who maintains the yard after installation?
Program participants will sign a Letter of Agreement that they will maintain the yard as long as
they reside at their current address. We hope that neighbors will get together for a work day each
year to help each other. Additional support will be provided by Friends of the Urban Forest.
What types of plants and landscaping will be installed?
Once chosen, residents will be able to sit down with professional landscape architects to discuss
their ideas. We have included photos of yards in the Sunset on our webpage for inspiration at
www.sfbos.org/tang. All landscaping will be low maintenance, drought tolerant, and able to live
in our coastal conditions.
Other questions can be directed to our office at (415) 554-7460.
Like maybe you guys can watch TV on a big screen or something during the America’s Cup, you know, that event the “little people” across the Bay paid for, you know, so that pretty-boy man-child former Mayor Gavin Newsom (IQ = 95, look it up) could be named “America’s Cup ‘Ambassador’ at Large.”
(And then he blows off the Opening Ceremony because he knows what a stink bomb it’s become, oh well.)
Anywho, up in Marin County people like Olivia Hsu Decker still think that the America’s Cup is a good reason for real estate inflation. See below.
“$45,000,000 Belvedere Waterfront Home on San Francisco Bay to be Auctioned with a Starting Bid of $25,000,000
The perfect location to entertain during the America’s Cup
SAN FRANCISCO, July 10, 2013 — The newly constructed “Villa Belvedere,” a hi-tech, “Certified Green” home, is known as the finest in Northern California. Previously listed for $45 million and located on the prestigious South Shore of Belvedere Island on San Francisco Bay, it will be offered at auction with a minimum bid of $25 million and no reserve. The deadline to submit a bid is August 22nd. Luxury home auction consultant, Guy Masters, has been engaged by the seller in cooperation with listing agent Olivia Decker of Decker Bullock Sotheby’s International Realty to market this unparalleled property.
The appx. 15,176-square-foot, newly constructed residence features 7 bedrooms, 9 full baths + 2 half baths, and over 5,000 square feet of waterfront terraces. Breathtaking views of The Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, Bay Bridge, Alcatraz, and Sausalito can be seen from nearly every room. The gated and lushly landscaped 1.14-acre double lot includes a 200-foot driveway and motor court, providing parking for 15+ cars. Amenities include a theatre, wine cellar, gym with sauna/steam rooms, elevator, 50-foot gallery/entertainment room with bar/ catering kitchen, and pool with cabana/spa, while Smart-House technology operates home systems from iPhone or iPad on site or from anywhere in the world with internet access.
Painstakingly designed and constructed over four years, this magnificent residence was the 2012 Marin Designer Showcase. “I started with the world-class site, then I worked with my design team to create a home whose luxury and style equals the world-class panoramic views created by Mother Nature,” says Jeff Paster, the owner. Ms. Decker adds, “In my 30 years of marketing luxury homes in the Bay Area, this home is truly one-of-a-kind, like a rare Picasso or Rothko, and appropriate to offer at auction to connoisseurs of luxury homes.”
The property may be previewed by appointment or by attending one of the special viewing events. Brokers protected. For auction information and Terms and Conditions, please contact Guy Masters: 1-707-331-0525 or visit www.BelvedereAuction.com.
From left to right: Jr. lackey, sr. lackey, lovely assistant, Man in Black (seen pointing across the street towards the current site of the Market Street Cinema strip club), and black Chevy Tahoe limousine:
Click to expand
I’m not saying that these people are from the McFarlane Partners, but this is what it looks like when real estate people visit the open-air halfway house known as the Twitterloin.
Anyway, we won’t be seeing as many of these people in the future since there’s nothing left to buy.
I don’t know, this whole deal sounds like a lot of cheerleading for the real estate industry, which is still heavily subsidized by the Feds.
Oh, and the state of California as well.
But “post-bottom landscape” and “good time to buy?” Well, after hearing those phrases bandied about, how can you resist?
So if you want to be the next Donald Trump, have at it. After all, you can’t win your share of middle-class welfare if you don’t play.
Just don’t get too optimistic, again…
“Zillow, USC Lusk Center to Host Housing Forum in San Francisco; FHA Commissioner Carol Galante to Give Keynote – “California’s Housing Market: Navigating the Post-Bottom Landscape” – To Explore Whether It Is a Good Time to Buy, Issues Around Prop 13
SEATTLE, Sept. 13, 2012 — After a housing recession that eclipsed the Great Depression, many markets are again experiencing home value appreciation sparked by high demand but a low supply of homes. What are the sources of this situation, and how long will it last? What will come next? What should real estate professionals and consumers know about this “new” housing market?
To help answer some of these questions, Zillow®, the leading real estate information marketplace, and the University of Southern California Lusk Center for Real Estate will host the half-day “Forum on California’s Housing Market: Navigating the Post-Bottom Landscape” Oct. 12 at San Francisco’s Palace Hotel.
“When it comes to today’s housing market, it’s a confusing time for professionals and consumers alike,” said Zillow Chief Economist Stan Humphries. “The sheer size of California’s real estate market, along with the fact that cities in the state were among the first to enter the housing recession, combine to make California a kind of bellwether for what to expect as other major housing markets begin to stabilize and recover. We’re thrilled to host an esteemed group of national and California-based experts to discuss the state of the market and issues of particular relevance to California.”
“With rising rents and historically low mortgage rates, owning a home appears to be very appealing,” said Richard Green, Lusk Chair in Real Estate at USC. “But underwater borrowers are reluctant – or unable – to sell, tying up supply in a high-demand environment. We look forward to discussing the implications of these factors on the housing market.”
This will be the second housing forum hosted by Zillow this year. The first, “America’s Housing Crisis: Private-Sector Responses and Public Policy Innovation,” was held in New York in April.
Forum on California’s Housing Market: Navigating the Post-Bottom Landscape October 12, 8 a.m.-noon Palace Hotel 2 New Montgomery St. San Francisco
Keynote Speech by Carol Galante Acting Federal Housing Administration Commissioner and Assistant Secretary for Housing
Top Housing Experts in Public and Private Sectors Will Debate and Discuss in Two Panels: Is It a Good Time to Buy in California?: The Housing Market’s New Normal Moderated by Richard Green, Director of the USC Lusk Center for Real Estate and — Prop 13 in a Healing Housing Market Moderated by Colleen Edwards, Owner, EMC Creative Other speakers include: — Spencer Rascoff, CEO, Zillow — John Burns, CEO, John Burns Real Estate Consulting — Bert Selva, President, Shea Homes — Eric Gutshall, President and COO, Haven Realty Capital — Dowell Myers, Professor, Director, Population Dynamics Research Group, USC Sol Price School of Public Policy With a special overview of the nation’s housing market by Zillow Chief Economist Stan Humphries.
About Zillow, Inc.
Zillow (NASDAQ: Z) is the leading real estate information marketplace, providing vital information about homes, real estate listings and mortgages through its website and mobile applications, enabling homeowners, buyers, sellers and renters to connect with real estate and mortgage professionals best suited to meet their needs. In addition, Zillow operates an industry-leading economics and analytics bureau led by Zillow’s Chief Economist Dr. Stan Humphries. Dr. Humphries and his team of economists and data analysts produce extensive housing data and research covering more than 150 markets at Zillow Real Estate Research. Zillow, Inc. operates Zillow.com®, Zillow Mortgage Marketplace, Zillow Mobile, Postlets®, Diverse Solutions(TM) and RentJuice®. The company is headquartered in Seattle.
Zillow.com, Zillow, Zestimate, Postlets and RentJuice are registered trademarks of Zillow, Inc. Diverse Solutions is a trademark of Zillow, Inc.