Left hand in your pocket and the right on the trigger of the hand throttle:
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Go Bro, Go!
All right, here’s the new side-of-the-bus ad from our SFMTA, the slowest large transit agency in American history (And I’m srsly on that one. Can you name me one slower? OK then.)
“Do You Know What You’re Getting Into?”
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By the numbers:
1. Trained drivers with extensive training [And people say bloggers talk funny!]
2. Proper insurance [A low blow! But yes, SFMTA, you have a valid point here.]
3. Your support of local San Francisco drivers. [Some yes, some not]
4. Driver background checks. [Meh.]
5. Safety and meter inspection [Meh.]
6. Formal process for dispute resolution [Meh.]
OK, now how old are you, SFMTA? Not too old but old enough to have been in charge of this:
Was this SFMTA-licensed driver trained with extensive training to, IDK, investigate fires before people die?
Apparently not. How many fares have Lyft drivers killed?
Speaking of which, what about the sad case of Julie Christine Day, who was last seen alive leaving the Bubble Lounge on Montgomery?
One of your vaunted, extensively-trained, fully licensed and insured drivers started up his fully-inspected meter and then immediately set about murdering his fare, right, SFMTA?
So, what the Hell?
All right, SFMTA, you might have some good points about Lyft and Sidecar and Uber (look for the orange rear-view window cozies, I’m srsly) and the illegal limos and the out-of-town taxi drivers making illegal pickups in the 415.
But you are biased by your 50% tax on taxi medallions, among other things.
So let’s mark this effort as yet another failed initiative from the SFMTA.
Hey, what’s this?
“PASSENGER FILTERS
Control the minimum average donation riders must have to ride with you. A higher setting may lower the number of requests you receive.
Minimum average donation: 90%”
It’s the choice Lyft Taxi drivers have to screen out poorer passengers.
So yes, member of the public, you can “donate” whatever amount to your Lyft driver but if it’s not enough, you will NEVER see that driver again.
(And I thought we were friends, Lyft, after the fist bump and everything!)
Here’s what I’m talking about – this is screen that Lyfters use to filter you out, you scrub. Click to expand:
Is this news to you?
Well it’s news to me.
A scrub is a guy that thinks he’s fly
And is also known as a buster
Always talkin about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass, so
No, I don’t want your number
No, I don’t wanna give you mine, and
No, I don’t wanna meet you nowhere
No, I don’t want none of your time, and
No, I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holla at me
I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holla at me
But a scrub’s checkin’ me but his game is kinda weak
And I know that he cannot approach me
‘Cause I’m lookin like class and he’s looking like trash
Can’t get wit a deadbeat ass
IMO.
If the SFMTA really wanted to fight fare fraud, it could take the money it spends this bizarre fare inspection regime and put it into a program that watches cable car workers. Get together a few GoPro cameras plus a few marked $5 bills and just one “inspector” could have prosecutable proof of “fare fraud” being committed by numerous, numerous SFMTA employees. Tie the evidence up in a bow and send it over to the DA’s office, right? Oh what’s that, SFMTA? Fighting your own corruption is hard but handing out money to new fare inspectors is easy? OK fine.
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Since Time Began:
INTERLOCUTOR: Hey SFMTA, what about [_______?]
SFMTA: If we only had more money! Give us more money.
[UPDATE: Kevin Montgomery of Uptown Almanac reacts.]
[UPDATE II: The Twitter-stream of one @kylekirchhoff just went private. C'mon, Bro! You gotta engage with the peeps. Today is your big day. It's not that incrimernating, is it? Bro discusses how much he doesn't like Twitter, McAfee Antivirus Inc, and how many people got shot on a MUNI #14 last year. You know, all the usual stuff. But I'll tell you, withdrawing from Web 2.0 is what criminales do, right? You're just a bro with a bus. Nothing wrong with that.]
[UPDATE III: Aaron Sankin of Huffington Post San Francisco weighs in.]
[UPDATE IV: And now Ellen Huet of the San Francisco Chronicle:
John Avalos, a supervisor who has fought against private companies use of Muni stops, called Kirchhoff’s comments “very disingenuous.”
“What a crock of s—,” Avalos said. “How does blocking a Muni stop make the city more efficient? You’re trying to make money, and you’re creating a two-tiered transportation system in San Francisco.”]
I’ll tell you, I’ve been waiting years for a MUNI alternative to pop up and look, it’s here.
Now I’m not talking about the corporate buses (like Google, Apple, FaceBook and so on) that have been around for a decade or so, and I’m not talking about Uber, Lyft, Sidecar and the like and I’m not even talking about the private version of the taxpayer-subsidized Twitter Express, the 83X.
No no. I’m talking about Leap Transit duplicating the unpopular MUNI Marina Express 30x with a private shuttle bus that costs $6 one-way.
It looks like this, as seen just yesterday:
Here’s what the site looks like:
See that? The bus comes with WiFi and leather seats, but they cost three times as much as MUNI. And I’m supposing you and your wheelchair would be better off on MUNI, just a guess. And, oh yes, you pretty much need an Apple iPhone (or as close an iOS device as possible) to climb aboard.
Now you’d think the MSM would be all over this new company, but no. So far, Leap has escaped notice, except from this bloke called Stilgherrian from Down Under. (Uh, he’s _not_ a fan. I haven’t seen a booting like this since Bart vs. Australia)
“This little blue bus symbolises everything that is wrong with the current bubble and boom of internet startup culture. It’s in San Francisco. It belongs to Leap Transit. And, on May 13, this “better bus” — OMFG, it has leather seats and wi-fi! — began operating as part of what’s billed as a “shuttle service for San Francisco commuters.”
Bonus bon mot:
“This socialized [x] is slow and unprofitable. Let’s start a [x] for rich people that pays its employees less.”
Leave there be no doubt, Leap Transit is a wannabe MUNI disrupter. See?
So far, reaction around town has been mixed.
To wit:
I don’t know, if the 30X just passed you by ’cause it’s raining and you see a Leap bus coming at you and you have an iPhone and you’re already signed up, well then Leap just might be worth the six bucks.
A 28-year-old white man wants you to ride his technicolor submarine.
Will you?
All the deets:
Every time you ride with leap, your credit card will be charged $6.00 automatically upon entering the bus. You…
Our shuttles flow downtown in the morning, and uptown in the evening. You can get on at any of the stops desig…
We’d love to. We’re expanding as rapidly as possible. If you’d like us to add service to your area, please sug…
Leap runs on weekdays during commuter hours. That’s from 7:00 AM to 10:00 AM and from 4:00 PM to 7:00 PM.
We currently only support iPhone, but we will be supporting other platforms very soon.
We do not currently have a way to have your employer cover the tab. But it is something we’re working on.
I guess I know why the SFMTA, America’s worst and slowest large transit agency, wants to spend millions and millions of taxpayer dollars to improve its image. So it will then be able to obtain and spend even more of our money, of course.
But I’m mystified as to the thought process behind its marketing.
For example, here’s a happy meter maid saying, ”I am a single mom working to send my child to private school. I am SFMTA.”
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So the San Francisco Unified School District is that bad, huh?
OK fine.
(TRIGGER WARNING, Lookism: And she’s not a model, she’s a Real Person, an actual DPT Parking Control Officer? Latina/a, just a guess. Very attractive/appealing, huh? How did she get selected? Does someone at at the SFMTA’s in-house agency thumb through a bunch of PCO headshots saying, ” …pooch, dog, I-don’t-think-so, oh-now-here-we-go?” Is that how it works, something along those lines? Funny that, SFMTA.)
If I were the SFMTA, I’d take this ad down and never run it again.
If I were the SFMTA…
Actually, if I were the SFMTA, I’d stop lying to people.
I’d say, “The Central Subway is mostly about pork barrel spending.”
If I were the SFMTA…