Extreme Trialsing, 94117 – The Highest Form of Fixie, No Saddle Required – Dangerous Storage in the Western Addition

March 26th, 2015

What the kids are calling a bicycle these days:

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A New Way to Hide Cell Phone Towers: Check Out How They’re Doing It at 590 Van Ness near Golden Gate

March 26th, 2015

Oh, come on, man!

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What are people supposed to think these things are?

I cry foul.

Fish in a Barrel: This SFMTA PCO Can Hand Out Multiple $105 “Block the Box” Tickets in One Minute

March 25th, 2015

Of course, the SFMTA could jigger the lights around the neighborhood of Bush and Sansome in a more efficient way, but then this meter maid wouldn’t be able to park her Cushman and then stand in the intersection to generate so many tickets that she has trouble with all the receipt tape she’s generating. See?

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Her little machine might have a camera built in, and the GPS and the Wi-Fi and all sorts of things to allow her to bag three rides in one cycle of green yellow red.

Check it. All of these drivers on Bush inbound in the Financh are used to crawling across a San Francisco  intersection before the light turns red and then making it out of the intersection before the peds start coming. Except that this is notorious Bush and Sansome, where things don’t work that way.

And then here come the judge – tickets for everybody! It’s like Oprah handing out Pontiacs – YOU GET A TICKET! AND YOU GET A TICKET! AND YOU GET A TICKET!

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(Mind you, this is an intersection where it’s quite safe to loiter about, so fret not.)

(Hey, is she recording the Vehicle Identification Numbers of all these rides? I think not. Is that some sort of technicality that will allow you to get out of your ticket after spending hours and hours of time fighting your ticket? IDK.)

Some drivers get stuck, but I’m thinking, well just make the left up Sansome* while you have the chance and then you’ll avoid a painful three-figure citation. But the drivers, then don’t have respect, they don’t see the danger.

And I’ll bet most of them aren’t even aware that they’re getting a citation.

Eventually, the driving culture at this intersection will change** if this woman makes a habit of harvesting money on the Evening Drive each and every day.

I ask you, Gentle Reader, what if the rest of SFGov were as efficient as this PCO?

*Whether it’s legal or not. In this case, that would be a legal turn but even if it weren’t, the chances of getting a moving violation doing that are virtually nil, as opposed to a parking ticket, where the odds are virtually certain. 

**In the old days, the SFMTA would tell its PCOs to stop handing out tickets during the Evening Drive and start directing traffic at busy intersections. Those days are over. This woman can pay her salary and fund her generous benefits and retirement package in one or two minutes of her shift. Remarkable!

The Cat (in the) Hat Comes Back? – As Seen in the 94104

March 25th, 2015

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Here You Go, Here’s the SFMTA’s Entire 244-Page “2015 IMPLEMENTATION WORKBOOK” – What’s in Store for YOUR Route?

March 25th, 2015

Here’s your REVISION HISTORY, complete with an acronym list, the better to talk MUNI.

And here’s the rest

1-21 Intro, with index at the bottom

44-65 Proposals By Route + E Embarcadero to L Taraval

66-90 M Oceanview to N Judah + 1 California to 5 Fulton

91-115* 6 Parnassus to 12 Folsom/Pacific

116-150 14 Mission to 24 Divisadero

151-188 27 Bryant to 37 Corbett

189-244 38 Geary to 67 Bernal Heights

And moar? I know not.

Read all you want. (Imagine you’re an SFMTA fat-cat getting paid over $1000 a day to go through this stuff, if that’ll make it easier on you.)

*Sadly this part, she is missing. Send me a link if you find one.

MUNI’s Brave New World is Truly Orwellian: Like the #5L is Now the #5R? – Because “Rapid” “Sounds Better” Than Limited?

March 25th, 2015

So let’s see here, who’s offered me money, you know, for “outreach” that, you know, I’ve rejected? Well, PG&E and the SFPUC and that slow, clumsy SFMTA, for instance. Of course, some places, like the Bay Guardian (R.I.P.), and a defunct blog from the Avenues, and the MUNI Diaries or the SFBC, take money from those institutions, and in some cases, the dirty money has talked.

But it don’t talk to me.

Now you yourself might know more about MUNI than I, since I’ve mostly ridden bikes since I got here back in the 1980’s, because MUNI is such a remarkably poor transit system.

Having said that, WTF to this:

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One supposes that this is from an internal SFMTA PowerPoint presentation?

So “MUNI FORWARD?” What’s that? IDK. But let’s call it MUNI’s plan. And since we’re translating from marketing / “framing” words into Plain English:

“Investing” = Spending tax and fee payer money

“Customers” = Passengers

“Rapid” = Limited

Oh, here comes the “branding”

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Oh, a pole with a sign on it with the number of the bus? How fucking innovative! (Be sure to get a design patent on your “branding,” SFMTA.) And, what’s this,  you can’t put up plain simple cheap bike racks, you need to promote yourselves, SFMTA? Yish. Now “HISTORIC,” that means $6 one-way, soon enough, just as all the other lines will be $3 minimum, one-way, soon enough.

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[Poles + The airing of grievances = Festivus]

All right, time to pour the old wine into new bottles, or as they say in Japan: “古いワイン、新しいボトル” [Oh, snap!] So forget about the “branding” of the brand-new #5L, that new line that’s not really faster than the regular old #5, not really. Oh, here we go:

The 5L doesn’t really work

That’s from 40 Going On 28, who similarly isn’t on the take from the SFMTA. Anyway, here’s your scorecard showing that the 5L is history:

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(Comrades, the 5L is the 5R, therefore, the 5L has always been the 5R)

The nice thing about the word Limited is that it’s accurate and people understand it. OTOH, calling any particular SFMTA bus line “Rapid” might not be accurate, right?

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And here’s the Good News, Gentle Reader! OMG! Look at all the exclamation points! Wow!

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Of course some things the SFMTA wants to do are good and some are bad.

Hey, MUNI, what about all your antiquated work rules, what about those?

Oh, that’s hard to deal with? Oh, you’d rather just rename things and make PowerPoints? OK fine.

Anyway, we’ll see how this one goes…

*Originally, I had a heavy $199 cr0-molly MTB from Price Club and then I got some other bikes and now my main ride is a heavy aluminum $269 MTB from the Marin Bikes Outlet at 7th and Folsom. Not much has changed, huh? 

Discarded Pablo Sandoval Panda Heads Put to Practical Use on the Streets of San Francisco

March 24th, 2015

Keeping warm on the streets near the Fell DMV, 2015:

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If Pablo doesn’t want to live and work in the bay area, that’s OK, right?

Top Three Reasons Why It’s Improper for Writer CW Nevius to Take Such Umbrage Over Larry Ellison Flying the Bermuda Flag in SF

March 24th, 2015

All aboard:

“#rubbingitin Can’t confirm this is Larry Ellison’s boat but if so kinda rude to fly Bermuda flag. Site of next Am Cup”

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So I can confirm – yes, this is Larry Ellison’s big yacht, the Musashi.*

CW Nevius should know that as she was the only real “superyacht”** that showed up for the America’s Cup race that CW Nevius, a recent East Bay transplant who arrived here in 2010, started promoting in 2010. Let’s remember who was the number one cheerleader for our Failed America’s Cup:

Holding the America’s Cup race in San Francisco is a wonderful opportunity without a downside. It is a win-win that will bring cargo bags of cash to the Bay Area and revitalize the southern waterfront.”

So let’s see here, a sailor died, right? Could that be considered a possible downside? And it turned out to be a win-lose, right? San Francisco certainly lost. And the “cargo bags of cash” were taken from us, right – we lost eight figures, right? And mind you, this was Larry Ellison’s first offer, the one with 99 year leases for waterfront land simply given to … Larry Ellison.

So that’s your background.

And here are a few reasons why CWNevius shouldn’t have taken umbrage.

1. IT”S OK IF PEOPLE WANT TO LEAVE TOWN, RIGHT? 

If George Lucas doesn’t want to deal with SF, it’s OK if he builds his museum in Chicago or Oakland, right? You know, for example. But CW Nevius took umbrage. And if horrible romance novel writer Danielle Steel wants to spend most of her time in France these days, that’s OK too, right? But CW Nevius seemed to feel spurned by her. So yeah, Larry Ellison is taking his little boat race to Bermuda, but that’s OK, right? It won’t cost us any tax and fee payer money at all right? Isn’t that a good thing?

2. WE CAN’T REALLY EXPECT LARRY ELLISON TO CHANGE THE REGISTRATION OF HIS YACHT SO AS TO NOT OFFEND ELEMENTS OF THE MSM, RIGHT? 

One supposes he could have an American flag on the back, but that would cost him bank, right? The “use tax” could cost him far more than what we lost hosting the 34th America’s Cup, right? So it’s not like he’s flying the flag of Bermuda to “rub it in,” not at all.

3. THAT YACHT WASN’T FLYING THE MARITIME FLAG OF BERMUDA ANYWAY, RIGHT?

Larry’s big actually flies the ensign, the maritime flag of the Cayman Islands. So he’s not rubbing anything in anyway, right? It’s just your imagination/ running away with you, CW Nevius.

So, for all those reasons, it was improper for Chuck to so umbrage-take.

Perhaps he feels emotional due to guilt over his responsibility.

I’ll tell you, for whatever reason, it seems about half of the mistakes coming from Chron writers come from just one writer.

Oh well.

ODE TO #CWNEVIUS, THE 62*** YEAR OLD CUB REPORTER, THE 62*** YEAR OLD ROOKIE:

It’s alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not what you’ve been
You’re still an innocent
It’s okay, life is a tough crowd
62, and still growin’ up now
Who you are is not what you did.
You’re still an innocent.

*Oddly named after a sunken battleship made to keep the US Navy in check – it was discovered by Paul Allen just a few weeks back.

**A “fleet of superyachts” was supposed to arrive in SF, you know, after motoring through the Panama Canal and we were supposed to make bank selling fuel to the owners, and polishing the decks for minimum wage, that kind of thing. The Eurotrash stayed home

***Just a guess – it rhymes with “32,” sort of.

Game of Thrones: Ed Lee’s Handler’s Ignore Advice from Jim Ross – A Photo Op in the Iron Throne

March 24th, 2015

First there was this, from a couple years ago:

And then yesterday, there was this warning, from political consultant Jim Ross:

 If any elected official sits in this, their staff should be fired.”

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And then a couple hours later, there was this, via Villy Wang:

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Oh well.

OMG, What’s This, a “GOING TO GOLDEN GATE PARK” Parklet / Bulb Out on 9th Ave in the Inner Sunset?

March 23rd, 2015

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Here’s the Word on the Street:

“Attached you can find a PDF with Jadwin’s emails about the project, and I have attached a few JPEGs for your convenience.

It is unbelievably stupid to move these N Judah stops (especially given how important these loading spots are for restaurants, etc.), but this “Streetscaping” in an “activity zone” is over the top idiotic.

You can find more information here:

http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=inner+sunset+tep+streetscape&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

It is completely wrong that this “parklet” is being maintained where passengers will be disembarking.

Even worse is that Michael Rieger failed to reach out to the businesses and residents living here before making plans and setting up a bogus online “survey.”

Jadwin is just the worst. She led the charge to close down the HANC Recycling Center.  :(“

So that’s all I know on this proposal.

IMO, SFGov should strive to attain competence at its core missions, so I don’t get this kind of “streetscape” “activation” focus.

Sorry.