[UPDATE: Whoops, StephenFowlerSucks.com is still an active site, so maybe not everyone has moved on. Oh, wait a second, it's blog.StephenFowlerSucks.com so maybe it's a free website and the author actually has moved on. Can't tell.]
As I remember it, former food addict and “certified hypnotherapist / life coach” Renee Stephens took the brunt of criticism over this entire affair, but I could be wrong about that.
Anyway, it’s been a few years, so let’s let writer CW Nevius sanitize history and present the best case for the defense of notorious Noe Valley’s Stephen Fowler.
That’s right, it’s another episode of hit “reality” series CW Neviusese’s Reputation Defense!
I don’t know, is Stephen Fowler a real person or was he acting as a performance artist complete with ridiculous “tree-awareness” T-shirt and perfunctory website?
‘Wife Swap’ antics tough to live down
(Of course, Antics = “amusing behavior.”)
Leave us begin:
“Forty minutes on television, a lifetime of consequences,” Fowler said.
Uh, you were kind of a tool living in Noe Valley before the show, you were kind of a tool living in Noe Valley during the show, and now you’re kind of a tool living in Noe Valley after the show. So what “consequences” have there been, really? What’s changed?
For a several days after the show, security guards were posted in the neighborhood.
Rich people can afford to do a lot of unnecessary things, of course. Why use the passive voice when it’s sort of obvious that dude hired the guards?
“Everyone gets 15 minutes of fame,” Fowler said, “but mine’s gone on a little bit longer.”
Everybody gets on national TV and seen by millions of people? Really?
Fowler was fired from his job as chief financial officer when the solar company he worked for was the target of threats.
Uh, maybe the same would have occurred without the threats? So why mention any “threats?” Did the company sign-off on having its CFO appear on the television? Who knows? Has any CFO actually gotten fired over some incoming phone calls or emails? Mmmmm…
“I’m not going to bad mouth the neighbors, although I realize it is better copy if I do,” he said with a smile.
Why on Earth would dude care about what’s good “copy” or not? Why would he antagonize the crowd against him? Would that be rational behavior?
Muzzled for a year under his contract with the show, he’s now ready to answer that question everyone wants to ask – why would an intelligent, pleasant fellow with a refined English accent say such horrible things?
Uh, “muzzled?” He could have said whatever he wanted to whenever he wanted to, obviously. Why did he sign the deal then if he didn’t want to be on the television? And “everyone” wants to ask dude a question. Really? Like IRL? And “intelligent,” “pleasant,” “refined?” What kind of “journalist” would ask a question in such a kiss-ass fashion?
“Clearly it was the most stupid mistake of my life,” he said.
Uh, to the extent that people know about you, it’s the only thing people know about you. How is it then that you can say “clearly” anything?
“I was going to be Simon Cowell on steroids. The producers made it quite clear they needed confrontation.
What kind of gun did they have pointed at your head when they forced you to become (in your dreams, dude) Simon Cowell, dude? Why did you care what they “needed?” Oh, cause you wanted to be on the television? How banal.
But it can’t ruin his life. C’mon people, it is time to move on.
Nobody in town gives a flying foxtrot about this character except for you, Nevius. Everybody else has already moved on.
Recently, Fowler began teaching a class at the University of San Francisco.
Well, lah di dah!
He struggled with the idea of how to introduce himself.
Awwwww. Poor baby.
He knew that at least half the class would know about “Wife Swap,”
Objection, assumes facts not in evidence. What color is the sky in your world, dude? Does the entire universe revolve around you? Do all teenagers watch ABC? Not to my knowledge. How about, “I felt that some students in my crappy class at USF might know about my Wife Swap appearance,” you know, instead?
so he didn’t feel like he could ignore it. Finally, he decided to just come out with it.
Dude, just ignore it. You’re a tool and your toolish NIMBY neighbors [of course, most of you Noe Valley people are great, I'm seriously] can’t mind their own bidness. Sounds like Noe Valley humming along as per usual.
“The whole class just gasped,”
I’m thinking, no, the whole class, every last person being forced, more or less, to listen, didn’t gasp.
“But this one girl just laughed her head off. She thought it was so funny.”
HAHAHAHHAHAHA! I be laughing my noggin off too! Oh wait, I don’t get it.
Fowler is hoping that someday he’ll be able to laugh about it too.
Cue violins. No, no, this would be better. Maudlin endings are the best right?
Oh, wait a second, does Fowler have a Porsche?* Sadly, this important information has been left out.
*Actually, he seems more an Audi or BMW guy, complete with mad garage spaces, frustrated in his attempts to try to live a suburban lifestyle in the big city. Oh well.