Posts Tagged ‘bible’

Sacrilicious! Homeless Man Rudely Discards a King James on Grove Street – You Won’t Believe What Happened Next

Tuesday, April 8th, 2014

Here’s your bible story and there it is, having been thrown onto a crosswalk of Grove by a homeless person about 30 seconds earlier:

But lo, a passing jogger picked up the bible and put it back from whence it came, on top of a garbage bin:

The whole transaction from bin to street to bin took about a minute.

This has been Sacrilicious! Homeless Man Rudely Discards a King James on Grove Street – You Won’t Believe What Happened Next

Holy Toledo! Official San Francisco Contractor AutoReturn Advertises Bible Verses While Towing Cars in the 415?

Friday, November 9th, 2012

WTF is this? Is this a tow truck towing cars in the Financial under authority of the contract AutoReturn has with SFGov?

I think so!

And yet, in addition to charging you $500 for towing away your ride for being just 13 minutes late, AutoReturn wants to be involved with giving you a lecture from the King James.

Check it: 

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I cry foul.

For the record, PSALM 23:

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’ sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

And then I’ll tow your car.

Sometimes, I just don’t know…

“The colonel’s hostility softened gradually as he applied himself to details. “Now, I want you to give a lot of thought to the kind of prayers we’re going to say. I don’t want anything heavy or sad. I’d like you to keep it light and snappy, something that will send the boys out feeling pretty good. Do you know what I mean? I don’t want any of this Kingdom of God or Valley of Death stuff. That’s all too negative. What are you making such a sour face for?”

“I’m sorry, sir,” the chaplain stammered. “I happened to be thinking of the Twenty-third Psalm just as you said that.”

“How does that one go?”

“That’s the one you were just referring to, sir. ‘The Lord is my shepherd; I—’”

“That’s the one I was just referring to. It’s out. What else have you got?”

“‘Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto—’”

“No waters,” the colonel decided, blowing ruggedly into his cigarette holder after flipping the butt down into his combed-brass ash tray. “Why don’t we try something musical? How about the harps on the willows?”

“That has the rivers of Babylon in it, sir,” the chaplain replied. “‘…there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion.’”

“Zion? Let’s forget about that one right now. I’d like to know how that one ever got in there. Haven’t you got anything humorous that stays away from waters and valleys and God? I’d like to keep away from the subject of religion altogether if we can.”

The chaplain was apologetic. “I’m sorry, sir, but just about all the prayers I know are rather somber in tone and make at least some passing reference to God.”

“Then let’s get some new ones. The men are already doing enough bitching about the missions I send them on without our rubbing it in with any sermons about God or death or Paradise. Why can’t we take a more positive approach? Why can’t we all pray for something good, like a tighter bomb pattern, for example? Couldn’t we pray for a tighter bomb pattern?”

“Well, yes, sir, I suppose so,” the chaplain answered hesitantly. “You wouldn’t even need me if that’s all you wanted to do. You could do that yourself.”

“I know I could,” the colonel responded tartly. “But what do you think you’re here for? I could shop for my own food, too, but that’s Milo’s job, and that’s why he’s doing it for every group in the area. Your job is to lead us in prayer, and from now on you’re going to lead us in a prayer for a tighter bomb pattern before every mission. Is that clear? I think a tighter bomb pattern is something really worth praying for. It will be a feather in all our caps with General Peckem. General Peckem feels it makes a much nicer aerial photograph when the bombs explode close together.”

At the Lucky Super: “Ezekiel 4:9® Bread” – Using Recipes from the Bible – Wheat, Barley, Beans, Lentils, Millet, and Spelt

Friday, November 2nd, 2012

Uh, you can get a “circled R” registered trademark on bible verse recipes?

Yes You Can.

Sacrilicious!

Mmmmm…. spelt.

Check it:

“Take also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentils and millet, and spelt and put them in one vessel…” Ezekiel 4:9®

And lo, it was good:

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Now I’ve seen everything.

(Now, how about a cable cooking show where the host takes bible recipes and updates them for today’s times? I’d certainly watch that (if I had cable TV, which I don’t.)

All the deets:

“Bread. And Better!™

Ezekiel 4:9® products are crafted in the likeness of the Holy Scripture verse

Ezekiel 4:9® to ensure unrivaled honest nutrition and pure, delicious flavors.

“Take also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentils and millet, and spelt and put them in one vessel…” Ezekiel 4:9®

It’s this special, unique combination of 6 grains and legumes that harvests benefits beyond what we normally expect from our breads, pastas, cereals, and other foods.

  • Source of Complete Protein - Rated 84.3% as efficient as the highest source of protein (comparable to that of milk or eggs)
  • Contains 18 Amino Acids - Including all 9 essential amino acids
  • Increased Digestibility - Sprouting breaks down starches in grains into simple sugars so your body can digest them easily.
  • Increased Absorption of Minerals – Sprouting breaks down enzyme inhibitors, so your body can more easily absorb calcium, magnesium, iron, copper and zinc.
  • Increased Vitamin C - Sprouting produces vitamin C.
  • Increased Vitamin B - Sprouting increases the vitamin B2, B5 & B6.
  • Great source of Fiber - Combining sprouted grains and legumes gives a good amount of natural fiber in each serving.

And as is true with all our Food for Life Sprouted Grain Products, we only use the very best ingredients and baking methods to ensure you truly get the very most out of your food.

  • We use only freshly sprouted certified organic live grains.
  • Our products are kosher.
  • We use absolutely no flour. Studies have shown that grinding grains into flour increases the surface area upon which enzymes in the body can work to more. quickly convert starch into glucose.
  • We don’t’ use any genetically modified organisms (GMO’s)
  • We don’t use refined sugars. When sugar is refined and processed there are many harmful ingredients that are added to the sugar as a result. Instead, we use malted barley, a natural sweetener produced from sprouted barley, which is basically a carbohydrate comprised mostly of complex carbohydrates rather than the “sugar” carbohydrates.
  • We don’t use anything artificial – no preservatives or shortenings.
  • We use a unique slow-bake process to preserve the natural fiber and bran benefits of grains.

Our Ezekiel 4.9® Organic Sprouted Whole Grain Offerings

A Bible Lesson Betwixt Nordstrom and Bloomingdales: “FALLEN, FALLEN IS BABYLON THE GREAT!”

Thursday, January 12th, 2012

This guy is still out there.

He is the Bringer of Earworms.

No pay but the perks just might be out of this world…

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Hey, let’s take measure of the “world-class” image of our “world-class” Mayor’s “world-class” City:

“OH: In no other place in America would you see so many crack pipes between Nordstoms and Bloomingdales.” A DC-er’s take on #sanfrancisco :)”

The Law of Legal Double Parking on Sundays-Only Got Laid Out About 3300 Years Ago in the Middle East

Tuesday, April 26th, 2011

There’s just one reason why hundreds of people double-park all over the Mission District on Sundays – you can find it in the King James, Genesis 2:

“1 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
3 And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.”

Dolores, the Trail of Sorrow, where anything goes on the Seventh Day:

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Now they (SFPD, SFMTA, whatever) tell you that they take specific complaints and deal with them, but they lie.

Oh well.

Now I’ll tell you, when I first blew into the 415, I noticed that giant Latin cross atop the highest point in the city and I wondered how on Gaia’s Green Earth it was kosher for Rec and Park to administer the land that the cross was sitting on. RPD spokemodels had a pat answer when people asked about it, but it took a lawsuit from the ACLU and others to tear that playhouse down.

Marshalling evidence will be harder for the people what sue the City over Free Sunday Parking than it was for people what sued the City over the Mt Davidson Cross so oh well…

O.K., here are your San Francisco transit laws, divided up by the day of the week. Enjoy:

Monday: TRANSIT FIRST

Tuesday: TRANSIT FIRST

Wednesday: TRANSIT FIRST

Thursday: TRANSIT FIRST

Friday: TRANSIT FIRST

Saturday: TRANSIT FIRST

Sunday: PARK WHEREVER THE HECK THOUEST WANT

End of Days Bumped Up from 2012 to May 21, 2011 – Alamo Sqaure RV Shows How Mayans Erred

Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

You think the world will end in 2012, but that’s where you’re wrong.*

Turns out Armageddon is coming sooner than that.

As seen in the Western Addition, East of NoPA:

Those Mayans are totally pwned by this gambit. Well done.

*Whatever you do, DON”T “get the  toolbar.”

Market Street Sandwich Board Stare Down: Fallen, Fallen is Babylon

Friday, June 18th, 2010

I think I ended up losing this staring contest on Market Street.

And actually, I prefer the translations that include references to “unclean birds” and whatnot, but this fellow definitely has chosen wisely:

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There’s also the muscal version from Ziggy Marley and the Melody Makers. Bonus.

Pulp Scripture Play at the Fringe Festival a Huge Success

Friday, September 11th, 2009

Well, they’ll say what they will about the Fringe Festival (the preview was a “total disaster” - really?) but I’ll you, there was nothing wrong with Pulp Scripture, playing this week and next at the Phoenix Theatre at 414 Mason right next to the Ruby Skye.

It played to a full house that seemed quite entertained with R-rated Bible Stories. Short and punchy, but it gets a little blue, so those of you aged 15 and less can’t go.

A chat Eve and Adam have with The Big Guy opens the show:

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The full cast:

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Get your showtimes here. I think they reserve half of the seats for the night of the show, so don’t be discouraged if you can’t get tickets online.

See you there!

 http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/75219

In the San Francisco Fringe Festival Sept. 10-19.

Directed by Kimberly Richards
Co-produced by Kat Anderson
Featuring: Rand Courtney, Christy Crowley, Sally Dana*, John Mercer, Kimberly Richards*

*member Actors Equity

at the Phoenix Theatre, 414 Mason St.

Thursday, Sept. 10, 8:30pm
Friday, Sept. 11, 7pm
Saturday, Sept. 12, 10pm
Thursday, Sept. 17, 7pm
Friday, Sept. 18, 8:30pm
Saturday, Sept. 19, 7pm

 

 

Pulp Scripture
Phoenix Theatre
THURSDAY 10 8:30 PM
FRIDAY 11 7:00 PM
SATURDAY 12 10:00 PM
THURSDAY 17 7:00 PM
FRIDAY 18 8:30 PM
SATURDAY 19 7:00 PM by William Bivins
Original Sin Productions
San Francisco
WORLD PREMIERE
55 Minutes
Tickets: $10 ($12 online)
COMEDY, NOT FOR PEOPLE UNDER 16, MATURE CONTENT
 
 
Sisters get Dad Drunk, have Sex with him!… Human Sacrifice at Father-son Camping Trip!… Widow Becomes Hooker, Tricks Father-in-law into Getting her Pregnant!… Strongman Sold to Rival Gang by Girlfriend, Eyes Gouged Out!… Crowd of Horny Sodomites Demand Sex with House Guests! Ripped from the tabloids? Try the Good Book. Pulp Scripture: Bible stories they didn’t teach you in Sunday school. “Brow-raising, funny!… Challenges the broader culture’s sense of feminine sensuality.” -Sean McConnell, DioCal.org
Website: http://www.pulpscripture.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=93115618397

CAST AND CREW:

Rand Courtney has spent most of his career in television and film, appearing in Dawson’s Creek and One Tree Hill. A filmmaker at heart, but an actor always and forever.

Christy Crowley is a transplant to the Bay Area. A former dancer and dance teacher, she relocated to Northern California to further her acting studies and work with Bay Area theater companies. This is her first time performing in the Fringe Festival.

Sally Dana’s* stage credits include: Julie Taymor and Elliot Goldenthal’s Juan Darien, Campo Santo’s The Language of Angels, Something in the Air at the B Street, A Common Vision at The Magic and Iphigenia and Other Daughters with Mettle Theatre. She is a company member of PlayGround.

Nancy Madden* is delighted to be making her first Fringe appearance. Her work has been seen at many Bay Area theatres including San Jose Stage, TheatreWorks, Willows, Encore, Unconditional Theatre and CCT. She is a graduate of UC Davis and Penn State and a proud member of Equity since 1979.

John Mercer is making his Fringe debut at last. He is a Shotgun Players company member. And yes, God does speak with an English accent. Though some say the devil does too!

Kimberly Richards (Director) Is excited to work with this amazingly talented cast and playwright. When not directing she is touring as “Sister” in the one woman comedy hit Late Nite Catechism.

William Bivins (Playwright) is thrilled to be working with everyone on this show. He also wants to shamelessly plug his other fall premiere: “The Afterlife of the Mind,” a comedy about brain transplantation produced by Virago Theatre Co., opens in October. (www.viragotheatre.org)

Karee Stubbs (Stage Manager) began her Bay Area theater career 20 years ago at the The Phoenix Theatre. Since then she has enjoyed working with Genisius Theatre, Fred Raker, North Beach Repertory Theatre, Chamber Theatre and Joe Goode Dance Company, among others.

*Member, Actors Equity. This is an Equity Approved Project.

www.pulpscripture.com

About How Long Can You Yell Incoherently on the Steps of San Francisco City Hall?

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

Well, if it’s around 9:00 AM and you’re by yourself, the answer is this -  not very long at all. You might get in a few stanzas at the top of your lungs, but expect a Deputy Sheriff or Senior Deputy to appear in the doorway after a minute or so (or maybe a little longer if the thriftiest of them are off “feeding the meter“).

Then they’ll all come out, maybe with a Sergeant if you’re lucky. But they won’t care a whit about your bible or your beef or whatever. They’ll just make sure you pipe down and/or move along.

This man was emphatic while making his point about his bible:

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It’s your choice.

[UPDATE: The same fellow as seen 14 months ago in a recent MUNI Diaries post. Perhaps they give you a longer amount of time to get your pont across on MUNI? Probably.)

The 2009 San Francisco Fringe Festival is Coming – September 9-20

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

The San Francisco Fringe Festival will soon return for 2009. So what is Fringe Theatre….?

“It’s new and experimental theatre that you won’t see on the mainstream stages. It’s Dangerous Theatre, where anything can happen…. All tickets are $10 or less and 100% of the box office sales go to the performing companies. It’s over 200 performances in downtown SF from September 9th to the 20th, 2009.”

O.K. then. For example, you’ll soon have the chance to see the Bible stories of Pulp Scripture from Original Sin Productions on September 10-12 and 17-19 at the Phoenix Theatre in Union Square.

pssite

Here’s what a reading of PS looked like last year at a Cow Hollow church:

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Even then, people were rolling in the pews with laughter. And that’s just one joint out of 42 the Fringers will have for you this go around.

Check out this year’s Fringe Fest offerings and get your tickets now.

See you there!

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