The San Francisco Citizen

Here’s what’s missing in your life - bicycles from Cadillac or Lamborghini. Get yours from Amazon or the Costco today!

Now when you drive your Lamborghini, you won’t need to stop for petrol. And you can be assured that your bike is the Cadillac of Bikes. But as the Cadillac Man says:

“Our target customer is someone not necessarily bicycle-brand conscious, but brand conscious.”

Oh, snap! That kind of sounds like an insult.

randomduck via Flickr 

Perhaps your new Caddy won’t give you the street cred you so richly deserve, but these branded bikes seem to offer a nice alternative to spending 400 bones at Valencia Cyclery. Actually, it seems that these two-wheelers are all sourced from Taiwan, or China (or one of the Chinas anyway), so prices seem fairly reasonable.  

Plus, you can get a back rest (just like an office chair!) for the saddle of your full suspension ride. Wouldn’t that impress everyone at the next Urban Bike Training session put on by the San Francisco Bicycle Coalition?

That’s right, Conan the Destroyer has a posse and they’re all rolling on dubs. Check out these 22-inch monsters being used in an official gubernatorial motorcade:

And check out those balancing weights - do you see how much it takes to keep these massive rims rolling true? These wheels are about twice as large as what Vanilla Ice’s Five point-oh Ford Mustang had way back in the 1990’s.

There’s no good reason to have wheels this large on your vehicle. Some think them dangerous. Others don’t like the way they ride. Of course, sometimes you might be like Senator Don Perata and end up with a set of duece dueces because they come with the car, but not usually.

If you want to show off your wheels, why not keep them a little smaller and then load up on some bling bling? Diamond and ruby studded wheels from Asanti only cost $2,000,000 per set - will this be the next trend in fashionable wheels?

Arnold Schwarzenegger might be your role model, but don’t try to copy him with his huge wheels.

Asta la vista, baby.