Posts Tagged ‘call’

Know Your Betters: Area Man Becomes Supraman Simply by Piloting a Tesla Model S Electric Car

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

You just don’t know how special you are ’til you own and operate a Tesla Model S.

Why, you’re so special that, in some states, you didn’t even have to pay sales tax to get your new ride. And here in California, your wundercar can go all of its 200-something mile range on the freeway in the carpool / HOV lane even though you’re sitting in your car all by your lonesome!

Now check out Dude here on Masonic. He’s got his official CA HOV stickers on all four corners. Plus, he’s also got a license to jibber jabber on his handheld cell phone while driving. I mean, he must – just look at him: 

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I didn’t check to see if he has special CHP 11-99 Foundation license plate holders (like this fellow Tesla God), but that would mean that Dude has a license to speed as well.

Oh but Dude, don’t speed too much else the maximum range on your $100,000 car will go down to 100-something miles and then you’ll have to get towed, like this:

(Funny story – in the mind of Tesla CEO Elon Musk, the driver of this car drove it in circles specifically to make it run so low on juice that it wouldn’t go no mo. That wasn’t true but oh well. And this Model S wouldn’t even allow its needlessly-complicated doors to open for the tow-truck monkey, that child of a Lesser God, so it could be, you know, put into neutral so, you know, it could get towed. Oh, and here’s another funny one. How many kids should you have with 30-something Elon Musk before he trades you in for a newer, sexier model-type model? Five[!] Five kids, srsly. And then the former Mrs. Elon Musk is like, “At least she’s not a blonde.”)

Anywho, the question of the day is why you’d even want such a long, low, and wide big-on-the-outside-yet-small-on-the-inside vehicle such as a Model S? It’s like an electrified Porsche Panamera four-door, right? And compared to my full-sized. eight-passenger motherfucking Land Cruiser, the Model S is longer[!] and wider[!] (How can that be?) And I’ll tell you, my ride, which isn’t exactly known for high MPG, no not at all, has a real-life range of 400-something miles on the freeway.

Oh, what’s that, your Model S is shiny and it has a lot of chrome and it makes you feel special? Well, then carry on with your super important phone call, by all means.

You have become a Supraman.

Congrats.

As far back as Yossarian could recall, he explained to Clevinger with a patient smile, somebody was always hatching a plot to kill him. There were people who cared for him and people who didn’t, and those who hated him were out to get him. They hated him because he was Assyrian. But they couldn’t touch him, he told Clevinger, because he had a sound mind in a pure body and was as strong as an ox. They couldn’t touch him because he was Tarzan, Mandrake, Flash Gordon. He was Bill Shakespeare. He was Cain, Ulysses, the Flying Dutchman; he was Lot in Sodom, Deirdre of the Sorrows, Sweeney in the nightingales among trees. He was miracle ingredient Z-247. He was…
Crazy!” Clevinger interrupted, shrieking. “That’s what you are! Crazy!”
“…immense. I’m a real slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I’m a bona fide Supraman.”
“Superman?” Clevinger cried. “Superman?”
Supraman,” Yossarian corrected.”

Yossarian is transcendent man. He is rising above the living dead all around him to find a way to live. He is basically alone in his quest. A real hero.”

I am, I am Supraman, and I can do anything.”

Your SFMTA in Action – Hard at Work or Hardly Working? Watching the Ricki Lake at 4G Speed

Thursday, June 20th, 2013

I’ll tell you, I’ve never not paid MUNI for a ride.

OTOH, MUNI’s never asked for me for proof of fare.

I’m missing out.

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Someday…

 

 

Western Addition Update: JAPAN FIRE – CALL 119

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

Memorable jacket:

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So instead of dialing 911, Japanese people dial 119?

DNKT

That’s exactly backwards.

 

The Most Irate MUNI Bus Driver I’ve Ever Seen – Kicking a Passenger Off the #5 Fulton – Welcome to MUNI!

Friday, July 6th, 2012

So some guy gets on a bus and starts loudly pattering about how he’s a tough motherfucker, how he has a kilo of cocaine to sell, etc. This goes on for a couple minutes.

And then the driver stops the bus:

“We’re all going to get off – I get paid either way! Recognize that!”

“Do it again and I swear to God everybody’ll be getting off and I’ll be the asshole bus driver. Understand?”

But of course, the passenger wasn’t done. One stop later:

“You want me to call my people or MUNI’s? You’ll have more luck with MUNI’s people, trust me!”

Endgame:

“People, I apologize – Welcome to MUNI.”

And the kicker:

“And the paper says I get paid too much.”

I think most of the passengers were highly satisfied with this driver.

(Of course, this has little of the pathos of Fight on SF Muni Bus in Chinatown – HIGH QUALITY ORIGINAL, but that one is the gold standard of off-message MUNI videos.)

On It Goes…

Our PG&E Energy Monopoly Attempted Suicide Last Night – KABOOM at Beale and Mission HQ – Call Before You Dig, PG&E!

Friday, November 11th, 2011

Ah let’s review.

- Remember when a mid-level PG&E employee* threatened me at an event sponsored by the Presidio Trust, told me that I should take one of my PG&E-related posts down because, I was done told, “It would be your interest to take that post down?” And I was like, well what does that mean? Oh that’s right, Gentle Reader, you don’t remember, but I do. Strike One. 

- And remember when PG&E killed eight people near SFO last year? Strike Two.

- And remember when Mayor Ed Lee* recently started going on about how “City Family” member PG&E is a great local company who gets it?” Strike Three.

Oh well.

Now, here’s the scene last night at 7:00 PM as I was swinging by the FiDi to pick up my special lady friend at an area law firm. Workers were just setting up the cones. And then a paramedic was telling me, “This one isn’t PG&E’s fault – somebody was digging.” Well yeah, but that somebody was PG&E itself:

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Isn’t it ironic, dont’cha think?

Oh, and this was all right in front of Pacific Gas & Electric Building, one of San Francisco’s tallest, you know, at 77 Beale:

“The Pacific Gas & Electric Building is a 150 m (490 ft) skyscraper located at 77 Beale and Mission streets in the financial district of San FranciscoCalifornia. Completed in 1971, the 34 story building is headquarters for Pacific Gas and Electric Company, the main utility provider for Northern California, and has been host to a nesting pair of Peregrine Falcons since 1987. List of tallest buildings in San Francisco

Isn’t it ironic again, dont’cha think?

Hey, PG&E, why don’t you eat your own dog food and CALL BEFORE YOUR DIG?

Via Daedrius

The easy-to-remember phone number is 811, you remember?

In short, I just can’t believe how much you suck, PG&E.

Straighten up and fly right PG&E.

*A member of San Francisco’s dominant political faction (aka Downtown) along with fellow members Willie Brown, Chamber of Commerce, Gavin Newsom, real estate interests, PG&E, and you know, all those non-profits, among others.

Attention Amatuer Chefs: Chef Gordon Ramsey is Casting for MASTERCHEF TV Show in San Francisco on December 10th!

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

OMG, this is it.

All you Realtors, doctors, lawyers, gardeners, elderly caregivers and the rest, well, this is your chance to become rich and famous. Just head over to 350 Rhode Island near 16th Street in Potrero Hill on Saturday, December 10th from 10:00 AM to 6:00 PM to try out for Fox-TV’s MasterChef, why not?

Check it:

MASTERCHEF will travel to San Francisco to uncover the country’s very best amateur cooks.  Chef Gordon Ramsay will once again give talented amateur cooks the chance to prove to him, and to fellow judges, restaurateur Joe Bastianich (Del Posto, Eataly) and Chef Graham Elliot (Graham Elliot, Grahamwich), that they have what it takes to make their mark on the culinary world.

In the series, Ramsay, Bastianich and Elliot coach and critique the amateur cooks in a series of challenges designed to test their palates, knowledge and determination to follow their dreams of making a mark in the culinary world.”

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If you’re serious, you’ll pre-register

What you waiting for? Take a chance, you stupid ho.

All the deets:

How To Apply To MasterChef Season 3

OPTION 1 (The Preferred Choice)

STEP 1: You are strongly encouraged to PRE-REGISTER and pick your open call location in advance.

STEP 2: Attend an OPEN CALL (you are strongly encouraged to pre-register). Please bring the following with you to the open call you choose:

Your completed application (CLICK HERE to download)
A current photo of yourself
A photo of your plated dish.
Your dish to impress us!

IMPORTANT NOTE: IF YOU CANNOT MAKE IT TO AN OPEN CALL, PLEASE FOLLOW THE STEPS BELOW TO SEND IN YOUR MATERIALS.

OPTION 2

STEP 1: Make a VIDEO. You only need to do this if you CANNOT ATTEND AN OPEN CALL.

CLICK HERE to view the video submission instructions

STEP 2: Save a current picture of yourself, and a video of yourself to your computer, so it is ready when you apply online.

STEP 3: Completely fill out the online pre-registration form and upload your video and picture HERE.

STEP 4: If for any reason, you’re not able to upload your video, please mail your application, picture, and video to:

MasterChef Season 3 Casting
1741 Ivar Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90028

Please note that any videos and materials submitted by mail will not be returned.

DEADLINE: Completed applications and video submissions must be received by December 12th, 2011* at 11:59pm, EST to be considered, BUT REMEMBER THE SOONER THE BETTER!

*We reserve the right to extend the application deadline at our sole discretion.

Please note these audition instructions are subject to change as determined by the producers. All those considered for the series will be required to submit and sign additional documents (which may include, without limitation, a participant agreement, waiver, and series rules) in order to be considered to participate in the series. If there is any conflict between the information on this website and the foregoing documents, the foregoing documents shall control.”

Bon courage, Chef!

Art is Afoot in the Fillmore – A Call for Submissions from Audio Manifestations – “When It Is Prohibited, It Is More Exciting”

Thursday, October 6th, 2011

If you are interested in creative, art-type stuff and you live or work near the McAllister / Fillmore / #5 Fulton area, then you should check out Audio Manifestations: Voices from the Street, why not?

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And when you’re in the area, always check to see what’s hanging from 1269 McAllister near Steiner – it changes regularly. A sample is below.

And here’s another link: It’s Audio Manifestations, baby:

“Audio Manifestations records the hidden narratives of artists in the Western Addition/Fillmore district in San Francisco, and shares these stories with the wider neighborhood. By creating multi-media stories focusing on our neighborhood’s artists, the project illuminates the passions and talents that have emerged from our local streets. 

Audio Manifestations will culminate in a community listening event that aims to create empathy, solidarity, and engagement by sharing artists’ experiences, and celebrating their commitment to making an impact on our blocks. 

We invite local artists, musicians, radio documentations, and neighbors to submit any sound or audio art that will be featured during the listening party. Reach out to voicesfromthestreet@gmail.com and join in.”

OK then.

A cry for help from a frequent flier?

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See you there!

Mayor’s Race: Who’s Doing Lots of Political Polling in San Francisco Using the Phone Number 1 – (000) 000-0000?

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

Just asking.

Well, right now I’m just asking.

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Later on, after I find out, I’ll take remedial measures.

Just saying.

BARTtv is Back on the Air: Explaining Why BART Detained Journalists Yesterday – No Linton Johnson, No Comments Allowed

Friday, September 9th, 2011

Well here’s BART’s version of the story of last night’s events at Powell Station.

IMO, the MSM on hand weren’t too satisfied with what they were hearing, but listen for yourself:

The nugget’s at 4:30 or so where some woman starts off with, “Actually…”

Normally, you can comment on YouTube videos, but not this particular one, for some reason.

All right, OpBART V – A New Beginning, is the next protest against BART’s shooting and 1st Amendment policies. It’s coming at 5:00 PM on Monday, September 12th, 2011

Geez, How Many Bay Area TV Reporters Have Recently Sold Out to Work for BART’s Orwellian BARTtv News? Four, At Least

Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

Yes BART, The Sun Always Shines on TV*, certainly.

But why are you the most TV-obsessed transit agency in the world?

Why have you hired a litany of Kent Brockmans and Cookie Kwans* to make real-looking fake TV bits?

Is there some kind of military-industrial complex where every television “transportation reporter” in the Bay Area ends up doing gigs for BART to fool viewers into thinking that they’re watching the news?

Is this why the televised MSM lets BART get away with all the stuff BART gets away with?

I doubt any of these sell-outs still works at the stations what made them famous (I assume, as my govmint digital converter box died last year so all I can get on my 20-year old Sony is snow), but they were on the air in the Bay Area fairly recently. Here’s the partial tally – this is what I’ve noticed in the BARTtv collection from just the past six months.

The “BART-TV News” news team:

Lisa Bernard San Francisco Bay Area | Broadcast Media - Reporter at KNTV

Mark Jones of Bubb Rubb and L’il Sis fame - KRON4. This report is particularly egregious. Perhaps the BART Police’s informant was fed bad information on purpose in this instance? Remember, that was the allegation at the time. You know, from the Uhuru group. And then, per BART, after all those “groups” did all that planning, the “sneak attack” “fizzled.” Or maybe there was no sneak attack, BART? I don’t buy BART’s narrative, personally, but you are free to swallow whatever the fuck BART spoon feeds you, certainly, hook, line and sinker:

Jeffrey Schaub, KGO Radio, CBS5

And of course, Linton Johnson, who used to be a weekend anchor at KNTV San Jose. Start at about 9:45 to hear him defend his egregious misstatement of law from last month (about BART’s duty to balance the public’s constitutional Right to Safety against the 1st Amendment.) Then he goes, “I am a journalist.” (And I thought he was just a PR hack who costs BART $170+K per year.)

BART, you’re a god-damn embarrassment, that’s what I’m saying.

*Love that opening. Also, still loving Blue Skies after all these years, so imprinted am I.

**Member, AAJA