San Francisco Citizen

LEAVE US BEGIN:

“Long ago we passed the point when anyone is surprised to see coyotes in San Francisco parks.”

UH, REALLY? PEOPLE MOVE HERE EVERY YEAR, RIGHT NEVIUS? PEOPLE LIKE YOU, ACTUALLY – WHEN DID YOU MOVE HERE, LIKE A YEAR OR TWO AGO? SO WHO’S “WE,” KEMO SABE? AND, UH ACTUALLY, MANY PEOPLE WERE SURPRISED TO HEAR ABOUT THE RECENT COYOTE SIGHTINGS IN GOLDEN GATE PARK.

They’ve been here at least since 2007

WOW, THAT’S A LOT LONGER THAN A CERTAIN SIMPLE-MINDED, MAUDLIN, EX-JOCK REPUBLICAN RADIO GUY -SLASH NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST, RIGHT NEVIUS? ACTUALLY, THE COYOTES HAVE BEEN AROUND A LOT LONGER THAN THAT. A LOT.

when the city was in an uproar

THE CITY WAS NOT IN AN UPROAR

over aggressive coyotes

WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY, AGGRESSIVE DOGS SUCH AS PIT BULLS AND PRESA CARNARIOS? OH, BUT YOU’RE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT 20-POUND COYOTES WHAT HAVE NEVER HURT ANYBODY? REALLY?

in Golden Gate Park, resulting in city officials shooting and killing two of them.

OFFICIALS? LIKE WHO WAS IT, ROSS MIRKARIMI AND BEVAN DUFTY WITH AN ACCURACY INTERNATIONAL RIFLE, YOU KNOW, ROSS AT THE TRIGGER AND BEVAN WITH THE FIELD GLASSES ACTING AS THE SPOTTER?  OH, I SEE, NEVIUS, YOU’RE JUST GUESSING AT HISTORY WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE YOU BLEW INTO TOWN. ACTUALLY, IT WAS JUST ONE PERSON WHO SHOT THOSE ANIMALS AND HE ISN’T AND WASN’T A “CITY OFFICIAL.”

Now we are more inclined to treat them like tourists – avoid the places they hang out and don’t make eye contact.

REALLY? THE WAY SAN FRANCISCANS HAVE DEALT WITH COYOTES ALL OF A SUDDEN CHANGED DRAMATICALLY IN 2007? I MEAN THAT WOULD FIT IN WITH YOUR NARRATIVE BUT IT’S SIMPLY NOT TRUE.

But every year or so, there’s a reminder that these animals are not only wild, but also dangerous.

WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY AGAIN, AGGRESSIVE DOGS SUCH AS PIT BULLS AND PRESA CARNARIOS? OH, BUT YOU’RE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT 20-POUND COYOTES WHAT HAVE NEVER HURT ANYBODY? REALLY?

Take Haley Bratton, who has been walking her two pit bulls in Golden Gate Park for eight years.

FINALLY, THE HEROINE ARRIVES. HURRAY! WHAT DO YOU CALL YOUR FIGHTING DOGS, ARE THEY BANE AND HERA? OR MAYBE BOO-BOO AND SNOOKUMS? REGARDLESS, TEACH US, OH TEACH US, GLORIOUS DOG OWNER!

She regularly sees coyotes by the bison enclosure. But Thursday she says a coyote charged to within 3 feet of her, growling and baring his teeth.

“HIS” TEETH, HUH? I’D PROBABLY GO WITH ITS TEETH, BUT WHATEVER.

“These are two big dogs, 80 and 65 pounds, and they were scared to death,” Bratton says.

THE DOGS WERE “SCARED TO DEATH,” BUT THEY DIDN’T DIE? HURRAY!

“Every step we took backward, he took two forward.”

UH, BECAUSE THE LITTLE COYOTE WANTED YOU TO LEAVE. SO DID YOU LEAVE, LADY?

The encounter lasted a good 15 minutes.

SO, YOU DIDN’T LEAVE. YOU HUNG OUT FOR A QUARTER-HOUR. OK FINE.

A woman on a bicycle joined the fray,

“FRAY?” WHAT FRAY? OF COURSE, A FRAY IS A “scuffle; a brawl. See Synonyms at brawl.” DO YOU KNOW WHAT A FRAY IS, NEVIUS?

but the coyote didn’t slink off until a Recreation and Park truck drove up.

HURRAY! NOW THAT’S SOME STORY TELLING, NEVIUS.

Deb Campbell, spokeswoman for Animal Care and Control, says, “It’s the pup season,” and the coyotes are probably just trying to defend their den.

THE VOICE OF REASON, OF KNOWLEDGE INTRUDES CW NEVIUSESE’S WORLD. HOW WILL HE DEAL WITH IT?

But this seems more dangerous then that.

WITH FEELINGS AND MINDLESS EMOTION, THAT’S HOW.

“I was there the next day, and there were all these little kids running around and little old ladies with little dogs,” Bratton said. “I’d just hate for something to happen.”

OH, SO THIS IS A CAUTIONARY TALE LIKE JAWS OR JURASSIC PARK. AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THAT COYOTES ARE DANGEROUS AND PIT BULLS AREN’T.

GOD DAMN, NEVIUS. YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKER WORKING FOR THE SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE TODAY.

YOU ARE A MOTHERFUCKING FALLACY MACHINE, PUMPING THEM OUT, DAY AFTER DAY, WEEK AFTER WEEK.

Ooh, one of the tiny, harmless coyotes recently spotted in Golden Gate Park. Let’s fuck with it for a quarter-hour and then call up The Nevius to get our names in the Paper of Record – doesn’t that sound like fun, Snookums? 

Via David Cruz – click to expand

Nicholas Faibish

12-years old | San Francisco, CA

Nicholas Faibish, 12-years old, was left alone with the family’s two pit bulls. When his mother returned, she found her son covered in bite wounds, his face badly mauled and a hole in his scalp. Paramedics tried and failed to resuscitate the boy at the scene. Police officers said the boy put up “a hell of a fight.” The pit bulls had been with the family for about a year and a half. The boy’s parents had been trying to breed them. At the time of the attack, the female pit bull was reportedly “in heat.” Nicholas had been left alone in the basement that day. For unknown reasons, he left the basement and interacted with the dogs upstairs.

The next year, Maureen Faibish went on trial for felony child endangerment in the death of her son. On the day of the attack, Faibish took her daughter to a school picnic and left her son alone in the basement with a plugged toilet. She instructed the boy not to leave the room. Earlier in the day, the male pit bull, Rex, had bitten the boy twice. Prosecution argued that Faibish recklessly ignored signs that Rex would attack her son if left alone. The jury deliberated for two days and failed to reach a verdict. On July 31, 2006 a mistrial was declared. Four months earlier, the City of San Francisco began enforcing a mandatory pit bull sterilization law. [ source citations]