Posts Tagged ‘crime’

High-Heeled Shoplifter Frogmarched by Three Paramilitary-Looking Dudes Through Area Whole Foods

Monday, October 20th, 2014

Past the ‘nanas, and the organic apples, and the avocados, five for five dollars:

P1160623 copy

And then through the EMPLOYEE’S ONLY door next to the deli counter and then, no doubt, into a little room to play the latest episode of Let’s Make a Deal.*

This small store appears to be more heavily-patrolled than the Korean DMZ…

*I’m thinking a solemn promise to never again darken their door would carry some weight with the Whole Foods Police Squad, but that’s just a guess.

Learn to love me
Assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow and always
My only weakness is a listed crime
My only weakness is… well, never mind, never mind

Oh, shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over
Shoplifters of the world
Hand it over
Hand it over
Hand it over

Learn to love me
And assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow, and always
My only weakness is a listed crime**
But last night the plans of a future war
Was all I saw on Channel Four

Shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over

**”I saw this and it’s clever and cute, but I’m appalled by the ignorantly misunderstood lyrics. “My only weakness is a list of crimes” doesn’t even make sense. “My only weakness is a listed crime” puts the rest of the song in context, and provides a little history lesson about sexuality in England.”

Words You Don’t Want to Hear Shouted from Inside the Panhandle Park Bathroom: “Knife!” – “Protect Yourself!”

Thursday, October 16th, 2014

This is about as close as I usually get to the infamous half-million dollar bathroom that we paid for back in the aughts.

But it’s close enough to hear the following:

“Knife!”

“Trying to get myself clean!”

“Just trying to protect yourself!”

7J7C7805 copy

Note that these dudes were conversing inside the women’s bathroom on the east side of the building.

One assumes somebody pulled out a knife, because he felt threatened.

On It Goes…

Our Long Parochial Nightmare is Over: The Vandalized Slides at Panhandle Playground 94117 have been Replaced by RPD

Monday, September 8th, 2014

Well the slides at the Panhandle Playground have been replaced after three months of absence.

20140906_113412 copy

1. Perhaps the RPD spokesmodel meant that the entire slide complex was being repaired, as opposed to the $2000 plastic slide itself. I don’t think it would have made sense to repair the slide itself, due to liability issues for starters. This is a brand-new slide, one that’s similar enough to the original.

2. So some wealthy, non-profit people came by with clipboards to say that this particular playground currently earns a “D” grade? Well, OK fine, but if you talk to the people who actually use the place, they, more or less, give it an “A” grade, you know, except for the slide that wasn’t there all summer long. Mmmmm… What’s up with that?

3. Supervisor London Breed’s office was unresponsive to the email contact sent by a group of concerned parents, apparently. So she gets an “F,” or an Incomplete perhaps. (I’ve worked at two similar offices, with about ten or one hundred times as many constituents, and if the elected in charge found out about something like this then there’d be a 20-minute yell-fest and/or a passive aggressive note sent to a (lower-case “s”) supervisor to “fix this.”) So, obvs, a “communication issue” occurred, I just don’t know how common this is with her office.

4. RPD has a policy to not repair anything in a playground if it’s due to be revamped in the next two years? That’s my understanding. Does that mean that this playground won’t get revamped anytime soon? That’s my understanding. Why’s that? Read on, Gentle Reader.

5. What RPD really wants is area parents to get together to raise something on the order of [bites right pinkie finger] one million dollars, you know, the way they do things in rich areas of SF, like Sea Cliff (ala the new Mountain Lake) and Presidio Heights. Only then will RPD put your playground at the top of the fix-it list? OK fine. The funny thing is that most of the money that gets used to refurbish existing playgrounds is paid for by the non-rich, from some bond. But all this doesn’t matter for the playground at hand, because:

6. The slide vandalized in May 2014 has been replaced in September 2014 and the users are now satisfied. No $5,000,000 modernization from the RPD is needed, frankly. [Oh what's that, RPD - this old-school playground costs you a lot of coin to maintain? Well, then why don't you fix it up, RPD, you know, using the money we give you?]

And that’s the end of this story.

Tracking That Stolen Bike Owned by The Today Show: From The Mission to the Mid-Market to 1729 McKinnon Ave in The Bayview

Thursday, September 4th, 2014

I’ll tell you, I actually got around to watching that five-minute clip from the Today Show about bike thieves in the West Coast Capital of Bike Thievery, San Francisco.

And I says, “1729, huh?” You see, that was the street address on the front door that that Today Show guy knocked on. And they showed the street itself, so I guessed a 94124 zip code and then excluded the first two hits (1729 Geneva and 1729 Sunnydale because they both didn’t make sense) by making this Google search: “-Geneva -Sunnydale 94124 1729 .”

And, lo, up pops 1729 McKinnon in the Lower Third:

Captured

It’s sort of funny how the bike thief made a bee-line to the Thieves Market at Civic Center – that’s what you could see when they showed the GPS track. Anyway, the next stop was a shed in the Bayview.

SF, you have a problem with bike theft – deal with it. Like, it’s national news, literally.

NBC’s Today Show Dedicates Five Minutes to Bike Theft – Ed Lee’s San Francisco a National Laughingstock – Video

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014

Our little town, second-largest in the Bay Area, got some national attention yesterday. See the video below.

Do you think appointed Interim Mayor Ed Lee knows about it? IDK. Prolly not, as he’s being pressured to raise more money to run for reelection and his people probably don’t have reason to tell him.

Anyway, enjoy:

“TODAY   |  September 02, 2014

Rossen Reports: Bike bandits caught on camera
According to the FBI, nearly 200,000 bikes are stolen every year. To show how quickly it can happen, NBC national investigative correspondent Jeff Rossen and his team locked a bike to a tree in San Francisco and not only captured its theft on camera, but followed it on its journey after being stolen.”

Poor Ed Lee.

Poor San Francisco.

This “McAllister Street Car Vandal” is Mesmerizing – Anyway, the SFPD is Looking for Him, Apparently

Friday, August 15th, 2014

Word on the street:

7J7C5796 copy

Word to your mother.

Rarely Seen: A Tagger Artist and His Work, Just Moments After Its Creation in the “Uptown” Tenderloin

Thursday, August 14th, 2014

[UPDATE: A Berkeley resident who's practically become a member of the Willie Brown / Ed Lee administration in San Francisco calls the Tenderloin the "Uptown Tenderloin" for some reason. Check it out here.]

Bro was fast – too fast for me.

But rest assured he was the one who scribbled the white markings on this drainpipe in the 94102:

Click to expand

What does it mean? What message does this misunderstood urban street yoot mean to convey?

I know not.

Finally, a Map of the “Uptown” Tenderloin That Makes Sense: Crack Cocaine Arrest Map from Doug McCune Shows the Borders

Monday, August 11th, 2014

Here it is:

A decade of data showing where people get arrested selling crack cocaine in SF”

The long street on the left side is Van Ness, the big diagonal is Market and the part shooting off down and to the right is 6th Street.

Anyway, this is what people mean when they refer to the Tenderloin:

I can’t think of a thing that this map is missing.

What an excellent map!

Saving Private Nevius: The Good and the Bad of the Latest CW Nevius Effort Regarding the Mid-Market Area

Thursday, July 3rd, 2014

Here you go, writer CW Nevius becomes a guide for your ride through the gritty 6th and Market area – he’s been in Pentonville and he’s been in Battersea, he’s your Sightsee M.C:

The toughest corner for Mid-Market to turn

1. If this is about the good, the not bad and the ugly of CW Nevius, let’s start with the Good. Check out these quotes:

“In the sunshine and rainbows world of Mayor Ed Lee…”

“…much-promised revitalization of Mid-Market.”

These are very un-Nevius. Could you imaging mayoral spokesmodel Christine Falvey ever taking this kind of tone when discussing our Dear Leader? I can’t. So this column is the rare instance of the Nevius holding a perspective from outside our reigning political establishment. These lines are in no way beat sweeteners / source greasers and that’s refreshing.

2. Instead of Nevius getting quotes from people in the Mid-Market and then holding those statements out as facts, here he  generally lets the quotes speak for themselves. This is what reporters should be doing, so let’s classify that as Not Bad.

3. Now, it’s time for a little Ugly. Here comes the dogmatic Nevius with completely unsupported statements:

“It’s a fascinating moment in Mid-Market. We’re either reaching a critical tipping point, with new construction and businesses driving the revival, or smacking futilely into the familiar dynamic of poverty, drugs and scary sidewalk theater.”

“Because Mid-Market won’t change until the corner of Jones and Market changes.”

So, what makes 2014 different from 2013 or 2011 or 2007 or 1999 or any other year in the history of Mid-Market? That’s not stated. And where’s the support for the purported Malcolm Gladwell-esque “tipping point?” It’s like Chuck is sitting in a bar pontificating about how if the Giants hire some new pitcher they’ll either win the World Series or they’ll have the worst record in the Division. Doesn’t really make sense, huh? Perhaps, just perhaps, Mid-Market might just muddle through with some changes here and there and later on 2014 wont be seen as some watershed moment? Well, that probability simply isn’t allowed for in Nevius-land.

And what makes Market and Jones the supposed linchpin intersection out of all the others in the area? Again, the Neve doesn’t even offer a theory.

That’s the good, the not bad, and the ugly of CW Nevius on the topic of the Mid-Market of 2014.