Posts Tagged ‘critical’

The Best Costume for Halloween 2012: Critical Mass Miniskirt Road Flare Girl – It’s You, It’s New!

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012

Hey ladies! You already have white tops and black bras and short black skirts and black tights and white shoes in your closets, so all you’ll need is a road flare or two.

And how much will that run you, a couple bucks?

And then you’ll be ready for action the night of October 31st looking just like the real thing:

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Bringing a friend or two with you? Well then have them wear pencil skirts and follow you around.

And your guy friends can bring their bikes along – it all comes together.

Happy Halloween!

Wow: Miniskirted Woman Takes On All of Critical Mass with a Single Road Flare – Hilarity Ensues

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012

Two women with tickets for the theatre did not take kindly to the 20th anniversary ride of Critical Mass last Friday night.

They did manage to rescue an SUV, but that’s the extent of their accomplishments.

Here it is, like a candle in the wind, a woman with a road flare in the Tenderloin:

You don’t like it, do you Rocco, the storm? Show it your gun, why don’t you? If it doesn’t stop, shoot it.

Troublesome Inner Richmond Jack-in-the-Box Franchise the Site of Attempted Murder Early Thanksgiving Morning, 11-24-2011

Friday, November 25th, 2011

[UPDATE: Andrea Koskey has more details, along with some video. And Erin Sherbert has some new info on the Albert Bartal Relief Fund.]

[UPDATE: Busted by the SFPD November 29th, 2011: 22-year-old suspect Eduardo Shaparo Esquivel of South San Francisco.]

The SFPD is looking for help on this one:

SFPD Seek Public’s Assistance in Attempted Homicide Investigation
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Posted Date: 11/25/2011

On November 24, 2011 at 2:45 AM, an attempted homicide occurred on the corner of 9th Ave/Geary. Prior to the incident the victim and suspect got into a physical altercation inside of a restaurant on the corner of 11th Ave/Geary in San Francisco. Both victim and suspect were eventually separated and left the restaurant. The victim then walked to a gas station located on 9th Ave/Geary. The suspect described as a mixed race or Latin male, 18-24 years old, with short black hair and a manicured beard was then seen getting into the pictured vehicle listed below and drove off.

The suspect then drove his vehicle, described as a black Mazda CX type SUV with possible front end damage, and twelve spoke sports rims into the gas station on 9th/Geary and intentionally struck the victim. The suspect fled the scene. Witnesses to the fight took photos of the suspect at the time of the fight. The victim received life threatening injuries due to being struck by the suspect vehicle.

San Francisco Police Criminal Investigations Unit is requesting the public’s assistance in identifying the suspect in this attempted homicide. Witnesses or persons with information are asked to call the anonymous tip line at (415) 575-4444 or “Text-a-Tip” at TIP411 from their cell phones. Please include “SFPD’ in the beginning of the text message.”

So here’s your suspect:

And the Mazda vehicle looks like this:

Here’s another stab at it:

And here’s the 411 on the infamous J in the B at 11th Avenue:

This IS the legendary Jack-n-the-Box of SF! That’s right.. open 24 hours baby.. and with PARKING. Now if the SFPD were smart, they’d put a squad car here at midnight..because only after you’ve finished drinking your 5th pint does a couple of Jumbo Jack with extra mayo and with the burger drowned in ketchup actually sound tasty.  

I remember when I used to come here late at night. It’s like a rainbow coalition meeting. You have your clubbers, pub crawlers, homeless and 3rd shifters getting their Jack on. Since the inside is small we were all elbow to elbow forced into a temporary bonding moment that even would make Martin Luther King smile as he watched his dream come true.

But that dream was crushed as they have started to lock their doors after 10pm. That’s right folks.. you are now limited to ordering through a walk-thru. If you haven’t seen the walk-thru it’s a contraption that relies on “The Cube” where you put your money through.”

On It Goes in the Avenues…

What’s This? For the First Time Ever, San Francisco Chronicle Columnist/Writer CW Nevius Shows Some Backbone

Thursday, November 17th, 2011

Where the Hell did this come from? Long-time WillieBrownGavinNewsomEdLee lickspittle CW Nevius came up with this yesterday, on the topic of Mayor Ed Lee and OccupySF:

“…Lee lacks credibility. The tents were cleared out once on Oct. 8, and he let them come back. He was still saying there were no tents at the camp when the plaza looked like an Everest base camp. He said Tuesday that no action was planned, then his officers staged a raid in the wee hours Wednesday morning, taking down tents and arresting seven people. For someone who said he wasn’t going to run for mayor and then did, that sets off alarm bells.”

As a long-time scholar of Neviana, I can tell you that this is unprecedented. Which is not to say that CW would never criticize, let’s say, maybe, let’s say, a former Mayor’s incessant petulance, but those comments from back in the day seemed more of a tough-love, straighten-up-and-fly-right, we-love-you-so-this-is-an-intervention kind of thing, right?

OTOH, yesterday’s graf quoted above shows actual criticism of Mayor Ed Lee.

Here’s an artist’s conception of the vertebral column (backbone, spine) of CW Nevius. The red color shows the areas of suspected growth:

Of course, this nascent spine is probably sort of spongy like cartilage, like an elk’s antler’s in the springtime. But who knows, if this keeps up, C. W. Nevius could become a full-fledged vertebrate within a year or two.

Now, speaking of OccupySF, leave us review.

The first Mayor of the current 16-year-old administration, Willie Brown, popped up at Justin Herman Plaza to deal with a “leaderless group back in 1997. Willie was “disappointed” with their attitude.

Next thing you know, it was go-time, and a bunch of people from Critical Mass got arrested and their bikes got confiscated. (Willie wanted the City to destroy the bikes as punishment but some silly “fundamental right” got in the way of that idea.)

Now, as reported above, the third Mayor of the current 16-year-old administration, Ed Lee, popped up at Justin Herman Plaza to deal with a “leaderless group” back a few days ago. Ed was “disappointed” with their attitude.

Next thing you’ll know, it’ll be go-time, and a bunch of people from OccupySF will get arrested and their tents will get confiscated. Just you wait.

Beware the Mayor who pops in to visit your leaderless group, beware the Mayor who makes a field trip to your operation only to later report on the “disappointment” he purposefully came to experience.

The Faces of Critical Mass: Historic F-Market Riders After Being Stalled on Market Street for 15 Minutes

Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

But, these people had already paid their $1.50, so they weren’t about to get off.

This one says, “Balboa Park, San Diego,” I think:

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Don’t know how long they ended up waiting…

Awesome Video: It’s a Jet Ski Critical Mass – Cruising Flooded Long Island Town During Hurricane Irene Aftermath

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

Wow:

“Long Islander responds to Hurricane Irene in most Long Island way possible: with jet skis and Linkin Park”

In San Francisco, Critical Mass has become a term synonymous with ignoring red lights,* right?

Now, what if you could critical mass in a flooded town on a Jet Ski?

That’s gotta be the flattest town in all creation. (Alluvial plain?) Don’t try this on Market Street, you know, post-global warming – it’s got slight rises that would ruin your Jet Ski fun.

This video only has 139K views?

It should have more by now, IMO.

*Now, I’ll admit CM treats red lights a bit differently, but, in my book, ignoring red lights = ignoring red lights.

San Francisco Doesn’t Need a New York Judge or Anyone Else to Shut Down Critical Mass

Friday, February 26th, 2010

What makes San Francisco’s monthly Critical Mass an illegal bicycle parade is the fact that nobody gets permits. ‘Cause getting a permit is hard - it would entail doing stuff that costs a lot of money and it would make you a magnet for lawsuits, so who needs that, right?

The thing is that corking intersections and running red lights as a group (hallmarks of Critical Mass going back to the mid-1990′s), those things are obviously illegal, so the SFPD could start issuing citations whenever it wants, of course. And that’s true no matter how they roll in the Empire State. (Actually, I question how the New York decision affects us here in San Francisco at all, but oh well.)

I’ll tell you, the biggest shock that drivers have when they get stuck at an intersection is that they get no sympathy from the cops. Drivers without criminal records tend to stay by their cars and watch the parade of bikes.

OTOH, drivers with criminal records, well, Critical Mass is a test of their ability to maintain. Some fail.

Do I think San Francisco has the will to kill Critical Mass? No. But do I think Police Chief George Gascon is planning on shaking things up, in the coming months, you know, when rain no longer threatens* and the number of cyclists is bigger? Yes.

Hey, man, we don’t have any “leaders,” man. The City can’t do nothing to us, nobody’s in charge of CM, man.” Yes, roger that. I don’t think anybody’s going to stick you with a bill for $35,000 or anything, but changes are a coming…

Collateral damage from Critical Mass - MUNI vehicles stretching to the horizon in both directions. (Is that on the DO list or the DON’T list?) This kind of thing is one of the reasons you don’t see CM listed at the SFBC website calendar anymore.

Where’s Waldo, Cagney and Lacey on a recent Critical Mass ride:

The wonder of encountering an unexpected Critical Mass for the first time. Out-of-towners Rachel and Monica were delighted:

To Be Continued…

*Actually, tonight looks to be clear as a bell, Mel. But the forecast was for rain so tonight’s should be a smaller ride.

San Francisco’s MUNI Bus System Totally Pwned by Halloween Critical Mass 2009

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

San Francisco’s monthly semi-unauthorized bicycle parade was well-attended and exceptionally ugly last night. Did your bike suffer any property damage (“let’s fucking beat up his car!”)? For whatever reason, Halloween Critical Mass 2009 had lots of gaps so that led to confrontations at every intersection – confused car drivers were tempted to just push through to end their lengthy waits. And the SFPD seemed less pro-bike than I’m used to seeing. Oh well.

Now, grab your parasol, pack your marshmallows, count the choppers, put on your PJs, and raise your fixie. Let’s take a gander.

Just look at the stalled MUNI buses and trolleys (trollies?) stretching from Mid-Market all the way back to the Ferry Building last night: 

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The riders could only just sit and stare:

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Stare at this, a car-free Market Street:

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via geekstinkbreath

Now let’s take it to the streets. Ichiro was there. He started going on about how there’s “sexiness in the infield.” OK fine:

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About an hour or so after the six-ish P.M. starting time, the stalled buses started to pile up: 

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A happy corker vs. an unhappy corkee at the intersection of 8th and Market Streets.

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After a while, car drivers start getting into this rolling Rorschach test. Some sit on their cars…

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…while others, like this SUV driver, get out to fruitlessly confront the madding crowd:

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IMO, parolees display the least tolerance for CM. Oh well. They just can’t handle it.

A stalled driver gets freaked out by Pumpkinhead:

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Thank Gaia the cops were there:

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Oops, here there are, pushing along the stragglers on Market:

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And then an error – the main body of riders hung a right and headed up Van Ness. That’s not the way to cork MUNI, which got back to normal on Market Street round about 7:30 PM. Oh well. Van Ness from Hayes looking north up to California – the whole thing was entirely filled with bikes:

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So there’s your Halloween Critical Mass 2009. See you next year.