Posts Tagged ‘distress’

Know Your Betters: Area Man Becomes Supraman Simply by Piloting a Tesla Model S Electric Car

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

You just don’t know how special you are ’til you own and operate a Tesla Model S.

Why, you’re so special that, in some states, you didn’t even have to pay sales tax to get your new ride. And here in California, your wundercar can go all of its 200-something mile range on the freeway in the carpool / HOV lane even though you’re sitting in your car all by your lonesome!

Now check out Dude here on Masonic. He’s got his official CA HOV stickers on all four corners. Plus, he’s also got a license to jibber jabber on his handheld cell phone while driving. I mean, he must – just look at him: 

Click to expand

I didn’t check to see if he has special CHP 11-99 Foundation license plate holders (like this fellow Tesla God), but that would mean that Dude has a license to speed as well.

Oh but Dude, don’t speed too much else the maximum range on your $100,000 car will go down to 100-something miles and then you’ll have to get towed, like this:

(Funny story – in the mind of Tesla CEO Elon Musk, the driver of this car drove it in circles specifically to make it run so low on juice that it wouldn’t go no mo. That wasn’t true but oh well. And this Model S wouldn’t even allow its needlessly-complicated doors to open for the tow-truck monkey, that child of a Lesser God, so it could be, you know, put into neutral so, you know, it could get towed. Oh, and here’s another funny one. How many kids should you have with 30-something Elon Musk before he trades you in for a newer, sexier model-type model? Five[!] Five kids, srsly. And then the former Mrs. Elon Musk is like, “At least she’s not a blonde.”)

Anywho, the question of the day is why you’d even want such a long, low, and wide big-on-the-outside-yet-small-on-the-inside vehicle such as a Model S? It’s like an electrified Porsche Panamera four-door, right? And compared to my full-sized. eight-passenger motherfucking Land Cruiser, the Model S is longer[!] and wider[!] (How can that be?) And I’ll tell you, my ride, which isn’t exactly known for high MPG, no not at all, has a real-life range of 400-something miles on the freeway.

Oh, what’s that, your Model S is shiny and it has a lot of chrome and it makes you feel special? Well, then carry on with your super important phone call, by all means.

You have become a Supraman.

Congrats.

As far back as Yossarian could recall, he explained to Clevinger with a patient smile, somebody was always hatching a plot to kill him. There were people who cared for him and people who didn’t, and those who hated him were out to get him. They hated him because he was Assyrian. But they couldn’t touch him, he told Clevinger, because he had a sound mind in a pure body and was as strong as an ox. They couldn’t touch him because he was Tarzan, Mandrake, Flash Gordon. He was Bill Shakespeare. He was Cain, Ulysses, the Flying Dutchman; he was Lot in Sodom, Deirdre of the Sorrows, Sweeney in the nightingales among trees. He was miracle ingredient Z-247. He was…
Crazy!” Clevinger interrupted, shrieking. “That’s what you are! Crazy!”
“…immense. I’m a real slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I’m a bona fide Supraman.”
“Superman?” Clevinger cried. “Superman?”
Supraman,” Yossarian corrected.”

Yossarian is transcendent man. He is rising above the living dead all around him to find a way to live. He is basically alone in his quest. A real hero.”

I am, I am Supraman, and I can do anything.”

When You Have a Corrupt “Member CHP 11-99 Foundation” License Plate Holder, You Don’t Need a License Plate, Right?

Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

Or so it would seem.

The funny thing is that this car is out of production so it’s not likely to have been driven off the dealer’s lot today.

Anyway, as seen on Market Street:

Click to expand

All right, all the deets:

I don’t know, the big problem with paying $2500 or whatever to become a member of the CHP 11-99 Foundation and then putting the license plate holder thing on the back of your car was that it looked like you were trying to get out of speeding tickets. Why?

‘Cause, some of your membership money got/gets used for “Emergency, Death, and Scholarship Benefits to California Highway Patrol family members.” Here, check the Wiki that the CHP11-99 Foundation wrote about itself:

“The California Highway Patrol 11-99 Foundation is an IRS-recognized 501(c)(3) nonprofit, charitable organization that provides Emergency, Death, and Scholarship Benefits to California Highway Patrol family members. Since the CHP 11-99 Foundation was incorporated in 1981, the members of the Foundation’s Board of Directors have provided over $16 million in assistance to current, retired and Fallen in the Line of Duty CHP employees and their families. For over a quarter century, the important work of the Foundation has been enabled through the generosity of tens of thousands of individual donors and volunteers and by institutional grant funding. The organization’s name is taken from the radio code “11-99″ which means “Officer Needs Assistance – Send Location to All Units”

Now, supposeably, the bad old days when the appearance of A Culture of Corruption are behind us but you can still see these license plate things on brand cars, right here in 2011. And you can still buy the license plate holders second-hand as a kind of Get Out Of Jail Free kind of deal.

Shouldn’t all these licence plate holders be recalled so that CHP11-99 can get back to being a less-corrupt appearing organization?

As seen in 2011, and of course, on a Mercedes. (Saw one on a Camry one time – that’s what you call anomalous or something.)

Mmmmm…

Corrupt-Appearing “MEMBER 11-99 FOUNDATION” License Plate Holders Still Showing Up on Brand-New Luxo-Cars

Monday, January 10th, 2011

I don’t know, the big problem with paying $2500 or whatever to become a member of the CHP11-99 Foundation and then putting the license plate holder thing on the back of your car was that it looked like you were trying to get out of speeding tickets. Why?

‘Cause, some of your membership money got/gets used for “Emergency, Death, and Scholarship Benefits to California Highway Patrol family members.” Here, check the Wiki that the CHP11-99 Foundation wrote about itself:

“The California Highway Patrol 11-99 Foundation is an IRS-recognized 501(c)(3) nonprofit, charitable organization that provides Emergency, Death, and Scholarship Benefits to California Highway Patrol family members. Since the CHP 11-99 Foundation was incorporated in 1981, the members of the Foundation’s Board of Directors have provided over $16 million in assistance to current, retired and Fallen in the Line of Duty CHP employees and their families. For over a quarter century, the important work of the Foundation has been enabled through the generosity of tens of thousands of individual donors and volunteers and by institutional grant funding. The organization’s name is taken from the radio code “11-99″ which means “Officer Needs Assistance – Send Location to All Units”

Now, supposeably, the bad old days when the appearance of A Culture of Corruption are behind us but you can still see these license plate things on brand cars, right here in 2011. And you can still buy the license plate holders second-hand as a kind of Get Out Of Jail Free kind of deal.

Shouldn’t all these licence plate holders be recalled so that CHP11-99 can get back to being a less-corrupt appearing organization?

As seen in 2011, and of course, on a Mercedes. (Saw one on a Camry one time – that’s what you call anomalous or something.)

Mmmmm…