Posts Tagged ‘Douchebag’

Found Object: Crass Marketing from David Clay Jewelers – From the “Condescending and a Little Douchebaggy Campaign” of 2012

Wednesday, June 11th, 2014

“DOES YOUR DAUGHTER HAVE A BETTER DIAMOND THAN YOUR WIFE?”

At least that’s what I think this ad is asking:

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Ah, memories.

Poor Woman Just Got Her iPhone Pickpocketed in Dolores Park on Saturday – Is This a Cellphone Photo of the Thief?

Monday, June 25th, 2012

Here’s the latest attempt at Twitter Justice, via Tweeter Mo Kudeki:

“Here’s the pickpocketing bro who grabbed me, had @pollydallas take a pic, and stole my iPhone Sat @ Dolores. #douchebag

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Leave us note that the screen was “hella cracked.”

One hopes the SFPD has been alerted to this alleged crime…

Word for the Day: A “Sailbag” is a Douchebag Who Comes to Town to See the Staged America’s Cup Boat Race

Friday, March 23rd, 2012

Here’s the view from the front, complete with fake Euro-style Front License Plate* and handicapped placard** allowing said sailbag the right to park wherever the Hell he wants however long he wants, for free:

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And here’s the rear view what gives the game away. See? It says right there “SAIL BAG.”

And dude’s from Marin County of course.

And there’s a yacht club logo in there as well, of course.

All that’s missing is the CHP 11-99 Foundation scam license plate holder, of course, you know, to get out of those sticky situations involving the police and the CHP, you know, because you’re a Eurotrash sailbag from god damn Marin County so you drive like a bat out of Hell.

Welcome to San Francisco, you sailbag you.

And more are coming, soon enough.***

In closing, sailbag.

*Is this a legal setup in California? NO, not at all – the DMV gave you an FLP for a reason. I’m not sure if other states still require front license plates, but CA sure does. Peace officers and meter maids both will cite you for this.

**Is this a legal use of a handicap placard? Probably. But do I think that said sailbag deserves to park for free all day on the streets of San Francisco? No. What dude’s doing isn’t exactly illegal because nobody ever gets in trouble for it. You could get a handicapped placard as well, why not? If the first doctor says no, then keep on looking, there’s nothing stopping you from doctor shopping. And then eventually you will find one to sign the DMV form. And actually, the people that have handicap placards consider you a sucker for not having a placard. Hurray! Free parking for me, the sailbag! 

***Do I have objections to rigged boat races on San Francisco Bay in general? No, not at all. But instead of us paying a sailbag like Larry Ellison eight or nine figures to host his little boat party here why don’t we reverse that and have sailbag Larry Ellison**** pay us eight or nine figures for the right to host his little boat party here? See how that works? One little oversight like that makes all the difference.

****Speaking of which, here’s what it looks like when Chief Sailbag Larry Ellison hisself comes to town to nosh on the prime rib. See his Toyota LFA there parked on Van Ness?

Welcome to San Francisco, you sailbag you.

Larry Ellison, the Biggest Douchebag in the Bay Area, Cancels OpenWorld Keynote – Afraid of Marc Benioff, Salesforce

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

I’ll tell you, I don’t know a thing regarding what Oracle people are saying about Larry Ellison abruptly canceling the Keynote Address scheduled for Oracle OpenWorld today.

But it looks like Oracle is running scared, huh?

No matter, you can still watch this year’s Keynote by tuning in online – it won’t be at the convention itself, it’ll be just up the street.

Hurray!

Artist’s conception of Larry Ellison – look for him to be even douchier come America’s Cup 2013:

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(Now, speaking of Salesforce, it took a while, but finally the $omewhat-corrupt Ed Lee Admini$tration is under$tanding how Salesforce is more important to $an Francisco than glamorous Twitter and Zynga combined. Proof of this is the fact that Salesforce now gets mentioned in the same breath when Twitter and Zynga get discussed in Ed Lee press release / campaign material. Is that a good thing? I don’t know.)

Anyway, all the deets:

“Oracle Cancels Salesforce.com Keynote at Oracle OpenWorld 2011 - Join Chairman and CEO Marc Benioff at the Ame Restaurant in San Francisco to experience the power of the cloud

SAN FRANCISCO, Oct. 4, 2011 — Salesforce.com (NYSE: CRM), the enterprise cloud computing (http://www.salesforce.com/cloudcomputing/) company, today announced that Oracle cancelled salesforce.com‘s keynote at Oracle OpenWorld 2011. Chairman and CEO Marc Benioff will now speak on Wednesday, Oct. 5, 2011 at 10:30 a.m. PT at Ame Restaurant in the St. Regis Hotel, San Francisco, CA. Immediately following Benioff’s talk, at approximately 12:00 p.m. PT, he will host a press Q&A. Both events will be streamed live on salesforce.com‘s website at www.salesforce.com/live.

“Oracle just cancelled my keynote tomorrow. But the show must go on! Everyone is welcome to join me at Ame Restaurant tomorrow to hear about the social enterprise. Sorry Larry, the cloud can’t be stopped,” said Marc Benioff, chairman and CEO, salesforce.com.

Additional Resources

–  To watch Benioff’s session and the press Q&A live, go to
http://www.salesforce.com/live.
–  A live audiocast of Benioff’s session and the press Q&A will be
available at http://www.salesforce.com/company/investor/.
–  Follow @salesforce on Twitter.
–  Become a fan of salesforce.com on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/Salesforce.

About Salesforce.com

With more than 100,000 customers, salesforce.com is the enterprise cloud computing company that is leading the shift to the social enterprise. Social enterprises leverage social, mobile and open cloud technologies to put customers at the heart of their business. Based on salesforce.com‘s real-time, multitenant architecture, the company’s platform and application services include:

–  Salesforce Chatter, a secure, private social network for your business
–  Salesforce Sales Cloud, for sales force automation and contact
management
–  Salesforce Service Cloud, for customer service and support solutions
–  Salesforce Radian6, for social media monitoring and engagement
–  Salesforce Data.com, for the most complete source of accurate business
data
–  AppExchange, the leading marketplace for enterprise cloud computing
applications
–  Force.com, for custom application development
–  Heroku, for building social and mobile customer apps
–  Database.com, the world’s first enterprise cloud database

Any unreleased services or features referenced in this or other press releases or public statements are not currently available and may not be delivered on time or at all. Customers who purchase salesforce.com applications should make their purchase decisions based upon features that are currently available. Salesforce.com has headquarters in San Francisco, with offices in Europe and Asia, and trades on the New York Stock Exchange under the ticker symbol “CRM.” For more information please visit http://salesforce.com, or call 1-800-NO-SOFTWARE.”