I’ll tell you, I saw “upscale nightclub of choice for hipsters” and I was settling in for an epic press release, perhaps the best of 2013 so far.
But then it turned into a more normal press release, into something like listening to an acquaintance talk about a recent trip that was turbo, turbo fun.
Here it is, below, with the more appalling sections in bold.
On the catwalk, well you know what I mean, I like to do my little dance on the catwalk, oh on the catwalk…
Don’t click to expand
“Infusion Lounge in San Francisco Reveals Spectacular Redesign at Four Year Anniversary Event”
SAN FRANCISCO, Feb. 27, 2013 – Infusion Lounge, San Francisco’s upscale nightclub of choice for hipsters, celebrities, and global jet-setters, unveiled a dazzling new redesign and lighting installations at its glamorous Four Year Anniversary celebration on Saturday, February 23.
On the red carpet for the official launch were local legends and international icons, including San Francisco 49er Donte Whitner, Bar and Nightclub Magazine’s two-time DJ of the Year, DJ Ikon, and the award-winning designer, Kinney Chan, who originally created the opulent Asian-inspired interior.
Since its Grand Opening on New Year’s 2009, Infusion Lounge has welcomed over a half million of the Bay Area’s finest club goers and has hosted some of the biggest names in music, film and sports, including P Diddy, Mary J Blige, Lebron James, Gerard Butler, LMFAO, Dave Chappelle, Mario Lopez, Vernon Davis, Sergio Romo, Catt Sadler, Kevin Dillon, Apl.de.ap, Terrell Owens, Vida Guerra, Clinton Sparks, ‘Lil John, Rob Thomas, Jake Shields, Tim Lincecum, Jesse Metcalf, Pablo Sandoval and many more.
The extensive new redesign within the 6500 sq. ft club enhances the nightlife experience with the addition of premium VIP tables and a new dance floor area. The brand new state-of-the-art lighting & sound system features a custom-made DJ booth faced with a 7′ digital screen, the latest crowd-scanning laser, 8 stunning new mirror scanner dance lights, a smoke machine, and a custom-designed LED chandelier.
Executive Chef Evan Turner debuted his all-new lounge menu that includes delectable savory appetizers to complement the newly-expanded cocktail menu. The chef has received multiple Diner’s Choice Awards from OpenTable for his Pan-Asian cuisine.
Guests also had the opportunity to enjoy the property’s unique ’4D’ Experience, which includes Drinks, Dining, Dancing, and Dreamy overnight accommodations at the Hotel Fusion directly upstairs.
Named by Conde Nast Traveler Magazine as one of the World’s “Top 35″ New Nightclubs, Infusion Lounge is located at 124 Ellis Street at Powell near Union Square. It is open Tuesdays-Saturdays from 6 PM-2 AM, with dinner service until 9 PM.
Guest list registration, dinner reservations, and more information are available at sf.infusionlounge.com.
About Infusion Lounge and Hotel Fusion
Infusion Lounge San Francisco and Hotel Fusion are licensed concepts of the InfusionLounge Licensing Corporation and are managed by the C-Two Group.
The “Divisadero Corridor” peaks at McAllister and then it’s all downhill to Geary Boulevard. This part of town is literally north / northeast of the Golden Gate Park Panhandle but it’s sort of far away.
Click to expand – looking north from Market and Fourth Street.
Who would design a political system that would assign more power to a former Mayor than the current Mayor?
It’s a mystery…
Anyway, let’s hope the ridiculous three-way light setup at this intersection is now back to two-way light so Market Street traffic won’t be choked as much as it’s been up ’til now.
I don’t know how long you’ll be able to watch this one – all the action is in the first part and then it just goes on and on. (“Aagh, I can’t breathe!” “Get off of him!” ”Aagh, I can’t breathe!” “Get off of him!”)
Not sure if the shoplifter had an actual iPhone. Seems as if he had, at the very least, some kind product endorsed by Dr. Dre, anyway:
And, indeed, those can retail for up to $350, so one of the security guards got that part right. As far as everything else though, there’s just too much to inventory – this is like a video on how not to detain a shoplifter. (Should you let go of the perp temporarily to show off the booty to sway the crowd? Probably not. I could go on, but, as always, You Make The Call.)
It ended up requiring the attention of both the SFPD and the SFFD. (I wonder if there’s an official report or two on this incident.)
Instead, it will look like this, with aluminum grating and paddles and twisted things. See?
Are these tables? I think they’re tables:
We were promised no advertising, but you make the call:
“…like much of the promenade, the benches draw their inspiration from the aluminum chassis of the all-new A7, the Audi ASF® frame. While the twisting and sculpting of the metal is intended to reflect the dynamic styling of the luxury sedan…”
Is this why Audi owners make such bad drivers, generally, the boldness? (I’d call it hubris, frankly.) Anyway, let’s let Audi make the case:
“We believe that a boldly designed car, like the new Audi A7, deserves a boldly designed world. So today we’re breaking ground on an urban design initiative to re-imagine Powell Street in San Francisco.”
This is the primary surface. Number one will pass right through, number two not so much:
Now, the original idea was to have a widened sidewalk but that would have caused issues with area hotels (like them suing the City and County for starters). So we’re going to get cutouts on both sides of both blocks. Thusly:
Here’s parklet eight of eight, near the Cable Car turnaround:
Now let’s thank Gaia that the aluminum hasn’t been arranged in interlocking rings to further advertise Audi and its million-dollar Audi Avenue. But there will be Audi’s name onsite and that’s too much, IMO. Oh well.
And I can’t think of any other carmaker that’s as closely associated with aluminum as Audi, so there’s that.
Was this marketing deal put out to bid, like maybe some other car companies might want to market their vehicles using the streets of San Francisco as well, right? Anyway, I don’t know.
All right, which particular Audi did the Powell Street Promenade draw its inspiration from? All together now, the A7! Get one today – starting price is merely $60K.
[UPDATE: And a commenter from FineInternets.com frets over the metal theft issue. I wonder how much this aluminum would be worth melted down. See comments.]
Wouldn’t it be cool if they took down all the Powell street signs and replaced them with just the four rings of Audi’s logo? There’d be no text at all but everybody, tourists and citizens alike, would know exactly how to say the name of the street. Hurray!
It’ll look a little like this unfinished model – seems as if they forgot to add in the bodies of dead German tourists shot down on the street, but anyway:
Anyway, here’s Audi’s spiel. Apparently, this whole thing was their thang all along, even before they knew about it, somehow:
“The Audi Design Project: Progress on Powell Street was launched with the purpose of improving the pedestrian experience on Powell Street in a way that transforms it into a vibrant destination and alleviates the congestion. So, working with the city of San Francisco, we’re doing something that might normally be considered unfathomable for an automaker — removing cars from the road. That’s right, we’re eliminating the parking lanes on both sides of the street and, in their place, creating a new public space that sits on top of the pavement.”
Read along after the jump to see how extra wide sidewalks on two blocks of Union Square Are Going To Change Everything.
*Yes, even worse than BMW drivers. The problem is that Audi drivers think that they’re extra special, that’s the problem…
**Is that your new name, Audi? Guess you have bad memories of the old one, Audi USA? Remember that whole unintended acceleration (sudden acceleration) thing back in the 1980′s and 1990′s? On behalf of America’s idiot drivers, I’d like to apologize for that whole deal. You were right, we were putting our feet on the wrong pedals. Our bad
