The San Francisco Citizen

Well looky here - a redlined pizza delivery map of Amici’s East Coast Pizzeria. It’s the talk of the town over at Eater SF and kissing cousin Curbed SF. Click on the below to see where they just don’t deliver. Why? Driver safety.

Of course taxi drivers can’t legally refuse to take you to certain areas of San Francisco because of a concern over their personal safety. Non, non, non. ‘Cause that’s a crime called failure to convey, which can land a cabbie in the hoosegow. But isn’t there a law that bans this sort of practice from pizzerias?

Well, yes and no. Check out the law, the part that covers delivery redlining, below. (”You must know ze code,” as Professor Stefan Reisenfeld used to say, back in the day.)

People in the Western Addition, Tenderloin (including it’s Sixth Street Annex, also known as The Flank, in view of the fact that it’s just south of the ’Loin) and the projects on the southern slope of Potrero Hill all might have trouble getting a pie delivered in James Crow San Francisco:

Back in 1996, then Supervisor Willie Kennedy gave us a law (that became national news), but then it got watered down such that a “reasonable good faith belief” that a driver would be in danger in a particular nabe is enough to allow the brazen publication of the map shown above.

And let’s not forget flower and newspaper delivery people - they’re off the hook as well. (Note also that there doesn’t seem to be any designated punishment for violation anyway.) To review, cabbies are on the hook, delivery people not.

NB: Dominoes appears to use a different map, or maybe none at all, as it seems they’ll delivery just about anywhere in our seven square.

The More You Know…   

SEC. 3305.1. HOME DELIVERY SERVICES.

(a) It shall be unlawful for any person or business entity to refuse to provide home delivery services to any residential address within the City and County of San Francisco falling within that person’s or business entity’s normal service range. A person or business entity may not set its normal service range to exclude a neighborhood or location based upon the race, color, ancestry, national origin, place of birth, sex, age, religion, creed, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity, weight or height, of the residents of that neighborhood or location. Where a person or business entity regularly advertises home delivery services to the entire City and County, that person or business entity’s “normal service range” shall be defined by the geographic boundaries of the City and County.

(b) For purposes of this Section, “home delivery services” shall mean the delivery of merchandise to residential addresses, when such services are regularly advertised or provided by any person or business entity.

(c) Notwithstanding any other provision of this Section, it shall not be unlawful for a person or business entity to refuse to provide home delivery services to a residential address if (i) the occupants at that address have previously refused to pay in full for services provided to them by that person or business entity; or (ii) such refusal is necessary for the employer to comply with any applicable State or federal occupational safety and health requirements or existing union contract; or (iii) the person or business entity has a reasonable good faith belief that providing delivery services to that address would expose delivery personnel to an unreasonable risk of harm.

(Added by Ord. 217-96, App. 5/30/96; amended by Ord. 295-96, App. 7/17/96; Ord. 222-02, File No. 021462, App. 11/15/2002)

Well it was on the Laughing Squid, so everybody knew about the 2008 Illegal Soapbox Derby atop San Francisco’s Bernal Hill. Not to be confused with the recent Red Bull event in Dolores Park last month, the illegal (possibly lacking a permit, and insurance, and…) Bernal Heights soap box derby has pleased one and all for years.  

But then word came from from Mission Mission that that Recreation and Parks Rangers and San Francisco Police Department officers would be on hand to shut this mother down.

And so it was.

This racer had to back his rig away from last year’s starting gate, later closed altogether, under orders of an RPD Ranger:

Things were no different at the bottom of the hill, with these SFPD officers giving the bad news to organizers:  

Genial sergeant Miller arrived to discuss matters with an organizer and respected neighborhood poobah Todd “First Class” Lappin, but any subsequent soapbox derbying on the hill was disorganized and fleeting: 

So there you have it, no soap box today, at least at Bernal Heights Park there wasn’t.

See you next year?

So you’re doing a good deed in the Mission District of San Francisco, and then when you come back to your very-well-made, made-in-China ride, you see that somebody has taped a handbill to your bike. Then you see it says:

“HELICOPTERS COULD SOON BE FLYING OVER OR NEAR YOUR HOME AT ALL HOURS OF BOTH DAY AND NIGHT!”

And then you think, wow, somebody has finally bought off all those NOT IN MY BACK YARD Nimby people who were standing in the way of Progress, and San Francisco will no longer have the only Level One Trauma Center in the country to lack a helipad or access to a heliport.

Click to expand

But then you read on and see that the handbill is from the Nimby’s themselves. Disappointed. They think a helipad is a bad idea for them.

Read on to see the fruits of the labors of the Stop the Helipad people:

“A head-on collision on the Golden Gate Bridge in Maythrew the evening commute into chaos and drew immediate cries for new safety measures. Lost in the flurry of traffic reports and debate about possible barriers, however, was the aftermath of the crash for the most seriously hurt victim. Dr. Grace M. Dammann had to be transported by helicopter about 25 miles to John Muir Hospital in Walnut Creek because San Francisco General Hospital lacks a helipad for its acclaimed Level 1 Trauma Center.”

Mmmm. According to an American College of Surgeons Consultation Survey of San Francisco General Hospital’s Trauma Program:

“The lack of a helipad and helicopter service is a major deficiency in providing optimal trauma care for San Francisco General Hospital and San Francisco. It is difficult to understand why a city the size of San Francisco does not have any medical air transport. The congested roads and bridges with the surrounding water make helicopter service an essential medical support service.”

Will the YES HELIPAD people win this one?

Eventually…

It sure looks steep. But what about this:

22nd Street in San Francisco, California is one of the steepest streets in the world. Between its intersections with Church and Vicksburg Streets in the Noe Valley neighborhood, it has a maximum gradient of 1:3.226, or 31%, the same as Filbert Street in San Francisco.

But these two blocks can’t be exactly the same, steepnesswise, right?

Filbert betwixt Hyde and Leavenworth. Click to expand:

Perhaps Adam, Jamie, Kari, Grant, or Tory, the Mythbusters of the Discovery Channel, could investigate the simplest or cheapest way to see which street has the steepest grade, and then test things out? Some people should put their lives on hold until this important issue gets resolved.  

The Steepest Streets in the City

1. Filbert between Leavenworth and Hyde (31.5% grade)
2. 22nd Street between Church and Vicksburg (31.5% grade)
3. Jones between Union and Filbert (29% grade)
4. Duboce between Buena Vista and Alpine (27.9% grade)
5. Jones between Green and Union (26% grade)
6. Webster between Vallejo and Broadway 26% grade)
7. Duboce between Alpine and Divisadero (25% grade)
8. Jones between Pine and California (24.8 grade)
9. Fillmore between Vallejo and Broadway (24% grade)

This is what our small version of the the Marine Corps War Memorial looks like from Interstate 80 in Tormey, Contra Costa County.

“Vince Ramos of Crockett guesses he has captured the essence of what someone gazing at Mount Suribachi on the Pacific island of Iwo Jima on Feb. 23, 1945, would have seen. The tall hill in Tormey, west of Interstate 80 and just north of the Cummings Skyway, is home to Ramos’ replica of the celebrated flag-raising. The statue is a tribute to his late brother, Fernando, a U.S. Marine who served on Iwo Jima, the site of one of World War II’s bloodiest battles.”

You might notice it if you look up from the freeway near the Carquinez Bridge.

When they’re not eating flowers, the Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill like to fly around San Francisco in big flocks.

Click to expand:

Wild parrots above the KPIX-TV building on Battery Street and also near 202 Green Street, where Philo T. Farnsworth invented television a while back. 

Some people are afraid of these red masked conures, but others would like them to become the state bird of California instead of the Valley Quail. We have some quail in San Francisco as well, but not all that many.

Will the Parrot cell phone-accessory company be able to change our state bird from quail to parrot?

Only Time Will Tell.

In the left corner we have One Rincon Hill, South Tower, standing 641 feet tall. Compare that with the “New Sheriff’s Facility” jail (the “glamour slammer“) on the right.

Which building is better?

Click to expand:

“I–my idea, when we started out was to have a, you know, rising up, in the form of an undulating, ovulating ground that you don’t get so much nowadays.”

San Francisco’s famous wild parrots have spread out a bit lately, so they’re easier to spot these days.

Watch them eating springtime blossoms (cherry? plum?). You can listen to them also. And of course, you can read all about them.

Click to expand. (With your help, we can fight moiré):

Mmmmm…, flowers.

By now you’ve seen the latest viral video recreating Indiana Jones’ famous Boulder Dash? From the Gootube:

“We built a huge LEGO boulder and then made our friend dress up as Indy and run from it. Fun times!

(How respectful the Youtube poster was of our corporate overlords, taking care to CAPITALIZE corporate names.)

Anyway, it sure got plenty of Diggs. 

However, some have alleged that the giant Lego ball was styrofoam and that the makers merely sought to promote a new game. (Who knows, you might like it.)

Irregardless, this has led to confusion on the Internets.   

From Flickr via tillwe, are these LEGO bricks or not? (Commenter Phill says nay. Commenter Martin says it’s Duplo.)

Some appear to have lost their faith in the Web:

Viral is so mid-2000s, now it’s just being exploited and we’re all gonna hate it.

And the famous Laughing Squid is now trying to give credit to the entire crew that pieced together all 5 million Legos, to no avail.

Was Teak Motion Visuals or Teak Films Production behind this corporate subterfuge? Some think Sausalito’s Butler Shine and Stern  (wouldn’t it be nice to be “hanging out on a fucking sailboat, while getting paid coupla hundred an hour“) may have had a hand in it.

Only Time Will Tell.

But in the meantime and while we’re on the topic, take a look at  Teak Motion Visuals’ attempt at verisimilitude. How contrived does this scene appear on a scale from 1 to 10? Can’t you just see the guy with a baseball cap plotting out the most effective bouquet of garbage?

Are we really suppose to listen to this Amazing Group of Talented Creatives, and then ”Clean the Bay” and “Start With This Beach?” This particular beach at Crissy Field? Srsly? Until the sexy but trash-strewn drunkfest known as the Bay to Breakers Footrace gets rerouted, the Crissy Field Protection Area will never look like that. (If you want real, then check out San Francisco’s Warm Water Cove - it still looks like this.)  

The makers of these contrived bits probably had a good time getting paid to do them, but when you start fibbing and shilling… Will this LEGO stunt end up on the list of Great Examples of Guerilla Marketing Gone Wrong?

Fail

Epic Fail.

Some fixed gear bike riders have it tough because they don’t have brakes on their bikes. So when they have to stop on the bottom of an incline they need to skid their rear tires. This leaves a loooong skid mark on the pavement, as you can see. 

Take a look at this awesome video here to get the idea. Some rydahs run into trouble though - like Tony here, who was “surprised” to encounter a bus, at a bus stop, on a bus route, in Manhattan.

Let’s be careful out there:

“The EMT said if it wasn’t for my dreads, I would have had a massive concussion“

We’ll close with Morrissey’s thoughts on the matter:

“No brakes, I don’t mind.”