Posts Tagged ‘lane’

Here’s What’s Wrong with the SFMTA’s Absurd JFK Bike Lanes in Golden Gate Park: #2, Parking Lane Too Small

Tuesday, October 8th, 2013

Now of course the westbound driving lane of JFK Jr. Drive is pretty narrow as well, by design, to make drivers think about maybe not driving into GGP next time.

But anyway, this  here is the parking lane, which drivers don’t understand. They worry about cyclists catching thier driver-side rear view mirrors for one thing. So they sort of ignore the lines.

Now this particular vehicle has an owner with a brand-new ticket for $189 (before fees, oh, the fees), but I think that has to do with leaving it overnight in the park, or parking on JFK during a “Healthy” Sunday, that kind of thing: 

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Realize that this absurd lane scheme is a recent idea what sprung from the SFMTA Brain Trust. They think that this is a huge success since some faster cyclists now avoid the area and average speeds have come down a skosh. OK fine. Realize that the SFMTA thinks it’s doing a bang-up job running MUNI.

There will be a quiz. Better bone up now:

Here’s What’s Wrong with the SFMTA’s Absurd JFK Jr Bike Lanes in Golden Gate Park: #1, Tripod Zone, Hummer Limo Zone

Know Your Betters: Area Man Becomes Supraman Simply by Piloting a Tesla Model S Electric Car

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

You just don’t know how special you are ’til you own and operate a Tesla Model S.

Why, you’re so special that, in some states, you didn’t even have to pay sales tax to get your new ride. And here in California, your wundercar can go all of its 200-something mile range on the freeway in the carpool / HOV lane even though you’re sitting in your car all by your lonesome!

Now check out Dude here on Masonic. He’s got his official CA HOV stickers on all four corners. Plus, he’s also got a license to jibber jabber on his handheld cell phone while driving. I mean, he must – just look at him: 

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I didn’t check to see if he has special CHP 11-99 Foundation license plate holders (like this fellow Tesla God), but that would mean that Dude has a license to speed as well.

Oh but Dude, don’t speed too much else the maximum range on your $100,000 car will go down to 100-something miles and then you’ll have to get towed, like this:

(Funny story – in the mind of Tesla CEO Elon Musk, the driver of this car drove it in circles specifically to make it run so low on juice that it wouldn’t go no mo. That wasn’t true but oh well. And this Model S wouldn’t even allow its needlessly-complicated doors to open for the tow-truck monkey, that child of a Lesser God, so it could be, you know, put into neutral so, you know, it could get towed. Oh, and here’s another funny one. How many kids should you have with 30-something Elon Musk before he trades you in for a newer, sexier model-type model? Five[!] Five kids, srsly. And then the former Mrs. Elon Musk is like, “At least she’s not a blonde.”)

Anywho, the question of the day is why you’d even want such a long, low, and wide big-on-the-outside-yet-small-on-the-inside vehicle such as a Model S? It’s like an electrified Porsche Panamera four-door, right? And compared to my full-sized. eight-passenger motherfucking Land Cruiser, the Model S is longer[!] and wider[!] (How can that be?) And I’ll tell you, my ride, which isn’t exactly known for high MPG, no not at all, has a real-life range of 400-something miles on the freeway.

Oh, what’s that, your Model S is shiny and it has a lot of chrome and it makes you feel special? Well, then carry on with your super important phone call, by all means.

You have become a Supraman.

Congrats.

As far back as Yossarian could recall, he explained to Clevinger with a patient smile, somebody was always hatching a plot to kill him. There were people who cared for him and people who didn’t, and those who hated him were out to get him. They hated him because he was Assyrian. But they couldn’t touch him, he told Clevinger, because he had a sound mind in a pure body and was as strong as an ox. They couldn’t touch him because he was Tarzan, Mandrake, Flash Gordon. He was Bill Shakespeare. He was Cain, Ulysses, the Flying Dutchman; he was Lot in Sodom, Deirdre of the Sorrows, Sweeney in the nightingales among trees. He was miracle ingredient Z-247. He was…
Crazy!” Clevinger interrupted, shrieking. “That’s what you are! Crazy!”
“…immense. I’m a real slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I’m a bona fide Supraman.”
“Superman?” Clevinger cried. “Superman?”
Supraman,” Yossarian corrected.”

Yossarian is transcendent man. He is rising above the living dead all around him to find a way to live. He is basically alone in his quest. A real hero.”

I am, I am Supraman, and I can do anything.”

Bicycle Spielberg Graces San Francisco – Panhandle Panache – The Fell / Oak Corridor Has Been Captured for the Ages

Wednesday, June 12th, 2013

Ready!

Camera!

Action!

Does Our CHP Have a “Bicycle Officer School?” Yes, Here It Is – Soon to be Patrolling the Eastern Span of the Bay Bridge

Wednesday, June 12th, 2013

Whenever it opens, which will be about a quarter-century late.

Check it:

@CHPoakland officers preparing for Bicycle Officer School and will soon be patrolling the new Bay Bridge! pic.twitter.com/KJ6lk8EqOp

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Here’s Why Mercedes Drivers Use the Bus Lane on Montgomery in the Financh – High Reward, Low Risk

Thursday, June 6th, 2013

Let’s take a look up Bush Street from Sansome to see what it’s like during the evening drive.

It can start pretty early – look at the shadows:

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It’s not gridlock, but it’s very slow. Drivers make it one or two car lengths per light cycle.

Starting on Bush to get to 1st Street to get to the coveted Bay Bridge on-ramp can take more than a half-hour.

Now what some people in this situation do is say this is ridiculous and then find another way to the bridge. They substitute

Others just stew in their rides – some of these people enjoy honking, you know, as an outlet.

And there’s yet another option.

You can just use the little-used left turn lane after Montgomery and then, and this is key, go straight through the intersection at Sansome to use the BUS TAXI ONLY lane to pass all those su

Thusly:

Now it seems that drivers would get ticketed for this maneuver, but I’ve never seen it happen.

(Cops hate traffic more than you do, so they never hang out here. Come to think of it, I don’t see too many buses or taxis using this special lane either. And I don’t think any forward-facing cameras on any SFMTA vehicle can get you neither)

Of course, then you gotta make it another four arduous blocks to the bridge, oh well.

But otherwise, this is the perfect crime.

Shhhhhh…

Sidewalk Salmoning: Cyclists are Enjoying the New Fell Street Bike Lane Already

Monday, April 22nd, 2013

Look at them all go:

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Remember, Cyclists Alway Have the Right Of Way.

Oh wait a second, I just made that up. It’s not correct. I’ll fix my error by telling you I was wrong.

What I meant to say was Pedestrians Always Have the Right Of Way.

Oh wait, that’s wrong as well.

The SFBC knows by now that their statement is wrong but they still have it up on their website?

Yep.

What they should have done is had a lawyer do their bikelaw page.

Oh well.

Confused Driver Gets Ticketed Making the Infamous Left Turn at Fell And Masonic – Why the SFPD Cited Her

Tuesday, April 16th, 2013

All right, camera right shows a light-colored Chevy properly waiting at the red arrow light to turn from westbound Fell onto southbound Masonic. The confused driver is in the  blue two-door Honda – she wants to make the same turn to get from NoPA to SoPA but she’s in the wrong lane.

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Of course back in the day, the Honda driver would have been driving properly but things changed at this intersection about a half-decade back. Check it. Anywho, she sat there waiting to turn left even though she had a green to proceed straight on Fell Street.

That pissed off the driver of the car behind her, so then its driver is all “hoooooooooonk!” You know, at the Blue Honda Chick.

She doesn’t budge ’cause she knows she wants to turn left, you know, from the wrong lane.    

Oh, here she goes, around the Chevy:

Now all that honking attracted the attention of the Park Station police, who also made an illegal left from the wrong lane in order to follow the blue Honda driver onto southbound Masonic. Here they are near Oak:

The moral of this story is that drivers will never get used to this unique intersection set-up. The reason being is that the San Francisco Bicycle Coalition overruled the traffic engineers who originally had cars on Fell turning left at the beginning of the green light phase for Fell Street. But you see, that had car drivers “going first.”

Oh well.

On It Goes…

And oh, what you’re supposed to do when you mistake driving is to just go with it, go with the flow. You know, respond to stimuli. So like if you’re in the westbound lane and you have a green to go straight then you should go straight for a while EVEN THOUGH THAT”S NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW. Obliviously, you can’t just make up your own traffic rules…

Tailgating on Fell Street: What It Looks Like

Tuesday, April 9th, 2013

It looks like this: 

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I know it when I see it.

Attention Comrades! Please Attend Glorious JFK Drive Bike Lane Re-Education Camp Tonight – Attendance Mandatory!

Thursday, February 28th, 2013

From the Richmond District Blog comes news of tonight’s Richmond District Democratic Club meeting regarding the horrible new bike lanes on JFK Jr Drive in Golden Gate Park.

Longtime area cyclist and capitalist running dog Steven T. Jones typifies the type of person who will most benefit from re-education via the corrupt SFMTA and the messianic San Francisco Bicycle Coalition. See?

New JFK bike lanes are bad for everyone

I’d post a photo but the SFMTA has me watching an educational movie, you know, A Clockwork Orange-style.

And they DID admit that some fine-tuning possibly might be in order.

And my restraints are actually quite comfortable.

Maybe these horrible, one-of-a-kind bike lanes aren’t so horrible after all.

In closing, I Love Big Brother.

Boy, This Minivan Driver Sure Didn’t Want to Make the Mandatory Right Turn at 10th and Market – Look What He Did

Wednesday, February 13th, 2013

From the right-only lane on Market inbound at 10th Street, over the bike lane, and into the transit-only lane.

See? 

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From here, the minivan driver went straight down Market, forward, ever forward…