Posts Tagged ‘lawyers’

SFGate Properly Covers an Offensive Charm Offensive from Ugly Billionaire Vinod Khosla – Plus CW Nevius and Sean Parker

Monday, July 28th, 2014

The first rule of Fight Club is, of course, Don’t Talk About Fight Club!

Similarly, the first rule of managing property that’s a part of the coast of California is It’s Very Hard To Manage Property That’s A Part Of The Coast Of California!

If you don’t already know this, then you might be a naive billionaire like Vinod Khosla. Or Sean Parker, who didn’t know(!) he needed to get permits to do what he done with his recent wedding.

Hey, here we go:

Vinod Khosla blames costly demands for Martins Beach trial, by Peter Fimrite

Now this is a remarkable bit in that the writer had to use the word “said” 19 times. Check it:

So I guess that the Vinod Khosla PR people feel that this new article helps to make up for stuff like this:

Martins Beach billionaire evades questions on stand

But I don’t think so.

In any event let’s praise writer Peter Fimrite for not falling into the CW Nevius trap of believing everything a source says hook, line, and sinker, and then regurgitating it in the pages of the Chronicle. No no, Peter Fimrite plays it straight.

Here we go:

“The ugly courtroom clash over Martins Beach, near Half Moon Bay, would not have happened if government and environmental zealots had not made unreasonable and costly demands, billionaire investor Vinod Khosla said Thursday in defense of a beach closure that has captivated Californians up and down the coast.

Gee Vinod, you didn’t know that doing anything on the coast is hard? Are you stupid?

“If they wanted you to make your backyard a park, would that hurt you?” he asked.

The reply to this is that Martin’s Beach is not anyone’s backyard.

“The Coastal Commission and the county have been completely unreasonable. They have been taking an extreme view and don’t want to compromise on anything.”

Well, IMO, from an outsider’s perspective, is that they haven’t been unreasonable at all.

“The founder of Khosla Ventures characterized the lawsuit Thursday as a dishonest attempt to wrest control of his property regardless of his rights while, at the same time, impugning his reputation.”

Well, make a deal now and your reputation will improve, Vinod.

The fact is, he said, Martins Beach had been run like a business by the previous owners for many decades. The Deeney family set up the first cabin in 1918 and continued building through the 1950s.

 Uh, this was a vanity purchase from a billionaire. Martins Beach really isn’t a “business,” right?

“What’s amazing to me is that we did not change anything about how the property had been run for 50 or 60 years and then one day out of the blue we got a letter from the county saying we had to have 1973 prices and be open 24/7,” Khosla said, meaning he was limited to charging the visitors only $2 and could never close the gate. “Does the county charge 1973 prices?”

So there’s just three paying customers a day and what they get charged will make or break the “business” of Martins Beach? Does that make sense?

Speaking of which, why does this billionaire dude care about the reputation of some business in Marin?

The shellfish operator’s lease was not renewed and Khosla said the organization’s reputation was wrongly and unfairly dragged through the mud in the process.

Oh well. Leaving you with this:

“Who is going to take a half-million dollars in liability and losses for something that is actually dangerous?” he asked…”

I can answer: a naive billionaire.

Advice to Mouthy White Boys on How to Deal with the SFPD (WITHOUT Getting Arrested)

Monday, February 24th, 2014

1. This is just my experience, but I heard this story (see below) repeated by various people in various locations over the weekend. It could be that this one has gone viral IRL.

2. I’ll tell you, 99+% of the time when an SFPD officer asks people to clear an accident scene, people actually get up and clear the accident scene. By not clearing the scene, you’re basically saying that the peace officer you’re talking to doesn’t have the authoritah to do so. You’re making things personal.

3. If you want to hang about at an accident or crime scene, simply lie. Say, “I seen it, I seen it, I saw the whole thing!” Then you might get upgraded to Witness status and then you’ll actually have a reason for being on scene when the LT comes by to check on things, which happens sometimes.

4. Believe it or not Dude, there are situations where I myself might be asked to arrest you yourself. I’d be very unlikely to do that since I’m not a peace officer. If you sued me for false arrest, I’d have to take you seriously. OTOH, peace officers, such as the very ones you’re crusading against, do have broad powers to arrest people.Do you realize that, Dude?

5. If the SFPD is worried about getting sued, it might be over the privacy rights of those they are assisting. Did you ever think of that, Dude?

6. The SFPD has the highest-paid cops in the world. If officers don’t live in SF it’s because they choose not to live in SF. So yeah, they’ll say SF is “too expensive, but what they mean is that SF is too expensive for what you get. Do you see the difference here, Dude?

7. You don’t know which parts of the story to omit, Dude. You win points for honesty, but you ended up digging your hole deeper.

8. What do you want, a medal for calling 911?

9. Your friends and family and employees might support your struggle, but here’s what most people are thinking, more or less:

…having read the story, if I were to put a percentage for who is at fault in this situation for ending up in jail I’d assign Mr. TechDudeBroDouche 70%, and 30% to over aggressive policing.”

All this means is that you didn’t explain yourself very well, Dude.

All the deets:

Good Samaritan Backfire or How I Ended Up in Solitary After Calling 911 for Help

“I identified myself as the caller to the half dozen police who poured out of squad cars and stepped back onto the sidewalk in front of Radius restaurant. Sgt. Espinoza, short,* stout,* grey and assertive, asked Ben and me whether we had witnessed the accident. We said that we hadn’t, but arrived shortly thereafter. I was standing 15 feet from the scene beside Officer Kaur, a stocky* female* of South Asian** complexion.** She turned to me and abruptly said that I was not needed as a witness and should leave immediately. I told her we were headed home,** just across the way,** when my friend and I encountered the accident;** and that I’d recently broken my elbow** in a similar bike accident** here** and deeply cared about the outcome.**”

*It’s payback time, bitches!

**OMG, TMI, too much information, objection, relevance. Why should the SFPD care about your elbow?

The Laughable “Apology” Letter to the Beastie Boys from YouTube Sensation “Debbie + Team GoldieBlox”

Wednesday, November 27th, 2013

Hey look, it’s GoldieBloxeses’ “our letter to the Beastie Boys.”

Dear Adam and Mike,

We don’t want to fight with you. We love you and we are actually huge fans.

UH, LET ME CALL BULLSHIT ON THIS RIGHT NOW. YES YOU DID WANT TO FIGHT THEM. REMEMBER?

When we made our parody version of your song, ‘Girls’, we did it with the best of intentions.

WHO WROTE THIS, A LAWYER? THAT’S YOUR CONCLUSION, ABOUT THE PARODY, RIGHT? THIS IS AWFULLY “ON MESSAGE” FOR AN APOLOGY LETTER. AND YOU DID IT WITH THE BEST INTENTIONS? HOW DO WE KNOW THAT? I THINK YOU DID IT WITH THE PURPOSE OF MAKING MONEY. IS THAT A GOOD INTENTION?

We wanted to take a song we weren’t too proud of, and transform it into a powerful anthem for girls.

WHY WERE YOU NOT TOO PROUD OF IT? DID YOU WRITE IT, DO YOU OWN IT? I THINK IT’S THE BEASTIE BOYS THEMSELVES WHO HAVE ALREADY SAID THEY WEREN’T PROUD OF IT AND THAT WAS TWO DECADES AGO.

Over the past week, parents have sent us pictures and videos of their kids singing the new lyrics with pride, building their own Rube Goldberg machines in their living rooms and declaring an interest in engineering. It’s been incredible to watch.

IS THIS AN AD FOR YOUR COMPANY?

Our hearts sank last week when your lawyers called us with threats that we took very seriously.

YOUR HEARTS SANK? WHOSE? YOUR VC BACKERS’ AND YOURS?

As a small company, we had no choice but to stand up for ourselves.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHY DIDN’T YOU GET PERMISSION FIRST OR CHOOSE A DIFFERENT SONG OR MARKET YOURSELVES DIFFERENTLY? WHY NOT JUST STOP USING THE SONG? DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT? HERE’S WHAT THE BOYS SAID: “When we tried to simply ask how and why our song “Girls” had been used in your ad without our permission, YOU sued US.” THAT WAS THE “THREAT.”

We did so sincerely hoping we could come to a peaceful settlement with you.

SINCERELY? BULLSHIT.

We want you to know that when we posted the video, we were completely unaware that the late, great Adam Yauch had requested in his will that the Beastie Boys songs never be used in advertising.

WELL GEE, IF YOU HAD ASKED, YOU WOULD HAVE LEARNED THAT, POSSIBLY, RIGHT? YOU DON’T REALLY NEED TO KNOW ALL THIS INFORMATION ANYWAY, RIGHT? YOU JUST NEED TO NOT INFRINGE, RIGHT? DON’T YOU KNOW THAT?

Although we believe our parody video falls under fair use, we would like to respect his wishes and yours.

SO, YOU’VE GOTTEN TONS OF FREE PUBLICITY FOR YOUR TOY COMPANY AND NOW YOU WANT TO RESPECT WISHES. OK FINE.

Since actions speak louder than words, we have already removed the song from our video.

NOT ON VIMEO, NOT YET, BUT PROLLY BY TOMORROW, SURE.

In addition, we are ready to stop the lawsuit as long as this means we will no longer be under threat from your legal team.

IS THIS FROM YOUR LAWYERS AGAIN? IS THIS THEIR SETTLEMENT OFFER? THE ONLY REASON YOU’RE UNDER “THREAT” IS BECAUSE OF YOUR ACTIONS, RIGHT?

We don’t want to spend our time fighting legal battles.

EVEN IF IT WILL GET YOU ATTENTION?  I DON’T BELIEVE IT.

We want to inspire the next generation. We want to be good role models. And we want to be your friends.

Sincerely,

Debbie + Team GoldieBlox

WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT. ALL RIGHT, WELL, HAPPY HOLIDAYS. OH WAIT, THE CHRISTMAS GIFT SEASON IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER. WHAT A CONVENIENT TIME TO BECOME “FRIENDS,” WHAT A COINCIDENCE!

Working with experienced innovators from such companies as Pictionary and IDEO…”

A Tale of Two Internship Ads: SF Weekly is Doing It Right, San Francisco Magazine is Doing It Wrong

Friday, November 22nd, 2013

(Doin’ It Right is important, you know, for its own sake, right?)

This internship ad for “luxury magazine” San Francisco Magazine is straight outta 2011 or someplace. Check it:

San Francisco Magazine Editorial and Web Internships (north beach / telegraph hill)

243 Vallejo St
San Francisco Magazine Editorial Internship
Location: San Francisco, CA (North Beach)
Duration of Position: 6 months (with a 3 month review), rolling basis
Work Schedule: Monday-Friday two weeks/month; Monday-Thursday two weeks/month (10am-5:30pm)

We’re looking for ambitious budding journalists to help produce our award–winning monthly regional magazine and website. This program gives interns a rare opportunity to be exposed to the full spectrum of journalism and magazine production through first-hand experience. Interns’ primary duties are fact-checking the magazine, researching, and reporting. Interns are also expected to pitch and write stories, with opportunities for taking on more responsibilities, depending on experience. Interns also participate in editorial and pitch meetings, work closely with editors, and often help report on feature packages. After the internship is completed, interns may have an opportunity to apply for our editorial fellowship, with a $1,000/month stipend and more challenging assignments. We’re currently seeking a website/blogging intern in addition to general editorial interns.

This internship is offered on a volunteer basis, or for college credit.”

Did you spot the issue, Gentle Reader?

Here’s some perspective from the plaintiff side and from the defense side.

Now keep in mind that this gig/these gigs are being advertised as “SanFranMag hiring!”

To wit:

Erik Verduzco ‏@Erik_Verduzco18 Nov Hiring full-time positions for no money? @Jenna_Scatena: @sanfranmag is hiring edit and web interns! Inquire within. http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/wri/4188098787.html …

Now, compare that recent ad with this one:

SF Weekly:

Experience: We’re looking for interns who have some news writing experience (school newspapers count!) and are eager to tackle any story challenge (whether it be a source who isn’t returning your phone call or trying to find an interesting angle to general news story).

How To Apply: Please send your resume, clips, and cover letter to Mollie.McWilliams@sfweekly.comThe deadline for submitting is Dec. 31, and internships start mid January. Please note what sections you would like to write for.

*All interns will need to provide proof of school credit upon acceptance of an internship with SF Weekly.”

Do you see the difference?

I think you should.

Oh, what’s that, you’ve been doing things this way for years and it’s been working out?

Maybe so, but it won’t work out now. Sorry.

Oh, what’s that, your people won’t just up and sue you for peanuts?

But yes they will.

You’ll see.

The Happy Morning Joggers of the Tenderloin – Could This Be the New UC Hastings Running Club, the “Legal Eagles?”

Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Usually when people run in the corrupt Twitterloin / Civic Center / Tenderloin area, it’s because they’re either victims or perpetrators, right?

So just jogging around for fun, well, that’s something new I think.

Click to expand

All the deets from the oldest and largest law school in the West:

Purpose: To encourage healthy living and life balance through regular athletic activity; to promote a positive image of UC Hastings to the larger Bay Area community through involvement in charity runs; and to foster a sense of community at UC Hastings”

That Law School Got a Hemi? The University of California Police Patrolling UC Hastings – Twitterloin Mopar Madness

Thursday, July 4th, 2013

The first I’ve seen of this:

Click to expand

“Serving the Hastings Community” it says on the side.

So Hastings still has unarmed uniformed security guards? IDK. Back in the 1990′s there was some push for them to cowboy up with sidearms* but some people thought it a bad idea.

Anyway, presenting one of the few police vehicles in San Francisco not made by Ford…

*Or “assault weapons” in the lexicon of our day.

If You’re Cool, You’ll RIde Your Bike Down Market Street Like This – Look Ma, No Hands – Coffee Cup Bonus

Wednesday, June 5th, 2013

This dude is bad-ass.

Now, do you think this guy is on Strava going 60 MPH downhill, so fast he can’t stay in his lane?

Or do you think he’s the kind of Strava person who would plow through a Market Street crosswalk over the speed limit and then place all the blame for a ped death* on pedestrians?

I don’t.

Click to expand

Dude’s just taking it easy.

No medallions, dreadlocks, or black fists it’s just that gangster glare, with gangster raps that gangster shit, that makes the gang of snaps, uhh.

*True story. It’s the Chris Bucchere story. Our District Attorney’s Office has offered him a verrrrrry generous plea bargain deal, but there’s no resolution yet.

Artemis Racing Lawyers Up: Check Out This Official Statement Coming From a Sailor

Tuesday, May 14th, 2013

This is from yesterday, May 13, 2013:

Statement from Nathan OutteridgeThe description of the accident in the Newcastle Herald while quoting my father is not correct and does not reflect the facts…”

And which description was that?

“Nathan told me [the turn] didn’t seem any different to any other occasion. The bow dug in a little bit but he said that’s not unusual. The next thing he heard a cracking noise and the boat went on its side. Before it capsized it snapped in half, Nathan described it as folding like a taco shell.”

So last week  he tells his dad something and then this week, after Artemis Racing lawyers up, he says…

OK fine.

Hey, what’s this? From back in 2012:

More AC72 Damage

Artemis Racing is hauled out of the water to survey a damaged front beam

Photo: Sander van der Borch / Artemis Racing

In preparation for sailing the Artemis Racing AC72, the team was conducting valuable structural tests afloat earlier yesterday when damage was incurred to the front beam of the catamaran. The AC72 has been hauled out of the water and the design team, led by Principal Designer Juan Kouyoumidjian, is on site to evaluate the damage. “

Attention News-Gatherers: Now You Can Buy a News-Gathering Drone for $290 at Costco #144 – Control with Cell Phone

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

It’s kind of  new, it’s totally for you. It’s the Parrot Quadricopter AR Drone 2.0.

I told you all about this contraption before, but at the time it was only available online. These days, you can head on down to the SoMA Costco (America’s First Urban Costco) and get one for less than $300.

Then, you train your new pet to listen to simple commands from your cell phone (yes, there’s an app for that) and then you’re on your way to a Pulitzer:

Click to expand

 

Know Better Your California Attorneys: #263114 Mona Patel – She’s “Lady Justice” – Realtor Plus Attorney Equals…?

Thursday, August 30th, 2012

At the Law Offices of Lady Justice, REALTOR + ATTORNEY = SUCCESS.

See?

Hover + Click = Expand

And note the Roman column back there, just like Saul’s.

I like her – she has the moxie , non?

And that’s a good thing for a lawyer to have, IMO.