The San Francisco Citizen

Here’s a scene from a mall. Specifically Stonestown Mall, deep in San Francisco’s Sunset / Parkside Fog Belt. It’s a kiosk from WOWSmileXpress Professional Teeth Cleaning.  

Here’s a closer look. Pay your $100, don some red Bono sunglasses, cram a huge wand into your piehole, and then you’ll be the envy of all the Hot Dog on a Stick-eating passers-by for the next half-hour or so. 

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And what says the photo of the happy bride with super white teeth? “Ask us about  our group pricing for your special events.” O.K., then.

You have a dazzling array of choices in this arena:

Celebrity Sexy Teeth
Rembrandt
BriteSmile
Zoom Teeth Whitening
GO SMILE
Crest Whitestrips
Aquafresh White Trays
Listerine Whitening Strips
Colgate Simply White
Nova White

Choose wisely, or maybe just choose nothing.