Posts Tagged ‘manbearpig’

Al Gore to be Encased in Carbonite Upon Death – The Future of Carbon Sequestration

Monday, May 19th, 2008

Full-service public relations and public affairs consultancy Hill and Knowltonannounced today that former vice president Al Gore, upon his death, will be encased in carbonite and then buried. This type of carbon capture and sequestration (CCS) was only made possible this year through the use of nanotechnology.

Until recently this was our understanding of carbonite, made famous in Star Wars V – The Empire Strikes Back:

“By the rules of chemical nomenclature, the formula for a “carbonite anion” would be CO22-, which is thought to be an impossible formation (methanoate being preferentially formed instead).”

Impossible no longer.

Artist’s conception of the former vice president encased in the densest form of carbon known to man:

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Just one treatment of this double carbon material will take the equivalent of 1200 metric tonnes of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere. The only downside will be the expense of a slightly oversized coffin. The upside is that Al Gore, Jr. will be the most severely carbon negative person in recorded history.

A relieved Hill & Knowlton spokesperson confided to one reporter that this announcement will lay to rest the controversy over the greenhouse emissions of Al Gore’s house, for some reason an issue of almost daily concern to the D.C.-based House of Flack.

If only Han Solo were alive to see this day…

San Francisco Resident/Astronaut Scares the World – Global Cooling, A New Ice Age?

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

It seems there’s a little black spot on the sun today. It’s the same old thing as yesterday.

That’s very disconcerting to San Francisco resident Phil Chapman, a geophysicist who was the first Australian to become a NASA astronaut. You see, we need more of those little spots on El Sol so things don’t get too frosty. He actually wants you to pray for more sunspots.

That’s right, forget global warming - an ice age is coming and the only question is when it will get here.

Hang in there little doggy, there’s a chance Philip K Chapman is wrong.
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Do you buy all that?