Posts Tagged ‘ninja’

What It Looks Like When a Passerby Starts Climbing Up Our Chinese Consulate Building

Monday, September 1st, 2014

It looks like this:

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Bro* was like a monkey, a tall, lanky monkey. He made it up to this garage door roof with a quickness. I wouldn’t have thought that this would be so easy:

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I didn’t see where he went after that, but he was standing on the garage roof when I last caught sight of him. People with desks 20 feet above Geary might have been surprised to see him peering in, if they were working, which I don’t think they were, as this was Labor Day Weekend on the visa side of the compound, not the spycraft side of the compound

Speaking of which, here’s the scene last Saturday at the very same time on the Laguna side of the building – eight people were trying to figure out how best to fix the damage from that fire bomb attack perpetrated by a Chinese national earlier this year:

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It seems there’s always something going on at this place – protests, SFFD calls, numerous SFPD Bomb Squad calls, etc.

Oh Chinese authoritarian regime, will you ever win?

*Here’s his ninja shirt

How Do Thieves Break Your Car Windows Quietly on the Streets of San Francisco? With Tiny Ninja Rocks!

Wednesday, March 13th, 2013

Has it been ten years since Ninja Rocks have been enshrined in our California Criminal Code? Yes!

Celebrate by breaking into cars this year, as people are already doing on McAllister Street right near City Hall.

But don’t use a hammer to get car booty. Hammers are heavy.

Use ninja rocks to break windows instead. (They’re super light so they’re easy to carry around.)

Thusly:

Click to expand

PENAL CODE SECTION 466-469

“466. Every person having upon him or her in his or her possession a
picklock, crow, keybit, crowbar, screwdriver, vise grip pliers,
water-pump pliers, slidehammer, slim jim, tension bar, lock pick gun,
tubular lock pick, bump key, floor-safe door puller, master key,
ceramic or porcelain spark plug chips or pieces, or other instrument
or tool with intent feloniously to break or enter into…”

Well That’s It, the Big AT&T / T-Mobile Cell Phone Co. Merger has been Cancelled – How Will T-Mobile Make It On Its Own?

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

We’ll see.

But I’ll tell you, I’m paying T-Mobile $118 a month (and that includes a whole bunch of tax) for two Samsung Galaxy smartphones, which have  bigger screens, which are lighter, which are better overall than the average Apple iPhone you’ll see about town. And that’s all working out just fine.

AFAIK, I never have network problems. (I have I-need-to-use-WiFi-at-home and I-can’t-get-coverage-in-the-basement-of-the-State-Building issues but I don’t know if that’s T-Mobile’s fault at all, really.)

All right, you go girl:

Make: Kawasaki
Model: 2007 ZX-10 Ninja
Builder: VIP Designs
Paint: Buddha Paint
Swingarm: C&S
Wheels: VIP Cynthia

All the deets from T Mobile:

“Dear T-Mobile Customers:

By now I am sure you have seen media reports that AT&T and Deutsche Telekom (DT) have mutually decided to terminate their agreement for AT&T to acquire T-Mobile USA. This announcement effectively ends the acquisition process launched March 20.

What does this mean for T-Mobile USA customers? Our focus is unchanged: make the latest mobile products and services affordable for everyone.

And there are many reasons to choose T-Mobile as your wireless provider:

Great Value. We’re offering our best plan ever – 2 lines for $49.99 each that includes voice, text and data (including 2GB at full-speed) on each line with a new 2-year agreement. We also now offer a Monthly4G no annual contract plan that gives you unlimited talk, text, and web (including 100MB at full-speed) for $50.  

Compelling Products.  We offer a great line-up of 4G smartphones. We continue to rapidly expand our selection of amazing and affordable 4G smartphones, tablets and other devices that make mobile internet service easy and affordable. This holiday, we have cutting edge smartphones including the 42 Mbps-capable HTC Amaze™ 4G and the Samsung Galaxy S™ II. In January, we will begin selling the Lumia 710, the first Windows Phone from Nokia for as low as $49.99 after mail-in rebate with a 2-year agreement on a qualifying plan

America’s Largest 4G Network – now faster than ever. Whether you need driving instructions that are fast enough to keep up with your car, or want to stream a full-length movie uninterrupted, our 4G network delivers. We have expanded our 4G coverage to more than 200 million people in 208 markets and doubled speeds for nearly 180 million Americans in 163 markets.

Thank you for the opportunity to serve you, we appreciate your business and we will continue to focus on earning your loyalty every day.

Regards,

Jim Alling
Chief Operations Officer
T-Mobile USA, Inc.”

All right, bon courage, T Mobile!

FREE! Park Your Motorcycle All Day on Kaplan Lane near the MoMA in the SoMA

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Well there I was looking for four Norwegian gals, trying to find Dow Alley without Google Maps (not functioning due to its monomaniacal obsession with upgrading the software on my so-called smart phone) and I stumbled upon the biggest motorcycle free parking lot that’s anywhere close to Union Square. I’m all like, why aren’t there meters for all the bikes here?

Anywho, take a gander, on the MapJack (as the view from Google StreetView was just too hard to figure out). It’s like a motorcycle showroom just out the back door of the ThirstyBear Restaurant and Brewery (ask about their Great Recesssion lunch specials).

See? On the sidewalk, in marked spaces, unmarked spaces, both sides of the street, not a ticket in sight (uh oh, see the comments, but still…) - it’s Biker’s Heaven. Click to expand:

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How on Earth did the City neglect to meterize this lane when rates have gone up 180% (that’s $100 extra per month for a typical biker, and the SFMTA wanted to raise rates higher) so far this year?

Leave us travel back to 2004, when the towaway signs got took down and unmetered parking began:

TOW-AWAY, NO STOPPING ANYTIME – RESCIND
UNMETERED MOTORCYCLE PARKING – ESTABLISH
Kaplan Lane, east side, from Clementina Street to the northern terminus.”

See that? The MUNI people, the people so rich they could afford to run CultureBuses all over town pretty much completely empty for months and months just for their own pride, actually turned down a chance to raise revenue. It’s amazing. It’s like a trip back in time when you take Clementina off of third to encounter The Alley of Free Parking.

So spread the word to all your two-wheeled buddies. Hurray!

Oh, wait a second, some of the hundreds of riders who regularly use Kaplan to Stick It To The Man want to keep things a secret. For example, Mark W. says:

Shhhhhh!!! :)

So let’s keep things on the low down. This is a secret worth keeping, despite the occasional hit-and-run chain reaction accident. Of course, there are other places to park for free in San Francisco, but they’re not all hidden away like Kaplan.

So, this is how it’ll be. When I see you carrying your helmet at the Gold Club or the Metreon, I’ll just offer my knuckles for your knocking and we’ll both say, in unison: “Kaplan, baby!”

Let’s let Yelp‘s Rachel S. make the final pitch:

“*a*b*u*n*d*a*n*t* motorcycle parking that’s strides away from Moscone center, Yerba Beuna Gardens and SFMOMA.  Tiny note that’s, y’know, likely of little interest… it’s free.  Gratis. No cuesta nada.  Really.  And what’s more, it’s safe at most all hours in my experience.  Which sort’ve stands to reason given the surrounding businesses: the early-morning dark is monitored by the Starbucks’ clientele, the late-evening hours are overseen by Thirsty Bear’s patrons.  Plus, the walk from your parked bike back to the real world is through either an architecturally rich alleyway or a sculpture garden, depending on which direction you’re headed. Win all around.”

See you there!

Kaplan Lane is in my ears and in my eyes/
There beneath the gray-ish urban skies

Creative San Francisco Motorist Uses Pizza Box to Repair Broken Window

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

The plaintive wail from the owner of this green Ford Ranger pickup on the mean streets of NOPA / Western Addition:

“EVERYTHING HAS BEEN STOLEN ALREADY. [Sobbing Ninja Turtle icon, possibly Leonardo.] DON’T BOTHER!”

Click to expand.

The San Francisco Bomb Squad is Having a Busy 2009

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

The San Francisco Bomb Squad seems to be having a busy 2009 already, non? Yesterday evening, another incident backed up traffic quite a bit in the area around Kezar Stadium, with a parade of blocked vehicles reaching all the way to the interesting intersection of Fell and Masonic.

SFWeekly Snitch Matthew Smith has some info about the large blast that resulted.  

When the bomb squad doesn’t send in the robot, they have the option to use this guy. It takes quite a while to get this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle outfit on. Click to expand:  

Have a safe 2009.

[UPDATE: Apparently, the suspicious object wasn’t that suspicious at all.]