Well, this is news to me. Hater notes in brackets:
“Model Grand Opening At Summit 800 In San Francisco This Saturday & Sunday, August 23 And 24!
SAN FRANCISCO, Aug. 21, 2014 /PRNewswire/ — It’s time you experienced a higher level [I DON’T THINK LIVING WAY DOWN THERE IS HIGHER ANYTHING, IMO] of living. This Saturday, August 23 and Sunday, August 24, you’re invited to the highly anticipated Model Grand Opening of Summit 800 in San Francisco! With spectacular amenities, a peaceful community atmosphere and new single-family homes and attached condominiums priced from the low $1 millions, Summit 800 invites you to discover a new side [THE FAR WEST SIDE! THE FAR SOUTH SIDE! THE FAR SOUTHWEST SIDE] of San Francisco living. This is your chance to be among the first to tour the new models, enjoy refreshments and find a home that redefines everything [OF COURSE, EVERYTHING!]. Visit the sales office this weekend from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm and explore a community where elevated living [I DON’T THINK LIVING WAY DOWN THERE IS ELEVATED ANYTHING, IMO] starts here.
Nestled along a climbing hill [AS OPPOSED TO A NON-CLIMBING HILL?] in true San Francisco fashion, Summit 800 presents a long-awaited new residential opportunity in an unprecedented [IT’S IN THE PARKMERCED AREA, RIGHT? THAT PLACE HAS BEEN THERE FOR DECADES] location. Here, three-story single-family residences and attached condominiums are designed to fit your needs. Five unique floor plans range from 1,547 to 2,133 square feet and offer as many as three bedrooms, two-and one-half baths, private and shared two-car garages and stunning architectural styles. Plus, each residence comes equipped with solar power systems, embracing all the qualities you look for in a new home.
Designer-selected features and open living spaces create enough room for relaxation and comfort throughout [I’LL CEDE THIS POINT, SUMMIT. I’M SURE YOUR MILLION DOLLAR CONDOS ARE NICE INSIDE] Magnificent kitchens include energy-saving appliances, well-appointed cabinetry and granite slab countertops, while spacious master suites offer sumptuous bath havens, boasting solid-surface vanities, luxurious soaking tubs, separate spa-like showers and stylish mirrors. Additional community conveniences include a two-acre park, tot lot and dog park [AND THE CLOSEST PLACE TO SHOP IS A CONVENIENCE STORE WITH DRUG DEALERS HANGING OUT OUT FRONT?]
Situated in desirable San Francisco, Summit 800 presents an incredible opportunity to experience a new side of life in the city. A premier location [AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!] minutes from downtown [20 MINUTES? 40 MINUTES? 50 MINUTES? 60 MINUTES? 70 MINUTES? I MEAN IT DEPENDS ON IF YOU’RE WALKING OR DRIVING OR RIDING A BIKE OR, AT A LAST RESORT, RIDING MUNI, RIGHT?] and steps [3000?] from MUNI transit embraces rich culture, energy and style, offering access to the iconic Golden Gate Park, historic Japanese Tea Garden [SO IF SUMMIT 800 OFFERS ACCESS TO THE JAPANESE TEA GARDEN, THEN ANY PLACE IN DALY CITY SIMILARLY OFFERS ACCESS TO THE JAPANESE TEA GARDEN, RIGHT?] and city landmarks as well as world-renowned shopping, dining and entertainment destinations, from Union Square to Stonestown Galleria [YES, OUR “WORLD RENOWNED” MALL AT STONESTOWN – IT’S ALL THEY TALK ABOUT IN PARIS].
Summit 800 is located at 71 Summit Way, San Francisco, California 94132, off the I-280 S freeway and Geneva Avenue [OH FUCK, GENEVA? THIS JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER] exit. The sales office is open daily from 11:00 am to 5:00 pm. For more details, please visit Summit800.com or call (415) 587-8800.
Summit 800 is a new home community by Comstock Homes and Maracor Development in San Francisco. Situated near San Francisco’s Lake Merced area, the 7.7-acre site is owned by Real Capital Solutions, a nationally focused investor of work-out and value-add properties.