Squeeze together – more partiers are on their way:
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A: MUNI you suck.
B: Give us more money. MONEY MONEY MONEY!
A: Yeah, I don’t think so. Why don’t you do more with the money you have?
B: Ooh that sounds hard. But anyway, give us more money. MONEY MONEY MONEY!
All your favorite brands of 2012 are here!
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The next best thing to foot binding?*
I mean, how can you roundhouse the typical Union Square/Twitterloin mugger/iPhone** thief with these things on?
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Clip clop clip clop…
Haven’t we been bound too long?
*”The ideal length for a bound foot was seven and a half centimetres” – that’s Wiki-talk for less than three inches, girlfriend.
**First the felonious MUNI riders came for the iPhone owners and I didn’t speak out, for I had the Android…
Or, really, I guess it actually protects you, the nut behind the steering wheel, more than it protects the trolley platform.
How many accidents has this thing witnessed?
What would it say, if it could talk? Would it say, “Oooooouch,” or, “I need a vacation,” or, “Please put me back together the right way?”
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Probably.
The first thing you need to do with your General Motors [1908-2009, R.I.P] B-Platform [1959-1991, R.I.P.] is a lift (some people use stacks of hockey pucks) so you can fit your twenty-something inch wheels beneath. And then you need to tint the windows in violation of the California Vehicle Code. Now, you’re done.
Get your friends inside and you’re ready for a slow roll down Columbus. (Menancing stares through half-closed windows optional.) Thusly:
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Of course, you can just go out and buy a B-Body if you don’t have one.
Choose wisely:
