Posts Tagged ‘porsche’

Gracious Urban Living? The Rich People of San Francisco Have Run Out of Nice Places to Live – Little Boxes

Friday, October 19th, 2012

A wind-blown box sloping uphill in two directions, while facing the big E.R. for the Western Addition.

Here’s what it looks like north of NoPA and south (and also west) of the projects:

Click to expand

Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky tacky,
Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes all the same.
There’s a green one and a pink one 
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they’re all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses
All went to the university,
Where they were put in boxes
And they came out all the same,
And there’s doctors and lawyers,
And business executives,
And they’re all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf course
And drink their martinis dry,
And they all have pretty children
And the children go to school,
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
Where they are put in boxes
And they come out all the same.

And the boys go into business
And marry and raise a family
In boxes made of ticky tacky 
And they all look just the same.
There’s a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they’re all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

 

Word for the Day: A “Sailbag” is a Douchebag Who Comes to Town to See the Staged America’s Cup Boat Race

Friday, March 23rd, 2012

Here’s the view from the front, complete with fake Euro-style Front License Plate* and handicapped placard** allowing said sailbag the right to park wherever the Hell he wants however long he wants, for free:

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And here’s the rear view what gives the game away. See? It says right there “SAIL BAG.”

And dude’s from Marin County of course.

And there’s a yacht club logo in there as well, of course.

All that’s missing is the CHP 11-99 Foundation scam license plate holder, of course, you know, to get out of those sticky situations involving the police and the CHP, you know, because you’re a Eurotrash sailbag from god damn Marin County so you drive like a bat out of Hell.

Welcome to San Francisco, you sailbag you.

And more are coming, soon enough.***

In closing, sailbag.

*Is this a legal setup in California? NO, not at all – the DMV gave you an FLP for a reason. I’m not sure if other states still require front license plates, but CA sure does. Peace officers and meter maids both will cite you for this.

**Is this a legal use of a handicap placard? Probably. But do I think that said sailbag deserves to park for free all day on the streets of San Francisco? No. What dude’s doing isn’t exactly illegal because nobody ever gets in trouble for it. You could get a handicapped placard as well, why not? If the first doctor says no, then keep on looking, there’s nothing stopping you from doctor shopping. And then eventually you will find one to sign the DMV form. And actually, the people that have handicap placards consider you a sucker for not having a placard. Hurray! Free parking for me, the sailbag! 

***Do I have objections to rigged boat races on San Francisco Bay in general? No, not at all. But instead of us paying a sailbag like Larry Ellison eight or nine figures to host his little boat party here why don’t we reverse that and have sailbag Larry Ellison**** pay us eight or nine figures for the right to host his little boat party here? See how that works? One little oversight like that makes all the difference.

****Speaking of which, here’s what it looks like when Chief Sailbag Larry Ellison hisself comes to town to nosh on the prime rib. See his Toyota LFA there parked on Van Ness?

Welcome to San Francisco, you sailbag you.

Warning: “The Next 911 is Coming” – Oh, It’s Just a Porsche Ad – Plus, Parking the Busted Panamera on Geary Blvd.

Thursday, September 29th, 2011

Bad form, Porsche:

Hey, why not change the name back to 901, you know, kick it old school?

Porsche, go forth and sin no more.

Now, you know how many aging Hondas and Toyotas fill up this town? Tens of thousands. And yet, you never see old Hondas or Toyotas parked in the middle of Geary “Avenue” blocking traffic, oh no.

But if you have a brand new Porsche Panamera, feel free:

Via The Tens – click to expand

Bad form, Porsche driver

Lower Haight Street Porsche Delivery – Some Assembly Required, But Patient MUNI Bus Drivers Understand Your Dream

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

The dream, of course, is to get this baby back on the road:

Click to expand

As seen on Haight near Pierce:

(Yet another unregistered car in the garages of San Francisco – we have lots and lots already.)

You see, men can’t give birth so that’s why stuff like this happens.

Will this rig look much different in nine months?

Only Time Will Tell…

Porsche Minivan Driver Ignores Abandoned Bed While Parking Illegally in the Western Addition

Monday, May 23rd, 2011

See?

Told you so:

Click to expand

And if you notice how high the fender is  above the front wheel, you might be tempted to think the driver adjusted vehicle height with a push button, you know, in order to handle the rigors of this terrain.

Non-Genius Considers Fellow Non-Genius a Genius – Plus, C.W. Nevius Would Like a Glass of Water

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

Is dull-witted non-genius Chuck Nevius qualified to determine who on this Great Blue Marble is a genius?

Nooooope! Decidedly nope. (Hey, is promoting a one-megawatt turbine on the bottom of the briny briny bay for a zillion dollars of Other Peoples’ Money, is that a stroke of genius too? Noooope! Actually, it’s the opposite. Now, you could do it if you really, really wanted to, to prove a point, with OPM, but what would be the point to that? Hey, did a woman actually lose her job because she didn’t get some poms poms and go over to Raccoon Straight to start cheering for the one-megawatt turbine? Yuuuuup. Isn’t that sad?)

But, you say, The Nevius, he makin’ $100 an hour working part-time with full benefits – he must be a genius! Now, I’ll grant you that he’s fortunate, damn fortunate, but my point stands.

Bonus round: “Nevius Survives Pie* Attack.”

Can you you see him talking to a waiter at a restaurant, he’d be all like, “Nevius would like a glass of water.” Or, “After dessert, Nevius is going to take you home and then Nevius is going to rock your world.”

Final Jeopardy: “Porsche-Driving Porsche Owner Drives a Porsche.” Has the Nevius seen fit to ensure that Our Paper of Record has made mention of some real estate lady’s gussied up Volkswagen Touareg crossover six times the past two months? Is this a kind of MSM blow-job, where tout le monde can bear witness to somebody’s six-percenting skillz? Apparently.

In closing, Nevius!

*Does The Nevius just loooove that he got pie’d (sort of) by a petite woman the other day? Hells yes.

Dump Your ZipCar Account, ‘Cause RelayRides Just Hit Town! It’s Neighbor-to-Neighbor Carsharing in the 415

Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

Or don’t dump your ZipCar, I don’t care.* Anyway, the news of the day is the arrival of RelayRides, straight outta the Boston, Mass 02134 area. So, next time you need a car, you just use your RelayRides card to rent your neighbor’s ride.

So it’s like ZipCar but a little different. And actually, it’s just like San Francisco-based GetAround.

Max here, with the biggest Apple monitor in all Christendom, wants to tell you all about. She realllllly wants to. Check the video

Uh, Max honey? You’re giving us about a 9 – could you drop that down to a 4 on the next take? Oh there is no second take? Oh, O.K., well, that’s a wrap.

Now sure, you can say how RelayRides sucks, the way they do on the Yelp in the Boston Area but Google just put a lot of money into RR, so the idea can’t be all that crazy, right?

Now, check their new blog to find out “Why a RelayRides Prius is much more green than any other Prius”

I’ll tell you, I could sign up my giant Toyota for this program but:

1. It’s probably too old;

2. You’d need to baby it, you can’t just floor it to go up a hill with a quickness; and

3. Don’t like the idea of leaving the keys inside the car(!). Baby, if you want to pimp my ride or whatever the kids call car theft these days, you’re going to need a big tow truck or a good way of getting my keys from me. I’m thinking that leaving my keys in my car along with a little sign on the windshield telling tout le Monde that I left my keys in my car, well that’s one step removed from Gone in 60 Seconds followed by a Midnight Run for The Border. The 415 is full of vultures, vultures everywhere, everywhere, non?

But you, you have a brand new Mini Cooper or Toyota Prius with an automatic, right? Or, conversely, you want to rent one for an hour to make a TJ’s run every now and then, right?

Well then, get all the deets, below.

*ZipCar is a little sneaky about how they automatically renew your membership, IMO. I mean, really, they’re just another rent-a-car outfit, right? If I were a cheesy MBA-type running ZipCar, at least I’d have a reminder email go out to people before membership renewal, but that’s why I’m not a cheesy MBA-type running ZipCar. The same thing with NetFlix, when they keep your money when you cancel. The 415 is full of vultures, vultures everywhere, everywhere, non?

  • “RelayRides: Like Zipcar without the car fleet”The Bostpn Globe
  • “Car-Sharing Services Cut Cost of Ownership”The New York Times
  • “Teaming up with the Joneses”The Economist
  • “Make money letting others drive your car”CNN
  • SAN FRANCISCO, Dec. 14, 2010 – RelayRides, the world’s first neighbor-to-neighbor carsharing service, is launching in San Francisco on December 14, powered by funding from August Capital and Google Ventures. RelayRides provides car owners a user-friendly platform to safely lend their cars to their neighbors – and make money while providing convenient, affordable access to neighbors who need the occasional use of vehicles. Rather than putting new cars on the road like other carsharing services, RelayRides goes the eco-friendly route by leveraging existing, often idle autos. Neighbors help each other as car owners recover some of the costs of owning an expensive asset while providing a new, convenient transportation option for those in need of a car.

    Effective today, car owners in San Francisco can set their car’s hourly and daily rates and make them available to pre-screened RelayRides members. For those who need occasional access to a car for errands or a day trip, RelayRides offers competitive rates, and is free to join. Rates start at just $6 per hour and include gas and insurance. A $1 million insurance policy is in effect during each reservation to provide peace of mind for car owners. RelayRides provides in-vehicle technology and an online reservation system that enables independent access via smartcard to borrowers. The in-vehicle technology tracks usage and provides vehicle security.

    “Consumers are increasingly rejecting traditional forms of ownership, preferring to borrow rather than buy. RelayRides builds on this changing consumer behavior by enabling neighbors to support each other, both financially and practically,” comments Shelby Clark, founder and CEO of RelayRides.

    When RelayRides launched in the Boston area earlier this year, its rapid adoption by auto owners and those in need of a car demonstrated its viability. The company has successfully recruited owners with basic vehicles such as Honda Civics as well as higher-end Porsches and Jaguars. “It’s the perfect thing for me,” says Anthony Burdi, a 2009 Prius owner in Boston. “It’s a good way to earn revenue from my car when I’m not using it, which helps me pay for gas, insurance and other running costs. At the same time, I’m helping a neighbor by providing them access to a car. I never thought of it and kind of wish I had, because it’s a great business to be in.”

    “Car sharing between neighbors is great for San Francisco, as it will lead to fewer new cars on the road, which will help decrease congestion and pollution. That’s why I’m delighted to make my Prius available via RelayRides – it’s good for me, for my neighbors, and for my city,” comments Caterina Rindi, owner of a Toyota Prius, of San Francisco’s Potrero Hill neighborhood.

    “Carsharing is a $12.5 billion global market that is thriving in both the U.S. and abroad. RelayRides is the first to bring this global trend to the hyperlocal level,” says Joe Kraus, Partner at Google Ventures and Board Director of RelayRides. “This growth is driven by the fact that carsharing is now a convenient, affordable and sustainable alternative to ownership.”

    To learn more and enroll, visit http://www.RelayRides.com.

    About RelayRides

    RelayRides is the world’s first neighbor-to-neighbor carsharing service. RelayRides enables car owners to make money while providing those in need of a car with affordable access to one. RelayRides is a venture-funded company backed by Google Ventures and August Capital.

    More information about RelayRides and its service is available at: http://www.RelayRides.com.

    Sacramento Old and New: Willie Brown vs. the CHP, Arnold vs. the State Bar Association

    Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

    The news of the day is bad for California’s lawyers – turns out that Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger ended up, after a lengthy delay, signing the bill that authorizes the State Bar to collect dues for 2010, so the shysters of the Golden State will now have to fork over big bucks by March 1st. Feel free to theorize about Arnold’s thinking here, but I think it’s safe to say that anyone having anything to do with the Bar Association will think twice before labeling any judicial nominee “unqualified” or “not qualified” or anything like that.  

    Or else otherwise, this Governor or the next will step on your oxygen tube with the implicit threat of a quick reorganization for your organization. Once you start turning blue, the only sure cure for this kind of political extortion is to get Capital “O” Obsequious but pronto:

    “We are grateful to the governor for signing the State Bar 2010 fee bill. He has helped us to focus on issues and matters that are important to the State Bar,” said State Bar President Howard Miller. “We also want to thank the legislative leadership that has been so supportive and forthcoming. This entire period has strengthened the State Bar and given us important missions and goals that we now can actively achieve.”

    Fair enough - go forth and sin no more. But speaking of extortion, what about Willie Brown and the California Highway Patrol? We’ll have to travel back four decades for that. See below.

    Willie and an admirer in San Francisco’s State Building, from last year:

     

    From UC Press E-Books Collection, 1982-2004 (formerly eScholarship Editions), it’s 

    Willie Brown, A Biography by James Richardson

    From four decades ago, Chapter 15, Mr. Chairman:

    “One afternoon Brown briskly walked into a budget conference committee meeting late and looking angry. He immediately sat down next to [Senator] Collier and asked for a “point of personal privilege.” Collier granted him the courtesy, and Brown asked to return to an item in the budget to appropriate funds to purchase guns and other equipment for the California Highway Patrol. Brown then demanded that the funds be deleted from the budget. The trust between the two was so great that Collier asked no questions, immediately complied, and struck the CHP equipment appropriation.

    At the end of the meeting, [aide Robert] Connelly asked his boss what was going on with the Highway  Patrol. “He was so mad, he wouldn’t talk about it.” Finally, Brown told Connelly that he had been stopped not once but twice by CHP officers that day on his way to Sacramento from San Francisco along Interstate 80 in his bright red Porsche. Each time, the officers walked over to Brown and said, “Hey, boy, where’d you get this car?”

    Connelly quickly found the CHP’s lobbyist and told him what had happened. “The guy’s eyeballs rolled clear back into his skull. He said, ‘We’ll fix it.’” By the next morning, the CHP was distributing photographs of Willie Brown to officers along the Interstate 80 corridor between San Francisco and Sacramento with orders to “memorize this face.” The CHP got its appropriation back—and more.

    Brown championed pay raises for CHP officers by authoring a bill that tied their salaries to a formula based on the salaries of large municipal police forces. The measure gave Highway Patrol officers a windfall raise, and then an automatic pay raise every time one of the unionized city forces got a new contract.”

    Don’t mess with Texas!

    Back in the day when he was still on the road, you’d never see Willie Brown driving a Porsche or an Acura NSX Japanese Ferrari at a speed anything less than 80 on the 80. The respectful officers of the CHP just let him do whatever he wanted.

    First the stick, then the carrot – that’s how it works in Sacramento….

    Photos of the 2009 San Francisco International Auto Show at Moscone Center

    Saturday, November 28th, 2009

    The 52nd Annual San Francisco International Auto Show continues ’til Wednesday, December 2nd down at Moscone Center. It’s eight bucks, why not check it out?

    The joint is sponsored by the San Francisco Chronicle - here are their photos from Wednesday night. And here’s an annotated gallery from Ryan W over at Yelp. And here are the babes.

    A family decision – to buy the new Lexus hybrid or not. Click to expand:

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    A passionate pink Smart Car Four-Two Passion:

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    The Scions look like Matchbox Cars, right?

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    A fabled four-door Porsche Panamera – the California Highway Patrol must have been high on the waiting list

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    Hands up – who here has a Lexus? The SEMA boys painted this IS350 using the flattest finish known to Man. That’s not primer, it’s paint:

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    I think the South Koreans are arriving a little late at the boaty chromed-up car party, but anyway, here’s your giant 2010 Hyundai Equus – ask about their bullet-proof model:

    IMG_0332 copy

    A woody Mini Clubman station wagon, of course:

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    Honda makes jets? Sort of, with a little help from GE. Buy your HondaJet HA420 starting in 2011:

    IMG_0333

    And here’s your new Piaggio tricycle scooter – ask about their hybrid model:

    IMG_0273

    And that’s your San Francisco International Car Show for 2009.

    All the models, after the jump.

    (more…)

    Nimbies Save Presidio’s Great Northern Parking Lot – Will Burger King Now Come Back?

    Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

    Boy, it was touch and go for a few years there, but news comes today that our beloved NIMBYs have managed to preserve the Great Northern Parking Lot of San Francisco.

    See it? 700 spaces, free of charge. It’s historic, you know. When the U.S. Army wasn’t out there killing a million or so Filipinos it managed to create the GNPLoSF. Therefore, these parking spaces are sacrosanct:

    img_5582-copy

    Now that that pesky modern art has been gotten rid of, a question remains over what to do with the upper end of the Main Post. You know the Burger King corporation had an outlet that served as an Army Mess on the Presidio for so many years, it would be only fitting to give it the right of first refusal to get a chance to replace the famous itty bitty bowling alley that’s up there now.  

    An artist’s conception, avec just one installation of evil modern art thrown in to see if the NIMBYs can tolerate it.  

    museum-fisher copy

    You see, that old, historic Presidio BK was a place “where a simple guy serving his country could get an inexpensive meal with a stunning view.” Wouldn’t it be nice to honor those memories with the biggest Burger King in the world? Put it right where the museum was supposed to go.

    Either that, or a Jollibee. Your choice.