Posts Tagged ‘regatta’

Uh Oh: “Substantially Lower” Prices for Some Tickets for the Exceedingly Unpopular America’s Cup Yacht Match

Thursday, June 13th, 2013

Crowd estimates for some days of our so-called “Summer of Racing” have gone down more than two orders of magnitude from just last year.

Yes, that means that the estimates are now at less than 1% of  the 500,000 per day that ineffectual San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee was promising  all the way back in 2012.

Here’s the news:

“We have decided to substantially lower our charter prices to benefit spectators who are seeking a unique and thrilling viewing experience of the races from prime positioning on the perimeter of the America’s Cup race course,” said Captain Stephan Sowash.

Of course most people won’t pay a dime to watch this unpopular “gentlemen’s match” It may or may not be broadcast on free TV for a zero or negative(!) broadcast fee. And some tickets have already been refunded (which didn’t cost the Larry Ellison people  too much because how many people in the world would actually pay, really?)

All the deets:

America’s Cup 2013 Ticket Prices Reduced for Corporate Charter and Individuals on Official Stake Boat Odyssey with Sailing Fearless

San Francisco, CA (PRWEB) June 12, 2013

Sailing Fearless, charter provider on an official America’s Cup stake boat in San Francisco, is pleased to announce a significant price reduction to its charter pricing for the On-The-Water Viewing Experience. Corporate charters and individual ticket prices on Odyssey, a 65 foot tri-level luxury yacht, have been reduced as much as 20% to make America’s Cup even more accessible for the public to watch the competition from the premier location on the perimeter of the race course.

“With the announcement of the schedule changes from America’s Cup on June 7th, we have decided to substantially lower our charter prices to benefit spectators who are seeking a unique and thrilling viewing experience of the races from prime positioning on the perimeter of the race course” said Captain Stephan Sowash.

As an official stake boat, Odyssey will depart from Emeryville marina to form part of the perimeter of the race course offering premium viewing of the AC72 catamarans with an unobstructed view of the competition. Odyssey offers a live feed and commentary via two HDTV’s inside the cabin, a spacious main salon with wet bar and large seating area, outdoor and indoor seating with protection from the weather, and a 360 degree view of the bay. With “gyro-controlled hydraulic stabilizers”, the yacht provides extreme stability regardless of sea conditions.

“Your experience aboard Odyssey will be the best possible when it comes to capturing the excitement of the world’s greatest yacht races. This is the closest to the action you will get within the comfort, style, and luxury of a beautiful motor yacht,” said Captain Stephan Sowash.

America’s Cup charter schedule on Odyssey is as follows:

· Louis Vuitton Cup Finals | August 17th – 30th

The Louis Vuitton Cup finals are an exciting match-up of challengers in which the winner goes on to compete against the defending America’s Cup champion Oracle Team USA.

· Red Bull Youth America’s Cup | September 1st – 4th

Red Bull Youth America’s Cup features young, talented sailors aged 19 to 24 comprised of six sailors on various national teams. This is an opportunity to see the next America’s Cup generation of competitors.

· Super Yacht Regatta | September 9th, 11th and 13th

Participating in their own regatta, these magnificent super yachts will astonish as they race for the very first time in this inaugural event.

· America’s Cup Finals | September 7th – 20th

For the first time since 1851, America’s Cup is being held in picturesque San Francisco and may not be back for years to come. A great match-up between defender Oracle Team USA and the winner of the Louis Vuitton Cup Finals.

Coast Guard certified for 40 passengers, Odyssey will provide chartering from 11:30 am – 4 pm for the Louis Vuitton and America’s Cup Finals and 10:00 am – 3:00 pm for the Red Bull Youth Cup and Super Yacht Regatta with catering provided by one of San Francisco’s finest restaurants Arlequin – of the Absinthe Restaurant Group. A fully staffed professional crew will be attentive to all guests’ needs.

For more information about booking a Corporate Charter or individual tickets with Odyssey visit http://www.sailingfearless.com.

About Sailing Fearless

Sailing Fearless is a San Francisco based charter company owned and operated by Captain Stephan Sowash. With over 30 years experience on the water, Captain Stephan offers America’s Cup Charters and Dinner Cruises on a luxurious 65 foot tri-deck Hatteras yacht U.S Coast Guard certified for 40 passengers. He also Captains a 30 foot Cherubini Hunter for more intimate charters on his 6 passenger sailboat. For further information, please visit Sailing Fearless’s website at http://www.sailingfearless.com.

Read more at http://www.onenewspage.com/n/Press+Releases/74vw268ao/America’s-Cup-Tickets-Reduced-up-to-20-for.htm#51lQOdF6AXm8V7J0.99

America’s Cup Update: Team New Zealand Protests “Last-Minute Proposals” Favoring Larry Ellison in the “Name of Safety”

Monday, May 27th, 2013

Looks like things aren’t all rosy in Larry Ellison’s already-failed America’s Cup 2013 yacht match.

Let’s hear the news of the day from straight-talking New Zealand nerd Russell Green:

“I cannot help wondering how the All Blacks [New Zealand national rugby union team] would feel arriving at the World Cup in UK in 2015 to find that there were last minute proposals to change basic rules of the game in the name of player’s safety but which in effect favoured the slower stop/start style of the Northern Hemisphere teams?”

Here’s the whole thing:

“Emirates Team New Zealand’s rules advisor Russell Green blogs about moving goal posts and the negotiations ahead.

Last Wednesday was my first day working in San Francisco and we were called to a meeting late in the afternoon by regatta director, Iain Murray, who presented his recommendations from the work of the Review Committee. Present were the key members of the teams, the event authority and Louis Vuitton.

Iain Murray, who distributed the report and then worked through the document explaining all the relevant points, looked tired. It was clear there had been some long hours worked by Review Committee in the previous six days, an amazing job in such a short time.

The teams, especially Artemis, had various questions but there was little time to digest the information as former Oracle Racing COO Stephen Barclay, who now heads the Event Authority (ACEA), revealed the document had already been made public. It was straight back to the base for Grant Dalton to talk to the team about the content and how we would deal with the upcoming work which, inevitably, be required.

It is daunting to arrive at the venue after years of planning to find the “goalposts moving” so late in the campaign, long after design decisions have been made based on the anticipated windy conditions in San Francisco.

Yet another challenge for the team. I cannot help wondering how the All Blacks [New Zealand national rugby union team] would feel arriving at the World Cup in UK in 2015 to find that there were last minute proposals to change basic rules of the game in the name of player’s safety but which in effect favoured the slower stop/start style of the Northern Hemisphere teams?

The recommendations are general, the task now facing the event and the teams is for these general recommendations to be converted in to specific rules of the event, a process which needs to be dealt with quickly so the US Coast Guard can be satisfied on safety and issue its event permit.

Many will require discussion amongst the teams and ACRM, responsible for the race management. Currently there is a high degree of goodwill and co-operation in the interests of ensuring safety but there will inevitably be differences during the process, as the teams all have different competitive strengths which they wish to protect.

The most contentious issues for ETNZ are the reduction in the wind limits and the prospect of flexible starting times.

The recommended reduction of the upper wind limits is more than we would have liked, but we always knew the 33 knot upper limit was not practical. It has been explained to us that the flexible starting time regime, intended for use in the windier conditions in the LVC, would involve the starting time only being brought forward when ACRM was sure that the wind speed would be over the upper limit at the scheduled start time.

This will clearly need the input and cooperation of the teams and we have made a proposal how this could work.

Modifications will be required to the various rule documents which govern the event. Changes to the Protocol and the Racing Rules require agreement from the majority of the teams, changes to the Class Rule requires the unanimous consent of the teams as does a document called the Newport Agreement which stipulates the format, schedule and start times of racing.

Thursday was a day of digestion and analysis ashore while our AC72 went for a sail and the external rule change process started on Friday with a three-hour meeting involving the four team’s rules advisors and ACRM.

Agreement was reached on which rule document would need to be modified to accommodate each recommendation and the next steps required.

Next there will be a series of meetings early in the coming week. I will join Jeremy Lomas and Chris Salthouse at a meeting on crew safety equipment, structural engineer Gio Belgrano at a meeting on structural issues, and Dean Barker at a skippers’ meeting to consider changes to the racing rules in the start area.

There will also be a need to work with technical director Nick Holroyd and his design team on the negotiations on the draft Class Rule changes which we are expecting from the Chief Measurer, Nick Nicholson.

A busy week coming up, but in the meantime the sailing will go on…”

OMG, Ride the E-Line “Twin Torpedos” for Free This Weekend! Volunteer to be a Temporary Streetcar Docent

Monday, October 1st, 2012

How would you like to volunteer as a docent helping out with the new-school / old-school E-line on October 6-7, 2012?

First, some background about how busy the 415 will be this weekend:

“Looking at what’s scheduled for that weekend, there might not be room in the city for many more people, much less cars. First, there’s the free Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival in Golden Gate Park, a three-day event that drew about 800,000 people last year. That Sunday afternoon, the 49ers play the Buffalo Bills at Candlestick Park, while the Giants are hoping for weekend playoff games at AT&T Park, all guaranteed sellouts. About 60,000 people typically attend the Castro Street Fair, scheduled for that Sunday, while thousands more will jam North Beach for the annual Italian Heritage Parade at 12:30 on the same day. A different crowd will probably be at the Burning Man Decompression street fair, also that Sunday afternoon. To add to the fun, two mega cruise ships are expected to dock at Pier 35 over the weekend, disgorging thousands more tourists. Then, of course, there’s Fleet Week, which brings thousands of sailors and as many as a million visitors to the waterfront for the weekend.”

So you’ll be needed to help out all the visitors moving around on the Twin Torpedos, streetcars 1006 and 1008:

“We need several more docents to work the stops along the E-line on October 6 and 7, helping riders find the right platform and providing information about the service. We have docent books prepared by Paul Lucas, so it’s easy to learn what to do. If you’re interested, send us an email and we’ll get back to you.”

Click to expand

Act now.

OMG OMG! The Sainted Wall Street Journal is Covering the America’s Cup Already! Read and Learn from Sarah Tilton

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

LEAVE US BEGIN, LET’S HEAR FROM THE WALL STREET JOURNAL ONLINE!

“SAN FRANCISCO—As this city gears up for the 34th America’s Cup next year, a race of a different kind has already begun: one to snag the best views of the sailing regatta.”

UH, REALLY? NO, I DON’T THINK SO. ISN’T THE “RACE OF A DIFFERENT KIND” INVOLVING THE AMERICA’S CUP ACTUALLY THE RACE FOR TEAMS, YOU KNOW, FROM SPAIN AND ITALY AND FRANCE, TO GET OUT OF COMMITMENTS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE AMERICA’S CUP? YES. TEAMS BE REFUSING TO ENTER EVEN AT THE HIGHLY REDUCED 80-SOMETHING PERCENT OFF ENTRY FEE. HAVEN’T YOU HEARD YET, SARAH? THE NEWFANGLED BOATS ARE TOO BIG. AND DO YOU KNOW WHO SAYS THAT? LARRY FUCKING ELLISON HISSELF, RECENTLY, IN THE ONLINE PAGES OF, WAIT FOR IT, THE WSJ ITSELF.* DON’T YOU READ YOUR OWN PUBLICATION? DON’T YOU KNOW THAT AC34 IS SHAPING UP TO BE A KIND OF SLOW-MOTION DISASTER?

Peter Jacobsen, a semiretired dentist from Yountville, Calif., isn’t taking any chances when it comes to ensuring a view of the America’s Cup racecourse on San Francisco Bay. Dr. Jacobsen and his wife, Gwendolyn, last year paid $158,000 for a fractional interest in a one-bedroom unit at a ritzy condo development right by San Francisco’s waterfront.

IRL, NOBODY CARES ABOUT RETIRED NORTH BAY DENTISTS ET UXESES EXCEPT NORTH BAY DENTISTS. AND WHAT’S A FRACTIONAL INTEREST IRL? ISN’T THAT JUST A TIME-SHARE?

The deal guarantees just 35 nights a year at the property—but importantly, a Bay-view unit for two weeks during the America’s Cup finals scheduled for September 2013.

FASCINATING! OH, BUT NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP, RIGHT? THEY JUST HAD A WARM-UP RACE DOWN IN FUN DIEGO – IT WAS A BIG DISASTER BECAUSE NOBODY CARED. AC PEOPLE GOT FIRED OVER THAT ONE. AND LAID-OFF TOO. MOST OF THEM, ACTUALLY. HAVEN’T YOU HEARD? OH, AND SARAH, “A BAY-VIEW UNIT” MEANS SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN THE 415, YOU KNOW, COMPARED WITH WHAT IT MEANS IN OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD.

The Jacobsens shelled out the six-figure sum even though they already own another fractional interest at the property that they bought for $182,000 in 2009. But that unit doesn’t have a guaranteed view, and with the regatta approaching, “we needed more time and it was an opportunity to lock in the perfect view,” says Dr. Jacobsen, 67 years old.

YEAH, “YOU GOT TO LOCK THAT DOWN!” SO, OLD WHITE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SIT IN THEIR APARTMENTS AND WATCH THE BOAT RACE FROM MILES AWAY? REALLY? IS THAT WORTH SPENDING YOUR KIDS’ INHERITANCES?

More than a year before the event, sailing fans are scouting out prime vistas for the America’s Cup. The chase for best perch has inspired a real-estate scramble, with some agents setting up shop specifically to locate rooms with a view for elite clients.

WELL, CERTAIN REAL ESTATE AGENTS WOULD LIKE US TO BELIEVE THAT THERE’S A “CHASE” AND A “SCRAMBLE.” THESE HOUSING PARASITES LIE TO REPORTERS LIKE YOU TO TRY TO MAKE MORE MONEY ON DEALS. DON’T YOU KNOW THAT?  AND YOU SAY REAL ESTATE AGENTS HAVE OPENED UP OFFICES JUST FOR THE AC? I DON’T BELIEVE THAT BUT WHATEVER. AND OH, RETIRED NORTH BAY DENTISTS ET UXES AREN’T “ELITE” ANYTHING.

Rental prices for the America’s Cup are already soaring.

OMG OMG OMG! ALREADY? ALMOST AS IF THE AC ISN’T A BIG DISASTER. ALREADY.

Landlords are dangling options such as a $60,000-a-month rent for a home in the posh Pacific Heights neighborhood during the race. Although results remain to be seen, agents say prices could go as high as $100,000 a week during the finals.

RESULTS REMAIN TO BE SEEN? REALLY? MORE THAN A YEAR OUT? WOW, THANKS FOR THAT TIDBIT, SARAH TILTON! WHAT DO YOU WITH YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU’RE NOT SHILLING FOR REAL ESTATE INTERESTS?

“It will be a real land-grab for the good stuff,” says Rick Teed of Sotheby’s International Realty.

RICK TEED? YOU MEAN THIS UBER-CHEESY ASSHOLE RECENTLY SEEN ON THE BACKS OF MUNI BUSES?

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I THINK YOU DO!

The anticipated demand for a race view stems partly from the relative rarity of the America’s Cup taking place in America. The race hasn’t been held in the U.S. since 1995, and in recent years has taken place off the coast of New Zealand and Spain. (The race was named by the New York Yacht Club after the schooner America, which beat the British in a race in 1851.)

WOW THANKS FOR THE HISTORY LESSON, SARAH. BUT MOST OF THAT HERITAGE RECENTLY GOT FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET BY ONE LARRY ELLISON. HEY SARAH, WHY DON’T YOU READ THE COMMENTS PEOPLE HAVE POSTED ‘NEATH YOUR ROSY ARTICLE? WHY DO THEY HAVE A MORE REALISTIC PERSPECTIVE THAN YOU?

The Cup has never been held in San Francisco Bay, which race officials describe as a “natural amphitheater”—as opposed to the open ocean where the regatta usually takes place. That means some prime views of the event can be had from land this time rather than from the decks of spectator boats.

BUT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP ANYMORE. SEE? THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

The race is coming to San Francisco through the efforts of Oracle Corp. ORCL +0.24% founder and chief executive Larry Ellison, whose yacht and sailing team won the 2010 America’s Cup in Valencia, Spain. The winner of the race, which is typically held every three to four years, decides where the next competition will take place. The billionaire also owns a home in San Francisco with first-class views of the Bay.

BUT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP ANYMORE. SEE? THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

But Mr. Ellison may have an even better seat than that for the regatta. An America’s Cup spokeswoman says Mr. Ellison will be on board Oracle Racing’s boat during the races. Through a representative, Mr. Ellison, 67, declined to comment.

BUT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP ANYMORE. SEE? THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

The Cup itself, a sterling silver trophy that gets its own seat on airplanes, comes in a custom Louis Vuitton case and always travels with a companion, the Cup spokeswoman says. It is kept in a secret location when not on tour, she says, but will be displayed during the race in San Francisco.

BUT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP ANYMORE. SEE? THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

The heady rental numbers are spurring some homeowners to try renting their home for the first time. Marjorie and Larry Schlenoff listed their 3,162-square-foot four-bedroom San Francisco home, which they have lived in since 1999, for $35,000 a month for a long-term lease encompassing the Cup period. For shorter stays around the time of the Cup, the price is higher: $15,000 a week, says Mrs. Schlenoff.

MORE DETAILS! WE DEMAND MORE DETAILS. IS SHE GOING TO SAY, “ASK ME ABOUT MY GRANDCHILDREN” NEXT?

“We’ve never rented our house,” says Mrs. Schlenoff, a psychoanalyst and nonprofit founder. But with the home’s vistas and location near San Francisco’s Golden Gate Yacht Club, she says she and her husband see the regatta as a unique opportunity and the house as a “business asset.”

HOLD ON, I’M GETTING SO EXCITED FROM THIS NEWS NUGGET THAT I’M HAVING A MILD HEART ATTACK. HOLD ON WHILE I GO TO THE ER.

She listed her home through rental agency ReLISTO, which has multiple homes available for the Cup, including a $3,500-a-month studio with no views to $60,000 a month for a 5,000-square-foot Pacific Heights house with panoramic Bay views.

WHEW, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE. I’M MEDICATED NOW AND MY DOCTOR SAYS THAT I SHOULD STOP READING THE FUCKING ONLINE WSJ BECAUSE I GET TOO EXCITED. BUT I GOTS TO HAVE MORE DETAILS!

Charlie Martin, a real-estate agent in Sausalito, Calif., launched a group called RezLux in February specializing in Cup rentals. In addition to real-estate needs, he says he will also provide personal chefs and concierge services for the race. So far, he has handled calls from potential clients in England, Japan and New Zealand. “We’re starting to book,” he says.

OMG, MORE WHITE PEOPLE! THE AMERICAS CUP IS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH WHITE PEOPLE! HURRAY! HURRAY FOR WHITE PEOPLE!

Some homeowners say there is no way they will rent their home during the Cup because they want the panoramas for themselves. Venture capitalist and America’s Cup Organizing Committee member Tom Perkins, who owns a 60th-floor penthouse in San Francisco, will be watching the Cup from there.

HE’S WHITE TOO, RIGHT? WHITE PEOPLE, WHITE PEOPLE, WHITE PEOPLE, WHITE PEOPLE! BUT AT LEAST HE’S NOT OLD, RIGHT?

“It’ll be just about the best place to watch,” says Mr. Perkins, 80, adding that he plans to have “lots and lots of people over.” Mr. Perkins, who once owned one of the world’s most expensive yachts, dubbed the Maltese Falcon, says he has several pairs of binoculars and a World War II telescope ready for the festivities.

OH, HE IS OLD AFTER ALL. ACTUALLY OLDER THAN HIS “World War II telescope,” WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS.

Others are plotting a cheaper course to view the regatta. Sean Randolph, president of the Bay Area Council Economic Institute, says he plans to watch the Cup from a kayak in a buffer zone that will be created on San Francisco Bay for nonmotorized boats. While Mr. Randolph’s home in Marin County, north of San Francisco, has a view of the Bay, it doesn’t overlook the Cup’s racecourse, and he doesn’t want to shell out thousands of dollars to rent a property.

OH, DUDE’S FROM THE BAY AREA COUNCIL ECONOMIC INSTITUTE? THAT’S THE SO-CALLED “INDEPENDENT AUTHORITY” WHAT SAID HOW GREAT THE AMERICA’S CUP WAS GOING TO BE. BUT THAT TURNED OUT TO BE A LIE, RIGHT? BUT THAT’S NO REASON TO QUESTION THE ENTIRE PROCESS, IS IT, SARAH?

“In a kayak, you’re sort of participating because you’re on the water and you’re a little closer” to the action than on land, he says.

YES, BEING IN A KAYAK IS SORT OF LIKE PARTICIPATING IN THE AMERICA’S CUP. OF COURSE. SORT OF.

For John Kostecki, a sailor on the Oracle sailing team, the best views of the race are free. In particular, he recommends a stretch of waterfront near the Marina Green, where spectators can get close enough to hear sailors’ conversations. “It’s quite deep and the boats can come quite close,” he says.

OH, ARE WE DONE? IS THAT IT? WE SORT OF TRAILED OFF THERE. WELL, ANYWAY, LET’S PUT THIS ON PAGE A1.

I DON’T KNOW, MAN. IF THE AMERICA’S CUP IS MAKING SO MUCH MONEY FOR SO MANY PEOPLE, WHY ARE THE CITIZENS OF SAN FRANCISCO BEING FORCED TO SUBSIDIZE IT? WHY ARE THE POWERS THAT BE TAKING MONEY FROM NON-MILLIONAIRE NON-WHITE PEOPLE AND USING IT TO PAY FOR THE “FUN” AND “EXCITEMENT” OF MILLIONAIRE WHITE PEOPLE? THE CROWD AND REVENUE ESTIMATES ARE STILL WAY, WAY, WAY OPTIMISTIC AND THEY’RE BASED ON HAVING A BUNCH OF TEAMS SPENDING A BUNCH OF MONEY IN TOWN ONE TO TWO YEARS OUT. IN ACTUALITY, THE BOATS ARE WAY TOO BIG FOR THE BAY AND WAY TOO BIG FOR POTENTIAL TEAMS.

THIS THING IS GOING TO END UP BEING LIKE A FLEET WEEK, EXCEPT THE US NAVY DOESN’T THINK IT’S REASONABLE TO DEMAND NINE-FIGURES TO PROMOTE ITSELF.

BUT IT’S NOT TOO LATE FOR DEADBEAT LARRY ELLISON TO STEP UP AND SIMPLY PAY US FOR THE RIGHT TO RUN HIS BOAT RACE HERE.

IT’S NOT TOO LATE, LARRY! AND THEN YOU CAN TURN YOUR BUMMER OF A RACE INTO AN ACTUAL REBUILDING YEAR AND THEN YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO 2016 AND, THEREBY, HAVE SOME MORE FUN BEFORE YOU DIE (OF THAT DISEASE WHAT YOU HAVE WHAT’S A SECRET). OTHERWISE, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO’LL BENEFIT FROM YOUR FALSE GENEROSITY WILL BE REAL ESTATE TYPES AND LAZY, SIMPLE-MINDED, CHEERLEADING, WSJ-ONLINE REPORTER TYPES…

*“I think it’s a really good idea to get the cost of fielding a team way down so you can have a lot more countries [and athletes] participating,” Ellison said.

Word for the Day: A “Sailbag” is a Douchebag Who Comes to Town to See the Staged America’s Cup Boat Race

Friday, March 23rd, 2012

Here’s the view from the front, complete with fake Euro-style Front License Plate* and handicapped placard** allowing said sailbag the right to park wherever the Hell he wants however long he wants, for free:

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And here’s the rear view what gives the game away. See? It says right there “SAIL BAG.”

And dude’s from Marin County of course.

And there’s a yacht club logo in there as well, of course.

All that’s missing is the CHP 11-99 Foundation scam license plate holder, of course, you know, to get out of those sticky situations involving the police and the CHP, you know, because you’re a Eurotrash sailbag from god damn Marin County so you drive like a bat out of Hell.

Welcome to San Francisco, you sailbag you.

And more are coming, soon enough.***

In closing, sailbag.

*Is this a legal setup in California? NO, not at all – the DMV gave you an FLP for a reason. I’m not sure if other states still require front license plates, but CA sure does. Peace officers and meter maids both will cite you for this.

**Is this a legal use of a handicap placard? Probably. But do I think that said sailbag deserves to park for free all day on the streets of San Francisco? No. What dude’s doing isn’t exactly illegal because nobody ever gets in trouble for it. You could get a handicapped placard as well, why not? If the first doctor says no, then keep on looking, there’s nothing stopping you from doctor shopping. And then eventually you will find one to sign the DMV form. And actually, the people that have handicap placards consider you a sucker for not having a placard. Hurray! Free parking for me, the sailbag! 

***Do I have objections to rigged boat races on San Francisco Bay in general? No, not at all. But instead of us paying a sailbag like Larry Ellison eight or nine figures to host his little boat party here why don’t we reverse that and have sailbag Larry Ellison**** pay us eight or nine figures for the right to host his little boat party here? See how that works? One little oversight like that makes all the difference.

****Speaking of which, here’s what it looks like when Chief Sailbag Larry Ellison hisself comes to town to nosh on the prime rib. See his Toyota LFA there parked on Van Ness?

Welcome to San Francisco, you sailbag you.