Posts Tagged ‘renamed’

MUNI’s Brave New World is Truly Orwellian: Like the #5L is Now the #5R? – Because “Rapid” “Sounds Better” Than Limited?

Wednesday, March 25th, 2015

So let’s see here, who’s offered me money, you know, for “outreach” that, you know, I’ve rejected? Well, PG&E and the SFPUC and that slow, clumsy SFMTA, for instance. Of course, some places, like the Bay Guardian (R.I.P.), and a defunct blog from the Avenues, and the MUNI Diaries or the SFBC, take money from those institutions, and in some cases, the dirty money has talked.

But it don’t talk to me.

Now you yourself might know more about MUNI than I, since I’ve mostly ridden bikes since I got here back in the 1980’s, because MUNI is such a remarkably poor transit system.

Having said that, WTF to this:

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One supposes that this is from an internal SFMTA PowerPoint presentation?

So “MUNI FORWARD?” What’s that? IDK. But let’s call it MUNI’s plan. And since we’re translating from marketing / “framing” words into Plain English:

“Investing” = Spending tax and fee payer money

“Customers” = Passengers

“Rapid” = Limited

Oh, here comes the “branding”

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Oh, a pole with a sign on it with the number of the bus? How fucking innovative! (Be sure to get a design patent on your “branding,” SFMTA.) And, what’s this,  you can’t put up plain simple cheap bike racks, you need to promote yourselves, SFMTA? Yish. Now “HISTORIC,” that means $6 one-way, soon enough, just as all the other lines will be $3 minimum, one-way, soon enough.

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[Poles + The airing of grievances = Festivus]

All right, time to pour the old wine into new bottles, or as they say in Japan: “古いワイン、新しいボトル” [Oh, snap!] So forget about the “branding” of the brand-new #5L, that new line that’s not really faster than the regular old #5, not really. Oh, here we go:

The 5L doesn’t really work

That’s from 40 Going On 28, who similarly isn’t on the take from the SFMTA. Anyway, here’s your scorecard showing that the 5L is history:

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(Comrades, the 5L is the 5R, therefore, the 5L has always been the 5R)

The nice thing about the word Limited is that it’s accurate and people understand it. OTOH, calling any particular SFMTA bus line “Rapid” might not be accurate, right?

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And here’s the Good News, Gentle Reader! OMG! Look at all the exclamation points! Wow!


Of course some things the SFMTA wants to do are good and some are bad.

Hey, MUNI, what about all your antiquated work rules, what about those?

Oh, that’s hard to deal with? Oh, you’d rather just rename things and make PowerPoints? OK fine.

Anyway, we’ll see how this one goes…

*Originally, I had a heavy $199 cr0-molly MTB from Price Club and then I got some other bikes and now my main ride is a heavy aluminum $269 MTB from the Marin Bikes Outlet at 7th and Folsom. Not much has changed, huh? 

Remembering the Time When San Francisco’s Official Tourist Association Renamed the Tenderloin as the “THEATER DISTRICT”

Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

This one’s from a few years back:

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Perhaps this was the problem:

Organization History

For more than 100 years the San Francisco Travel Association has worked on behalf of its partners to promote San Francisco as the destination of choice for conventions and leisure travel. The Association is an outgrowth of the San Francisco Convention and Tourist League, a non-profit, local business association founded in 1909 to reclaim the City’s position as a world-class destination in the wake of the devastating 1906 earthquake and fire.

San Francisco Travel continues that mission today, aggressively marketing and selling San Francisco to attract visitors. San Francisco Travel is a private, not-for-profit, 501(c)6 membership organization, headed by a Board of Directors made up of 45 business leaders from various companies, elected by the membership. Additionally, in 2003, the Association established a 501(c)3 foundation to raise scholarship funds for students enrolled in local hospitality management programs and to produce educational programs.” 

Here’s How Willie Brown Lies About Having the Bay Bridge and Third Street and SFO Named After Him

Tuesday, June 25th, 2013

Via the SFBayObserver comes the words of Willie Brown, actually coming through the new San Francisco Chronicle paywall

“Pardon me while I set the record straight: I had nothing to do, directly or indirectly, with the idea in the Legislature of naming the western span of the Bay Bridge after me. I don’t like the idea of my name being on things. I caught holy hell when Gavin Newsom said he wanted to name Third Street after me, and it never happened. They named a school after me, and it promptly closed.”

Well Willie, if you don’t like your name on things, then you shouldn’t pose for photos with signs graced with your name, right?

Here’s Willie. What’s he saying? Is it, “No no, I hate this?”

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And here’s another shot:

So Willie, maybe you didn’t call people up and beg them to start the process of renaming the bridge span, but you certainly, at the very least, are indirectly responsible for pols trying to name things for you. They know how desperately you wanted to rename SFO as the Willie L. Brown Junior International Airport back in the 1990’s

And they know how much you love attention.

Oh Willie, will you ever win?

San Francisco Named Balboa Street to Honor a Man Famous for Killing LGBTs in Central America – Why Not Change It?

Thursday, June 20th, 2013

Balboa Park, Balboa 31X, Balboa Street – there are lots of examples.

Now let’s check and see what Vasco Núñez de Balboa did to be so honored.

Oh, here it is:

Balboa setting his dogs upon Indian practitioners of male love (1594) The Spanish invader Vasco Núñez de Balboa (1475-1519) shown in Central America with his troops, presiding over the execution of Indians, whom he ordered eaten alive by the war dogs for having practiced male love. New York Public Library, Rare Book Room, De Bry Collection, New York.

Oh and we honor Funston too?

Oh well


Google Maps Changes the Name of Van Ness Avenue to El Camino Real – But You Can’t Object, It’s Perfectly Legal

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

Oh, c’mon, man, is this why tourists ask me where El Camino Real is?

Are you seriously, Google?  

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They are seriously and it’s all legal. Check it:

California Streets and Highways Code Section 635(b): State highway routes embracing portions of Routes 280, 82, 238, 101, 5, 72, 12, 37, 121, 87, 162, 185, 92, and 123 and connecting city streets and county roads thereto, and extending in a continuous route from Sonoma southerly to the international border and near the route historically known as El Camino Real shall be known and designated as “El Camino Real.”

So basically, everything that could possibly considered ECR is ECR – that’s what the solons of Sacramento have determined.

News to me.

You’ve won this one, Google.

Google the Devil but I Feel Lucky.

Remembering the Time When “South San Francisco” was Actually In San Francisco – The Bayview’s “Avenues, South”

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

This H. A. Candrian map from 1909 (on display at 100 Van Ness) shows no respect for the then-new City of South San Francisco (founded 1908) – you know, that town that used to be called “Baden” that’s about five miles to the south.

I say that because the Bayview / Hunters Point area is clearly marked “South San Francisco.”

See all those “avenues south” (both actual and planned)? They perished in the Great Renaming of 1909. Check it: 

“There were three sets of numerical streets. First through Thirty-first streets ran from downtown into the Mission District. The growing Richmond and Sunset Districts had First through Forty-ninth avenues. The Bayview District had a similar list of avenues, First through Forty-fifth, which were suffixed as “Avenue, South.” In a pre-zip code era, these variations in designations for numbered or lettered byways just added to the other street name confusion in the city. The Post Office estimated that 500 letters a day were mishandled due to the problem of street names in San Francisco.”

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Of course these streets are labelled alphabetically now, but not without a pitched battle at City Hall:

“When the dust cleared, and the final vote was taken on December 21, the commission did placate the priests by naming one street for Padre Palou (instead of Payne), another for Charles Carroll(instead of Cromwell), and a third for the California historian Hubert Howe Bancroft (instead of Belfast, the Protestant city in North Ireland), although Bancroft was still living. The north-south streets in the Bayview were lettered “A” Street, South, through “T” Street, South, with the letter O omitted. These were renamed using mostly prominent San Francisco pioneers, but met with no protest. Two non-pioneers’ names were chosen: Colonel George H. Mendell, who was responsible for laying out much of the coastal defense system and had just recently died, and William Keith, the popular California artist, the only other living person to have a street named in his honor.”

Thank goodness we don’t argue over street names anymore…

Resolved: Funston Should be Renamed 13th Avenue – Why Honor a Filipino-Killing Cracker?

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

Isn’t superstition such a second-millenium, High Middle Ages kind of thing, don’t you think? Isn’t superstition the reason our foreparents named l’avenue betwixt 12th and 14th after Frederick Funston? I mean, why else would they have done that?

Let’s meet Freddie Funston, 13th Avenue’s temporary namesake:

I personally strung up thirty-five Filipinos without trial… Impromptu domestic hanging might also hasten the end of the war. For starters, all Americans who had recently petitioned Congress to sue for peace in the Philippines should be dragged out of their homes and lynched.”

O.K. then. (Make that Filipino-killing super-cracker.) Famous Mark Twain even penned a mock-defense of Freddie-boy in a sarcastic essay.

Cheek by jowl – one frees you, the other kills you:

Now, what about this? Did Freddie-boy represent the feds after the 1906 Earthquake the same way Michael “heckofajobBrownie” Brown represented the feds after Hurricane Katrina? Well, this bit in the San Francisco Chronicle from four years ago certainly makes the case.

But, You Make The Call. Here’s Funston taking charge of San Francisco during the Great Fire of 1906, as if martial law had been declared (it wasn’t, IRL):

“Gen. Funston sends in the first military demolition squad. The incompetence by which they dynamite buildings causes the outbreak of four new fires.

“General Funston now attempts to encircle the fire in the heart of the city with systematic destruction of buildings. A drugstore at Clay and Kearny is blown up with black powder. A flaming mattress from the flat above is launched across the street setting fire to Chinatown.

“At 5 pm the next morning, the order came down from Mayor Schmitz that the dynamiting should stop. But the order comes too late to stop the exploding of a building on Green Street. The explosion ignites a previously untouched area and this new fire spreads along Green Street aided by a gale-force wind. 5 pm that afternoonFunston gives the order to resume the shelling of Van Ness Avenue against the direct orders of Mayor Schmitz in what seems to many to be senseless destruction. There are mounting reports of the excesses of the troops, including rape, indecent assault and grievous bodily harm.”

Heck of a job, Freddie! Actually, he screwed up so bad he had to try to defend hisself in the pages of Comso (I’m seriously, freaking Cosmopoliton “77 Positions in 77 Days” Magazine.)

So, now you’re armed with two good arguments for changing the name of 13th Avenue back to 13th Avenue.* We’ll get the City take down the Funston signs post-haste and then we ought to let the residents continue to use the name Funston as long as they want. Somebody’ll even write a memo to the USPS to keep things straight with mail delivery.

D’accord? D’accord.

*In the alternative, other substitute names like Genocide Avenue or Triskaidekaphobia Avenue could also be acceptable.