Posts Tagged ‘scam’

Packt Like Sardines: How Many Cars Can You Put Into Just One San Francisco Parking Lot?

Wednesday, April 24th, 2013

Well, at least for this particularly oddly-shaped piece of real estate on Main Street near Folsom, the answer was this many:

img_9020-copy.jpg

“Last in, first out.” Click to expand.

I don’t know if this lot in SoMA is still around. The photo was taken from the office of a billionaire who was quite solicitous owing to a project he wanted to kick off before he himself kicked off.

Here’s what I wrote a half decade back:

It might be a pain to park here, under the shadow of the new Infinity San Francisco towers, but at least you won’t get the boot, or get into a chain reaction accident, or get all messy. Of course, if you work for San Francisco Honda, then just park wherever - the sidewalk, for example.

Lastly, DO NOT PAY THIS MAN!

If You Try to “Opt Out” of Useless Telephone Book Delivery, the Horrible YP Yellow Pages People Will Hound You

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

In perpetuity.

Check it:

“A valid telephone number is required in order to process and verify opt-out requests. Incorrect or omitted information may prevent us from honoring your request.”

Why do they say they need your phone number? So they can ask you if you really, really think phonebooks are so useless these days that you don’t want them anymore.

And then, they’ll call you the next year and the next year and the next year. You know, to make sure. Again.

Forever.

So. which is worse? Would you rather get a useless phone book or a useless phone call?

Weeks after delivery, these books are still around:

Via Warzau Wynn – click to expand

YP Yellow Pages Local Search people, nobody in San Francisco wants what you’re selling.

Why don’t you go away?

SHN “Book of Mormon” Ticket Lottery a Huge Success – The Only Way to Get a Seat Now – Here’s the Video

Wednesday, November 28th, 2012

Here are the rules of the game.

Here is what the lottery looks like:

I’d say that you’d have had a 10% chance of winning on Preview Night.

Realize that the scalpers and scam artists are going crazy right about now, so paying $29 for a seat what’s worth north of $290 IRL might strike you as a good deal.

Get lucky!

OMG, You Have No Idea How Hard It Is to Get Book of Mormon Tickets – Your Last Best Chance? Daily Ticket Lottery

Monday, November 19th, 2012

This is it.

This is the biggest Broadway roadshow to hit town since forever.

Book of Mormon will play at our Curran Theatre from November 27th to December 30th 2012 and then it will be gone.

There is no way that the run of this smash musical comedy will be extended as the BoM crew will start up in Portland the day after New Year’s.

So here’s what you need to know:

1. This thing is going to be huge – everybody’s going to be talking about it. You know, because it’s ”the best musical of this century” per the New York Times ‘n stuff.

2. You want to go to this show whether you know it or not, even if you’re not into Broadway. Yes, Book of Mormon is profane, but it’s also “an atheist’s love letter to religion.”

3. Tickets are beyond sold out. So the scalpers and the scam artists are going to have a field day.

Check it, from the craigslist:

So that’s hundreds of dollars per seat for tickets what originally cost way less than $100.

So here’s what you do, you show up at the box office on Geary two hours early and enter the lottery.

At $29 a ticket for the winners, this is a steal.

If you don’t want to go through this kind of hassle  day after day, then don’t do it because you are not a true fan,  (The  SHN / BoM people are making you jump through hoops for a reason, don’t you know.)

Now I’ll tell you, when they did this for Rent, back in the day, they lotteried away the two front rows for $19 a piece.

Good times.

Of course the angle was sort of ridiculous and you would see things you weren’t meant to see, but this was quite nice for students of the theatre.

(I don’t know which seats lottery winners will get – they might not get to sit right up front.)

So, have at it.

You Can’t Win If Don’t Play.

Our Schools Win Too.*

PRE-SHOW LOTTERY ANNOUNCED! THE BOOK OF MORMON Lottery Ticket Policy:

THE BOOK OF MORMON will conduct a pre-show lottery at the box office, making a limited number of tickets available at $29 apiece; cash only. This lottery will be held prior to every performance.

Entries will be accepted at the SHN Curran Theatre box office beginning two hours prior to each performance; each person will print their name and the number of tickets (1 or 2) they wish to purchase on a card that is provided. One and a half hours before curtain, names will be drawn at random for a limited number of tickets priced at $29 each.

Only one entry is allowed per person. Cards are checked for duplication prior to drawing. Winners must be present at the time of the drawing and show valid ID to purchase tickets. Limit one entry per person and two tickets per winner. Tickets are subject to availability.

Nine 2011 Tony Awards® say it’s the Best Musical of the Year. Vogue says, “It’s the funniest musical of all time.” And The New York Times says, “It’s the best musical of this century.” It’s THE BOOK OF MORMON, the Broadway phenomenon from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone and Avenue Q co-creator Robert Lopez. The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart calls it “A crowning achievement. So good, it makes me angry.” Contains explicit language.

For more information please visit www.bookofmormonthemusical.com.

If you come across any website other than shnsf.com claiming to sell THE BOOK OF MORMON tickets for the San Francisco engagement, buyer beware! SHN has no way of validating, or replacing tickets that have been purchased through any website other than shnsf.com. We cannot seat or refund you for an invalidated ticket.

If you have any questions, please call 1-888-746-1799 before purchasing.

*Oh, that’s just a saying – our schools won’t actually win.

Holy Toledo! Official San Francisco Contractor AutoReturn Advertises Bible Verses While Towing Cars in the 415?

Friday, November 9th, 2012

WTF is this? Is this a tow truck towing cars in the Financial under authority of the contract AutoReturn has with SFGov?

I think so!

And yet, in addition to charging you $500 for towing away your ride for being just 13 minutes late, AutoReturn wants to be involved with giving you a lecture from the King James.

Check it: 

Click to expand

I cry foul.

For the record, PSALM 23:

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’ sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

And then I’ll tow your car.

Sometimes, I just don’t know…

“The colonel’s hostility softened gradually as he applied himself to details. “Now, I want you to give a lot of thought to the kind of prayers we’re going to say. I don’t want anything heavy or sad. I’d like you to keep it light and snappy, something that will send the boys out feeling pretty good. Do you know what I mean? I don’t want any of this Kingdom of God or Valley of Death stuff. That’s all too negative. What are you making such a sour face for?”

“I’m sorry, sir,” the chaplain stammered. “I happened to be thinking of the Twenty-third Psalm just as you said that.”

“How does that one go?”

“That’s the one you were just referring to, sir. ‘The Lord is my shepherd; I—’”

“That’s the one I was just referring to. It’s out. What else have you got?”

“‘Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto—’”

“No waters,” the colonel decided, blowing ruggedly into his cigarette holder after flipping the butt down into his combed-brass ash tray. “Why don’t we try something musical? How about the harps on the willows?”

“That has the rivers of Babylon in it, sir,” the chaplain replied. “‘…there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion.’”

“Zion? Let’s forget about that one right now. I’d like to know how that one ever got in there. Haven’t you got anything humorous that stays away from waters and valleys and God? I’d like to keep away from the subject of religion altogether if we can.”

The chaplain was apologetic. “I’m sorry, sir, but just about all the prayers I know are rather somber in tone and make at least some passing reference to God.”

“Then let’s get some new ones. The men are already doing enough bitching about the missions I send them on without our rubbing it in with any sermons about God or death or Paradise. Why can’t we take a more positive approach? Why can’t we all pray for something good, like a tighter bomb pattern, for example? Couldn’t we pray for a tighter bomb pattern?”

“Well, yes, sir, I suppose so,” the chaplain answered hesitantly. “You wouldn’t even need me if that’s all you wanted to do. You could do that yourself.”

“I know I could,” the colonel responded tartly. “But what do you think you’re here for? I could shop for my own food, too, but that’s Milo’s job, and that’s why he’s doing it for every group in the area. Your job is to lead us in prayer, and from now on you’re going to lead us in a prayer for a tighter bomb pattern before every mission. Is that clear? I think a tighter bomb pattern is something really worth praying for. It will be a feather in all our caps with General Peckem. General Peckem feels it makes a much nicer aerial photograph when the bombs explode close together.”

Oh No, Once Again Telephone Book Season Comes to San Francisco! Dinosaur Industry Just Won’t Stop

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012

I’m at a loss.

But I’ll tell you, if I see one of these paper monsters with “AT&T” on the cover, I’m going to deliver it back to the nearest AT&T store.*

Here’s what San Francisco telephone books look like before they get rained on: 

Via Warzau Wynn – click to expand

In closing, see you in Hell, telephone book industry!

*Unless you all “opt out” first! HAHAHAHA.

Another Salvo Against that “AutoReturn” Towing Company from One of Its “Victims,” Writer CW Nevius

Tuesday, August 14th, 2012

Here’s the latest anti-Auto Return bit from CW Nevius.

I don’t know, Neve, what do you want? It sounds like you want the City Family to fight harder for the Commonweal, to make better deals when it deals with private companies.

And that’s fine, but you’re a little inconsistent, you dig?

Speaking of digging, what about the corrupt Central Subway project? The last you wrote about that was all the way back in 2008. Why is it that you write about little fish like Auto Return but not big fish like, I don’t know, AECOM?

Oh what’s that, you actually think the Central Subway is a horrible execution of a bad idea but you don’t want to offend all your sources in the City Family? That’s pretty weak, Neve.

Or what about the America’s Cup boondoggle that you used to cheer lead for so much. Didn’t The City strike a bad deal with AC34?

And what about Recology? You seem to support that expensive monopoly and its dealings.

But that’s small potatoes compared with the deal San Francisco made with Auto Return?

What do you want, you want to get rid of the AutoReturn contract and then hire a bunch of expensive new City employees to tow cars? I guarantee you that that would cost SF more money.

Or maybe you want tow fees to be increased overall in order to subsidize police tows?

Or maybe you want revenge against the company what towed your ride last year, you know, when you were a naive newcomer in the 415?

I think that’s it!

We’ve made a lot of progress today, CW. Leave your check with my secretary on the way out…

Ah, mem’ries:

The Biggest Mistake That AutoReturn Towing Company Ever Made was Towing C.W. Nevius Earlier This Year

Right? ‘Cause after the car of C.W. Nevius got towed in February, he stepped up his campaign against AutoReturn, the company what gets called by DPT / SFMTA when your car is blocking rush hour traffic.

So nowadays, he considers San Francisco’s policy of towing away cars blocking rush hour lanes a “scam,” which means he thinks the whole process is a “fraudulent business scheme.”

Does he think that the SFMTA should just leave cars untouched, making all those “NO STOPPING, NO PARKING” signs merely advisory?

It’s not clear.

Oh well.

AutoReturn: Our name makes us sound like we’re a department of the SFPD – isn’t that funny? WERE UNDER UR FREEWAY, DETAINING UR CARZ:

Click to expand

Now, what the Auto Return tow truck driver should have done was make up some excuse instead of towing the ride of The Nevius on that Fateful Day. You know, “technical difficulties” or something like that to buy some more time for the San Francisco Chronicle’s least intelligent employee. That would have allowed the Neve to correct his mistake by simply hopping in and driving off to the East Bay or wherever the hell he lives these days.

It wouldn’t be hard to implement a NO TOW NEVIUS policy. You know, back in the day, Willie Brown used to get pulled over all the time by the CHP when he was driving waaaaay too fast* on the I-80 back and forth to Sacramento. After Willie got stopped twice in one trip, he put a hold on the CHP’s budget. So the CHP issued Willie’s photo to all the officers on I-80 with instructions to “memorize this face” in order to give Willie favorable treatment. (Read the whole story below.) The point is that AutoReturn should find which cars CW Nevius parks illegally on the Streets of San Francisco and then give a picture of each one to all their tow truck drivers and then tell them“DO NOT TOW THESE PARTICULAR CARS!”

Bingo bango.

“From UC Press E-Books Collection, 1982-2004 (formerly eScholarship Editions), it’s: 

Willie Brown, A Biography by James Richardson

From four decades ago, Chapter 15, Mr. Chairman:

“One afternoon Brown briskly walked into a budget conference committee meeting late and looking angry. He immediately sat down next to [Senator] Collier and asked for a “point of personal privilege.” Collier granted him the courtesy, and Brown asked to return to an item in the budget to appropriate funds to purchase guns and other equipment for the California Highway Patrol. Brown then demanded that the funds be deleted from the budget. The trust between the two was so great that Collier asked no questions, immediately complied, and struck the CHP equipment appropriation.

At the end of the meeting, [aide Robert] Connelly asked his boss what was going on with the Highway  Patrol. “He was so mad, he wouldn’t talk about it.” Finally, Brown told Connelly that he had been stopped not once but twice by CHP officers that day on his way to Sacramento from San Francisco along Interstate 80 in his bright red Porsche. Each time, the officers walked over to Brown and said, “Hey, boy, where’d you get this car?”

Connelly quickly found the CHP’s lobbyist and told him what had happened. “The guy’s eyeballs rolled clear back into his skull. He said, ‘We’ll fix it.’” By the next morning, the CHP was distributing photographs of Willie Brown to officers along the Interstate 80 corridor between San Francisco and Sacramento with orders to “memorize this face.” The CHP got its appropriation back—and more.

Brown championed pay raises for CHP officers by authoring a bill that tied their salaries to a formula based on the salaries of large municipal police forces. The measure gave Highway Patrol officers a windfall raise, and then an automatic pay raise every time one of the unionized city forces got a new contract.”

*You’d see him go past as a red blur, hauling ass. He had a Porsche 911, a Mazda Miata (sold to him at a discount, you know, cause Willie is special), an Acura NSX (sold to him at a discount, per the instructions of Honda USA, you know, because Willie is special), and others.

The Yellow Pages Opt-Out Program Simply Doesn’t Work – San Francisco Man Shows How Opt-In is Better than Opt-Out

Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

San Francisco resident Jon Sieker has a beef with AT&T.

See?

“You accidentally gave me a White and Yellow pages this year after I signed up to not receive either of them”

Here’s the proof:

Click to expand – via Jon Sieker

And here’s the note he just sent to Ma Bell, cause you see, Jon has Internet access:

“Dear AT&T,

2 years ago I was so disappointed by the waste that the Yellow and White pages caused, caring about my community and environment, I searched online for what I could do to minimize the waste. I was very happy to find your web site that allowed me to opt out and not receive a White Pages and Yellow pages to save on the waste. Thank you for providing this option as I have The Internet and don’t need a physical phone directory. The Internet gives me all of the information I need including your yellow pages site. I felt great to find and fill out the form that allowed me to NOT RECEIVE both yellow and white pages. I felt I was doing something to save the environment. Imagine my surprise when I was accidentally given both the yellow pages and white pages today.

Please let me know what I should do with the unwanted publications. It would be best if you came and picked them up from me and passed them on to some unfortunate soul with no internet.

As a side not, it would be great if your delivery agents didn’t litter my street and community with these unwanted relics from the past. I have photos of the litter if you are interested or don’t believe me. I would be happy to pass these photos on to you or any of the other organizations copied on this email.

Thank you for your help. I look forward to the solution you provide.”

O.K. then.

Now, do you think that the National Opt Out Program would work any better?

I don’t.

Simply, nobody in San Francisco wants telephone books anymore.

So, telephone book industry, why not just tell your Santas to pass over the 415 when you send them out delivering across America this holiday season?

Just asking…

The Biggest Mistake That AutoReturn Towing Company Ever Made was Towing C.W. Nevius Earlier This Year

Tuesday, October 25th, 2011

Right? ‘Cause after the car of C.W. Nevius got towed in February, he stepped up his campaign against AutoReturn, the company what gets called by DPT / SFMTA when your car is blocking rush hour traffic.

So nowadays, he considers San Francisco’s policy of towing away cars blocking rush hour lanes a “scam,” which means he thinks the whole process is a “fraudulent business scheme.”

Does he think that the MTA should just leave cars untouched, making all those “NO STOPPING, NO PARKING” signs merely advisory?

It’s not clear.

Oh well.

AutoReturn: Our name makes us sound like we’re a department of the SFPD – isn’t that funny? WERE UNDER UR FREEWAY, DETAINING UR CARZ:

Click to expand

Now, what the Auto Return tow truck driver should have done was make up some excuse instead of towing the ride of The Nevius on that Fateful Day. You know, “technical difficulties” or something like that to buy some more time for the San Francisco Chronicle’s least intelligent employee. That would have allowed the Neve to correct his mistake by simply hopping in and driving off to the East Bay or wherever the hell he lives these days.

It wouldn’t be hard to implement a NO TOW NEVIUS policy. You know, back in the day, Willie Brown used to get pulled over all the time by the CHP when he was driving waaaaay too fast* on the I-80 back and forth to Sacramento. After Willie got stopped twice in one trip, he put a hold on the CHP’s budget. So the CHP issued Willie’s photo to all the officers on I-80 with instructions to “memorize this face” in order to give Willie favorable treatment. (Read the whole story below.) The point is that AutoReturn should find which cars CW Nevius parks illegally on the Streets of San Francisco and then give a picture of each one to all their tow truck drivers and then tell them “DO NOT TOW THESE PARTICULAR CARS!”

Bingo bango.

“From UC Press E-Books Collection, 1982-2004 (formerly eScholarship Editions), it’s: 

Willie Brown, A Biography by James Richardson

From four decades ago, Chapter 15, Mr. Chairman:

“One afternoon Brown briskly walked into a budget conference committee meeting late and looking angry. He immediately sat down next to [Senator] Collier and asked for a “point of personal privilege.” Collier granted him the courtesy, and Brown asked to return to an item in the budget to appropriate funds to purchase guns and other equipment for the California Highway Patrol. Brown then demanded that the funds be deleted from the budget. The trust between the two was so great that Collier asked no questions, immediately complied, and struck the CHP equipment appropriation.

At the end of the meeting, [aide Robert] Connelly asked his boss what was going on with the Highway  Patrol. “He was so mad, he wouldn’t talk about it.” Finally, Brown told Connelly that he had been stopped not once but twice by CHP officers that day on his way to Sacramento from San Francisco along Interstate 80 in his bright red Porsche. Each time, the officers walked over to Brown and said, “Hey, boy, where’d you get this car?”

Connelly quickly found the CHP’s lobbyist and told him what had happened. “The guy’s eyeballs rolled clear back into his skull. He said, ‘We’ll fix it.’” By the next morning, the CHP was distributing photographs of Willie Brown to officers along the Interstate 80 corridor between San Francisco and Sacramento with orders to “memorize this face.” The CHP got its appropriation back—and more.

Brown championed pay raises for CHP officers by authoring a bill that tied their salaries to a formula based on the salaries of large municipal police forces. The measure gave Highway Patrol officers a windfall raise, and then an automatic pay raise every time one of the unionized city forces got a new contract.”

*You’d see him go past as a red blur, hauling ass. He had a Porsche 911, a Mazda Miata (sold to him at a discount, you know, cause Willie is special), an Acura NSX (sold to him at a discount, per the instructions of Honda USA, you know, because Willie is special), and others.

Dear Telephone Book Industry: Nobody in San Francisco Wants Your Product – Opt In Beats Opt Out

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

Uh, telephone book industry, what you don’t seem to realize is that the vast majority of your “customers” in the 415 don’t want your product.

That’s why when you deliver them, they end up hanging around exactly where you left them for days or weeks…

…or months. See?

The only people who like telephone books in the bay area are the people who make (not very much) money delivering them:

Now, telephone book industry, wouldn’t you prefer it if your customers actually wanted your product? That’s how opt-in works.

I know you all talk about  opt-out, but what I don’t think you all realize is that most of the books you deliver go into the recycling without ever being opened. (This might not be applicable in Omaha, Neb., but it’s certainly true in the 415.)

And I know the bidnesses what advertise in your books are reassured by all the hullabaloo of delivery, but you’d be better off just delivering your product directly to recycling bins and, letting your true customers just dig them out, you know, if they want.

All right, see you Hell, dinosaur telephone book industry!