Posts Tagged ‘shoplifter’

High-Heeled Shoplifter Frogmarched by Three Paramilitary-Looking Dudes Through Area Whole Foods

Monday, October 20th, 2014

Past the ‘nanas, and the organic apples, and the avocados, five for five dollars:

P1160623 copy

And then through the EMPLOYEE’S ONLY door next to the deli counter and then, no doubt, into a little room to play the latest episode of Let’s Make a Deal.*

This small store appears to be more heavily-patrolled than the Korean DMZ…

*I’m thinking a solemn promise to never again darken their door would carry some weight with the Whole Foods Police Squad, but that’s just a guess.

Learn to love me
Assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow and always
My only weakness is a listed crime
My only weakness is… well, never mind, never mind

Oh, shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over
Shoplifters of the world
Hand it over
Hand it over
Hand it over

Learn to love me
And assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow, and always
My only weakness is a listed crime**
But last night the plans of a future war
Was all I saw on Channel Four

Shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over

**”I saw this and it’s clever and cute, but I’m appalled by the ignorantly misunderstood lyrics. “My only weakness is a list of crimes” doesn’t even make sense. “My only weakness is a listed crime” puts the rest of the song in context, and provides a little history lesson about sexuality in England.”

Sam Singer: “Master of Disaster” or Master of the Pregnant Denial – Comparing Shoplifter Mary Hayashi and Domestic Violencer G Chahal

Thursday, May 8th, 2014

All right, let’s check in with some recent clients of San Francisco-based Singer Associates, Public Relations, Public Affairs.

But first, let’s review some vocab at the Wiki:

“A negative pregnant (sometimes called a pregnant denial) refers to a denial which implies its affirmative opposite by seeming to deny only a qualification of the allegation and not the allegation itself. For example, “I have never consumed cocaine while on duty” might imply that the person making the statement had consumed cocaine on other occasions, and was only denying that they had done so while on duty.”

See how that works? Let’s get to cases:

Mary Hayashi: I did not shoplift $2,500 worth of goods”

Gurbaksh Chahal: I didn’t hit her 117 times

All right, if you add up the leather pants and the other stuff Mary Hayashi took out of that store in Union Square, I think the total is $2400-something.

And if you looked at the video of Gurbaksh Chahal, wouldn’t you see punches and kicks and whatever making up the total that the SFPD is alleging?

So what’s the point of all this? Is this what “crisis communications” is all about?

Of course I don’t know what Sam Singer or whoever says to earn all that money, but how about this instead for his numerous clients:

YOU ARE ONE SICK PUPPY – WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU? WHY DON’T YOU FESS UP AND WE’LL SEE ABOUT GETTING YOU THE MENTAL HELP YOU DESERVE?

How about that?

Anyway, it sure seems funny that both these convictereenos came up with the same “clever” kind of denial.

And what do you think, Gentle Reader, do you think that these crises were properly “managed?”

Just asking.

Abercrombie & Fitch & Phallic SFPD Baton: The Face of Shoplifting at the Nordstrom Mall Near the Twitterloin

Monday, April 29th, 2013

Abercrombie, he just wanted the stuff back, but Fitch insisted on pressing charges….

Click to expand

Learn to love me
Assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow and always
My only weakness is a listed crime
My only weakness is … well, never mind, never mind

Oh, shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over
Shoplifters of the world
Hand it over
Hand it over
Hand it over

Learn to love me
And assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow, and always
My only weakness is a listed crime
But last night the plans of a future war
Was all I saw on Channel Four

Shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over
Shoplifters of the world
Hand it over
Hand it over
Hand it over

A heartless hand on my shoulder
A push – and it’s over
Alabaster crashes down
(Six months is a long time)
Tried living in the real world
Instead of a shell
But before I began …
I was bored before I even began

Shirtless Shoplifter at Western Addition Lucky Supermarket is Looking for Witnesses of Pepper Spraying – Excessive Force?

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

The Great Lucky of NoPA probably gets more than its fair share of shoplifters, for whatever reason.

Anyway, here’s the latest, a flyer posted from, one supposes, a lawyer.

Read it if you want – click to expand:

Learn to love me 
Assemble the ways 
Now, today, tomorrow and always 
My only weakness is a listed crime 
My only weakness is … well, never mind, never mind

Oh, shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over 
Shoplifters of the world 
Hand it over 
Hand it over 
Hand it over 

 

Western Addition NoPA Shoplifter Busted for Whiskey from Lucky – Rastaman Goes Down Hard on Fulton

Monday, August 15th, 2011

Well here’s the MacGuffin, what the drama the other day at the “ghetto Lucky” on Fulton near Masonic was all about – a 1.75 litre bottle of Old Whiskey River Whiskey from (Willie) Nelson County, Kentucky.

I heard you’re supposed to get a Willie Nelson guitar pick attached to the neck of every bottle of this brand of six-year-old Bourbon, but I didn’t see it: 

Click to expand

Anyway, that was what was dropped outside of the Lucky on Saturday, just by the eastern entrance.

And just beyond that towards the street was this scene. Can you see the little dude wrapping his arms around the legs of the big guy? I think that’s what they call tactics:

See? Timber:

And then ka-thud on the sidewalk of Fulton:

Out come the handcuffs from the undercover agent (called “the L.T.” [lieutenant?] by Lucky employees):

And then it’s past the place where the shoplifted whiskey got dropped and back into the store to wait for the SFPD. Just another day in Paradise south of McBaker and west of the HayBro, just another day in the NoPA, Western Addition, San Francisco, California, USA:

Does this particular Lucky lose lots of alcohol on lazy Saturday and Sunday afternoons?

Well, considering that Lucky hires people just to lie in wait for shoplifters, I’d say yes.

Take it away, Mo:

Learn to love me 
Assemble the ways 
Now, today, tomorrow and always 
My only weakness is a listed crime 
My only weakness is … well, never mind, never mind

Oh, shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over 
Shoplifters of the world 
Hand it over 
Hand it over 
Hand it over 

Overturned Birthday Cakes the Aftermath of an Attempted $150 Heist at Our “Ghetto Lucky” in NoPA Western Addition

Wednesday, January 12th, 2011

I don’t know why people call Crazy Rob Anderson’s Lucky on Fulton, you know, the one across the street from internationally famous Papalote and the locally-famous shut-down NoPA cathouse, and the clubhouse of the local Woman’s Temperance Union* yeah, that Lucky, on the 5 Fulton, anyway, don’t know why people call it “ghetto” just because it’s not a Whole Foods or something. There’s nothing wrong with it, excepting for the occasional pigeon invasion.

Anyway, turned out that dude got a hold of $150 worth of alchyhol but couldn’t escape the joint so he started running laps through the checkout stands, apparently.

After getting tripped up by an employee and tackled by four dudes, it was off to the hoosegow:

And if you were hankering for some delicious purple-blue-yellow cake, well they were all fall down, all akimbo due to the fracas, so oh well.

Just another day in the NoPA, south of McBaker and west of the HayBro

*This Lucky has to stop selling alcohol before 9:55PM. Why? Why not. Ask the fucking Ladies’ Temperance Union / “NoPA” NOPNA Homeowner’s Association – they like making rules for others to live by, maybe they made that one too.