Posts Tagged ‘shoplifters’

ASSIGNMENT DESK: “Corrective Education Company” Now Operates in SF – Shoplifters Pay $320 to Take Course, Avoid SFPD

Friday, February 27th, 2015

Gentle Reporter, get a load of this, from Slate*:

Let’s Make a Deal – A startup helps stores like Bloomingdale’s and Whole Foods give suspected shoplifters a choice: Pay $320, or we’ll call the cops. By Leon Neyfakh

CEC is straight outta Texas, as is Whole Foods, you dig? Well guess where the shopliftingest Whole Foods in all Christendom is located – that’s right, at Haight and Stanyan. Oh, here it is. I’ll tell you, this woman, you can barely see her** here, stood out amongst the shoppers even before she got frogmarched past the deli counter by four(!) dudes:

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So what happened? WF checked its records, checked her for warrants and then set her up with CEC?

“Enquiring” Minds Want To Know.

Here’s what you do, you contact WF and/or the other bidnesses cited by Leon, and then somebody at the SFPD, and maybe somebody at the DA’s office, and then of course Jeff Adachi, you know, for the outrage, and then an actual CEC graduate, and THIS ONE WRITES ITSELF.

*Wow, “alleged” shoplifters, Slate? Like the paramilitaries at Whole Paycheck*** frogmarch away the wrong shoppers all the time? Well, if something like that happens to you, Gentle Reader, then you should tell WF, “I’ll take my chances with the SFPD,” right?

**Purple stockings over tattoos, huge clunky heels, clip clop clip clop…

***I don’t spend a great deal of time at WF but I’ll tell you, man, they have cheaper prices now, like they’re trying to match TJ’s, on organic milk, for example. I applaud.

Learn to love me
Assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow and always
My only weakness is a listed crime
My only weakness is… well, never mind, never mind

Oh, shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over
Shoplifters of the world
Hand it over
Hand it over
Hand it over

Learn to love me
And assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow, and always
My only weakness is a listed crime**
But last night the plans of a future war
Was all I saw on Channel Four

Shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over

I saw this and it’s clever and cute, but I’m appalled by the ignorantly misunderstood lyrics. “My only weakness is a list of crimes” doesn’t even make sense. “My only weakness is a listed crime” puts the rest of the song in context, and provides a little history lesson about sexuality in England.”

It Takes a Village (of SFPD Cops) to Arrest a Union Square Felon During Christmastime

Monday, December 17th, 2012

Man, the cops are all over the place in and around Union Square these days, the better to protect the all-important holiday shopper.

So that means SFPD vehicles parked all over, as a show of force for newly-arrived felons, including your Mobile Command Centers One, Two, and/or Three, and beat cops just standing around the corner of Fifth and Market answering tourists’ requests about which direction is the Metreon, that kind of thing.

And if you’re a drug dealer, the SFPD will literally tell you to conduct your business a few blocks up Market near Turk, you know, in the Twitterloin containment / enterprise zone, where you belong.

A half-dozen cops, one felon, Market Street betwixt Fifth and Sixth:

Don’t click to expand, in fact, shrink it down if you want, but, just saying, there’s always a reason when I post a messed-up filtered photo… 

Look for things to get back to normal starting the morning of January 1, 2013…

The Urban Assault Vehicle that Shut Down OccupySF – SFPD’s Mobile Command One Parked Between 101 Market and JHP

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

Here it is, Mobile Command One, guarding a Bank of America branch at 49 Market betwixt OccupySF’s former Justin Herman Plaza location and OccupySF’s former annex location at 101 Market in front of our Federal Reserve Building:

Click to expand

This thing is big, just like Mobile Command Two, which, once again, is parked up Market these days in Union Square, you know, to catch the seasonal shoplifters.

However, Mobile Command Three is less impressive – it gets spray painted by taggers on Sixth Street sometimes, no respect at all.

Now you better know your SFPD Mobile Commands.

“This Is Going On YouTube, Baby!” – Two South African Tourists are Delighted by the Shoplifters of Fishermans Wharf

Friday, July 29th, 2011

Via Bluoz, here it is.

“These people are thieves…”