The San Francisco Citizen

So, the state of California won’t allow lower milk prices? Sure seems that way. Here’s how it looked at a San Francisco Lucky Supermarket the other day:

The Soviets over at the California Department of Food and Agriculture regulate milk prices? Yes, srsly.

You see, dairy farmers and the state of California like high milk prices. This cabal works together thusly: 

California Dairy farmers want state to raise milk prices

Record milk price provides relief for dairies

Read the news and turn the pages:

Dairy Industry Crushed Innovator Who Bested Price-Control System

THE LAND OF MILK AND MONEY:

15-farm empire bucks industry

Not only does Food and Ag play a role in keeping milk prices high, they seem to relish offering excuses for their behaviour.

So, by the numbers:

4. Q: Why are milk prices regulated?
A: Another way to ask the same question is, “To what extent is governmental intervention still needed to achieve orderly marketing of dairy products?”

No, the way to ask the question is “why are milk prices regulated?” Or, why are milk prices so damn high? Or, why the hell is there a minimum price on milk? Answer: To please Big Dairy.

Next question:

5. Q: How do California’s milk standards differ from other states?
From the nutritionist’s standpoint, California’s fluid milk standard is healthier

No, the proper answer is “in a trivial fashion.” Why would California have such a minor difference in milk standards? To segment the market in order to please Big Dairy, that’s why.

Next question:

11. Q: How much does it cost to produce a gallon of milk?
Input costs, such as processing labor, delivery and raw product costs vary considerably.

Why on earth should the Kalifornia Kommisars even care about this issue?

Dairy Division on patrol, looking for illegal sales of low priced milk. (CalTrans made them switch the metal tracks on their tanks to rubber back in ‘82.)

The final outrage:

16. Q: Can outsourcing milk to other states reduce the retail price of milk?

“Outsourcing“? Don’t they mean importing? Yes they do, but the word importing has a neutral point of view.

Thankfully, we’ve made it to the bottom of the FAQ page.

The California Department of Food and Agriculture is required to comply with the wishes of the Legislature and the Governor, of course. The mystery is why Food and Ag feels it necessary to defend the wishes of the Legislature and the Governor with this extremely bogus and self-serving FAQ page. The World Wonders.

(And if you like high milk prices, you’re going to love getting sprayed with crop dusters over your house this summer. BAM! Is Gaia acting through Senator Carole Migden to fight against Food and Ag? Signs point to yes.)

By now you’ve seen the latest viral video recreating Indiana Jones’ famous Boulder Dash? From the Gootube:

“We built a huge LEGO boulder and then made our friend dress up as Indy and run from it. Fun times!

(How respectful the Youtube poster was of our corporate overlords, taking care to CAPITALIZE corporate names.)

Anyway, it sure got plenty of Diggs. 

However, some have alleged that the giant Lego ball was styrofoam and that the makers merely sought to promote a new game. (Who knows, you might like it.)

Irregardless, this has led to confusion on the Internets.   

From Flickr via tillwe, are these LEGO bricks or not? (Commenter Phill says nay. Commenter Martin says it’s Duplo.)

Some appear to have lost their faith in the Web:

Viral is so mid-2000s, now it’s just being exploited and we’re all gonna hate it.

And the famous Laughing Squid is now trying to give credit to the entire crew that pieced together all 5 million Legos, to no avail.

Was Teak Motion Visuals or Teak Films Production behind this corporate subterfuge? Some think Sausalito’s Butler Shine and Stern  (wouldn’t it be nice to be “hanging out on a fucking sailboat, while getting paid coupla hundred an hour“) may have had a hand in it.

Only Time Will Tell.

But in the meantime and while we’re on the topic, take a look at  Teak Motion Visuals’ attempt at verisimilitude. How contrived does this scene appear on a scale from 1 to 10? Can’t you just see the guy with a baseball cap plotting out the most effective bouquet of garbage?

Are we really suppose to listen to this Amazing Group of Talented Creatives, and then ”Clean the Bay” and “Start With This Beach?” This particular beach at Crissy Field? Srsly? Until the sexy but trash-strewn drunkfest known as the Bay to Breakers Footrace gets rerouted, the Crissy Field Protection Area will never look like that. (If you want real, then check out San Francisco’s Warm Water Cove - it still looks like this.)  

The makers of these contrived bits probably had a good time getting paid to do them, but when you start fibbing and shilling… Will this LEGO stunt end up on the list of Great Examples of Guerilla Marketing Gone Wrong?

Fail

Epic Fail.