Do you know how long you can park at these new SFPark meters? Like four hours, baby. Just pop in your credit card.
Do you know who appreciates that? Rich people, the demographically-desirable who drive BMW’s and Mercedes Benzeseses.
Here’s five in a row. Thanks SFPARK!
Click to expand
Here’s an exercise. Just as you can add “in bed” to your fortune cookie message, you can append the phrase “FOR RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS” to any statement from the horrible SFPark people from the horrible SFMTA. Like this:
“SFMTA established SFpark to use new technologies and policies to improve parking in San Francisco FOR RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS. Reducing traffic by helping RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS find parking benefits RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS. More parking availability makes streets less congested FOR RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS. Meters that accept credit and debit cards FROM RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS reduce frustration and parking citations FOR RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS. With SFpark, RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS can all circle less and live more.
SFpark works by collecting and distributing real-time information about where parking is available so RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS can quickly find open spaces.
To help achieve the right level of parking availability FOR RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS, SFpark periodically adjusts meter and garage pricing up and down to match demand FROM RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS. Demand-responsive pricing encourages drivers to park in underused areas and garages, reducing demand (FROM POOR PEOPLE, THE 99%, THOSE FUCKERS) in overused (OVERUSED BY WHOM? BY POOR PEOPLE, THE 99%, THOSE FUCKERS) areas.
Through SFpark, real-time data and demand-responsive pricing work together to readjust parking patterns in the City so that parking is easier to find FOR RICH PEOPLE WITH MERCEDES AND BMW CARS”
On It Goes…
SFPark: “Let us “manage” your parking the same way we manage MUNI!”
SFPark: “Parking meters everywhere (eventually, including the entire Sunset District!) and for all (except for the specific whites of Pacific Heights). Hurray!”
