Posts Tagged ‘specific whites’

OMG OMG! The Sainted Wall Street Journal is Covering the America’s Cup Already! Read and Learn from Sarah Tilton

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

LEAVE US BEGIN, LET’S HEAR FROM THE WALL STREET JOURNAL ONLINE!

“SAN FRANCISCO—As this city gears up for the 34th America’s Cup next year, a race of a different kind has already begun: one to snag the best views of the sailing regatta.”

UH, REALLY? NO, I DON’T THINK SO. ISN’T THE “RACE OF A DIFFERENT KIND” INVOLVING THE AMERICA’S CUP ACTUALLY THE RACE FOR TEAMS, YOU KNOW, FROM SPAIN AND ITALY AND FRANCE, TO GET OUT OF COMMITMENTS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE AMERICA’S CUP? YES. TEAMS BE REFUSING TO ENTER EVEN AT THE HIGHLY REDUCED 80-SOMETHING PERCENT OFF ENTRY FEE. HAVEN’T YOU HEARD YET, SARAH? THE NEWFANGLED BOATS ARE TOO BIG. AND DO YOU KNOW WHO SAYS THAT? LARRY FUCKING ELLISON HISSELF, RECENTLY, IN THE ONLINE PAGES OF, WAIT FOR IT, THE WSJ ITSELF.* DON’T YOU READ YOUR OWN PUBLICATION? DON’T YOU KNOW THAT AC34 IS SHAPING UP TO BE A KIND OF SLOW-MOTION DISASTER?

Peter Jacobsen, a semiretired dentist from Yountville, Calif., isn’t taking any chances when it comes to ensuring a view of the America’s Cup racecourse on San Francisco Bay. Dr. Jacobsen and his wife, Gwendolyn, last year paid $158,000 for a fractional interest in a one-bedroom unit at a ritzy condo development right by San Francisco’s waterfront.

IRL, NOBODY CARES ABOUT RETIRED NORTH BAY DENTISTS ET UXESES EXCEPT NORTH BAY DENTISTS. AND WHAT’S A FRACTIONAL INTEREST IRL? ISN’T THAT JUST A TIME-SHARE?

The deal guarantees just 35 nights a year at the property—but importantly, a Bay-view unit for two weeks during the America’s Cup finals scheduled for September 2013.

FASCINATING! OH, BUT NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP, RIGHT? THEY JUST HAD A WARM-UP RACE DOWN IN FUN DIEGO – IT WAS A BIG DISASTER BECAUSE NOBODY CARED. AC PEOPLE GOT FIRED OVER THAT ONE. AND LAID-OFF TOO. MOST OF THEM, ACTUALLY. HAVEN’T YOU HEARD? OH, AND SARAH, “A BAY-VIEW UNIT” MEANS SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN THE 415, YOU KNOW, COMPARED WITH WHAT IT MEANS IN OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD.

The Jacobsens shelled out the six-figure sum even though they already own another fractional interest at the property that they bought for $182,000 in 2009. But that unit doesn’t have a guaranteed view, and with the regatta approaching, “we needed more time and it was an opportunity to lock in the perfect view,” says Dr. Jacobsen, 67 years old.

YEAH, “YOU GOT TO LOCK THAT DOWN!” SO, OLD WHITE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SIT IN THEIR APARTMENTS AND WATCH THE BOAT RACE FROM MILES AWAY? REALLY? IS THAT WORTH SPENDING YOUR KIDS’ INHERITANCES?

More than a year before the event, sailing fans are scouting out prime vistas for the America’s Cup. The chase for best perch has inspired a real-estate scramble, with some agents setting up shop specifically to locate rooms with a view for elite clients.

WELL, CERTAIN REAL ESTATE AGENTS WOULD LIKE US TO BELIEVE THAT THERE’S A “CHASE” AND A “SCRAMBLE.” THESE HOUSING PARASITES LIE TO REPORTERS LIKE YOU TO TRY TO MAKE MORE MONEY ON DEALS. DON’T YOU KNOW THAT?  AND YOU SAY REAL ESTATE AGENTS HAVE OPENED UP OFFICES JUST FOR THE AC? I DON’T BELIEVE THAT BUT WHATEVER. AND OH, RETIRED NORTH BAY DENTISTS ET UXES AREN’T “ELITE” ANYTHING.

Rental prices for the America’s Cup are already soaring.

OMG OMG OMG! ALREADY? ALMOST AS IF THE AC ISN’T A BIG DISASTER. ALREADY.

Landlords are dangling options such as a $60,000-a-month rent for a home in the posh Pacific Heights neighborhood during the race. Although results remain to be seen, agents say prices could go as high as $100,000 a week during the finals.

RESULTS REMAIN TO BE SEEN? REALLY? MORE THAN A YEAR OUT? WOW, THANKS FOR THAT TIDBIT, SARAH TILTON! WHAT DO YOU WITH YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU’RE NOT SHILLING FOR REAL ESTATE INTERESTS?

“It will be a real land-grab for the good stuff,” says Rick Teed of Sotheby’s International Realty.

RICK TEED? YOU MEAN THIS UBER-CHEESY ASSHOLE RECENTLY SEEN ON THE BACKS OF MUNI BUSES?

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I THINK YOU DO!

The anticipated demand for a race view stems partly from the relative rarity of the America’s Cup taking place in America. The race hasn’t been held in the U.S. since 1995, and in recent years has taken place off the coast of New Zealand and Spain. (The race was named by the New York Yacht Club after the schooner America, which beat the British in a race in 1851.)

WOW THANKS FOR THE HISTORY LESSON, SARAH. BUT MOST OF THAT HERITAGE RECENTLY GOT FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET BY ONE LARRY ELLISON. HEY SARAH, WHY DON’T YOU READ THE COMMENTS PEOPLE HAVE POSTED ‘NEATH YOUR ROSY ARTICLE? WHY DO THEY HAVE A MORE REALISTIC PERSPECTIVE THAN YOU?

The Cup has never been held in San Francisco Bay, which race officials describe as a “natural amphitheater”—as opposed to the open ocean where the regatta usually takes place. That means some prime views of the event can be had from land this time rather than from the decks of spectator boats.

BUT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP ANYMORE. SEE? THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

The race is coming to San Francisco through the efforts of Oracle Corp. ORCL +0.24% founder and chief executive Larry Ellison, whose yacht and sailing team won the 2010 America’s Cup in Valencia, Spain. The winner of the race, which is typically held every three to four years, decides where the next competition will take place. The billionaire also owns a home in San Francisco with first-class views of the Bay.

BUT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP ANYMORE. SEE? THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

But Mr. Ellison may have an even better seat than that for the regatta. An America’s Cup spokeswoman says Mr. Ellison will be on board Oracle Racing’s boat during the races. Through a representative, Mr. Ellison, 67, declined to comment.

BUT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP ANYMORE. SEE? THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

The Cup itself, a sterling silver trophy that gets its own seat on airplanes, comes in a custom Louis Vuitton case and always travels with a companion, the Cup spokeswoman says. It is kept in a secret location when not on tour, she says, but will be displayed during the race in San Francisco.

BUT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE AMERICA’S CUP ANYMORE. SEE? THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

The heady rental numbers are spurring some homeowners to try renting their home for the first time. Marjorie and Larry Schlenoff listed their 3,162-square-foot four-bedroom San Francisco home, which they have lived in since 1999, for $35,000 a month for a long-term lease encompassing the Cup period. For shorter stays around the time of the Cup, the price is higher: $15,000 a week, says Mrs. Schlenoff.

MORE DETAILS! WE DEMAND MORE DETAILS. IS SHE GOING TO SAY, “ASK ME ABOUT MY GRANDCHILDREN” NEXT?

“We’ve never rented our house,” says Mrs. Schlenoff, a psychoanalyst and nonprofit founder. But with the home’s vistas and location near San Francisco’s Golden Gate Yacht Club, she says she and her husband see the regatta as a unique opportunity and the house as a “business asset.”

HOLD ON, I’M GETTING SO EXCITED FROM THIS NEWS NUGGET THAT I’M HAVING A MILD HEART ATTACK. HOLD ON WHILE I GO TO THE ER.

She listed her home through rental agency ReLISTO, which has multiple homes available for the Cup, including a $3,500-a-month studio with no views to $60,000 a month for a 5,000-square-foot Pacific Heights house with panoramic Bay views.

WHEW, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE. I’M MEDICATED NOW AND MY DOCTOR SAYS THAT I SHOULD STOP READING THE FUCKING ONLINE WSJ BECAUSE I GET TOO EXCITED. BUT I GOTS TO HAVE MORE DETAILS!

Charlie Martin, a real-estate agent in Sausalito, Calif., launched a group called RezLux in February specializing in Cup rentals. In addition to real-estate needs, he says he will also provide personal chefs and concierge services for the race. So far, he has handled calls from potential clients in England, Japan and New Zealand. “We’re starting to book,” he says.

OMG, MORE WHITE PEOPLE! THE AMERICAS CUP IS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH WHITE PEOPLE! HURRAY! HURRAY FOR WHITE PEOPLE!

Some homeowners say there is no way they will rent their home during the Cup because they want the panoramas for themselves. Venture capitalist and America’s Cup Organizing Committee member Tom Perkins, who owns a 60th-floor penthouse in San Francisco, will be watching the Cup from there.

HE’S WHITE TOO, RIGHT? WHITE PEOPLE, WHITE PEOPLE, WHITE PEOPLE, WHITE PEOPLE! BUT AT LEAST HE’S NOT OLD, RIGHT?

“It’ll be just about the best place to watch,” says Mr. Perkins, 80, adding that he plans to have “lots and lots of people over.” Mr. Perkins, who once owned one of the world’s most expensive yachts, dubbed the Maltese Falcon, says he has several pairs of binoculars and a World War II telescope ready for the festivities.

OH, HE IS OLD AFTER ALL. ACTUALLY OLDER THAN HIS “World War II telescope,” WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS.

Others are plotting a cheaper course to view the regatta. Sean Randolph, president of the Bay Area Council Economic Institute, says he plans to watch the Cup from a kayak in a buffer zone that will be created on San Francisco Bay for nonmotorized boats. While Mr. Randolph’s home in Marin County, north of San Francisco, has a view of the Bay, it doesn’t overlook the Cup’s racecourse, and he doesn’t want to shell out thousands of dollars to rent a property.

OH, DUDE’S FROM THE BAY AREA COUNCIL ECONOMIC INSTITUTE? THAT’S THE SO-CALLED “INDEPENDENT AUTHORITY” WHAT SAID HOW GREAT THE AMERICA’S CUP WAS GOING TO BE. BUT THAT TURNED OUT TO BE A LIE, RIGHT? BUT THAT’S NO REASON TO QUESTION THE ENTIRE PROCESS, IS IT, SARAH?

“In a kayak, you’re sort of participating because you’re on the water and you’re a little closer” to the action than on land, he says.

YES, BEING IN A KAYAK IS SORT OF LIKE PARTICIPATING IN THE AMERICA’S CUP. OF COURSE. SORT OF.

For John Kostecki, a sailor on the Oracle sailing team, the best views of the race are free. In particular, he recommends a stretch of waterfront near the Marina Green, where spectators can get close enough to hear sailors’ conversations. “It’s quite deep and the boats can come quite close,” he says.

OH, ARE WE DONE? IS THAT IT? WE SORT OF TRAILED OFF THERE. WELL, ANYWAY, LET’S PUT THIS ON PAGE A1.

I DON’T KNOW, MAN. IF THE AMERICA’S CUP IS MAKING SO MUCH MONEY FOR SO MANY PEOPLE, WHY ARE THE CITIZENS OF SAN FRANCISCO BEING FORCED TO SUBSIDIZE IT? WHY ARE THE POWERS THAT BE TAKING MONEY FROM NON-MILLIONAIRE NON-WHITE PEOPLE AND USING IT TO PAY FOR THE “FUN” AND “EXCITEMENT” OF MILLIONAIRE WHITE PEOPLE? THE CROWD AND REVENUE ESTIMATES ARE STILL WAY, WAY, WAY OPTIMISTIC AND THEY’RE BASED ON HAVING A BUNCH OF TEAMS SPENDING A BUNCH OF MONEY IN TOWN ONE TO TWO YEARS OUT. IN ACTUALITY, THE BOATS ARE WAY TOO BIG FOR THE BAY AND WAY TOO BIG FOR POTENTIAL TEAMS.

THIS THING IS GOING TO END UP BEING LIKE A FLEET WEEK, EXCEPT THE US NAVY DOESN’T THINK IT’S REASONABLE TO DEMAND NINE-FIGURES TO PROMOTE ITSELF.

BUT IT’S NOT TOO LATE FOR DEADBEAT LARRY ELLISON TO STEP UP AND SIMPLY PAY US FOR THE RIGHT TO RUN HIS BOAT RACE HERE.

IT’S NOT TOO LATE, LARRY! AND THEN YOU CAN TURN YOUR BUMMER OF A RACE INTO AN ACTUAL REBUILDING YEAR AND THEN YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO 2016 AND, THEREBY, HAVE SOME MORE FUN BEFORE YOU DIE (OF THAT DISEASE WHAT YOU HAVE WHAT’S A SECRET). OTHERWISE, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO’LL BENEFIT FROM YOUR FALSE GENEROSITY WILL BE REAL ESTATE TYPES AND LAZY, SIMPLE-MINDED, CHEERLEADING, WSJ-ONLINE REPORTER TYPES…

*“I think it’s a really good idea to get the cost of fielding a team way down so you can have a lot more countries [and athletes] participating,” Ellison said.

The 2200 Block of Octavia Near Danielle Steel’s Mansion is Sort of Like the Crookedest Street in the World, Sort Of

Thursday, September 1st, 2011

Well, here it is, the 2200 block of Octavia Street betwixt Washington and Jackson in San Francisco’s tony Specific Whites District right near writer Danielle Steel’s large white mansion and just up the hill from our 3.5-star Yelp-rated German Consulate.*

See? It’s got a brick surface and it’s curvy, sort of:

There it is on the left. (How many of the cars you can see are owned by Ms. Steel? She used to have 26(!) residential parking permits, you know…)

Fake Lombard Street is a big FAIL, IMO.

Oh well.

Why is it here? Who built it? I know not.

*”Gee honey, do you think we should go to the consulate after getting those deportation notices?” “I don’t know, Cupcake. Let’s check Yelp first…” 

A Day in the Life of McAllister: #2, Spot the Pre-WWII Japanese Embassy up in Pacific Heights

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

Or consulate, that’s what we’d call it these days, but back in the day, people tended to call these buildings embassies.

Anyway, it’s in there, somewhere in Specific Whites.

Word is that on December 7th, 1941 people in the nabe saw chimney smoke coming up, you know, from the burning of diplomatic papers…

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Anyway, some lady owns it now, AFAIK.

Bon Courage, Japan.

Is It Really Worth $75 a Year to be a Member of the Yahoo-Groupsish Golden Gate Mothers Group?

Friday, March 4th, 2011

[UPDATE: Welcome, BigTent visitors! But play nice - please retract your claws when you and your nannies venture away from your online ghetto and onto the Civilized Internet.]

Would Whistler’s Mother have “qualified” to spend $75 to become a “member” of the “exclusive” Yahoo-Groupsish Golden Gate Mothers Group? Sadly no, as she was one of those “older mothers.” Check out the membership criteria, below.

As recently seen at our de Young Museum:

And $75 a year? Shouldn’t a labor of love be a labor of love?

Food for thought, non?

BigTent? WTF:

MEMBERSHIP

  • What are the criteria for membership?
    You must be a woman who lives in San Francisco and is expecting a child or has at least one child younger than 5 years old. Our organization is intended solely to support mothers and to explore the issues that arise in motherhood.
  • What does it cost and how is the money spent?
    Both our initial and renewal fees are $75 for membership for one year. This covers the administrative and operating expenses of our group including various programs such as educational events, kids activities, social events, Just For Moms events, playgroups, newsletter and more. Any credit card charges made to GGMG will be listed on your statement as “BigTent”.
  • Can I pay by check?
    Our primary method of collecting membership fees is through BigTent. Because our approval process and newsletter distribution relies heavily on BigTent, we are not able to process any membership fees through paper check. Alternatively, membership fees can be collected though the gift membership process. Information can be found at www.ggmg.org/giftmembership.html.

How to Improperly Get a Nanny Parking Permit: Just Listen to the Millionaire Mommies of the Golden Gate Mothers Group

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

The Examiner’s Will Reisman is all over the story of how people were getting nanny parking permit advice at the website of the Golden Gate Mothers Group. Check it:

San Francisco mothers accused of cheating system to get parking permits for nannies

(Well, you read that and you think isn’t Cheryl Brinkman another one of those Gavin Newsom lackeys /appointees? And isn’t the board of the SFMTA part of the problem itself? And isn’t the residential parking permit system a stupid, NIMBYish idea as well? That’s what you might think.)

Anyway, let’s say you want a parking permit now, without jumping through hoops. You and your baby need the 411 on “going around the system” like right now, baby. Well here it is, right here.

What’s that? “Object not found.” Somebody must have took down the adviceful webpage. How wude!

Oh, wait a second, here’s something they had up a few days back:

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Couldn’t locate all the techniques the mommies discussed, but enjoy a sampler:

  • “I was able to get one by first talking with our pediatrician about whether he’d be willing to sign an affidavit that our nannies would be providing “medical care”. Since our healthy 3 month old son wouldn’t be able to survive on his own without care, I think that the doctor justified it in his own mind and said that he’d be willing to sign it. (You have to get a permit for a specific car, so you can’t just have an extra permit.)”
  • “We just had our pediatrician sign the medical caregiver form and were able to get a parking permit for our nanny with no questions asked.”
  • “We went through this same exact problem when we lived in the city a year ago. So what I ended up doing was this, when we it came time to renew our parking permits, we did and it came in the mail and using Windex* or 409 ( I can’t remember which) we sprayed it on the permit and wiped away the black marker with our license plate number and wrote in our nannies. It worked out perfectly. I drove to work so I didn’t need a permit during the day. There was a period of 6 weeks that I didn’t know what I was going to do, so I got her a temporary permit ( you can get them for 6 or 8 weeks or something like that) I think it’s a visitors permit. You have to go into the parking office but it worked out fine. Obviously wiping the number off the permit isn’t on the up and up, but we didn’t feel we had any other choice.”

And oh! I have another one. Help your nanny by getting your doctor to sign off on a DMV handicapped placard application! (Doctors will do this for you because there’s no downside for them – you see, no physician has ever been disciplined in the slightest for improperly authorizing a DMV handicapped placard during the entire history of the state of California. That’s why getting a placard is a can of corn. Anyway, if I were a nanny, I’d appreciate a blue placard more than some stupid parking sticker that only works in certain areas…)

Remember, Transit First or something.

I was really hoping that this would be 75.00 worth spending when it came to a mothers group, but it wasn’t.  What I did get it is people that post on a variety of subjects including some that argue and upset others.

The moderation on this group is horrible.  If you try to ask what exactly the 75.00 is used for, your account gets shut down and suspended.

So let’s see $75.00 x 4000 members, plus all the advertising revenue 80K, where does all that money go? That’s a half a million dollars people have paid to have the privildge to post questions about a babies but rash?

No thanks, there are many other mothers groups out there. Bernal Heights parents group, Mission moms, Glen park, all on Yahoo for free.”

*Hey, where’s the Windex, Honey? I don’t know, ask the nanny. What, where the Hell is she – is she circling the block again? That’s it, we’re moving to Marin…”

Know Your Bay Area Broadcast Towers: 1250 Clay Atop the Le Club Building – If Towers Sutro and Eiffel had a Baby

Monday, February 28th, 2011

Well, lookie at what stretches 50 feet above the top of the residential tower at 1250 Clay Street  at Talor in Nob Hill – it’s WNEQ991!

This structure combines the paint scheme of Sutro Tower with the build of the Eiffel Tower. Check it:

STATION, 1250 Jones St (Lat: 37.793250 Lon: -122.414111), Structure height: 94.5 m, Overall height: 109.1 m, Call Sign: WNEQ991
Assigned Frequencies: 21825.0 MHz, 23125.0 MHz, 23375.0 MHz
Grant Date: 08/07/2008, Expiration Date: 08/06/2018, Certifier: Deborah A Mcdermott
Registrant: Brooks, Pierce, Et. Al., Raleigh, NC 27602

The view from California Street near the western terminus of the cable car line:

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Is this where former NBC affiliate KRON Channel 4 transmits? Mmmm, could be. Maybe it’s a back-up or something.

Irregardless, it’s quite a handsome tower.

(Can you imagine what the anti-PG&E SmartMeter people would think if they had this monster humming just above their noggins? Man, they’d freak out.)

Try to spot it the next time you’re in the Specific Whites neighborhood – it will be the red-and-white tower obstructing your view of the Transamerica Pyramid.

Look to the Skies for Signs and Wonders

The Cancer of “Neighborhood Parking” Grows: How Do Residential Permits Relate to “Transit First?”

Friday, December 17th, 2010

(Ooh, ooh, let me answer my own question, me first.)

Residential parking permits don’t relate to “Transit First” AT ALL.

However, the NIMBYs just looooooove them and the NIMBYs are highly motivated to protect what’s theirs and grab more, more, more.

Ever more NIMBYs of San Francisco say, “Ooh, us too!”

Such is the state of middle class welfare* in the 415, where you can vote your neighborhood into the program but you can’t vote yourself out – it’s not allowed.

Oh well.

*Or upper class. Writer Danielle Steel has/had 26 permits for 26 vehicles, or at least she used to. Apparently, it’s hard out here for a pimp, what with all the jealous hATrZs around:

Although I do not normally respond to furors in the press which malign me unjustly…”

Uh, Danny honey, nobody said you caused “the parking crisis.” But back in the day, the Chronicle said you had 26 permits. Were they lying? Oh, I see, they weren’t. Your witness, counselor.

How Not to Park Your Chevy Impala SS on the Sidewalks of San Francisco

Saturday, April 25th, 2009

Of course you all already know about the 1994-1996 Chevrolet Impala SS General Monkeybusiness B-Body. This one here impresses not with the size of the wheels fitted underneath, but with the sheer parking audacity of completely blocking a fairly wide sidewalk in broad daylight.

What’s stopping somebody from calling 415-553-1200 (dispatch - blocked driveways, sidewalks, etc.) or 311? Nothing, that’s why this parking strategy isn’t sustainable, that’s why drivers generally don’t make a habit of doing this kind of thing. (Personally, it’s not my style to dial, but for some people, it is - see below)

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I would agree that it’s probably no picnic trying to park an 18-foot-long vehicle at night on the Streets of San Francisco, but your ride will eventaully get vandalized, ticketed, towed, whatever, depending on the neighborhood. For example, the evening dog walkers of Specific Whites Pacific Heights all have DPT’s phone numbers preprogrammed into their cellies. They’re simply waiting to see something like this blocking their path.

Just saying.