Posts Tagged ‘spokesmodel’

Now You Can Protest Your Unfair SFMTA MUNI DPT SFBC Ticket Online – One Weird Trick – Here’s Your Link

Friday, November 21st, 2014

Via SF Bay’s Transportation Writer Jerold Chinn, here’s your link, Baby!

https://wmq.etimspayments.com/pbw/include/sanfrancisco/dispute_request.jsp

It’s New, it’s You. It’s Now, it’s Wow.

Of course, most of the citations handed out by the SFMTA MUNI DPT SFBC (oddly, the SFMTA/SFGov gives a lot of money to our local San Francisco Bicycle Coalition, so it acts as an arm of the government these days. Oddly) are handed out “fairly.” And I would even go as far as to say that most of the tickets protested as “unfair” were handed out fairly as well.

OTOH, there are some SFMTA employees who do bad things – they steal multiple $6 cable car fares each and every day or they say you parked for more than two hours in an RPP zone when you didn’t. And then the official SFMTA spokesmodels bend over backwards to say that no SFMTA employees ever do anything bad ever. EVER!

(And considering how often these spokesmodels get their facts wrong, well … oh well. Bygones.)

Here’s your screenshot:

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Good luck, Offenders!

“Online Citation Protest

Step 1 of 6

This website allows you to protest one citation at a time.
As part of the review process, you will be allowed to upload 3 documents to help us in our decision-making process.
Do not use your browser’s back arrow to navigate or you will need to start over.

Citation Number: where to find

Per the California Vehicle and Public Utility Code, you may have only one review per citation within the statutory time limits.
While in the process of protesting your citation, additional penalties will not be added to the violation.

Technical Support for Online Services
If you need help or have questions about this service, please complete this form or call 311 (415.701.2311).”

Look Who’s Blogging Now: The SFMTA! – Presenting the Brand-New MUNI Blog, “[Slowly] Moving SF [If We Feel Like It]“

Friday, September 5th, 2014

The SFMTA knows it has an image problem, so when it spends our money to make itself look better it needs to acknowledge reality. So what it does is to say, “We’re working on it, we’re trying to get better.” See for yourself here at the new official MUNI Blog.

Compare it with PG&E’s current “We’re sorry we blew up part of San Bruno and killed eight people” campaign or Buick’s “We know we have a horrible brand image that’s been built up over the decades, but please give us another chance” campaign

So here it is, the Moving SF Slowly blog. What do we see here? We see a logo that was released with recklessness. And we see “excellent transportation choices?” What does that mean? Is it aspirational? Does the SFMTA really consider itself “excellent?” I mean, just random chance would have the transit system that you, the Gentle Reader, have be average, on average, or mediocre, right? But MUNI sucks, right? MUNI is the worst big-city transit system in America, right? So where does the “excellent” part come from? I mean, you’re living out there at 42nd and Lawton and what are your “excellent” “choices?” And “The SFMTA is responsible?” Do you think that phrase is in there by mistake? I don’t. IMO, it’s more phoney-baloney, folksy PR bullshit from an official SFMTA spokesmodel. And do the people at MUNI work “tirelessly?” Well, it depends. If you’re talking about the cable car operators who skim fares off of tourists six dollars at a time to “supplement” their already-fairly-large paychecks, well, perhaps you’re right, MUNI flack. And the SFMTA’s PR machine is only starting up now, in 2014? Like, they’ve never tried to start telling their “story” before? I think that’s incorrect. Anyway, check it:

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And who’s Kristen Holland? Why it’s none other than Nat Ford’s Right Hand Man!

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Or left-hand woman, in this shot anyway.

Hey Kristen, were you at the infamous “snitch” meeting? I think so! How has MUNI improved since then? You know, in some ways MUNI has gotten worse.

All right, we’ll see how this latest PR effort from MUNI goes. One suspects that Proposition A is the primary motive. (Hey Kristen, why would SFMTA Director Bruce Oka oppose giving you another blank check to the tune of a half billion dollars? Why not blog about that?)

Julian Guthrie, the Oracle for Oracle’s Larry Ellison, Thinks That Larry is “Funding” the America’s Cup – WTF?

Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

Oh poor Larry Ellison!

Apparently, having the taxpayers of San Francisco fund his boat race debacle is taxing his nerves.

Per sycophantic Julian Guthrie:

Larry talked to me candidly about the challenge of working with the city. So if he wins again, I would guess that unless the city comes up with a lot of money to keep the cup here, it’s going elsewhere. Larry’s not going to keep funding it himself. Personally, I can’t imagine that there would be an America’s Cup in San Francisco again.”

Now, does Larry have an official spokesmodel? (I don’t think so. Else Larry might have issued a statement after the death of Andrew Simpson.) So I guess Julian Guthrie is serving in this capacity? OK fine.

Uh, Larry Ellison/Julian Guthrie, don’t you realize that the City of San Francisco is funding the 2013 America’s Cup? 

So, Larry Ellison, it’s you who owes us money, not the other way ’round.

That’s Issue One.

Issue Two is this: Julian Guthrie, you’ve ridden this douche canoe so far upriver that you’ve lost touch with reality. You have access, but what have you done with it?

The 2013 America’s Cup 2013 is a Lie – This Empty “Village” Shows Why Mayor Ed Lee is So Furious

Monday, July 8th, 2013

I understand that Mayor Ed Lee has a cheerleading function as a part of his job. Fine.

But what’s this? What the Hell?

“We expect to have some 500,000 people on a daily basis…” 

Take a look on the YouTube, at around 9:30 and, mind you, this is AFTER everything blew up and people started realizing that the 2013 America’s Cup won’t be anywhere near as popular as advertised:

So, does Ed Lee actually believe that there’s a chance that the America’s Cup will attract anything close to a half million people “on a daily basis?”

No he does not.

So why did he say it?

Mmmm…

Anyway, here’s the so-called village on a day when it was supposed to full of so-called America’s Cup fans:

Word around City Hall is that befuddled Mayor Ed Lee, our very own Mr. Magoo, is a little peeved with Larry Ellison and the AC crew.

(Not that Ed Lee or his longtime minion and spokesmodel Christine Falvey would ever admit to there being the slightest problem with anything Ed Lee has ever done or been told to do by Willie Brown or Gavin Newsom or Rose Pak. To wit, Ed Lee’s failed “stop and frisk” proposals from last year. That one was just another feather in Ed Lee’s cap, per CF)

Oh well.

Now, what the heck is  America’s Cup: Economic Impacts of a Match on San Francisco Bay?Is it the “Independent Study” what everybody cites as proof of how great the AC is going to be?

I think it is!

Let’s take a look at the first line:

“The America’s Cup is the world’s third-largest sporting competition, after the Olympics and soccer’s World Cup.”

Here it is in the flesh:

So, let’s think about this here. I guess the bullshit Bay Area Council Economic Institute (BACEI) organization is allowing that the Summer Olympics and the World Cup just might possibly be bigger than an America’s Cup. But what about the Winter Olympics? Oh, and what about the Super Bowl?

Who actually believes that the America’s Cup, that thing that NBC needs to be paid in order to broadcast, is actually going to be bigger than a Super Bowl?

Nobody.

Not even the cheerleaders.

So why do they say these kinds of things?

All right here’s one more thing from the messed-up study what’s going to cost the taxpayers of San Francisco tens of millions of dollars. It discusses, and I’m srlsy, the “fleet of super yachts” what are going to be attracted to the bay area due to the America’s Cup, and then it talks about how much money we’re going to make by gassing them up and Windexing the shiny parts and stuff like that.

I’m srsly.

These cheerleaders are members of a modern day Cargo Cult and we’re all along for the ride.

Why are we funding Larry Ellison’s ego trip of a boat race?

To review, IRL:

The world’s most popular sport may be soccer, but in cold, hard dollars, nobody throws a party like the National Football League.

• 1. Super Bowl

• 2. Summer Olympics

• 3. FIFA World Cup

• 4. Daytona 500

• 5. Rose Bowl

• 6. NCAA Men’s Final Four

• 7. Winter Olympics Games

• 8. Kentucky Derby

• 9. World Series

• 10. NBA Finals”

The America’s Cup, you will note, is not on this list.

Oh well.

Another BART Police Shooting Protest: BARTWRAITH 2011 (OpBART 2) Coming Monday, August 22, 2011

Friday, August 19th, 2011

Is BART perfect?

Leave us review:

Here’s the death of Oscar Grant in 30 seconds at the Fruitvale Station in 2009(Killing somebody with a SIG Sauer P226 semi-automatic instead of not killing somebody by using a TASER X26 instead, you know, that yellow plastic thing attached to your belt – Chapter 1)

Here’s the death of Charles Hill in 80 seconds at the Civic Center Station in 2011(Killing somebody with a SIG Sauer P226 semi-automatic instead of not killing somebody by using a TASER X26 instead, you know, that yellow plastic thing attached to your belt – Chapter 2)

So, BART, do you think there’s a chance in Hell that you did a proper job of TASER implementation the past several years? Have you apologized for that?

Here’s more. Remember this, from back in the day?

The BART Police Department stripped its officers of Tasers on Thursday, days after a sergeant fired the electric darts of his stun gun at a 13-year-old boy fleeing from police in Richmond on his bicycle, sources told The Chronicle.”

Anyway, here’s the latest – the next protest at the downtown stations of the Bay Area Rapid Transit will be during the evening drive on Monday, August 22, 2011. (Personally, I think this one will be smaller than the one we had on Monday, August 15th, but who’s to say?)

That’s right, it’s OpBART 2, BARTWRAITH 2011, betwixt ANONYMOUS and BART PR hack Linton Johnson, who costs the taxpayers $170k(!) per year

Via Artificial Eyes/exiledsurfer – click to expand

(Are the BART police competent? I don’t know. How would they rank, say, compared with the SFPD, LAPD, FBI – is that a fair question?)

No matter, you’re making history, BART

You’re making history:

“The mission of BART, according to BART’s statement, “is to provide, safe, secure, efficient, reliable, and clean transportation services.” So there was the municipal transit agency, exercising its powers to shut down a protest. It’s possible that BART had the legal right to cut off communications inside its stations. It can be argued that the inside of a transit station is an unsuitable place for a mass demonstration.

But the point of the would-be demonstrations was to challenge BART’s judgment in how it used its powers. The protesters were protesting a shooting by transit police. BART’s response showed that it couldn’t even grasp that premise.

What about ordinary commuters, entering the zone of conflict with no access to their own mobile communications? “BART Police officers and other BART personnel with radios were present during the planned protest, and train intercoms and white courtesy telephones remained available for customers seeking assistance or reporting suspicious activity.” The authorities were in charge. The authorities and no one else.

For a day, the measures worked—or in the unknowable world of security counterfactuals, they didn’t not work. There were no disruptive protests during that commute. But BART’s vision of tech dystopia was self-fulfilling. In response to the news of the phone shutdown, the vigilante hackers of Anonymous retaliated by breaking into its database of commuters’ private information and launching a new round of demonstrations, teaming up with the original aggrieved parties. Technology was a dangerous thing after all.”

“Constitutional Rights to Safety?” BART Spokesmodel Linton Johnson Doesn’t Know What the Fuck He’s Talking About

Monday, August 15th, 2011

[UPDATE: IMO, posting naked photos sort of misses the point, but anyway.]

Hello, BART, helloooooo? Don’t you realize that you’re a national laughingstock currently? So why do you still have Linton Johnson out there spinning beyond measure, today and the past few days?

Here’s his howler from last week, from “BARTtv News,” I’m srsly, BARTtv News:

“There are a multitude of groups … flying in from all over the country. They want to do surprise attacks, basically, on BART riders.”

Really, a “multitude,” which is of course a “very great number,” so what, like 100 “groups,” 100′s of people paid their way to fly to SFO (and paid 911 fees and baggage fees and x-fer fees and fuel surcharges, really?) to “attack” BART riders on Thursday evening last week?

Really? How many people actually showed up that night? Zero? Two? Nothing happened, right?

What the fuck are you talking about, Linton Johnson? Is this poetic license? You’re not selling soap here, P.R. man, correct? Do you think it’s your right to make things up?

So that was last week.

Now, here’s this week, from the KRON-TV. OMG.

So, BART passengers have constitutional “Rights to Safety*” and a “Right to Privacy” that BART should invoke to “preserve” and “balance against” the First Amendment, Bill of Rights, etc? 

What the fuck are you talking about, Linton Johnson?

And oh, Linton? Law school called. They want their diploma back. 

And here’s the latest boner from just now:

“Inside the fare gates is a non-public forum and by law, by the Constitution, the U.S. Supreme Court, there is no right to free speech there.”

Jesus tap-dancing Christ, is all I can say.

Here’s the Cliffs Notes version, custom-tailored for P.R. set, of why Linton Johnson is wrong, wrong, wrong:

1987 – freedom of speech
In the case of Board of Airport Commissioners of Los Angeles v. Jews for Jesus, Inc., 482 U.S. 569 (1987), The Supreme Court held that a law which banned “First Amendment activities” within the Central Terminal Area at L.A. International Airport to be invalid as substantially “over broad,” and therefore, invalid on its face. As Justice O’Connor stated in her opinion, such a law could even be construed to prohibit a traveler from approaching a ticketing booth and asking when the flight from Des Moines was scheduled to arrive. The municipal agency in charge of Los Angeles International Airport had barred the group from distributing leaflets at the airport “as part of a larger ban on what they described as First Amendment activities. Jews for Jesus challenged the airport’s right to institute such a sweeping ban.”

And here’s the whole magilla.

And here’s part of my bit on Saturday

“[T]his bit here from Friday’s hastily-released release from BART is overbroad:

“No person shall conduct or participate in assemblies or demonstrations or engage in other expressive activities in the paid areas of BART stations, including BART cars and trains and BART station platforms.”

Rest assured, passengers can legally engage in at least some expressive activities (like wearing a red shirt to represent the blood of a dead passenger or saying, “Gee waiting for BART can be a pain, goshdarnit” for example) in the paid areas of the stations regardless of what BART’s PR hacks say. (Don’t you have lawyers on staff, BART? So why don’t you let them formulate your legal policies instead of having a formerly ink-stained wretch writing copy? Just asking, Bro.)”

You don’t have to go to law school to understand these issues – they aren’t that hard.

*Are you arguing about some esoteric boilerplate from the 1800′s? Is that what you’re doing today? Really? Like, those who live in the Tenderloin have a Constitutional Right to Safety? If so, I’m sure there’d be a lot of people who would like to invoke that right…

(more…)

Forget About Rob Anderson, the StreetsBlog Crowd Now Has a New Public Enemy #1: It’s Writer Scott James of the Bay Citizen

Friday, July 15th, 2011

[UPDATE: Right on scheduleBay Citizen’s Scott James Tries to Drum Up Opposition to Fell and Oak Bikeways”]

Back in the day, Rob Anderson was The Most Hated Man In Town, ’cause he tied the City and County up in knots by insisting upon an Environmental Impact Report for the San Francisco Bicycle Plan. He instigated a slam-dunk lawsuit (really, he was pretty much guaranteed victory) owing to the City trying to go around CA state law by just pretending that an EIR wasn’t necessary.

But eventually, after years, the required report got finished and that was that. IMO, he should have quit while he was ahead, but no, he and his lawyer said the EIR wasn’t good enough – they ended up losing on that issue. Still, you’d have to say he was one of the most successful NIMBYs in CA history.

Remember when he was on the front page of the national edition of the Wall Street Journal? Good times:

But that was then and this is now, so forget about Rob Anderson.

Comes now Scott James of the Bay Citizen - feel free to set your sights (sites?) on him:

Why?

Well, because of stuff like this. People didn’t like that bit, not at all.

And now, today, ooh boy, that’s not going to go down well, no sir.

I was pleasantly surprised by how there’s not a ‘no way, this is crazy, don’t do it’ feeling out there,” [Mike] Sallaberry said, according to Streetsblog.org, a pro-cycling website. But the bike coalition research, obtained using the open-records law, surveyed only 14 businesses — and it actually reveals very serious objections, which some survey respondents later reiterated in interviews.

To annoy drivers “and make it worse of a pain is not the solution,” Miloslavich said.

Robert Williams, owner of Panhandle Guitar, said: “Fell Street is dangerous to have bike lanes on.”

[SFMTA Spokesmodel Paul] Rose said he was not sure whether Sallaberry’s remarks had been correctly reported. Sallaberry was not available for comment.”

Wow, that’s all you can come up with? You’re “not sure whether the remarks had been correctly reported?”

Wow. That’s the last arrow in your quiver that you should be using, right? Oh, it was the only arrow you had?

Wow.

Obviously, when the SFMTA and its affiliates decide to do a program, it’s the job of the SFMTA to push that program through come Hell or high water. If the program gets executed then the manager succeeded and if the program doesn’t get executed, then the manager failed – it doesn’t matter a whit whether or not the program itself is good or bad for the commonweal at that point. Not at all. What matters is that the SFMTA decided to do something. It’s the job of SFMTA employees to cheerlead and mislead and lie to get any particular program through.

Remember the traffic circles of the lower and upper Haights? Boy, they took out stop signs on Page Street and Waller and then you’d just have to guess at what drivers were going to do when they came upon the intersection. You see, drivers didn’t have to stop. Anyway, that crazy idea got voted down – it lost five times out of five – but all the people behind the stupid traffic circles could say is how “sad” it was that the traffic circles were such a failure.

The fact that they weren’t a good idea never seemed to occur to the people behind the traffic circles.

Fixing the eastbound Panhandle-to-Wiggle connector shouldn’t be that hard. Mostly, it’s about taking out some parking spaces or otherwise freeing up some more room. It’s not about “completing” Oak Street, it’s not about being the next “win-win” from the SFMTA. It’s about making compromises, it’s about winners and losers, it’s about costs and benefits.

Lying to people about the costs doesn’t benefit the people of San Francisco.

Of course.

Besuited Commuter Defies MUNI’s New Pricing with an Aging Honda 175

Monday, September 14th, 2009

Who needs a bus when you have a 1970 (or so) Honda 175?

As seen on Van Ness. Click to expand:

IMG_0670 copy

Stick It To The Man!

San Francisco’s Most Overused Cliche of the Decade: “World-Class”

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

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Oh Lord, if I ever see or hear the clicheworld-class” again, it will be too soon. But now, They’re using the Phrase That Shant Be Named twice in the same monkey-fighting sentence:

A world-class city like San Francisco needs a world-class boulevard. We’re optimistic this plan will lead to a renaissance of Market Street,’ said Nathan Ballard, Newsom’s spokesman.’”

Now first of all, we already have a “world-class boulevard” – it’s called Octavia and it’s turning out to be a public policy disaster.

Second of all, “world-class: cliché (avoid)”:

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Now, do you want to use this phrase the way it was meant to be, like saying that Cleveland has a world-class symphony orchestra. I don’t know if that’s true or if it even ever was, but it’s surprising that a sub-million-population city like Cleveland would have such a good symphony so world-class is apropropriate, right? And indeed, the same could be said for the San Francisco Ballet, which acquits itself quite nicely considering S.F. is the fourth-biggest (and fallingSacramento, where you at Sacramento?) city in the state. 

But I mean, does everything in town have to be world-class? The Strybing Arboretum? Really? “Just look at that tree, man, that’s one monkey-fighting world-class tree!”

Or, how about:

“A world-class boyfriend like me needs a world-class omelette, don’t you think, honey?”

Oh, how they must laugh at us:

I despise the hackneyed phrase “world-class.” It’s a tired cliché supposed to inspire and excite where it only deadens and dulls the senses. In a world where everything is touted as “world-class”, nothing is exceptional or intimate.”

“Here’s my deal: I’m a world-class talking head. I’ve made my bones and I’ve got all my bona fides.”

“Is there anybody else who winces at the use of “world class”

What would the Encyclopedia of Business Cliches say about us? Nothing good, that’s for sure.  

Or Gaia, maybe She could help with this issue. Yes, Divine Intervention will be required at this point.

Or you know, Whomever, just please make it stop.

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