Posts Tagged ‘Stardust Darkmatterji’

Suffer the Nevius: San Francisco’s Very Own Forrest Gump Goes Full-Maudlin Over “Occupy Bernal” and Foreclosures

Tuesday, May 8th, 2012

Leave us begin with “Occupy Bernal succeeds in stalling foreclosures.”

Take it away, CW Nevius:

“An organization founded by a porn performer, a Summer of Love radical, and a guy named Stardust Darkmatterji, is challenging the eviction of homeowners in their Bernal Heights neighborhood. For the past week the group has been staging very polite, but noisy, demonstrations next to the steps of City Hall to disrupt bank auctions.

SO BLOWING WHISTLES TO STOP SOME LEGAL ACTION SOMEBODY DOESN’T LIKE IS NOT ONLY “POLITE” BUT “VERY POLITE?” THAT DOESN’T SOUND VERY NEVIUS, DOES IT?

And as offbeat as they are, their ’60s street theater is actually getting results.

ACTUALLY? HERE THE NEVIUS SIGNALS THAT THIS WILL BE ONE OF HIS MAUDLIN COLUMNS, THE KIND WHAT ALLOW HIM TO NOT CONSIDER HIMSELF A SAN FRANCISCO-STYLE REPUBLICAN. LET’S SEE IF HE GOES FULL-MAUDLIN.

Of course, the issues of bank meltdowns, the mortgage crisis and defaulting homeowners are complicated. But it seems every neighborhood knows someone who wasn’t served well by his bank. When responsible homeowners find themselves underwater on their mortgages, there’s a sense of hopelessness.

UH WTF, NEVIUS? AREN’T YOU A FUCKING SUBURBAN REPUBLICAN, YOU KNOW, FUNDAMENTALLY? SO LET’S SEE HERE, SOMEBODY BUYS A HOUSE USING A SUBSIDY FROM THE U.S. GOVERNMENT AND THEN WHEN THE PRICE OF THE HOUSE GOES DOWN AND IF THE HOMEOWNER IS A “RESPONSIBLE” ONE,  AND IF HOMEOWNER, THE SAINTED HOMEOWNER SOMEHOW WASN’T “WELL-SERVED” (WHATEVER THE HELL THAT MEANS) BY HIS OR HER BANK, THEN SAID BANK SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO CUT ITS LOSSES, YOU KNOW, THE WAY IT’S ALL LAID OUT IN THE PAPERWORK? ALL RIGHT. THAT’S YOUR POSITION, NEVE.

NOW, GENTLE READER, BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE NEXT PART.

Occupy Bernal disagrees,

DISAGREES WITH WHAT, NEVIUS? DISAGREES WITH “…THERE’S A SENSE OF HOPELESSNESS?” USE YOUR WORDS, NEVIUS, USE YOUR WORDS!

…and if it means staging old-fashioned protest marches in front of the residence of the Wells Fargo CEO – as they did in February – or blowing police whistles to disrupt the auction (after first handing out free ear plugs to everyone), they are taking action.

WTF, NEVIUS? DON’T YOU ALWAYS OBJECT TO SIMILAR ACTIONS DONE BY PEOPLE NOT IN YOUR POLITICAL FACTION? SO PLEASE EXPLAIN. WHY THE CHANGE OF HEART ALL OF A SUDDEN? WHAT’S THE DIFF?

Their noisy, funky tactics have been far more effective than the Occupy wannabes marching up and down the city streets and smashing the windows of small businesses.

SO LET’S SEE HERE, NEVE, IN YOUR WORLD, THE “OCCUPY WANNABES” ARE THE LOCAL OCCUPY MOVEMENT AND THE JOHNNY-COME-LATELY, HOMEOWNER-OBSESSED OCCUPY BERNAL PEOPLE ARE WHAT, THE REAL THING? DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE? AND IT’S OK TO BREAK THE WINDOWS OF BIG BUSINESSES BUT NOT SMALL BUSINESSES? DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?

Granted, some of the auctions involve homeowners who simply borrowed too much…

NOW WE’RE TALKING, NEVE! WE HAD TO WAIT FOR YOUR “TO BE SURE…” GRAF, BUT, YES, SOME OF  THESE HOMEOWNERS SIMPLY BORROWED TOO MUCH. ACTUALLY, ALMOST ALL OF THEM DID. PERHAPS THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN PUMPING UP THE REAL ESTATE MARKET ALL THESE YEARS AND DECADES? YOU EVER THINK OF THAT, NEVE? YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE WE SHOULD STOP SUBSIDIZING THE REAL ESTATE INDUSTRY AND GET RID OF PROP 13 AND STUFF LIKE THAT?

…however, some are trying to take responsibility.

BY WHAT, PAYING THEIR MORTGAGES AS AGREED?

Particularly vexing is “double tracking,” which is where foreclosure proceedings are taking place while the owner is in the process of refinancing.

ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT THAT’S ILLEGAL OR SOMETHING? IT’S NOT, NEVIUS, ACTUALLY. MAYBE THESE UNDERWATER PEOPLE SHOULD MOVE ON AND BECOME RENTERS SOMEPLACE. MAYBE THAT’S AN OPTION?

A report from San Francisco Assessor-Recorder Phil Ting found that 84 percent of a sample of foreclosures in the city included at least one legal violation. Some were minor infractions, but even so.

AND I’M SURE THERE’S A REPORT SOMEWHERE, PERHAPS FROM THE PUBLIC DEFENDER’S OFFICE, WHAT FINDS THAT 84% OF SAMPLE ARRESTS AT OCCUPYSF LAST YEAR INCLUDED AT LEAST ONE LEGAL VIOLATION. RIGHT? SO, “YES I TOSSED A BUNCH OF PAINT AT THAT COP BUT NOBODY SIGNED MY ARREST WARRANT SO THAT MEANS MY ARREST WAS ILLEGAL SO PLEASE PROTEST MY INCARCERATION.” WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE, NEVIUS?

“The tactics are a sign of the frustration almost everyone is feeling with the current system,” Ting said. “The current system is broken. Hopefully, given all the dialogue and action going on, we will see more underwater families being able to refinance their loans and take advantage of these record-low interest rates.” That’s the dream, and Occupy Bernal, although older and grayer, stands ready to fight until a modification can be made.

SO, NEVE, ARE YOU NOW ON THE RECORD SUPPORTING ILLEGAL TACTICS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO ISSUES? IT SURE SEEMS THAT WAY.

“If you’d told me six months ago I’d be working with Annie Sprinkle and a guy named Stardust,” said Bagot, “I’d have told you I haven’t done acid in a long time. But now, well, it may sound a little cocky, but we feel like we’re the future of the Occupy movement.”

WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR THE STINGER.

Righteous.

HERE’S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, NEVIUS, IN THIS SPECIFIC ORDER:

1. LEARN HOW TO CRAFT AN ARGUMENT SUFFICIENT TO ACTUALLY SWAY OPINION.

2. SOMEHOW BECOME A BIG-CITY NEWSPAPER REPORTER AT AN OUTFIT WHAT TURNS AWAY HUNDREDS OF SUMMER INTERN APPLICANTS WHAT ARE ALL SUBSTANTIALLY SMARTER THAN YOU.

YOU’VE GOT THE SECOND PART DOWN, NEVE, SO NOW IT’S TIME TO WORK ON THE FIRST PART.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIME THIS DECADE BEFORE YOU RETIRE, OR GET RETIREDNESS THRUST UPON YOU, WHICHEVER.