The San Francisco Citizen

Here’s a scene from a mall. Specifically Stonestown Mall, deep in San Francisco’s Sunset / Parkside Fog Belt. It’s a kiosk from WOWSmileXpress Professional Teeth Cleaning.  

Here’s a closer look. Pay your $100, don some red Bono sunglasses, cram a huge wand into your piehole, and then you’ll be the envy of all the Hot Dog on a Stick-eating passers-by for the next half-hour or so. 

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And what says the photo of the happy bride with super white teeth? “Ask us about  our group pricing for your special events.” O.K., then.

You have a dazzling array of choices in this arena:

Celebrity Sexy Teeth
Rembrandt
BriteSmile
Zoom Teeth Whitening
GO SMILE
Crest Whitestrips
Aquafresh White Trays
Listerine Whitening Strips
Colgate Simply White
Nova White

Choose wisely, or maybe just choose nothing.

Apple retail stores are offering four free workshops that are recommended for kids ages 8 to 12 this summer. Sign them up today! But hurry, as spaces are filling up right now.

Is this how they will greet your tweens when they arrive at the three-hour workshops in July? We can only hope.

Talk with your young ‘uns and pick two of the following:

Apple is the new Borg - the sooner your kids realize that, the better. Give in.

See you there!