Now, let’s hear about San Francisco’s upcoming America’s Cup boat race from insider and ARWG (Another Rich White Guy) Russell Coutts:
“Russell Coutts – the man who infamously defected from Team New Zealand to Alinghi in 2000 – is calling for the America’s Cup to have a nationality component among the crews. He says sailing would develop further if teams had to pick crew from their own country.”
WAIT A SECOND, YOU MEAN “TEAM KOREA”* ISN’T FROM ONE OF THE KOREAS? WELL, THEN WHY CALL THEM “TEAM KOREA” THEN?
Coutts, who is chief executive of the Larry Ellison-bankrolled Oracle Racing team in the United States, revealed that he lobbied heavily for a nationality clause when the rules for the Auld Mug were rejigged in 2010.
OH, I GET IT, THE “OLD MUG,” THE CUP ITSELF, FROM WAY BACK IN 1851 – WOW, WHAT A HISTORY YOU HAVE, AC! OF COURSE, THERE WAS A TWO-DECADE STRETCH NOT TOO LONG AGO WHERE THERE WAS NO RACING AT ALL. NOT MUCH OF A SPORT ARE YOU, AC? AND HEY, SPEAKING OF HISTORY, HERE’S WHAT “TEAM AFRICA” WAS DOING BACK IN 1851:
“Slave Trade. 1851”
NOW IT’S FUNNY THAT THE AMERICA’S CUP WAS STARTED BY A BUNCH OF RICH WHITE GUYS RACING AGAINST ANOTHER BUNCH OF RICH WHITE GUYS BACK IN 1851, BUT THESE DAYS THE AC IS NOW MADE OF A BUNCH OF RICH WHITE GUYS RACING AGAINST ANOTHER BUNCH OF RICH WHITE GUYS. THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL PROGRESS. AND IN THE FIRST AC CUP RACE, DID THE SLAVE SHIPS GET IN THE WAY AT ALL, YOU KNOW, OF THIS “SPORT?”
As it stands, there are no crew regulations in the world’s oldest active sporting trophy, although the boat must be built in the country it represents – where materials allow.
“WHERE MATERIALS ALLOW” WELL OF COURSE. OR MAYBE THE AC ISN’T REALLY A SPORT AT ALL?
“If I was doing it again, I’d have the nationality rule, absolutely,” Coutts says. “I tried to push it in this time. At least I think I was gunning for 50 per cent. Then I said, ‘No, no, maybe we’ll do 20 per cent.’ After talking to the teams, the teams didn’t really want it. It was going to make it too hard for teams such as China and Korea.
WOW, 20%? SUCH HIGH STANDARDS!
“Don’t forget we’ve got to build the boats. That’s always a fundamental rule in America’s Cup, and if you go back to the history of it, the early days, the sailors on board actually weren’t from the nation. It was the boat that was from the nation.
SO WE DON’T CHEER ON THE “ATHLETES,” WE CHEER FOR THE BOAT ITSELF? ALL RIGHT.
“Personally, I think it’d be a better event if you had a nationality component in the crews. But all of the teams, I think except Team New Zealand, voted against it. I think it’d be better because it’d give fans more to engage with, which I think would be good, and I also think it’d be better for the development of sailing. If we were forced to use Americans, we would be forced to develop those sailors.”
AMERICANS? THOSE FUCKERS? NOW, WHO WOULD FORCE LARRY ELLISON TO USE AMERICANS ON HIS BOAT? NOBODY I KNOW OF. HEY MAYBE THE AC ISN’T REALLY A SPORT AT ALL?
Coutts agrees the event’s reputation took a major hit with the nasty legal battles between Swiss team Alinghi and Oracle over the 2010 cup. “It’s hurt it a lot. It’s something that I think should’ve and could’ve been avoided. But it happened, we’ve just got to get over it and move on.”
NASTY LEGAL BATTLES? NOW WE’RE TALKING! HEY, MAYBE THE AC, AS IT CURRENTLY EXISTS, ISN’T REALLY A SPORT AT ALL?
He said the new AC72 catamarans racing would be good for the America’s Cup and popular with sailors, fans and broadcasters.
UH, EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD NOW KNOWS THAT THE AC72 BOATS ARE WAAAAAAAAY TOO BIG, ESPECIALLY FOR WHERE THE RACE WILL TAKE PLACE IN SAN FRANCISCO BAY. EVEN LARRY ELLISON HISSELF REALIZES THIS NOW. MAYBE THE AC72 BOATS WERE A BAD IDEA? MAYBE THAT’S PART OF THE REASON WHY YOU COULDN’T GET 24 TEAMS TO CHALLENGE?
“Absolutely, I think it will and a lot of these changes that we’ve made will help things a lot. It’s probably going to take a period of time before people see the new America’s Cup for what it is. But I can tell you now, by 2013, by the end of the cup, it’s going to see a dramatic transformation.
WHAT? 2013 IS JUST GOING TO BE A BUILDING YEAR FOR YOU GUYS? MAYOR ED LEE JUST PROMISED A HALF MILLION FANS IN SAN FRANCISCO EACH AND EVERY DAY FOR 45 DAYS. WAS HE LYING? WAS HE CONFUSED? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE AC BEING THE THIRD BIGGEST SPORT IN THE WORLD?
“I think that’s one of the keys – we’ve got to develop a wider audience. Some of the problems with sailing is it’s perceived as elitist.
WELL, GEE, MAYBE IT’S ALL THE RICH WHITE DUDES, SUCH AS YOU YOURSELF, RUSSEL COUTTS, AND YOUR BOSS, LARRY ELLISON, AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED? MAYBE IT ACTUALLY IS ELITIST?
We’ve got that stuffy, yacht-club mentality that’s still there and I, frankly, think this new product, this new style of event, is breaking down those barriers.”
NEW PRODUCT? YOU MEAN THE SPORT? ANYWAY, THANKS FOR ADMITTING THE OBVIOUS. YOU WOULDN’T LAST A DAY WORKING AT SFGOV, MR COUTTS.
Alinghi have confirmed they won’t line up next year to be part of the challenger series to earn the right to meet Oracle for a shot at the trophy.
WELL GEE, THIS AC13 RACE SOUNDS BETTER AND BETTER ALL THE TIME! WHY NOT JUST HAVE LARRY HIMSELF SAIL AROUND THE BAY AND THEN EVERYONE WILL CHEER! HURRAY LARRY! THIS WOULD SAVE SAN FRANCISCO A LOT OF MONEY.
Just three teams have officially signed on to compete in the Louis Vuitton Cup – Team New Zealand, Luna Rossa of Italy, and Swedish team Artemis.
WELL, MAYBE NEXT TIME, NEXT YEAR, YOU’LL DO BETTER. OH WAIT, I MEANT MAYBE IN 2016, MAYBE THEN YOU RICH WHITE GUYS WILL HAVE YOUR ACT TOGETHER.
‘CAUSE YOU SURE ARE STINKING UP 2012-2013…
*THERE’S SOME SORT OF AMERICA’S CUP PRE-GAME EXHIBITION SERIES GOING ON THESE DAYS – THEY JUST HAD ONE RECENTLY DOWN IN FUN DIEGO. BUT NOBODY REALLY CARED, THE “FANS” DIDN’T SHOW UP. ANYWAY, TEAM KOREA, OR, ACTUALLY, TEAM NON-KOREA WAS DOWN THERE AT THAT TIME. I SAW IT ON YOUTUBE. IT WAS LIKE WATCHING PAINT DRY…