(The funny thing about Twitter is that lots and lots of its employees would prefer having the HQ in northern San Mateo County anyway. Oh well, bygones.)
As seen on Golden Gate Avenue in the 94102:
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All the deets on TLMade:
Here’s the pitch:
TLMade is a social enterprise centered on bringing out creativity, producing quality products, and creating jobs all within the Tenderloin District of San Francisco. Through the support of City Impact, our purpose is to transform lives through discipleship relationships, and create community through art and work, while creating a sustainable business.
Oh, and here’s a why we exist video, explaining how the Tenderloin District is “300 times more crowded than the rest of San Francisco,” which, you know, is absurd. City Impact, you’re off by a couple orders of magnitude there, which, you know, is a lot.
I’ll tell you, the marketing for the NeMA Building is strange, man.
And the people behind it are the strangest to hit town ever.
Now it’s time to “meet The Designer“
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Oh wait, somebody Photoshopped Soviet rocket engineer Sergei Korolev, the so-called “Chief Designer,” into the shot.
Aw, that’s not right!
Now here we go, the real shot, the Chief Designer of the NeMa: ”Step Inside the NEMA North Tower Two-Bedroom Model with Interior Designer Liza Evans.”
But who are the other people, the dramatic people? IDK.
All right, now let’s sell some units here:
“Q: Name 3 Feng Shui tips you’d give someone moving into the 2 BDR+Den model floor plan in the new North Tower.”
I’ll tell you, Old Market Street didn’t have any of the feng shui.
Good luck in the Twitterloin, NeMA!
I bought at NeMA
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think you’ve seen me before
I’ll tell you why.
It’s because east-bay government contractor Randy Shaw is in the tank for Mayor Ed Lee.
So whenever Mayor Ed Lee changes his position on some issue, Randy Shaw just might very well put on his cheerleader uniform (it still fits!) and start waving his pom-poms.
“All San Franciscans should cheer Mayor Ed Lee’s plans to return to Sunday free meter parking.”
Is Randy Shaw a “journalist?”
“San Francisco’s Tenderloin is the city’s last remaining working-class neighborhood. And it is the only residential neighborhood in the city without any residential parking program.”
Is that true? NOPE!
“Tenderloin residents cannot park in front of their apartments or SRO’s…”
Suffer the poor SRO residents who can’t park for free all day long right in front of their buildings like a rock star! East Bay resident Randy Shaw weeps for them.
“Free Sunday parking should be sacrosanct.”
All right Randy, you know what we should do? We should poll all the mansion dwellers of Berkeley, CA and then use the results to determine parking policy for San Francisco, why not?
And Randy? Why not work on spending our money better?
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Perhaps this was the problem:
For more than 100 years the San Francisco Travel Association has worked on behalf of its partners to promote San Francisco as the destination of choice for conventions and leisure travel. The Association is an outgrowth of the San Francisco Convention and Tourist League, a non-profit, local business association founded in 1909 to reclaim the City’s position as a world-class destination in the wake of the devastating 1906 earthquake and fire.
San Francisco Travel continues that mission today, aggressively marketing and selling San Francisco to attract visitors. San Francisco Travel is a private, not-for-profit, 501(c)6 membership organization, headed by a Board of Directors made up of 45 business leaders from various companies, elected by the membership. Additionally, in 2003, the Association established a 501(c)3 foundation to raise scholarship funds for students enrolled in local hospitality management programs and to produce educational programs.”
Check it, “Reviews that mention ‘SKETCHY’ in San Francisco”
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(Now of course there are plenty of other places in town that could similarly be considered “sketchy” by the Yelpers, except the Yelpers would never have a reason to go there.)
Now let’s take a look at these blips on San Francisco’s CT scan:
North Beach – Stay off of Broadway and out of its strip clubs and you should do fine. The epicenter is Kearney and Broadway.
The Tenderloin – This is the big one. AKA the Uptown Tenderloin, per some Berkeley residents. AKA the Twitterloin. AKA the 6th Street Corridor. AKA Downtown. AKA Civic Center. AKA New Market / NeMA. AKA Central Market. AKA Mid-Market. AKA the ‘Loin. The epicenter is Turk and Taylor.
The Fillmore – AKA the Western Addition. The epicenter is the Popeye’s Chicken & Biscuits in the Safeway mall.
NoPA – AKA North of Panhandle Area. AKA Northeast of the Panhandle Area. AKA the Divisadero Corridor. AKA DivCo. AKA the Western Addition. The epicenter is the Popeye’s Chicken & Biscuits at Hayes, I suppose, but the drug dealers who hang out at McAllister and Divis might disagree.
Lower Haight – AKA Lower Fillmore. The epicenter is Haight and Webster.
16th and Mission – The epicenter is the BART Station.
24th and Mission – The epicenter is the BART Station.
30th and Mission – The epicenter is where they want to build a new BART Station.
The Lower Third – NB: The cross-streets are alphabetized, more or less. The epicenter is Oakdale and Third
END OF LINE.
Today’s lunchtime scene of the the Mid-Market Twitterloin Tax-Free Enterprise Zone via Kevin Montgomery and his excellent Uptown Almanac site:
“Outside Twitter HQ, a giant window pane falls. Man on the street starts yelling ‘Crystal Blue! Heiiisenberggg!’”
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Did all this glass (you tell me, glaziers – Azuria (nee Azurlite?) fall from a truck or did it come from up high? IDK.
I’ll tell you, the whole reason that Twitter has a bad image around town started off with this:
In fact, you all might have better off moving to Brisbane after all, Twitter. A fair percentage of your employees would have preferred that, actually. And it’s not too late to pay your taxes, you know. Why not go back and redo your taxes using the laws that existed a decade ago, the ones signed into law by… former Mayor Gavin Newsom? Yes he signed a payroll tax law that caught part of a company’s stock options when they went public. Why not figure this amount and just donate it to the SF General Fund? People would appreciate it.
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And here’s Uber’s first statement on the matter, awkwardly-phrased:
And here’s the second statement, with another graf added:
And here’s the text version of this ham-fisted statement:
“Our hearts go out to the family and victims of the accident that occurred in downtown San Francisco last night. We work with transportation providers across the Bay Area, but we can confirm that this tragedy did not involve a vehicle or provider doing a trip on the Uber system.
Our policy is to immediately deactivate any Uber partner involved in a serious law enforcement matter. For that reason, we urge the police to release information about the driver in question as soon as possible. If the driver is, in fact, a partner of Uber, he or she will immediately be deactivated from using Uber technology.”
You know, just a skosh? ‘Cause the brunch line at farmerbrown is just too long for us today – we need to motor.
Gathering evidence at a crime scene in Mayor Ed Lee’s Twitterloin Open-Air Halfway House and Stolen IPhone Emporium:
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There was yellow tape all over the place, two scenes on Market and two on Turk. At first I thought it could have been a MDK, but I never heard anything about it…