Posts Tagged ‘Writer’

The Latest Exercise Fad in Golden Gate Park: “Short-Roping” with Pilates Bands? – Lasso Your Partner and Then Go Jogging

Monday, April 13th, 2015

I’m at a loss for words here:

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Everybody’s doing it:

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Reader Notes: Those things are Pilates bands, right? And short-roping, that’s a reference to a mountain climbing technique that has the struggling, inexperienced client getting a tow* to the top, ala Lopsang Jangbu Sherpa and rich MTV Wife Sandy Pittman / Sandy Hill on Mount Everest back in 1996.

ASSIGNMENT DESK: Go up to these people and say, “I’m CW Nevius, a semi-retired reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle, and I ask you just what the heck is going on** here?” And the bit will write itself.

If only somebody cared enough to force me tow them around GGP, I’d be less overweight in no time…

*The question is why. Whether he thought he was going to get a cash bonus for getting Pittman atop Everest is lost in the pages of History. 

**Maybe this has already been done and my vocabulary is simply too limited for me to discover what this thing is called…

The Simple Joy of Playing Your First Round of Street Tetherball in the Western Addition Northeast of the Panhandle

Monday, March 16th, 2015

Look for San Francisco Chronicle writer and long-time east bay resident CW Get Off My Lawn Nevius* to decry this type of vandalism, you know, after getting contacted, once again, by Yet Another SFGov Department Head.

Oh, our youth, won’t somebody please decry our youth, won’t somebody please harp against the externalizes they generate while consistently ignoring the externalizes generated by older people, such as our Favorite Writer From The East Bay. Oh well, more street clean-up work for DPW:

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Ah, memories:

“[Appointed Mayor Ed] Lee has placed Nuru in charge of a city department with a $129 million city budget and 1,200 employees, despite Nuru’s proven history of directing his subordinates to illegally campaign for his mayoral benefactors. You couldn’t even make this stuff up, and even Examiner columnist Melissa Griffin flatly calls the move “stupid.”

Moving on…

Oh, here’s a graphic for Chuck:

Capturekjhkhk

Perhaps CWNevius is overcompensating for his and his generation’s crimes of the past?

Mmmm…

*And that’s just the past month!

National Media Embraces the Term Twitterloin – First the New York Times and Now Fortune: “Welcome to the Twitterloin”

Monday, March 9th, 2015

Here’s the latest from Fortune:

Welcome to the Twitterloin, where tech-savvy cool meets gritty hood by Michal Lev-Ram

And that comes on the heels of this recent bit in the NYT:

As Wealth Changes the Tenderloin, a Move to Preserve Artistic ‘Gems’” by PATRICIA LEIGH BROWN

So what are the borders of the Twitterloin? Well, it depends.

For some, this portmanteau dating from 2009 means the Tenderloin itself, and others think it refers to a place at the southern* “edge of the city’s Tenderloin neighborhood.”

And then there’s this map of the “Twitter Tax Break” zone – it’s sort of shaped like the number 7:

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(Oddly, an unelected mansion-dwelling white man from the east bay played a signif role in creating the borders of this map. Isn’t that strange?)

And here’s a little more on the history of the Twitterloin:

Prospective Twitter Landlord Gave Newsom Rent Deal by Gerry Shih

Oh, does this information challenge your notions? Sorry.

And, Heaven forfend, this Forbes bit is coming after “we” agreed to put the term Twitterloin “to bed once and for all” just a few months back.

Sorry.

(Oh hai! You’ve worked in SF media for “years and years” and yet you’ve never even heard of the term “Twitterloin” until you saw it in The Grey Lady in 2015? Whoo boy, you don’t get out into the field all that much, huh?)

Oh what’s that, you’re from SFGov or a taxpayer-funded org and you don’t like seeing auslanders use the T-word because EVERYTHING IS AWESOME under the regime of WillieBrownGavinNewsomEdLee? Well here’s your map then:

Now there’s a T-word you can get behind, huh?

And, more seriously, if you’re new in town, then this semi-recent (and perfectly legal!) pizza delivery no-go map is your lodestar:

Basically if you’re looking for trouble, start at 6th and Folsom, you know, on foot, and then head northwest and then take Eddy west all the way to Divisadero in the North of NoPA area. I’ll add, Gentle Visitor, that you’re not going to get killed or anything if you wander throughout the aspirationally-named “Uptown Tenderloin*” but it might go a little something like this.

Or here’s a safer way to get about the Twitterloin.

In closing, here’s the latest from Italy:

“Da Tenderloin a Twitterloin: con i “techie” cambia lo storico quartiere

È storicamente il quartiere più malfamato di San Francisco, dove convivono homeless e gira droga, ma che è vissuto anche da graffitari, gallerie che propongono i lavori di artisti indipendenti, ‘food trucks’ (i camioncini che vendono cibo di strada), teatri leggendari e case di riposo che il comune destina alle persone con il reddito più basso, disoccupati e agli invalidi. Da quando sono arrivate le compagnie del “tech boom” che hanno scelto di stanziarsi dentro la città e lontane dalla Silicon Valley, il Tenderloin è stato però ribattezzato il “Twitterloin”: qui hanno sede le compagnie di Jack Dorsey, Twitter e Square, il quartier generale di Uber, e anche Yahoo! sta a poca distanza. L’arrivo delle grandi società sta cambiando rapidamente il volto del quartiere, spazzando via l’arte di strada e anche il carattere vibrante che per anni ha animato la zona. E, naturalmente, facendo aumentare in brevissimo tempo il prezzo degli affitti (testi e foto di Viviana Devoto e Kegan Marling).”

There’s your Twitterloin Update 2015.

*Cf. Tendernob, at the northern edge close to Nob Hill. 

Writer C.W. Nevius Makes Amends for “This Isn’t Oakland” with His Gay Games Bit? – SFAA v. USOC IRL

Friday, December 12th, 2014

Poor CW Nevius is still smarting over the drubbing he took over “This isn’t Oakland.” Check it:

 Dec 9  Hey Jessica. If you are going to write something like that, you might want to check in with me. I’m pretty reasonable.
Here’s what he’s so mad about:

SF CHRONICLE COLUMNIST BASHES OAKLAND

See how that works? You all need to check in with CW himself before you criticize him – that’s the rule. It’s a kind of YOU DON’T KNOW ME! defense, one supposes.

So that’s the context.

Now look! San Francisco Chronicle’s right-of-center Everyman has lurched across the aisle with this recent effort about the local history of the Gay Olympics / Gay Games:

S.F. backstory to Olympics’ new policy on gays, by C.W. Nevius

Now here’s your real back story. First, bone up on this:

Amateur Sports Act of 1978

And then see the court case that explains why the term Gay Games is kosher but Gay Olympics isn’t. A 7-2 decision, more or less:

San Francisco Arts & Athletics, Inc. v. United States Olympic Committee

Here’s my point – what Nevius is saying is that the USOC’s effort to defend its “brand” back in the 1970’s was “pointless.” Except the USOC won and now the Gay Olympics is known as the Gay Games and life goes on.

Do you want to get into why the IOC / USOC and all the other OC’s of the world tolerate people using a term like “Redneck Olympics,” at least until it grows into a big event? Be my guest.

(Oh, but wait, the official name of that event in Georgia is now the Redneck Games. Is the USOC against rednecks? IDK.)

Speaking of points, here’s one:

Mess with the Olympic brand long enough and you just might end up with a lien on your house.

Which is fair enough, I suppose.

(And actually, the USOC lifted the lien anyway.)

Hey remember what CW Nevius had to say before the disastrous 34th America’s Cup came to town? He called it:

a wonderful opportunity without a downside.”

Except we ended up with a lot of downsides.

And now he’s cheerleading for the 2024 Olympics to come to town. And while he’s doing that, he criticizes the USOC for stuff from a third of a decade ago.

Of course, he could criticize the current USOC, but no, Nevius doesn’t want to do that.

Hey look, it’s gay rights champion Vladimir Putin chilling with CW Nevius hero Larry “The Good” Probst:

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And when was this shot taken, was it a third of a century ago?

Oh no, it was this year.

Oh well.

CW Nevius Roundup: An Apology to Oakland! – Plus Nevius the Union Activist – Plus Errors re: Golden Gate Park

Friday, December 5th, 2014

1. The Apology. Normally I’d just do a retweet but I’ve been blocked from doing just that, so here’s a back-and-forth on the recent “This isn’t Oakland” bit:

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Now actually, in defense of The Nevius, I think he was merely channeling what the SFPD brass had to say, as Nevius is wont to do, about comparing the SFPD response to a protest situation vs. how the OPD handled things in the recent past. So the stood aside and let the looting and window shattering play out” comment just might have been a reference to comments made a few years back by the Oakland Mayor or by the OPD. So the “this isn’t Oakland” stinger could have been referring to that.

In any event, even the Nevius Wife didn’t like the Oakland Comment, so Nevius apologized on Twitter (and maybe ten people read it). It’s a real apology, but it was made to just a handful of people. 

2. Nevius the Union Activist. Check out this recent bit about San Francisco taxi drivers and then ponder this:

In his own personal life, CW Nevius is a union activist. Like, he goes to meetings ‘n stuff

That means he’s not just a union member, oh no. I’ve been a union member, but I wasn’t no shop steward, I wasn’t no agitator the way CW Nevius is in some kind of media guild thing.

So, isn’t it ironic, dontcha think, that union activist CW Nevius takes such an anti Labor tone?

3. Nevius the right of center megaphone for the San Francisco’s dominant right of center political faction. I’m specifically referring to this bit about Stow Lake Boat House.

He goes on and on about how great the Stow Lake Boat House is now:

And now it looks terrific, and I haven’t heard a word of complaint.

IRL, not a whole bunch has changed there. Tourists come, pay their money, get a boat for an hour, and then do a lap around Strawberry Hill on Stow Artificial Pond.

(Of course, CW Nevius is a newcomer to San Francisco, so he missed out on most of the action at Stow Lake.)

In any event, yes, the opposition to the new vendor was absurd, but that doesn’t prove his point that all opposition to the corrupt right of center political Establishment is absurd. Let’s take a look:

At yet, at the end of the day, not only do we end up doing the right thing, everyone seems to move on and forget and forgive.

So what, did “we” do “the right thing” voting down 8 Washington – did we “forget and forgive” “at the end of the day?” Mmm… Moving on.

Now here’s a load of BS:

To Park Commission President Mark Buell, that’s not just a theory. He’s lived it. “When I became president, I was given some advice,” he said. “I was told there were four things I would never get accomplished: getting a new vendor at Stow Lake, closing the recycling center at Golden Gate Park, charging a visitors fee at the arboretum, and putting artificial turf at the Beach Chalet soccer fields.”

All right, note the passive voice here in the quote from an area right of center apparatchik. Who said these words? Oh, you don’t want to say? Oh, your quote only discusses your victories and leaves out your losses? So, how did the unnamed person making this quote know back then what you would “get accomplished?” I don’t know, you could put Mark Buell through a polygraph session to prove that he believes all this stuff, but it doesn’t mean his memory is correct.

And actually, it was a piece of cake to get a new vendor at Stow Lake. Somebody paid a lobbyist $10k a month for months and months to lobby the Board of Supervisors. That’s the source of this “accomplishment.”

And is closing a recycling center at the request of millionaire NIMBY homeowners an “accomplishment?” IDK.

And is clearing out out-of-towners at Strybing Arboretum an “accomplishment? Not really. RPD wanted to pay more than a million dollars to build two kiosks to pay workers minimum wage to collect seven dollars a head? Yes. And how have things worked out? Well, the number of visitors has fallen dramatically. Is that a good thing? Well, in the eyes of millionaires who like plants more than people, the answer is yes.

I disagree.

IMO, is it short-sighted to fuck over Helene Strybing by renaming the joint and throwing up a paywall in a fruitless pursuit to make the place “world-class,” to impress all the arboretum societies Back East? Yes.

And while I don’t personally object to the new soccer fields at the Beach Chalet, that doesn’t mean that all is well with the political faction that runs Rec and Park. Hey, how about putting parking meters in all over GGP? Wasn’t that an “accomplishment” that the right of center faction wanted? Hell yes. But we don’t have no meters, huh? And the whole issue is forgotten now? How convenient!

Moving on, to San Mateo County:

He might have added saving the Sharp Park Golf Course in Pacifica.

I know why SF runs a jail complex and an international airport in San Mateo County, but I don’t know why on Earth it runs a golf course. Perhaps SF should get rid of it? Is that on the table? No? All right.

His point, of course, was that while each of those initiatives proved to be controversial and difficult, they’ve all been accomplished…

My point is, of course, is that this a highly biased view of the recent history of the RPD.

Moving on to another falsehood:

“Think about the (AT&T) ballpark,” Buell said. “How many people fought the idea of a downtown ballpark? And once it is built, everybody takes credit for it.”

This sounds like the way people talk when they’re drunk, boasting at a bar. It’s not based on reality.

And here’s the stinger, from the newcomer who just moved here, who wanted to move here:

Don’t look for logic. It’s just how we do things.

Is simple-minded CW Nevius, the Fallacy Spewing Machine, on the side of “logic,” really?

OK fine.

FIN

Now You Can Protest Your Unfair SFMTA MUNI DPT SFBC Ticket Online – One Weird Trick – Here’s Your Link

Friday, November 21st, 2014

Via SF Bay’s Transportation Writer Jerold Chinn, here’s your link, Baby!

https://wmq.etimspayments.com/pbw/include/sanfrancisco/dispute_request.jsp

It’s New, it’s You. It’s Now, it’s Wow.

Of course, most of the citations handed out by the SFMTA MUNI DPT SFBC (oddly, the SFMTA/SFGov gives a lot of money to our local San Francisco Bicycle Coalition, so it acts as an arm of the government these days. Oddly) are handed out “fairly.” And I would even go as far as to say that most of the tickets protested as “unfair” were handed out fairly as well.

OTOH, there are some SFMTA employees who do bad things – they steal multiple $6 cable car fares each and every day or they say you parked for more than two hours in an RPP zone when you didn’t. And then the official SFMTA spokesmodels bend over backwards to say that no SFMTA employees ever do anything bad ever. EVER!

(And considering how often these spokesmodels get their facts wrong, well … oh well. Bygones.)

Here’s your screenshot:

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Good luck, Offenders!

“Online Citation Protest

Step 1 of 6

This website allows you to protest one citation at a time.
As part of the review process, you will be allowed to upload 3 documents to help us in our decision-making process.
Do not use your browser’s back arrow to navigate or you will need to start over.

Citation Number: where to find

Per the California Vehicle and Public Utility Code, you may have only one review per citation within the statutory time limits.
While in the process of protesting your citation, additional penalties will not be added to the violation.

Technical Support for Online Services
If you need help or have questions about this service, please complete this form or call 311 (415.701.2311).”

Sympathy for the Landlord Who Inherited the Apartment You Rent: Writer CW Nevius Cries a River over Rent Control

Thursday, October 30th, 2014

HERE ARE JUST TEN OR SO THINGS WRONG WITH THE LATEST EFFORT FROM CW NEVIUS:

“Real estate attorney Elizabeth Erhardt has an incredibly unpopular outlook. She’s sympathetic to San Francisco landlords. And before being drowned out by a chorus of boos and hisses…”

THIS MIGHT COME AS A SURPRISE TO THE NEVIUS, BUT THIS “OUTLOOK” IS NOT “INCREDIBLY UNPOPULAR.” HOW ABOUT SOMEWHAT UNPOPULAR, YOU KNOW, INSTEAD?  STRIKE ONE

“They inherited a…. It’s her sole source of income.”

SO NEVIUS, YOU COULDN’T FIND ANY RICH SAN FRANCISCO LANDOWNER WHO DIDN’T INHERIT PROPERTY? EVERYBODY YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT HERE GOT THEIR LAND FOR FREE WITH A STEPPED-UP BASIS, AND AT LEAST ONE IS LANDED GENTRY WITHOUT A J-O-B? WHAT IS THIS, ANOTHER EPISODE OF DOWNTON ABBEY? IT’S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP (LAND)LORD? DON’T YOU SEE THIS AS A PROBLEM FOR YOUR HARD-LUCK LANDLORD STORIES HERE? STRIKE TWO

“Oh come on, you say. Subletting without the landlord’s permission is illegal. Just toss them out.”

FIRST OF ALL NEVIUS, SUBLETTING WITHOUT THE LANDLORD’S PERMISSION ISN’T “ILLEGAL.” STRIKE THREE. AND SECOND OF ALL, WITHOUT REALIZING IT, YOU’RE CALLING INTO QUESTION THE MANAGEMENT SKILLZ OF THE OWNERS. OF COURSE MOST OF THESE ISSUES ARE WORKED OUT AT THE SF RENT BOARD, BUT YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT, OK FINE. BUT, FOR THAT, STRIKE FOUR.

“Erhardt says she had a case where the original tenant was paying $19 a month for his apartment because he’d installed sub-leasers to pay most of the way.”

SO FINE, TAKE IT TO THE RENT BOARD – WHAT’S THE PROBLEM HERE? PROVE UP YOUR CASE AND YOU’LL WIN, EASY-PEASY. AWWWW, THAT’S TOO HARD FOR YOU, YOU DON’T HAVE STOMACH TO MAKE MONEY OFF OF LANDLORDING IN SF? WELL, WHO PROMISED YOU, THE INHERITOR, THAT IT WOULD BE EASY, WHO PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN? WHY NOT INSTEAD JUST SELL THE PROPERTY AND ENJOY YOUR UNEARNED INCOME? FOR NOT STATING THE OBVIOUS, THAT’S STRIKE FIVE FOR THE NEVIUS.

Critics say these are just a few anecdotal examples. 

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, NEVIUS? WHO ACTUALLY SAID THIS? AND HOW MANY THOUSANDS OF  STRAW DOGS HAVE YOU BIRTHED OVER THE YEARS, YOU LAZY WRITER, CW NEVIUS? STRIKE SIX. (LET’S BRING OUT THE “T”)

“…poperty owners.”

HEY NEVIUS, YOU DON’T HAVE AN EDITOR, HUH? I KNOW THAT BECAUSE OF TEH TYPOS. AND THAT’S NOT A PROBLEM IN ITSELF, BUT AN EDITOR WOULD PREVENT YOU FROM SAYING STUFF LIKE HOW NOT GETTING A LANDLORD’S PERMISSION TO DO SOMETHING IS “ILLEGAL.” WHAT YOU NEED IS SOMEBODY TO GO THROUGH ALL YOUR SENTENCES AND THEN SAY, “NOW IS THIS ACTUALLY TRUE?” SO YEAH, SURE, YOU CAN FIX THE TYPOS, BUT WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE, WHAT ABOUT ALL THE ERRORS WHAT _AREN’T_ TYPOS? STRIKE SEVEN

A simple concept, rent-controlled apartments for those who need a financial break, has become as Byzantine as the tax code.

WELL, LET’S SEE HERE. NUMBER ONE, SF RENT CONTROL IS NOT “AS BYZANTINE AS OUR TAX CODE,” NOT BY A LONG SHOT. FOUL TIP. NUMBER TWO, RENT CONTROL WAS MEANT FOR EVERYONE, NOT JUST “THOSE WHO NEED A FINANCIAL BREAK.” RIGHT? ‘CAUSE OTHERWISE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MEANS-TESTED, RIGHT? IN THAT WAY, IT’S SIMILAR TO PROP 13, RIGHT? HEY NEVIUS, DO YOU PROPOSE MEANS-TESTING PROP  13? OH YOU DON’T? MMMM… AND HEY, AREN’T YOU A SAN FRANCISCO NEWCOMER WHOSE SOMA CONDO IS UP IN VALUE BIG-TIME SINCE YOU BOUGHT JUST A FEW YEARS AGO? HEY, DON’T YOU BENEFIT FROM PROP 13? DO YOU REALLY NEED IT, NEVIUS? HEY, WHY DON’T WE MEANS-TEST YOUR PROP 13 BENEFITS, NEVIUS? STRIKE EIGHT

“Rent control was enacted in 1979,” said New. “The law has been changed, like, 72 times since then.”

AND SOME OF THOSE CHANGES WERE, LIKE, AT THE BEHEST OF … THE SFAA, RIGHT? IS JANAN NEW COMPLAINING ABOUT THE NUMBER OF CHANGES HER ORG INSTIGATED? WHY DIDN’T YOU ASK HER THAT, MR. EVERYMAN? STRIKE NINE 

“It’s the haves against the have-nots,” Erhardt said, “and every tenant attorney thinks they are Robin Hood.”

AND DOES EVERY TENANT ATTORNEY THINK THEY ARE ROBIN HOOD, IRL? NOPE. STRIKE TEN, AND YOU, CW NEVIUS, THE MIGHTY CASEY, ARE OUT.

AUDI 5000…

Coyote Warnings are Out Again in Golden Gate Park – At the Conservatory and Academy – But Don’t Say, “Clever Girl!”

Thursday, October 16th, 2014

I’m not sure when CW Nevius SF Coyote Hysteria hit its peak – I think it was a year or two after he moved to town, so it must have been a year or two ago. Here’s a sample, where the SF newcomer uses the term “we” as if he were a long-timer:

Simple-Minded San Francisco Chronicle Writer CW Nevius Considers Urban Coyotes Dangerous and Pit Bulls Harmless

So how many people have been nipped at by San Francisco coyotes since the Era of Alarmism? How about zero? Compare that with the number of people hospitalized from dog attacks over the same period.  Mmmm…

Anyway, there are more signs than usual on the East Si-iiide of the park these days:

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And here’s some mockery of these now-famous coyote signs, from back in the day

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Oh No, SFPD Chief Greg Suhr Bans Flair! – SF Weekly Covers “Sticker Purge” – Here’s What Excessive Flair Looks Like

Wednesday, October 8th, 2014

Well, here you go:

Sticker Shock: A Corporal Punishment Joke Triggers a Police Decal Purge by Joe Eskenazi @EskSF

“A goodly number of sports team decals, Grateful Dead imagery, shamrocks, college mascots, skateboard brand insignias, and family crests have since been disposed of.”

All right, now let’s see the kind of thing that wouldn’t survive a flair audit.

First, check out the stealie logo stuck on the magazine floorplate of this SFPD officer’s SIG Sauer P220 automatic. Is he assigned to Terrapin StationVia Xian:

Click to expand.

The above bit of flair could help to conveniently ID different mags, I suppose.

Now, check this out. What do you see?

sdfssss

Can SFPD officers wear hoop earrings while OTJ?

The fashion police say NO:

“5JEWELRY AND ORNAMENTS (also see DGO 11.08, Grooming Standards). On-duty officers shall not wear jewelry or personal ornaments that are visible except:

a. A wristwatch.

b. A total of 2 rings that are consistent with officer safety. An engagement and wedding ring set will be considered as one ring.

c. A conservative tie bar or tie tack.

d. Female officers may, in addition, wear the following:

1. Hair clips or pins that match the color of the hair.

2. One ear post in each ear. The post must lie flush with the ear and be plain metal, gold or silver colored. The face of the post is not to have a diameter of more than three-eighths (3/8) inch. Nothing shall hang from the post.”

Moving on.

Hey look, the SFFD takes a different approach: Flair has been institutionalized.

This was on a ladder truck parked on Fulton in in front of the former “Gabin” prostitution house in the NoPA Western Addition:

Click to expand

It’s bad-ass, as you can see.

Steal Your Face” or “Stealie” skull: Perhaps the best-known Grateful Dead art icon is a red, white, and blue skull with a lightning bolt through it. The lightning bolt skull can be found on the cover of the album Steal Your Face, and the image is sometimes known by that name. It was designed by Owsley Stanley and artist Bob Thomas, and was originally used as a logo to mark the band’s equipment.

And oh, feel free to get a tattoo with this logo, if you feel you’ve earned the right. I mean, they can’t take that away from you, correct?

OK, thanks for strolling down memory lane…

San Francisco Chronicle Writer CW Nevius is So Wrong on So Many Things: Consider this Felony Graffiti Case in the Tenderloin

Thursday, August 14th, 2014

HERE IT IS: Court* may not paint tagging as a petty crime this time

“If there was ever a case that deeply annoyed Tenderloin residents, it was the graffiti bombing of the old Hibernia Bank last year.”

WELL, LET’S SEE. I THINK THIS CASE MIGHT HAVE ANNOYED:

THE NEVIUS HIMSELF;

SOME COPS;

THE OWNER(S) OF THE BANK, AND POSSIBLY;

TWITTERLOIN-AREA POVERTY PIMP RANDY SHAW

BUT NONE OF THESE PEOPLE ARE “TENDERLOIN RESIDENTS.” SO WHO WAS/IS SO “ANNOYED?” AND IF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT A HIBERNIA BANK-RELATED “CASE” THAT BOTHERED TWITTERLOIN RESIDENTS, HOW ABOUT THE CASE OF THE FALLING BRICKS? (SEE PHOTO BELOW.) OH WHAT’S THAT, NEVIUS? THAT HAPPENED FIVE YEARS BACK SO IT WAS BEFORE THE TIME YOU MOVED TO TOWN? OK FINE. 

After all, the defense says, he is just a kid, never had any trouble before, and it was just a little spray paint. The charges routinely get knocked down to a misdemeanor and the perp ends up doing a little community service and is back on the street.

DID THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY IN THIS CASE SAY THESE THINGS? I DON’T KNOW. AND I DON’T KNOW HOW THINGS WORK IN THE EAST BAY, WHERE NEVIUS IS FROM, MORE OR LESS, WHERE HIS MENTALITY IS FROM, BUT COMPARE THIS TAGGER”S OFFENSE WITH THAT OF FORMER TENDERLOIN RESIDENT GURBAKSH CHAHAL, WHO STRUCK / KICKED A WOMAN 117 TIMES. ON VIDEO. “G” CHAHAL WAS “BACK ON THE STREET” IN NO TIME AT ALL – THAT”S YOUR BASELINE, RIGHT?

Part of the reason the anti-graffiti crowd is hopeful is that the district attorney’s office is now into its second year of “neighborhood prosecutors.” These are five attorneys in the office who each have responsibility for two neighborhood police districts. In theory, they know the players and bad actors and can make a strong case that the defendant has a history and pattern of bad behavior in the neighborhood.

THIS IS THE STANDARD BEAT-SWEETENER / SOURCE GREASER GRAF THAT OFTENTIMES APPEARS IN THE WRITINGS OF THE NEVIUS, WHO OWES HIS ALLEGIANCE TO THE RIGHT-OF-CENTER FACTION RUNNING SFGOV THE PAST COUPLE DECADES, YOU KNOW, INSTEAD OF TO HIS READERS. AND I’LL NOTE THAT THIS VIEW OF HISTORY IS A BIT INSULTING TO THE SFDA PROSECUTORS WHO WORKED ON SIMILAR CASES BEFORE THIS “NEIGHBORHOOD PROSECUTORS” PET PROJECT KICKED OFF. THE FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM NOW AND IN THE PAST IS THE WORLD-FAMOUS SAN FRANCISCO JURY POOL, WHICH FACTORS IN TO ANY PROSECUTION / PLEA BARGAIN CONSIDERATION, RIGHT?

Neighborhood prosecutor Karen Catalona is handing this case and will be attempting to keep the felony charges in place against Nelson, the alleged tagger.

IT’S HARD FOR ME TO USE THE FEEL-GOOD TERM “NEIGHBORHOOD PROSECUTOR” EVEN IN QUOTE MARKS, BUT I’LL TELL YOU, NEIGHBORHOOD PROSECUTOR KAREN CATALONA WOULD TOTALLY WANT ME TO BE A MEMBER OF THE JURY IN ABOUT 95% OF HER CASES,** BUT I DON’T KNOW IF SHE’D GET A FELONY CONVICTION TO STICK IN THIS CASE IF I HAD ANY SAY-SO IN THESE MATTERS.

For instance, most of us tend to think of graffiti taggers as bored teenage kids, out on a lark.

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FALSE IF NEVIUS IS CONSIDERING “US” TO BE SAN FRANCISCO RESIDENTS, MOST OF WHOM HAVE LIVED HERE LONGER THAN CW NEVIUS HISSELF. SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, NEVIUS, NOT “US.”

First, Ferreira says, you can learn to recognize what gang tags look like.

WHY SHOULD WE CONCERN OURSELVES WITH THIS? AND AREN’T THE GANGS THEMSELVES “SCARY,” YOU KNOW, AS OPPOSED TO THEIR GRAFFITI?

However, Ferreira says before you freak out, you should understand that “the overwhelming majority of graffiti in San Francisco is tagger graffiti.”

OH OK, WELL, TOO LATE, I’M TYPING THIS FROM MY PANIC ROOM, BUT NOW YOU’RE TELLING ME TO _NOT_ FREAK OUT, SO WHEW!

SUFFER THE NEVIUS, HANGING OUT AT BARS WAITING FOR THE NEXT SAN FRANCISCO LIEUTENANT OR CAPTAIN OR COMMANDER OR CHIEF  OR PROSECUTOR OR ASSISTANT PROSECUTOR OR PROPERTY OWNER TO SPOON-FEED HIM HIS NEXT STORY…

*I’D SAY “JURY” INSTEAD OF COURT, BUT ANYWAY.

**IF I WERE PART OF A JURY IN A CASE LIKE THAT DEVELOPMENTALLY-DISABLED DUDE WHO TURNED IN A HANDGUN BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THE SFPD TOLD PEOPLE TO DO AND THEN WAS PUT UP ON CHARGES OF ILLEGAL FIREARMS POSSESSION, I WOULD PERSONALLY LEAD A JURY REVOLT THAT WOULD HANG THE JURY OR, MORE LIKELY, HAVE IT COMING BACK WITH A NOT GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES. AND THAT WOULD GO FOR RECENT CASES FROM SAN FRANCISCO PROSECUTORS INVOLVING STOLEN “BAIT” CARS THAT WERE LEFT IDLING UNLOCKED ON DIVISADERO (IN PART FOR THE BENEFIT OF A FUCKING REALITY TV SHOW) AND “BAIT” BIKES LEFT UNLOCKED NEAR SAFEWAYS FOR HOMELESS PEOPLE TO TAKE. BUT OTHERWISE, PROSECUTORS WOULD GENERALLY REALLY REALLY WANT ME ON THEIR JURIES.